Hello it has been a fun time hasn't it? Just so short of time ago I started this little project for fun but look at it now. Under 1000 views, not a single comment, and I made it so a 16 year old boy now requires frequent therapy sections with someone who has been liquifed in multiple timelines. Yes it has been a good year.
Well with that I thought the others that join me in these little riffs would like to give their New Year's resolutions. Sit back and enjoy.
Johnel (Riffer of unsound mind): My resolution is to drool over Dante in Devil May Cry 3 more.
Seriously look at that body and tell me it is not worth staring at.
Ienzo (Pissed off man of Science): I wish to rid my self of the above annoyance within the next 12 months. Also I hope to have the clones ready for the Want of a Nail experiment by March.
Mister (Cute Button Presser):
Cabbagelass (Sidekick and Guardian of Salad): I want to riff a bad fic on my own one day. Maybe something with cats, or lesbians, or ninjas, or lesbian ninja cats!
Link (Dead Hero of no Voice):
Ganondorf (Constantly Dieing): I'd like one reincarnation were I'm not brutally killed and take over Hyrule.
Zelda (An Angry Drunk): Never to touch alcohol again.
Lea (Always gets the Icky Jobs): I'm going to make it so when I hit on a women they don't think I molest 15 year old boys. Also I want to burn Ienzo's hair off for constantly taking my shit.
Riku (The token Minor): To not see that cartoon ever again.
Johnel: Well that seems to be everyone. Anyways thanks to everyone that keeps reading this little piece of insanity and to my fellow riffers for not you know beating on me.... more than they already do. Anyways remember...
Johnel: Sitting here
in the theater on this Christmas Eve. Trying to get Skyrim to work on what is
most definitely not a TV. Feeling the spirit and speaking in rhyme. No
fanfiction to riff so I have plenty of time.
*Just then a lone
figure busts in with a crash. His hair is all fussed from an apparent mad dash.
Silver locks adorned
this young man’s head. It was Riku not someone who’s appearance we must dread.
He was out of breath
with his eyes open and wild. It was easy to see his flight here was anything but
mild.*
Riku: Okay what is up
with your staff you have in this place?
Johnel: The part of
the outfits or the cat ears above each face?
Riku: *Stares at
Johnel* No I mean why’d they all charge me when I first arrived here?
Johnel: They must
think you lack the necessary Christmas cheer.
Riku: *Pulls out Road
to Dawn* Stop that.
Johnel: Oh you act
like have pure evil under my hat.
*Yet before the young
man could take a stab at the host. A screen came to life with something they
dreaded most.*
Hurky: Hey, everybody! I've got a new story just for
Christmas. It's been in my head for two weeks, so I must get it written! It may
not have such a happy beginning to it, but things will change.
Riku: Nope not doing
this. *He runs for the door but something’s amiss* Hey this things locked.
Johnel: Well also by
my staff it is for now most likely blocked.
Riku: *Glares at
Johnel* You’ve already got me in here to watch one of these stupid things so do
you need to add a stupid rhyming rule?
Johnel: This wasn’t
my plan kid that’d be unnecessarily cruel.
Sora: Why must you pick on me so much?
Riku:*Sits down* Okay
so how do I do this anyway?
Johnel: Just make fun
of what is on screen for little to no pay.
Riku: I said stop
that.
Johnel: Fine kid I’ll
stop. Honestly some people when they hit 14 their Holiday spirit goes “pop”.
Hurky: Because I said so. I'll probably be updating this
story out of my story schedule throughout December (I update in an order now)
because, like I said, it's a holiday story. So, enjoy!
Disclaimer! Hurky doesn't know, so Hurky doesn't own Kingdom
Hearts, anyone from the Final Fantasy games, Disney, VH1, I love the 80s or 90s
series,
Johnel: Well I just
felt a shiver of dread down my spine.
or anything else
except for her KH video game, Tekken 5 game, and DDR Extreme and her dance mat.
Riku: Wait “and her
dance mat” what does that mean?
Johnel: It means for
some reason you have to do disclaimers.
Riku: Besides, if Hurky owned Kingdom Hearts, KH2 would be
out in time for the holidays!
Ryo: You said it! (pulls out a 2006 calendar with KH2
written in) We're still waiting!
(The story takes place right after KH1, so Sora is not in
black and Riku has no blindfold yet!)
On a warm day in mid-December, a week before Christmas,
Sora, Riku, Kairi, Hurky, Ryo, and Alexa
Johnel: In other
words it was Sora, Riku, Kairi, self-insert, OC, and OC.
were hanging out at
Sora's house, just chilling. They were watching TV, until they began to bring
up topics relating to the upcoming holiday season.
Johnel: Do you guys
even celebrate Christmas?
Riku: Well Sora has
dragged me off to meet Santa so what do you think?
"So, what do you plan on doing for the holidays,
Alexa?" asked Kairi.
"I was thinking of just staying at home, eating lots of
sweets, enjoying the ocean..." said Alexa, a girl with pink streaks in her
hair, jade green eyes, and decked out in a pink outfit as she looked out the
window dreamily. "But I wish it would snow here."
Johnel: Yes the cold,
traffic accidents, heavy clothing, and sniffles are all so much fun.
"Don't be ridiculous." said Riku as he stretched
out on the couch. "We live on an island. It never snows on an
island."
"It could." spoke up Sora in a calm voice from the
floor. "Sometimes, the weather gets really weird. Remember that it was
really, really hot last Christmas?"
"Sora does have a point." said Alexa. "It
might snow."
Johnel: Well good to
see our main author made characters are idiots at least.
"It always snowed in my world at Christmastime!"
said Riku's fangirl, Ryo,
Riku: Fuck.
Johnel: Well at least
it is honest about what she is.
Riku: Though do I get
the feeling that we are missing something?
Johnel:
the blonde haired
girl in a sweater and jeans from the dark blue recliner she was sitting on.
"It was really, really cold, but there were some pretty sights to see!
Like when the palace was decorated with Christmas lights and when nightfall
came and the snow fell, it was just gorgeous! And my friends and I rode in a
huge sled driven by a snow white horse, we'd all just ride around-"
"Okay, that's enough, Ryo." said Riku.
Riku: Yes please
never talk again.
"Back in Balamb, I was nowhere near any beaches, yet it
never snowed." said Hurky, the girl with long brown hair, glasses in front
of her brown eyes, and wore jeans, a black t-shirt, and a navy blue zip-up
sweatshirt, sitting cross legged on the floor.
Riku: Huh thought
these kind of people always had really out their hair and eye colors.
Johnel: Why does
Balamb sound so familiar…
"That's because the snow didn't like you!" joked
Sora sleepily. "It's probably snowing right now in Balamb Garden!"
Johnel: Fantastic she
is somehow from Final Fantasy 8.
"Shut up, Sora!" said Hurky.
Sora laughed.
The five teenagers sat in silence, watching VH1.
Riku: Mind if I ask
what VH1 is?
Johnel: Not worth
your time.
"Wow, I Love the 90s sure has some crazy facts!"
said Riku, sounding totally amazed. "I mean, look at this! Pokemon!"
"Yeah, it came out in the late 90s." said Kairi.
Johnel: No shit
Sherlock. Did you know the sky was blue and that birds have feathers.
Alexa just randomly turned to Sora, who was looking pale and
tired.
"Sora, are you feeling okay?" she asked.
"Yeah, why?" lied Sora. To tell you the truth, he
felt like crap, but he didn't want to tell anyone.
Riku: Should I be
worried?
Johnel: Probably not
I mean normally these things just do the one character is sick thing for fluff.
"Because you're pale." answered Alexa worriedly as
she put a hand on Sora's forehead. "Hmm...that's weird. He has no
fever..."
"He hasn't been making insults or wisecracks for the
past two days." said Kairi. "I'm really worried."
Johnel: Him insulting
people? Are we thinking of the same person here?
Riku: I don’t know
could mean that none of these people are representations of us.
"Sora, I think you should go to bed." said Riku.
"Maybe you'll feel better after awhile."
"Yeah, sure." he said weakly as he slowly got up.
"You guys can stay if you want. Just wake me up when...when..."
Suddenly, he collapsed on the light blue carpet.
"SORA!" cried Riku, Kairi, Hurky, Alexa, and Ryo
as they all stood up.
Everything went blank for Sora until he woke up in an
ambulance, with Riku and Kairi sitting next to him while the paramedics did
their work.
Riku: Shit. *Points
Road to Dawn at Johnel* I thought you said he’d just be sick for fluff!
Johnel: Whoa calm
down man it is just a story.
Riku: *Blinks and
puts the Keyblade away* Sorry not used to this yet I guess.
"He's awake." said Kairi to the young EMT next to
her.
"That's good." said the older EMT. "Shows
signs he's still alive."
"What's going on?" asked Sora with total weakness
in his voice. "What happened?"
"You went into cardiac arrest." explained Riku in
a serious tone that Sora never heard out of Riku before. "They just
finally got your heart to beat again."
Riku: Now when they
say heart….
Johnel: For once I
think they just mean the actual organ.
"But I don't have a heart condition."
Johnel: Depends on
your interpretation of the events in Birth By Sleep.
Sora pointed out. He
noticed his red jumpsuit was unzipped to his waist, so that the paramedics
could use those things that looked like two irons, but they were rubbed
together and placed on his chest to get his heart started again.
"You might have one, you might not have one." said
Riku. "We'll know when we get to the hospital."
After Riku said that, he and Kairi sat and held each of
Sora's hands with tears in their eyes as the ambulance sped in the streets with
the sirens wailing. Sora hadn't seen Riku cry ever since the first grade, when
someone kicked him off the swingset. This was also the saddest Sora had ever
seen Riku or Kairi in his life.
Johnel: Well good to
see they got the fact the three of them are best friends right.
Riku: What some of
these don’t?
Johnel: Well usually
they think Kairi is a daedric princess while you and Sora are perfectly sweet
lovers.
Riku:
Finally, they got to the hospital and the EMTs got Sora out
of the ambulance with the stretcher while Riku and Kairi jumped out. Sora was
immediately rushed to the emergency room, where the doctors and nurses worked
to save Sora, while Riku and Kairi were forced to wait in the ER waiting room.
As soon as the double doors closed, Riku and Kairi sat down
on the couch, holding each other tight, in fears of losing their best friend.
Meanwhile, in the ER, Sora was losing oxygen fast, so an EMT
put an oxygen mask over Sora's nose and mouth. While this happened, Sora
thought.
Am I going to die? he thought. Is this how my life will end?
He closed his eyes and saw a light. He felt his heatbeat go
slower and slower as the seconds passed. The doctors tried to use the machines
to get Sora's heart going again. He heard the doctor saying, "Clear!"
and Sora felt his chest getting a huge shock. Sora continued to stare into the
light.
Johnel: No you fool
ignore the light.
What is this light? he thought.
Riku: Actually that
is a good question.
Johnel: Well there
isn’t any kind of answer I can actually give you.
He had no idea of what to do. He didn't realize what the
light meant. Without thinking, Sora went closer, and closer to the light. After
what seemed like an eternity, Sora reached the light...
Back in reality, the heart monitor beeped a long beep,
indicating that Sora had passed away.
Riku: What the hell!
"We tried. We did all we could." said the doctor
as he put down his instruments. "Better go tell his friends..."
He began to walk over to the waiting room, where Kairi was
lying on the couch with her head in Riku's lap.
Johnel: *Looks at
Riku*
Riku: Look I’m sure
it means nothing.
She sat up when she saw the doctor.
"Riku? Kairi?" asked the doctor. "I'm sorry.
We tried our hardest, but we couldn't save him..."
Riku: How could you I
me… actually I don’t get it what exactly was it that killed him?
Johnel: The plot.
Kairi gasped and she totally lost it. She began to cry in
buckets, hugging Riku, and tears stramed down Riku's face, gently stroking
Kairi's auburn hair...
Sora felt like he was awake and well, but he could only see
nothing but white clouds and the blue sky.
"Where am I?" Sora asked himself. He looked down
and saw that his red jumpsuit, white and grayish hoodie, and his yellow clown
shoes were white. "Why am I in white? I can never wear white! My mom says
I can't keep white clothes white!"
"You're in heaven." said a male voice.
Riku: Heaven?
Johnel: It’s
something from Judeo-Christian faiths in your world despite the Christmas
thing. You see in my universe and a couple of the ones you’ve been to heaven is
the positive afterlife found in a certain type of religious faith that you go
to if you died and lived a good life.
Riku:
I
know what heaven is I was confused why the author thought bringing religious
aspects like this in was a good idea.
Johnel: Oh well
normally it isn’t.
Sora turned around and saw a man with spiky blonde hair,
green eyes, and wore a white button shirt, jacket, pants, shoes, and a halo
glowing a bright gold over his head.
"Who are you?" asked Sora.
"My name is Joel." he said. "I run the
entrance to heaven."
Johnel: Well the
author already got something wrong by forgetting it is Saint Peter that is at
the pearly gates of heaven but whatever let’s roll with it.
"Uh, just one question," said Sora. "Why am I
here?"
"Because you died." replied Joel.
Sora stood there in complete shock. "I...I died?"
he asked.
Joel nodded.
Sora couldn't believe it. He stood there in total confusion,
trying to sort out what was just said to him.
He was now dead...
Riku: So that is it
right I can go now?
Johnel: Should be.
*Unfortunately for
our heroes a message appeared on the screen. All chapters must be riffed before
the outside could be seen.*
Riku: Fuck.
"Apparently, you did die." said Joel.
Johnel: Yes
apparently is the correct word.
"Of what?" asked Sora.
Johnel: *As Joel*
Plot convenience.
"You fell into cardiac arrest. Your heart stopped
beating. You had a heart condition that your doctor never found."
explained Joel as he went to a white desk and sat down in the white chair.
Riku: Notice all the
white.
Johnel: Wonder if the
desk is made out of mahogany…
"If this is heaven, then how come I'm not living in a
fantasy world?" asked Sora. "They're doing everything they've dreamed
of, what they consider heaven!"
"Not in your life!" said Joel as he took out a
deck of playing cards and shuffled them. "Well, you have no life anymore.
Besides, if heaven was like that, then I'd be drinking my head off right now
and gambling, but I'm not, because I'm serving as the receptionist guy."
"How did you die, anyway?" asked Sora as he pulled
out a chair and sat down.
Johnel: *As Joel* The
priest that kept me in his personal jet got bored with me when I hit puberty
and threw me in a well.
Riku:
That was excessively dark.
Johnel: Hey I wanted
to be spending the holiday playing video games and hanging out with Cab not
reading this crap.
Joel sighed and stared at the sky above him. "Well, I
got drunk one night, just two years ago, and someone poisoned me. The last
receptionist guy told me it was my time anyway to die. It was either that or
get hit by a train. I'm just glad I have three more years at this job, then
I'll be off to somewhere more fun here in heaven."
Johnel: I’m pretty
sure that life style would more likely send you to the other place. That or
make you friends with Sanguine Lord of Revelry.
he said as he put
down the cards and put his hand on a computer mouse and began to type.
"Speaking of whether it's your time to die or not, I have to check that
for you."
"Wow, you sure like to get drunk!" said Sora.
"I was only 27 when I died!" said Joel. "I
liked to party."
Riku:
Johnel: You got the
hang of using clips pretty quick at least.
Sora sat and looked above his head and noticed his halo and
looked at his back. He had medium sized wings on them. Suddenly, Joel's
computer made a sound that was of a bell jingling.
"What was that?" asked Sora.
"The computer found me something." replied Joel as
he took the mouse and clicked on things. "here we go. Says here that it
wasn't your time to die yet."
"So, then can you send me back?" asked Sora.
"Oh, I wish I can do that," said Joel, "but
you have to grant three holiday wishes to people you know. One for a friend,
one for an enemy, and the last is just for anyone you want."
Johnel: Wait it
wasn’t even his time why add this condition?
Riku: If think they
might know of Sora’s chronic hero syndrome.
"Awesome!" said Sora. "except for the wish
for a bad guy. That's totally not awesome."
"But!" said Joel, looking right at Sora, "you
have approximately one week to grant these wishes. Just in time for Christmas.
But if you don't all the wishes granted by then, you will have to remain in
heaven for the rest of eternity and you won't be able to communicate with your friends
until they all die. And that could take at least 50 or sixty years!"
"I don't want that!" cried Sora. "I don't
want to hang out with people who have to be hooked to dialysis machines and
walking with walkers! That's it! I'm granting the wishes!"
Johnel: Somewhat of a
dickish thing to say about old people but whatever.
"Good choice." said Joel. "you can start
doing that right now."
"But how will I grant the wish?" asked Sora.
"When you decide to grant the wish, just say, 'I grant
you this wish!'" answered Joel. "then, you report to me at midnight,
on Christmas morning. Your family plans to bury you that day. Now if you excuse
me, I'm going to play some computer games until you get back. Hey, it's the
only fun I get around here."
Riku: I think the
story might be taunting you.
Joel released a lever next to his desk and Sora fell down to
Destiny Islands.
"AHHHH!" echoed Sora as he fell.
"Ha ha, I love doing that!" laughed Joel as he let
go of the lever. Then, he turned to his computer games.
Johnel: Wow heaven
hires assholes.
Sora landed at his school, in the counselor's office, where
Riku, Hurky, Ryo, and Alexa were sitting in a circle, grieving for the loss of
Sora. On the table was a picture of Sora, with flowers and lit candles around
it and it said, In loving memory of Sora
Christopher Hart, 1990-2005.
Riku: What? That’s
not right Sora’s full name is..
Johnel: *Puts a hand
over Riku’s mouth* Sorry can’t reveal that information it is against policy.
Riku was crying, Alexa and Ryo had tears in their eyes,
though Ryo didn't like Sora that much since he interfered with Riku, and Hurky
had no tears at all, but she was stiff as a statue.
(When Sora talks in ghost form, he talks in italics)
"Why are you guys
so sad?" asked Sora, even though they couldn't hear him, "I'm going to grant three wishes and
I'll come back to life!"
Riku: It isn’t like
they know that.
"You know," said Hurky. "I think if Sora's
ghost was standing here right now, he'd tell us to cheer up."
Johnel: Oh how
stupidly coincidental that is.
"How can we?" asked Alexa. "Sora was what
brightened our days."
"Really?"
asked Sora.
Riku snickered.
"What's so funny?" asked Hurky.
Johnel: I think he
just caught on to this Sora’s last name being a pun.
"Remember when Sora used to do his celebrity impersonations?
Or he's play pranks on everyone? How he threw spitballs and paper airplanes at
the teachers and managed to look innocent when they turned around?" asked
Riku.
Riku: Once again who
are they talking about Sora doesn’t do any of that.
"come on, guys! Hurky's right! Remember the good things
about Sora! He may not be alive, but he will always be in our memories!"
"I don't think Kairi's able to do that." said
Alexa.
"That's
right." Sora said to himself. "Kairi's
not here..."
Johnel: Okay maybe
they still are going to go with the bitch angle.
Right then, Sora got into the air, thanks to his wings, and
flew to Kairi's house, where she was lying in her bed with the covers over her
head. She wasn't crying. She spent the whole night crying. That's why she was
asleep now. Then, Sora got an idea. He saw on Yu Yu Hakusho (awesome show!)
Riku: Okay what is
that?
Johnel: Older anime
that honestly I haven’t watched in forever.
that Yusuke talked to Keiko in her sleep and she heard him.
Why not try that on Kairi?
Sora sat in the chair next to Kairi's bed and began to talk.
Johnel: Still not
sure if this is going to work.
"Kairi?"
asked Sora. "It's me, Sora."
he sighed. "Listen, I'm sorry if I
died just unexpectedly. Even I didn't know that was coming. But it's not my
time to die, yet. I'm supposed to grant three wishes by the time the clock
strikes midnight on Christmas morning. Then I'll come back to life! And I'll
make snow come to the islands! I don't know how that'll work, but I'll try! I'm
sure I can ask them to make snow fall!"
Riku: You know it
sounds somewhat stupid when you say it out loud.
Johnel: Not like
weirder things haven’t happened.
Kairi stirred in her sleep, not waking up.
Sora stood up. "Now
if you excuse me, I've got three wishes to grant and my life to save!"
he said.
He flew out of Kairi's room and right when he left, Kairi
woke up and sat up.
Johnel:*Singing* Last
night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
the kind of feeling I've waited so long.
"Sora?" she asked.
But her room was empty...as if nobody was there but Kairi...
Hurky: OK, I better stop here. I will try to update in a few
days, but I have other stories to update.
Sora: You still pick on me way too much...
Riku: Shut up, Sora!
Kairi: Don't tell Sora to shut up! Hurky killed him off!
Hurky: And he might not be killed off for good! Find out in
the coming chapters!
Johnel: Well another
one bites the dust as they say.
Riku: You know I
thought this would be a lot worse.
Johnel: Normally the
grammar is a lot weaker and there are some really messed up sex scenes. Also
have you thought of just using your keyblade to get us out?
*With a palm to his
face the young man sat up feeling quite foolish. Yet when unlocking the door he
had to close it or perish.
For the staff of
strange girls still waited outside. Almost dragging the poor boy into their lustful
tide.
He re-locked the door
and made his way back the seats in a flash.*
Johnel: Guess we’ll
just finish this thing then find the proper head to bash.
Hurky: Once again, I am updating out of my schedule, but
it's a holiday story, so it must be updated out of schedule.
Sora: Let's finish the story already! There are some
impatient readers out there!
Hurky: Quiet! Or I'll write fifty chapters until February!
Sora: Okay, okay!
Johnel: Yeah I don’t
want to be reading 50 chapters of this.
Sora went to his house to see how his own family was taking
his death. He flew into his living room, where Sora's parents sat on the couch
and his eighteen year old brother, Ethan,
Riku: Who never
existed.
was sitting on the recliner. Sora's mother was crying and
Sora's father just sat there, comforting her. Ethan, who was normally
mopey,wore a sneer on his face all the time, and sniping remarks at everyone,
was actually sad for his younger brother and had no expression on his face.
"Can't believe the burrito face is gone..." said
Ethan unbelievably calm as he shook his head. (Sora was the burrito liker
before Riku, so when Sora and Riku were about to eat their lunches of a burrito
and a slice of pizza one day in middle school, Ethan smushed their faces in the
food, so Sora was known as Burrito Face and Riku was known as Pizza Face to
Ethan and his friends).
Johnel:
Sora's mother cried even harder. "He-he was my baby!"
she sobbed.
"What I'm trying to figure out is...why didn't Sora's
doctor ever find the heart condition?" asked Sora's father.
"Because he was a total quack, that's why." said
Ethan.
Johnel: So they had Dr.
Reginald Bushroot as their family physician?
He and Ethan were silent, while Mrs. Hart wailed for her
late son.
"I didn't know I
actually impacted people,"
Riku: Yes saving
everyone from Xehanort’s heartless had no impact what so ever. Not like it
saved me from being possessed or anything.
Sora said thoughfully as he sat right next to his mom, but
she didn't know her son was sitting there.
"So...when are we burying him?" asked Ethan.
"We've decided it will be on Christmas morning."
replied Mr. Hart.
Johnel: Convienient.
"At least Sora is going to rest in peace." said
Mrs. Hart as she pulled out some tissues from a box. "He's probably
sitting in a room in heaven, with Grandpa, playing video games with a halo over
his spiky head and little angel wings on his back."
"I do have the
wings and halo, but I'm not playing video games. I haven't even seen
Grandpa!" yelled Sora, referring to Mr. Hart's father, who died four
years earlier of a stroke.
Johnel:*Looks at
Riku*
Riku: I actually have
no idea what is going on with Sora’s grandparents right now.
"Hey there." said a voice to Sora.
Sora turned around and saw Joel, standing right next to him.
"AHH!" yelped Sora. "Where did you come
from?"
"Where do you think?"
Johnel: A teenage
girls brain?
asked Joel sourly as he referred to heaven. "Listen,
I've been given a few days off the receptionist job to help you out until the
final day. They said you weren't very smart when you were alive.
Riku: I’m starting to
agree with you on heaven hiring assholes.
Why are you watching your family?"
Sora sighed. "Just checking on them." he replied.
"Even Ethan's kinda sad, and he always kicked me around like a
football!"
Johnel: How I mean
does your brother have super strength?
Joel took a look at Ethan and jumped. "That
freak?" he asked.
"Hey, he's not a freak!" said Sora.
"He looks just like you, only he's really skinny. So
skinny, he looks like he has a girl figure!" said Joel. "You have
more meat on your bones than this guy."
"JOEL!" cried Sora. "Will you stop insulting
my brother? I don't even know why they even let you in heaven if you keep
insulting everyone!"
Riku: I’m in
agreement here.
Joel was silent. "Sora, take one last look at for
family for now. We have some wishes to grant." he said in a calmer voice.
Sora nodded. He took the last look at his family, who were
now silent.
"Let's go." said Sora.
"Who do you want to check out first?" asked Joel.
"Well, you said that I have a wish to grant for an
enemy, let's go grant one for the enemy!" said Sora. "Worst comes
first."
Riku: Shouldn’t be
that hard just give Pete his steamboat back or something.
Johnel:*Reading
ahead* Yeah it is more stupid than that.
Joel laughed and snapped his fingers andthe scenery changed
toa huge house with a chandelier, stairs that circled the hallway,
"This house looks familiar..." said Sora as he looked
around the house. "Is this Burkorini's house?" Scott Burkorini was an
enemy of Sora and Riku's from school.
Riku: Okay who are
all of these people I don’t know?
"No, but you have been here before." said Joel.
"You're right, Burkorini isn't this rich, but his mom
said to my mom that they remodeled this year." said Sora. "Hey, now I
know who lives here! Oarah Bon Sorton! We have to grant a wish for...?"
Suddenly, Oarah, a girl with severely tanned skin and long,
blonde hair, wearing a shirt with spaghetti straps and jeans walked into the
house with Ansem, her father, who was carrying maybe fifty shopping bags from
the mall.
Johnel: ……
Riku: WHAT?! Wait is
it Ansem the wise?
Johnel: No the
heartless one.
Riku: Oh okay… WHAT?!
"ANSEM?" cried Sora. "I thought he was
dead!"
Riku: Well honestly
the truth is a bit more complicated than that.
Johnel: Honestly does
destroying a heartless even count as death?
Joel crossed his arms. "Apparently, when he died, I
told him it wasn't his time yet and he, like you, had to grant three wishes for
people. Most of the stuff he did before turning to darkness was good." he
said. "He was a total jerk to me,but I was forced to send him back to your
world..."
Riku: He was a
heartless what good could he have possibly done?
Johnel: Even if you
count stuff Xehanort did in his lifetime I’m pretty sure trying to wipe out the
multiverse for science negates most good you could do.
"Oh, thank you so much for buying all the Christmas
presents for all my friends and getting the stores to wrap them, Daddy!"
said Oarah. "And the new clothes for me!"
Johnel: Can heartless
even reproduce?
"No problem, Oarah." said Ansem as he put down the
shopping bags.
"I'll take them from here, Daddy." said Oarah as
she kissed her father on the cheek, took the bags, and went upstairs with them
Ansem went to his mini bar, made himself a martini, and sat
down in a big armchair. The doorbell rang and Ansem put down his drink and went
to the door.
"Package for a Mr. Ansem Bon Sorton and family."
said a delivery guy as he held up a package.
Riku: Hope it is a
bomb.
"Thank you very much." said Ansem as he took the
package and signed the paper. Then, he closed the door.
"Who was that, Ansem?" called a voice.
"We got a package, honey!" called Ansem. "From
my dear Aunt Betty! Her famous fruitcake!"
Riku:
"EW!" said Sora, scrunching up his nose in
disgust. "Who'd like fruitcake?"
"Ansem." replied Joel. "But watch. I'm
permitted to play pranks on mortals. Check it out!"
Johnel: Really
abusing the Omniscient Morality License of your boss.
He snapped his fingers while Ansem took the fruitcake to the
kitchen, where his wife was sipping on her coffee. Ansem unwrapped the cake,
cut it into slices, and gave a piece to his wife and himself.
Riku: Why wouldn’t
she divorce him for you know being evil?
Johnel: She found it
sexy? Also he does honestly have a nice figure for a heartless so maybe she is
just really shallow.
Riku: What?!
Johnel: Hey doesn’t
mean I like the guy.
"Hee hee!" giggled Joel as they took a bite.
"Ugh!" said Ansem and his wife at the same time.
"It tastes like..." said Mrs. Bon Sorton.
Johnel: What kind of
name is Bon Sorton anyways?
"Vegetables!" said Ansem. He looked at the package
and it said, Surprise surprise! Veggie cake!
Sora and Joel both laughed really hard until tears came out
of their eyes. Finally, Sora wiped the tear away from his face and stopped
laughing.
"Can we go to a bad guy where he actually deserves a
holiday wish to be granted?" asked Sora.
Johnel:
"Can do!" said Joel as he snapped his fingers. The
next thing they knew, they were in another house.
"Where are we?" asked Sora.
"In Axel's house." answered Joel.
Both: Well there goes
his innocence.
Axel walked in with a sad expression on his face, sat down
on his couch and stared at the blank TV screen.
"Gee, what's up with Axel?" asked Sora.
"His girlfriend, Larxene, just broke up with him and he
hasn't heard from his family since he moved out ten years ago." replied
Joel.
Johnel: Yes I’m
pretty sure him and number 12 never had a relationship. Also less broke up with
him more Sora destroyed her.
Riku: You know it is
kind of creepy they actually got the amount of time Lea spent as a Nobody
right.
Axel turned away from the blank TV to a picture on a table
next to the couch and stared at it. It was of him and Larxene, when they first
got together after joining the Organization. He was silent for a good long
time. Finally, he picked up his weapons.
"If I don't get a sign, I'll take my life." he
said, sounding very depressed.
Johnel: That is so un
Lea like my brain is actually starting to break down.
This would have made Sora happy if he was battling him in
Castle Oblivion, but Sora knew what it was like to be dead because he wasalready...well,
dead. Sora knew exactly what to do.
"Joel, I'm going to grant his wish to have his family
find him and Larxene to come back to him." said Sora.
Riku: He didn’t wish
for anything though. Doesn’t there have to be verbal cue for this sort of thing?
"You got it." said Joel. He clapped his hands and
suddenly, the doorbell rang and Axel put down his weapons as he got up and went
to the door. He opened it and found a blonde haired girl wearing the same black
cloak as Axel was wearing.
"Larxene!" said Axel, sounding very surprised.
"Listen, Axel." said Larxene. "I'm really
sorry about what I said earlier. It was really stupid of me to say that, but I
was really ticked off!"
"It's okay." said Axel.
"So, will you be my boyfriend again?" asked
Larxene.
Axel smiled. "Sure." he replied.
Larxene stepped into the house and gave Axel one big hug.
"Come on, let's go to Tilmitt's Smoothie Shop!"
said Axel. "My treat!"
"YIPPEE!" cheered Larxene.
Riku: So that
happened…
Johnel: Kid does it
feel to you like the collective minds of the multiverse just became a little
more insane?
Riku: Actually yeah
is that normal?
Johnel: Unless a
certain someone is fist bumping Lovecraftian abominations again no it is not.
Sora grinned. "That's one wish down, two more to
go!" he said. "I've actually accomplished something here!"
"There we go!" said Joel as he also grinned.
"I love to hear people say that!"
"Can we leave now?" asked Sora.
"Fine." said Joel as he snapped his fingers and
they were suddenly at Ryo's house...
Johnel: Actually at
random what would your Christmas wish be Riku?
Riku: I don’t know
haven’t thought on it you?
Johnel:
Riku: Okay so you
want love?
Johnel: No I want
there to be a new Muppet Show. Love be a nice second gift though.
The fireplace had a
fire dancing in it, filling the house up in a warm feeling, though Sora
couldn't feel the warmth due to the fact that he was dead.On top of the
fireplace, Ryo had strewn evergreen and holly garlands in front of and around
pictures in frames. Sora walked over to the pictures and most of them were of
Riku,
Johnel: Doesn’t
stalking just fill you with that Holiday cheer?
Riku:
but there was one of
her, Riku, Sora, Kairi, Hurky, and Alexa. It was taken just a few weeks ago.
The room also glowed a golden light from the fire. The lights were off and
nobody was in the room.
"Looks like one of those boring Christmasy scenes from
a storybook, except that there are no milk and cookies left out for Santy
Claus." said Joel sourly.
Johnel: Santa Claus.
Though we will also accept Sandy Claws as an alternative.
"Will you lighten up?" asked Sora.
"Hey, I was never into the whole Christmas
spirit." said Joel.
Sora heard Ryo's voice as soon as Sora told Joel to lighten
up. She was on the phone.
"So...how's Kairi?" asked Ryo as she walked in the
room with a cordless phone in her hand and she sat down on her big, comfy
couch. "How is she taking this whole thing, you know, with Sora? Because I
haven't seen her in school."
There was a silence.
Riku: She is crazy
and there was no one on the other end of the line.
"Oh, that's not like her..." said Ryo.
"Alexa, next time you see her, tell her that it will..."
Johnel:*As Ryo* …
kill her with a spork.
"Wait, let's hear Alexa's side of the
conversation." said Joel. He pointed a finger at the phone and they could
now hear Alexa.
"Isn't eavesdropping rude?" asked Sora.
"Not if you're dead and nobody can see or hear
you." replied Joel. "Listen."
Johnel: Once again
being of supernatural nature lets him be a dick.
"Riku and Hurky already told Kairi that everything will
be alright and she just threw things at them and said, 'No, it's not okay,
Sora's dead and there's no way to bring him back!'" said Alexa.
Riku: Well based on
this timeline it would probably prevent the stopping of a few evil plans.
"HEY!"
said Sora to Alexa. "Wait until I
grant the wishes!"
"Besides, nobody's heard from Kairi since yesterday and
Hurky told me that when she and Riku saw her, she was a total wreck." said
Alexa.
"I better go check up on Kairi," said Sora.
"If you insist." said Joel. He sighed and snapped
his fingers and they were in Kairi's room, where Kairi sat crosslegged on her
bed, with her photo album on it.
"OMG, she's a wreck!" said Sora.
Johnel: Who says that
outloud?!
Kairi's normally neat auburn hair was all messy on her head,
her violet eyes were red and puffy from too much crying. It was all she did
since she heard the doctor say, "He's gone." She was also in her PJs,
the one with the white t-shirt and light pink pajama bottoms with cartoon
monkeys all over it. Sora gave her those on her fifteenth birthday a few months
earlier because he thought they were funny. Sora didn't know why Kairi was even
wearing them.
Riku: Besides being
one of the last gifts he gave her?
Johnel: Eh like the
heavenly bureaucracy said he is kind of stupid.
"Man, I haven't seen her like this since..." said
Sora. "Actually, never. At least she's stopped crying."
"For now." said Joel. "She ran out of
tears."
Kairi stared at the picture of her, Sora, and Riku from the
seventh grade. They were all in skateboarding gear, grinning from ear to ear.
She sighed.
"I wish I can grant her holiday wish to have me back,
but I have to grant others first. It'll be granted once I come back to
life." said Sora.
Riku: So I’m guessing
that loophole is out of the question.
Johnel: Of course if
it wasn’t the story would be over.
"Which reminds me," said Joel. "Since your
first wish you granted was for an enemy, I have been able to return some life
into your body, which makes you barely alive. Your heart's started to beat
again, you're breathing, but you can't wake up."
Sora's bright blue eyes lit up. "Are you serious?"
he asked.
Joel nodded.
"WOO HOO!" whooped Sora as he threw a fist into
the air.
Riku: Wait why?
Johnel: Well would
you like to come back to life seven feet under?
"But!" said Joel. "If you don't grant the
other two wishes, and soon, I will just take all the life out of your body and
you will be dead once again."
"Oh." said Sora. "But at least I'm alive
again!"
Joel sighed. "But you're not up and walking
around." he pointed out.
The phone rang in Kairi's room and she checked who it was on
her caller ID. It said Hart, Eric. It was the name of Sora's father, so Kairi
picked up the phone.
"Hello?" asked Kairi.
"Kairi?" asked Sora's mother. "This is Sora's
mom. I have some good news about Sora."
Johnel: Guessing she
doesn’t have her own phone then… feels really odd to say that in 2012.
Kairi sat up from the pillows that she was lying on.
"What? You do?" she asked.
"When Sora's father and Ethan went to the morgue to
talk to the people who work there about the funeral, Ethan went to go see
Sora's body and he found him breathing and his heart was beating!" said
Sora's mom.
Riku: Why was he
checking out Sora’s body?
Johnel: The dick
angel squad was at it again.
"Are you serious?" cried Kairi excitedly.
"Mmm-hm." said Mrs. Hart.
"OMG, where is he?" asked Kairi.
Johnel: Okay if that
happens a third time I’m blowing something up.
"They took him to the hospital and they discovered that
he's in a coma. He hasn't woken up yet." said Mrs. Hart.
"I'm going to go see him, right now!" said Kairi.
She pressed the end button on the phone, put it in its cradle, ran to her
closet, put on a sweater, stuffed her feet into her shoes, and ran out the
door.
"Joel, take me to the hospital, and quick!" said Sora.
Joel once again snapped his fingers and there they were, at
the hospital.
"Is this my hospital room?" asked Sora.
"Yeah, it is, unless you're not that guy lying in that
bed." said Joel.
Riku: *Pretend to
read patient information* Are you a Mr. Gackt Camui?
Sora turned and saw himself, lying in the hospital bed,
wearing one of those hospital gowns. His eyes were closed, he had two plugs in
his nose, indicating that he was getting oxygen, and he was hooked up to the
machines. The heart monitor beeped, showing signs that he was alive.
"I can't believe it..." said Sora amazingly.
"I'm alive..."
Right then, Riku and Hurky walked in.
"I can't believe that Sora's alive..." said Hurky
as she put down the flowers that she was holding on the table.
"How many times are people are going to say, 'I can't
believe it?'" asked Joel disgruntledly (I don't even know if that's a
word, lol).
Johnel: No, bad
author you don’t put stupid things like that in their.
"But...how is Sora alive, after being dead for only two
days?" asked Riku.
Johnel: You know what
they say about only living twice.
"I have no clue, but we should be happy that Sora's
still alive and he's not dead after all." said Hurky.
Kairi rushed right in, out of breath from running all the
way there.
"Kairi!" said Riku and Hurky in unison.
"I came here as fast as I could." panted Kairi.
"As soon as Sora's mom called me."
"Yeah, Sora's mom called me and Hurky, too." said
Riku.
Kairi pulled out a chair and sat down.
Johnel: Good thing to
she’ll need to be sitting for the next bit of bullshit.
"You know, Rep came home for the holidays a few days
ago and was actually dancing around the room, singing, 'Ding dong, Sore-ass is
dead, which Sore-ass, Sora-ass Hart is dead!" said Riku as he, too pulled
out a chair and sat down. "The nerve of that guy! Wait until his best
friend dies!"
Riku: Who is Rep?
Also why does he have such a horrible taste in humour?
"Why? Will you also be dancing around the room,
too?" joked Hurky.
"YES!" said Riku.
Hurky and Kairi laughed.
"I can't wait to see the look on Rep's face when I tell
him that Sora's alive!" said Riku. Rep was Riku's evil twin brother. An
evil genius twin brother.
Johnel: Riku I didn’t
know you were part of the Insano family tree?
Riku:
Also WHAT!?
"You're forgetting that you won't be alive any longer
if you don't grant any more wishes." Joel pointed out.
"Oh yeah..." said Sora. "I'm going to grant a
wish for one of my friends. Which one of them needs to have a wish
granted?"
"Ryo." replied Joel. "She's been wishing that
Riku would become her boyfriend."
Johnel: Yet wouldn’t
that make any sexual experiences after that basically divinely supported rape?
Riku:
"Riku told me a while ago that Ryo's a wonderful girl,
but he's not ready to be in a relationship yet." said Sora. "He has
all these other girls chasing him, asking them to either marry them, be the
father of their children, or just be their boyfriend."
Riku: That is
somewhat close to the truth actually.
Johnel: Look I’m
sorry about the staff I didn’t hire them.
Joel snapped his fingers and they were back in Ryo's house,
where Ryo was sitting on the couch, watching TV and drinking a mug of hot
chocolate.
"Riku should be lucky that Ryo's there for him."
said Joel as he dug his hands into the pockets of his jacket/coat thingy.
"From what you tell me, Ryo's devoted to Riku and will even risk her life
for him."
Johnel: Insane
obsession isn’t exactly healthy. I’m mean we don’t consider Harely Quin sane
now do we.
"Riku did tell me about a week ago that he'd much
rather have Ryo around than some other girl who only wants him for his
looks." said Sora. "Joel, I want to grant the wish for Riku to be a
lot more appreciative of Ryo."
"Why don't you just wish for them to be together?"
asked Joel.
"But time has to pass before they get together."
said Sora.
Johnel: How vague.
Riku: I hate this
story.
Joel clapped his hands, making the wish official...
Johnel: Well we are
almost done at least.
Riku: Tell me, do you
guys have a therapist on hand?
Johnel: Miss Chambers
will be on duty again starting on the 27th if you feel a session is
necessary.
Hurky: Hey guys! It's been a while since I last updated this
story! I was going to write another Christmas story, but I don't have time.
Maybe next year. Here's the next chapter of 3 Holiday Wishes!
Sora spent the night
in heaven, sleeping on a cloud.
Johnel: No real
support for the back I’d bet.
He needed some rest
to figure out who he will grant his last wish for.
Riku: Why not just
grant a wish to a random person. There is plenty of options out there.
He didn't think Hurky
needed a wish granted. Her wishes of living in her own house and having lots of
friends was already granted when she moved to Destiny Islands from Balamb.
Riku: Still felt like
we missed a whole story.
Johnel: Well
hopefully we will never need to read it.
He couldn't really grant a wish for Kairi because her main
wish was to have Sora there, talking to her, hanging out with her, and
everything else, but it would be granted when he came back to life. Well, if he
came back to life.
Sora woke up the next morning feeling exactly how he did
when he went to sleep last night. Totally clueless.
Johnel: So no
different than usual.
He went over to Joel,
who was slumped over his desk, still asleep. Sora rocked Joel gently, trying
not to wake him up in a rude way.
"Joel?" whispered Sora.
"Five more minutes..." mumbled Joel. Then, he went
back to snoring.
"WAKE UP!" yelled Sora.
Joel shot up. "Huh?" he asked, sounding wide
awake. He saw Sora staring at him. "Oh. What do you want?"
"Joel, you know that I've got only four days to grant
my final wish." said Sora as he crossed his arms.
Johnel: Seeing as he
got two out of three in the span of an afternoon I don’t think he should be
worried.
"Uh, I hate to break it to you, but you have two
days." said Joel.
Riku: So what they shave
off it time for fun or something?
"WHAT?" cried Sora.
"Yeah, you were blacked out for two days before you
woke up in heaven," said Joel.
"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Sora.
"I forgot, so sue me!" said Joel as he threw his
hands in the air.
Riku: Can we sue the
writer?
Johnel: No fanfiction
is perfectly legal Riku. Besides we don’t need to be opening a can of SOPA to
ruin the Holiday.
Sora sighed. "Well, we better get going." he said.
"You're telling me that I only have two days."
Joel yawned, stood up, and stretched.
"Let's go." he said as he scratched his wings and
sat down. "You know, Sora, you don't have to stay in one world to grant
wishes. Why don't you go down to Traverse Town, or Neverland?"
Johnel: Well it isn’t
like these fanfic authors ever really use the Disney cast.
Sora sat in the chair in front of Joel's desk. "If I go
to Neverland, Tinkerbell will probably wish to be married to Peter Pan."
he said. Then, an idea popped in Sora's head. "Or...we can go to Disney
castle to see what wishes need to be granted!"
"That's some good thinking." said Joel, sounding
amazed. He snapped his fingers and they stood in Disney Castle.
Riku: Thought they
said they wouldn’t do this?
Johnel: Well
sometimes they will and just do so poorly.
"Why didn't you just snap me to Destiny Islands when I
first died and not pull a lever andlet me falldown?" asked Sora with a
pout on his face.
"It was more fun to see you fall!" said Joel with
a laugh. "I always do that to newcomers!"
Johnel: Joel the
asshole angel everbody.
Sorarolled his eyesand walked around with Joel. They first
went to see King Mickey, who was dealing with a ton of bills.
"Alright, who ordered the massage package, 25 times in
three weeks?" yelled Mickey.
Both: The what now?
"Uh, it wasn't me." said Goofy, who was standing
next to Mickey."I think that was Daisy."
Daisy walked in, looking very relaxed. "Ahh, that
massage was refreshing!" she said. She turned to Mickey and saw him
glaring at her. "What? Can't I get a little rest and relaxation around
here?"
Johnel: I’m confused
to say the least.
"You spent 2 billion munny getting 25 massages in three
weeks!" said Mickey. "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" (2 billion munny is
equivalent to about $2000)
Johnel: I don’t think
that is the proper conversion. Also hate to say that somewhere there probably
is a massage parlor charging eighty dollars a go.
Riku: You know I
don’t think I’ve ever seen Mickey actually doing any delegation about money or
anything for that matter.
Johnel: Like they
say...
"I think they're really late on theChristmas
spirit...and decorations." said Joel.
Johnel:
Riku: Was that
necessary?
Johnel: It’s a
Christmas special you’ll always need extra musical numbers.
"What do you mean?" asked Sora.
"Well, I heard that this place always decorated for the
holidays right after Thanksgiving, but there's no decorations and Christmas is
in two days!" said Joel. "I know because they always broadcasted this
on TV for as long as I could remember."
Riku: No they don’t.
Sora looked around and saw that there were no holiday
decorations. Joel was right. There werenoChristmas lights andgarlands ofholly
were not strewn everywhere, no sweets insight, and mostof all, thehuge
Christmas trees they normally had in every room in Disney castle were absent.
Johnel: You know I
was going to compliment the writer for at least having okay grammar but then
this train wreck of jumbled together words happens.
Goofy sighed.
"What's the matter, Goofy?" asked Daisy as she
pulled a chair.
"I miss my wife and son." said Goofy. "My
son's in college and my wife's away on business in another galaxy, working with
their military. I wish I could see them for Christmas."
Riku: His what and
his what now?
Johnel:
Riku: Wait what?!
"I wish that Donald would loosen up." said Daisy.
"He's been acting like he has a stick up his big-"
"-Feathery butt?" giggled Goofy.
Daisy laughed. "Yes!" she said.
"Will you two either shut up or leave the room?"
asked Mickey. "I'm trying to deal with all the bills here!"
Riku: That is very
out of character.
Johnel: It’s a
fanfiction.
"Mickey, what happened to all that Christmas spirit
that you always have every year?" asked Goofy.
"I'm sorry, guys. I didn't mean to upset you."
sighed Mickey as he took off his reading glasses. "It's just that keeping
things up and running at this castle is becoming more and more expensive."
Minnie stormed in. "Mickey, have you gotten the
Christmas cards sent out, yet?" she asked.
"Minnie, I've been really busy." said Mickey as he
punched in numbers on a calculator. "I told Pluto to do it."
Johnel: He is having
a dog do it?
Riku: Actually Goofy
is a dog last I checked wonder how that works…
Johnel: Riku that is
a mystery that has plagued many a mind for decades now.
"Pluto?" yelled Minnie. "All that dog ever
does is eat, sleep, and chew up your slippers!"
"He chews up my slippers?" asked Mickey.
"Uh, never mind." said Minnie. "But you
haven't even gotten the Christmas decorations up! We were supposed to have them
up after Thanksgiving!"
"You know what you need, Minnie?" asked Daisy.
"A nice massage!"
"No, Daisy!" yelled Mickey and Minnie at the same
time.
Johnel: What is with
this waterfowl and massages?
Donald walked in, throwing one of his usual fits.
"WAAabbrrrrwaaaaaaaaaa!" he yelled.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked Daisy.
"Huey, Duey, and Louie have done it this time!"
yelled Donald. "They wrecked the entire garden and the waterfountainfor
the Christmas party! I'm calling their grandmother to pick them up, because I'm
sick of dealing with those brats!"
Riku: You get the
feeling we missed out on a much more entertaining series of events?
Johnel: Probably not
but who is this grandmother they speak of?
He flipped open his cell phone, but Daisy stopped him.
Johnel: Since when
did Donald own a cellphone?
"Now they're just kids." she said. "They may
be a little rebellious, but..."
Minnie sighed and shook her head. "I wish everyone
would just...CHILL!"
Sora turned to Joel. "We have to do something,
Joel!" he said.
"You can't unless you grant the wish."
Riku: They’d also
have to make a wish first.
said Joel as he filed his nails and looked at them. He
looked up at Sora. "You can grant the wish of getting things into the
holiday spirit by saying, 'Joel, grant their wish,'"
Sora looked back at the Disney Characters, who were now
ready to kick each other's asses and start a war, something they haven't dealt
with since the 1940s.
Riku: Wait what?
Johnel:
Riku: What the fuck
was that!?
Johnel: Shattering your
perceptions of reality.
"Joel, I'm going to grant this wish." he said.
"Here we go!" said Joel as he clapped his hands.
Suddenly, out of total randomness, the entire castle was
decorated in holly garlands and bright lights. Wreaths appeared on almost every
wall and door. The garden and water fountain repaired themselves. Candles lit
themselves and shone in the dark and dreary rooms. Finally, Christmas trees
began to pop up in every room, decorated from head to toe with lights,
ornaments, tinsel, and the stars and angels on top of them.
"Well, what do ya know?" asked Goofy as he took
off his hat and scratched his head.
"What the-?" asked Minnie, staring at the entire
palace in a daze. "How could this be?"
Riku: Magic.
Johnel: With a little
bit of whimsy.
Mickey looked up and smiled. "I guess the holiday magic
finally kicked in..." he said.
"Uh, don't we normally decorate the place?" asked
Donald. "Because it doesn't normally decorate itself!"
The hugely gigantic doors suddenly opened and in walked
Goofy's son, Max, and a female version of Goofy.
Johnel: What is with
Disney and the gender swapped variations anyways?
Goofy stood up and ran to them. "Gretchen! Max!"
he called as he stretched his arms out. "You made it!"
Gretchen, his wife, went into Goofy's arms and hugged.
"They let me off early!" she said.
"And Christmas vacation came a little early, too!"
said Max. "I was out of school for three days, but then I decided to come
here!"
"This calls for a celebration!" announced Mickey.
"Margaritas all around!"
Riku:
Johnel: Riku?
Riku:
Johnel: Riku you
okay?
Riku: My head hurts
and I think I’m going to need to schedule a therapy appointment for real now.
"Alright!" said Max.
"...Except for Max, since he's nineteen!" said
Goofy.
"Awww!" whined Max.
Sora laughed and turned to Joel. "Well, it's time for
me to go back." he said.
Joel smiled and nodded. "But first, we have to get back
to heaven to make sure things went smoothly before letting you come back to
life." he said. "I might even get promoted for this!"
Johnel: Promoted for
what being an asshole?
He snapped his fingers and he and Sora were back in Joel's
office. Joel sat down and typed in his computer.
"So?" asked Sora.
"Hold on, this computer's being slow today." said
Joel as he waited impatiently for his computer to load.
Riku: You’d think a
god wouldn’t have technical problems.
"Ah! Here we go! Says here that you're all set and
ready to go back. And for granting other wishes, you get to have snow on your
little island."
Johnel: Wonder if
Ansem got an anything?
Riku: His nonexistent
wife not divorcing him probably.
"Snow?" asked Sora. "Awesome!"
"Yeah, that would be awesome..." said Joel.
"But this means that I won't have wings
anymore..." said Sora. "I thought they were cool!"
"Well, you'll get them back when you die and it's
actually your time." said Joel. "Now, are you ready to go back?"
Sora nodded. "Thanks for everything, Joel. Even if
you're not always in such a cheery mood." he said.
"You're welcome." said Joel. He walked over to the
lever. "Now it sayonara!"
He pulled the lever and the cloudy floor underneath Sora
opened and he fell to his world.
"BYE!" yelled Joel as he looked down at the
falling Sora and waving. "SEE YA IN ABOUT FIFTY YEARS!"
Riku: Guessing he had
to get off one last dick move by telling Sora how long he has left?
Johnel: Looks like
it.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" echoed Sora as he fell.
Then, the floor closed up and Joel sat down at his desk. He
sipped on a mug of coffee and opened his magazine. "Glad he's out of
here." he said. "I still love doing that..." he chuckled to
himself.
Meanwhile, Sora finally made it back to Destiny Islands,
went through the roof of the hospital, to his room, and went inside his
comatose body. He felt himself physically coming back inside his body. He
started tomove and he finally opened his eyes.
"Whoa!" he said. He looked around the room and saw
that it was empty. The lights were off and Sora saw a calendar that said
December 23, 2005. He breathed a sigh of relief.He turned to the clock. It read
10:25 PM. Visiting hours were over, so his friends and family must have come
and gone. He touched the blankets covering his body, to prove that he was
actually alive again. He found his TV remote and turned on the TV to find the
news on.
"So, Mark, how's that weather out there?" asked
the anchorman to the weather guy.
"Well, we have a major record breaker
here!" said Mark, the weather guy as he stood in front of a map of the
islands. "Temperatures have dropped to about 4 degrees below zero! This
has never happened in the history of Destiny Islands! Everything is getting
frozen out there! And-whoa, we have some breaking news! It's
snowing outside! I'm not joking! Take a look outside and
you'll see the snow falling!"
Johnel: Not only that
but the rapid freezing an blizzard will destroy much of the native ecosystem
and the entire population is entirely unprepared with many children now getting
hypothermia. Here’s Riku with traffic.
Riku: Well Johnel due
to the sudden flash freezing of roads a massive traffic accident has occurred
downtown killing at least four and injuring five others.
Sora turned to the window and saw flurries of snow falling.
He smiled. It was great to be back...
Sora didn't go back to sleep after he finally woke up from
his coma. That was late last night. He stayed up the entire night, watching TV
and the snow fall outside. Visiting hours started at 7:00, so his family showed
up around six to be there with him for Christmas Eve. Little did they know,
Sora was awake. So, they were in total shock when they came and saw Sora
sitting up in his bed.
"Sora!" said his dad. "You're awake!"
"OMG, SORA!"
Johnel: Alright
that’s it. *He pulls out a weapon crude in design with grenades used as ammo and
a wicked blade on the underside. He fires at the screen to little effect
disappointed in the instrument on which he relied.*
Riku: Why do you even
have that?
Johnel: Whenever you
do things like this on the internet you should be prepared for random fight
scenes.
cried Sora's mom as
she bent down to give him a hug. Then, Sora's dad hugged him, and even Ethan
gave his little bro a hug.
"When did you wake up?" asked Ethan, still in
shock, as he pulled out a chair and sat down.
"Last night." replied Sora. "What happened? I
mean...I was at home, hanging out with my friends, when I get up and decide to
lie down, only to pass out. I woke up in the ambulance, and Riku and Kairi were
freaking out!"
Mr. Hart also pulled out a chair and sat down on the left
side of Sora's bed. Sora knew that he was dead and in a coma, and was out of
his body granting wishes, but his family didn't know that he knew, so he had to
act like he didn't know anything like that happened.
Johnel: Well yeah
they’d put him in a mental ward. Actually how’d you guys not end up in one?
Riku:Having a weapon you can summon from thin air
and the good word of talking mouse helps make the stories seem truthful.
"Well, Sora, at first, you went into cardiac arrest
and...well, you died." explained Mr. Hart as he scratched the back of his
head. "We put you in the morgue and prepared you foryour funeral, but
Ethan found your heart beating and you were breathing, so you were taken
here."
Johnel: Couldn’t you
just write the explained what happened. I mean we already know this.
"The doctor said you were in a coma, but you were
fine." continued Sora's mother, with tears running down her tanned face in
happiness. "The doctor also said that the cardiac arrest was unexpected,
but you don't have a heart condition. Oh, I'm so happy that my baby boy's
alive!"
She threw her arms around her younger son, but Sora had to
pull her away from him because she was pulling the cords that were hooked up to
him.
"Easy, Mom!" said Sora. "I'm hooked up to
stuff!"
"Oh, sorry, Sora!" said Mrs. Hart.
"Hey dweeb, did you look outside?" asked Ethan
with his arms folded across his chest. "It's snowing outside."
Johnel:
"Yeah, I saw on the news." replied Sora.
"Look, can you guys get the doctor? I kinda want to get out of here!"
So, Sora's mom got the doctor, checked up on Sora, told his
family that he was free to go, so he signed the release papers, the nurses
unhooked Sora from the machines, got dressed, and was all set to go home early.
Hecame out of the hospital in the same outfit he wore the day he died and came
back to life in, which was his KH1 outfit.
Johnel: Which is
really a stupid way to say red jumpsuit with jacket.
As Sora was wheeled
out to the car in a wheelchair by the nurse, Sora shivered from the cold, snowy
weather. He never thought snow would be this cold.
Riku: Yes snow is
cold. You know Sora might not be the smartest guy I know but he isn’t this
stupid.
His family got him into the car and they drove home.
An hour later, at 8:00, Kairi woke up shivering. She got out
of bed, put on her pink robe and slippers, and went to the thermostat and
turned it up a little bit, not caring that it would run up the heating bill.
She went downstairs and to the living room, where she sat on the couch and
turned on the TV. There were nothing but Christmas cartoons on, and she was
sick of watching them.
Johnel:
Must be the Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer movie. Can’t stand it
either.
She normally spent
every Christmas watching them with Sora and Riku since she moved to the islands
at eight and they would all make fun of Rudolph's nose and laugh at Frosty
melting.
Riku: I’m assuming
that my mad scientist upbringing had an effect on them.
Johnel: Or kids are
just jerks.
But this year, it just wasn't the same. Sora was in a coma
and Riku was depressed over his best friend. Kairi was also depressed over Sora
like Riku was. She listened to her siblings fight with their mom over presents.
"Mom, can we open the presents, now?" asked
Kairi's eight year old sister, Alyssa, from the kitchen.
Riku: Why does this
author keep insisting on giving us siblings?
"The answer is no." said Mrs. McCormick.
"We're waiting until tomorrow morning."
Johnel: So wait is
she related to Kenny?
"Aw, no fair!" whined Jared, Kairi's nine year old
brother. "We got to open them last year on Christmas Eve!"
"Well, I want to open them on Christmas Day like normal
people." said their mom.
Johnel: Actually
isn’t Kairi adopted? You know with the whole “princess” of Radiant Garden
thing.
Riku: Well yes but it
could just mean her adoptive mother.
Johnel: True. Second
question with Ansem the Wise being the leader of Radiant Garden does that mean
he’s her father?
Riku: Well you see…..
uh the thing is…. Honestly we’ve never really looked into that.
"We can never be normal." Jared said.
Kairi giggled. She was just like Alyssa and Jared years ago,
asking her mother impatiently with her older sister, Lani,
Johnel: Seriously
what is with all of the made up siblings?
about opening the
Christmas presents, but now Kairi had enough patience to wait until Christmas.
She changed the channel to the news, where they were yakking about politics
until they got to the weather.
"Can you believe all that snow that fell on the islands
overnight, Tom?" asked the anchorwoman to the morning weather
guy."No, I can't, May!" said Tom. "The sea has frozen over, yes,
it's frozen solid! So solid, you can ice skate on it! I'm serious! People are
ice skating on the ocean and I have live footage of it from the camera hooked
up by the Seaside Shack!"
Johnel: The ocean is
frozen?! Seriously am I the only one worried about the ecosystem destroying
effects this is going to have?!
This caught Kairi's attention. Snow? On Destiny Islands?
Kairi put down the remote on the comfy white couch and opened the door to check
that the weatherpeople weren't screwing around with everyone, only to find...
"Sora?" asked Kairi.
Riku: No it’s Tidus.
Sora had his finger on the doorbell, right about to ring it.
He was dressed in a blue jacket, gloves, and jeans. He grinned his trademark
grin. "Hey Kairi!"
Kairi smiled and threw her arms around Sora. "OMG, I
can't believe you woke up!"
Johnel: Four times
now. Riku can I shoot one of your shoes with a grenade?
Riku:
she said in a muffled
voice from Sora's jacket. She let go, and they blushed.
"Surprised to see me?" asked Sora.
"Are you kidding?" asked Kairi. "You nearly
gave me a heart attack!"
The two just stood there, laughing in the snow until they
heard a voice.
Johnel: It was god
telling them that wasn’t funny.
"SORA!" called Riku.
Sora and Kairi turned to find Riku, running up to them,
wearing a dark blue parka, jeans, boots, gloves, and a beanie over his long,
silvery hair. He caught up to them.
"Is that really you, Sora?" asked Riku.
"Yeah, it's really me." said Sora, still grinning
like a jack-o-lantern.
Johnel: Wrong Holiday
of reference.
"Come here!" said Riku as he threw his arms around
Sora and patted him on the back. "Aw man, I can't believe it! You finally
woke up!"
"And just in time for Christmas!" said Alexa as
she ran to them, wearing a pink parka, a pink skirt, and white leg warmers.
Riku: Was starting to
hope these made up people wouldn’t show up again.
Johnel: Hell this
Alexa is basically a cardboard cut-out more so than a character.
She went to Sora and hugged him as well.
"It's great to see all you guys!" said Sora. He
noticed the absence of Hurky and Ryo. "Hey, where are..."
Riku: Tidus, Wakka,
and Selphie?
"Hurky and Ryo?" asked Riku. "Hurky went to
Wonderland
Johnel: Wait what?!
You said she was from one of the garden things in Final Fantasy 8 which is a
completely different thing!
to see her family and
Ryo went to her home world as soon as she heard about the snow to get that sled
thingy she was talking about. The second Ryo heard the word 'snow' on the news,
she rushed to her gummi ship and blasted off.
Riku: Of course my
stalker has her own gummi ship.
Hurky won't be back
until at least two or three this afternoon and Ryo should be back at least ten
or eleven this morning."
The four stood there in the snow, until a wind blew, making
Kairi realize that she was in her PJs and not in a warm outfit.
"Brr! Can we get inside?" asked Kairi.
"Oh, right!" said Riku as he pushed Kairi aside
and went inside the house. "I'm freezing my ass off out here!"
Kairi, Sora, and Alexa trailed in behind Riku and Kairi shut
the door. They all went to the kitchen for some hot chocolate and found Kairi's
mother sitting at the table, reading the newspaper while chewing a bagel and
holding a mug of coffee in her other hand.
Johnel: Okay I don’t
think we needed to know that.
"Mom?" asked Kairi.
Mrs. McCormick looked up, saw Kairi and everyone else and
looked down. "Oh, hi kids." she said and looked down at the
department store ad she was reading,
Riku: You’d think
shopping be the last thing on her mind once it is Christmas.
but looked up again and jumped. "Sora!"
Everyone but Kairi's mom laughed.
"Yeah, it's me." he said.
"I thought you were in a coma!" said Mrs.
McCormick, still in shock.
Johnel: *As Sora* I
got better.
"I was, but I woke up last night." explained Sora.
"Well, they let you out early." said Mrs.
McCormick. She turned to everyone else. "There's some hot chocolate on the
stove, help yourselves. I'll be in the living room. Lani's supposed to call,
anyway."
"Who's Lani?" asked Alexa.
"My older sister." replied Kairi. "She goes
to Hollow Bastion University. She's coming home for Christmas."
Riku: It is like
looking at some sort of drug induced perversion of my life and the lives of my
friends.
Johnel: So par for
the course. At least you missed the one that implied you were an underaged male
prostitute.
Riku:
"It's nice to have family coming home for
Christmas." said Alexa as she poured herself a mug of hot chocolate.
"But this is my first Christmas away from my other relatives, since we
moved to the islands. It's totally different."
"Well, Alexa, holiday traditions can't stay the same
forever!" said Riku. "My family doesn't really have that many
traditions. We open our presents and then do whatever we want until dinnertime.
My dad watches football, I go with my friends, and Rep retreats to his lab.
Johnel: Well of
course how else are you going to have the anti-magic generator with dongly
thing installed properly?
Sometimes, I hang out
at Sora's house one year, Kairi's another, or we hang at my house."
"Uh, nobody's listening to you." said Sora. He was
right. Kairi and Alexa were drinking hot chocolate and looking through the
magazine Kairi's mom left behind.
"Screw you guys!" said Riku.
Riku: I kind of agree
with other me right now.
Suddenly, a gummi ship horn was blaring outside and Ryo's
voice yelled, "HEY RIKU! I'M BAAACCCKKK! AND I HAVE A SLED!"
Riku: Well any hope
for my representation is now dead.
Everyone went outside and found a huge, pink gummi ship with
the headlights on. The lights revealed that a light snow was falling. The back
door to the ship was open and Ryo, dressed in a huge, fuzzy white coat and
fuzzy boots, was pushing a large, white sled out of it. Ryo had powers and
stuff and she was the oldest of everyone, being 1,103 years old and looking
only ten years old (in her world, people age one year every 100 years), was
also the strongest. She was able to pick up Riku without breaking a sweat, and
he was heavy with all that muscle.
Johnel: Well that
just brings on new levels of fucking disturbing to the preceding.
Riku: Why tell us
these things now?
"Whoa, that's one big assed sled!" said Riku in
awe as he stared at the sled. "Ryo, do you need any help?"
"No, I'm fine!" yelled Ryo as she kept pushing the
enormous sled onto the snow.
"She's gonna end up breaking her back or
something." said Alexa to Kairi.
Johnel: I thought she
had super strength?
Right when Alexa said her comment, Ryo got the sled onto the
snow and grinned triumphantly.
"And I did it without breaking my back!" she said
gleefully.
"That's a big assed sled!" said Riku.
Riku: They heard you
the first time dumbass.
"That's not all!" said Ryo. She turned to the
gummi ship and called to it. "Oh, Sugarplum! Come on out!"
A snow white horse walked right out of the sled. Kairi and
Alexa nearly died from the cuteness of the horse.
"OMG, that is such a cute little horsey!" said
Kairi as she and Alexa ran to pet it.
Johnel: Can’t have a
fanfic without gender stereotypes now can we?
"Had to borrow the sled from Zoge." said Ryo.
Riku: Who or what is
a Zoge?
"Are you sure you 'borrowed' it?" asked Alexa.
"Okay, I stole it. Varan helped me, but Varan let me
borrow Sugarplum." said Ryo as she stroked the hair of the horse.
Johnel: Well good to
see Riku’s stalker also is a thief.
"Can we feed it?" asked Riku.
"Knock yourself out!" said Ryo, fishing a carrot
out of her pocket and handed it to Riku, who fed it to Sugarplum.
Hurky came back to the islands several hours later and gave
Sora a big hug the second she saw him, said she couldn't believe that he was
awake, blah blah blah...lol.
Both: Fuck off.
"My niece just learned how to do the Cheshire Cat
disappearing act." said Hurky as she walked into her house with a backpack
full of sweets from Wonderland. "She's good at it! She popped up in front
of me when I showed up there!"
Riku: Okay was that
supposed to make sense?
Johnel: No.
Everyone laughed.
"You can do the Cheshire Cat disappearing act?"
asked Kairi to Hurky.
"Yeah. It's required that you learn it by the time
you're in the first grade." replied Hurky.
Johnel: Why would
people living on something from Final Fantasy 8 need to learn an ability of a
single character from Wonderland?
"Can you show us how to do it?" asked Sora
enthusiastically.
"Sorry, Sora, but it takes a lot of time and
concentration. I was nearly eight when I learned how to do it. I still can
barely do it." said Hurky. She put on two sweaters and a pair of gloves.
"Hey, let's go to the mall!"
"Are you crazy?" asked Riku. "That place must
be packed!"
"But Riku," said Sora. "What about pulling
Santa's beard like we do every year?"
Johnel: Why?
Riku: Also why is it
even open?
Riku's face brightened up. "Hey, yeah!" he said.
"I forgot all about that! Let's go!"
And so, they were going to go to the mall, but Riku had to
put chains on the tires of his car and then they finally got to the mall. Sora
and Riku recognized the guy in the Santa suit who they thought was from last
year and to be safe, they voted to have Ryo pull Santa's beard, since she
looked young enough to sit on Santa's lap.
"Why me?" asked Ryo as she stood in the long line
to see Santa Claus.
Johnel: You are the
one who looks like a 10 year old.
"Because Santy will get pissed if he sees me and Sora
again and chase us out of the mall." said Riku.
Ryo pouted.
Riku sighed. "Ryo, if you do this, I'll
share a milkshake with
you."
Johnel:
he said, taking off his beanie.
Ryo gasped. "You really mean it?" she cried
excitedly.
Riku nodded.
Riku: Can I disown
another version of myself?
"Awwww, I wuv you soooo much!" said Ryo as she
wrapped her arms around Riku.
"Hey, line's moving!" said Sora.
So, it took about ten minutes for Ryo to finally get to
Santa Claus. Finally, the pimply teenager dressed like an elf picked Ryo up and
put her on Santa's lap.
"Ho ho ho!" bellowed Santa. "And what's your
name?"
Johnel:
"Ryo!" said Ryo.
"And what would you like for Christmas, Ryo?"
asked Santa.
“I want-" said Ryo until she saw Riku, who was shaking
his head no and holding out his hands, signaling her not to say Riku.
Johnel: Well yeah
having what looks like a ten year old girl telling Santa she wants someone
sexually for Christmas would be in bad form.
"Ummm...I want a pony!" said Ryo.
"Ooh, a pretty one with long, shiny hair?" said
Santa with a grin on his kind face. Ryo nodded.
"Smile for the camera." the pimply teenager said
as he held the digital camera out. Right then, Ryo picked that moment to yank
Santa's beard down, but it was stuck.
"What the-?" asked Riku.
"HO HO HO!" bellowed Santa once again. "You
cannot pull my beard down, since it's an actual beard!"
Riku: Yeah guessing
they would start to hire men with actual beards if two idiots made pulling the
beard down a habit.
"Well, he's not the guy from last year, that's for
sure." commented Hurky as she watched Ryo get off of Santa's lap and go to
her friends.
"You know something?" asked Ryo as she walked up
to them. "I think that was the actual Santa."
Riku: You know it is
scary that it is a possibility.
"No way!" said Sora.
"He might have been." said Alexa. "He didn't
freak when Ryo tried to pull his beard."
Johnel: That or he
could just be a nice old man who raised kids maybe and is used to such
nonsense. Your evidence is weak.
"True..." said Riku. "Come on, guys! Let's get
some pretzels!"
"Sweet!" said Hurky. "I love pretzels!"
Riku: Oh look one of
these people I never met has something to put on their likes list.
After an uneventful afternoon at the mall, Sora, Riku,
Kairi, Hurky, Alexa, and Ryo separated after leaving and went home...
The next morning, Sora woke up in his own bed. He got up and
looked out the window to find the islands around himstill white with snow. Sora
went back to bed and just lied down. It was nice to be in his own bed again.
First,he had to sleep on a cloud in heaven.
Johnel: Hey don’t
knock it you did sleep for 48 hours when trying it.
Then, a hospital bed,
which wasn't exactly the most comfy bed to sleep in. Now, he had his
comfortable bed with the big, cozy blankets and soft pillows. He stared at the
ceiling and thought about the dream he had during the night. He saw Joel, who
was talking to him, but he couldn't hear a word he said.
Riku: Turns out he
was just flapping his gums and wanted to mess with Sora.
Johnel: You’re
catching on quick my apprentice.
Riku: Never call me
that again.
After lying and
staring at the ceiling for about twenty minutes, Sora decided to get up and get
dressed. Then, he got downstairs to find his mother working on the last minute
preparations for the Christmas party she was holding that day, but Ethan and
Mr. Hart were just about to open presents.
"Hey dorkus!" said Ethan as he picked up a a
silver wrapped box and tossed it to Sora.
Johnel: Well talk
about going from 0 to asshole after your brother has a near death experience.
"Thanks, Ethan." said Sora as he turned the box
over and began to unwrap it. It turned out to be a PSP(I do not own the PSP.
The people who make the PS2 and soon the PS3 own it).
Johnel: How fucking
stupid do you think we are?
Riku: Well she
apparently thinks we like this story and can’t speak a coherent sentence.
Johnel: Good point
she must think we have the brains of a goldfish.
"Whoa, this is awesome! Thanks, Mom! Thanks, Dad!"
Sora's parents grinned.
"You're welcome." said Mrs. Hart.
Ethan received a laptop from his parents, some clothes, and
Gran Turismo 4 (I do not own it. I wish I owned a copy of it. I haven't even
played it, yet). Sora also received clothes, aMy Chemical Romance CD (do not
own My Chemical Romance)
Both:
from Ethan,and a few games for his PSP, which his parents
almost gave the PSP to Ethan when they thought Sora was dead. Sora's mom got an
apron from Ethan, a new non-stick pan set and a tennis bracelet from Mr. Hart.
Johnel: How whimsically
stereotypical gifts to give to the women of the house.
Sora's dad got new
golf clubs from Mrs. Hart and a watch from Ethan. It was fair for Ethan to get
his dad a new watch, since he accidentally submerged it in water while helping
his dad wash the car a few weeks ago.
When all the presents were unwrapped, Sora and Ethan helped
their parents clean up and then they were told to get ready for the party. It
was going to be a formal party, so Sora had to wear a suit.
Riku: Wait did we
miss something?
Johnel: Eh this thing is so stupid it is possible.
Sora got ready for the party, and he got almost his entire suit
on, except that he had no tie. He went to go put it on, when he noticed a small
pile of boxes wrapped in fancy paper and ribbons. He saw a note next to them.
He picked it up and read it.
Dear Sora, it said, I'm glad that you granted all 3 holiday
wishes and you came back to life. Thanks to you, I got promoted to be a guard
and I get kick the butts of anyone who doesn't belong there,
Johnel: You just know
this guy is going to be a dumbass and do something stupid now like fuck with
the Lady of Pain.
hee hee. Plus, I get
more free time. To show my gratitude, I have selected some presents for you to
give to your friends, with the help of Santa, whom your friend Ryo tried to
pull his beard off, but don't tell her! And don't worry, there's a present for
you, ha ha! Thanks again! Have a safe and happy holiday, Joel (the guy from
heaven)
Riku: I think we
could figure that out.
Sora smiled when he read the note. He turned to the
presents. Sure enough, there was one for him, Riku, Kairi, Hurky, Alexa, and
Ryo. He took the shiny red one that said Sora on it and opened it to find a new
crown necklace. Sora remembered that the EMTs broke the chain of his necklace
when they were trying to get him back to life the day he died. He put the chain
around his neck and looked at it in satisfaction. Then, he remembered that he
needed to put on his tie. So, he quickly put on his tie and put all the
presents in the hallway closet. Right when Sora closed the door, his mother
called to him and said that Riku and his family showed up.
Sora ran downstairs and found Riku, in a suit but with no
tie and Ryo, wearing a pink Chinese dress and her hair was done in a bun with
two chopsticks in it, both holding presents. Mr. and Mrs. Thompson were with
Sora's parents, while Rep was nowhere to be seen.
"Where's Rep?" asked Sora.
Riku: He doesn’t
exist.
"He stayed home with his precious lab." scoffed
Riku. "He said he had better things to do than hang out with a bunch of
dumb losers like us. He also said, 'I can't believe Sore-ass came back to life.
Damn it!'"
"Well, I'm not dead, yet!" said Sora.
Alexa and her family walked in the door and Alexa joined
Sora, Riku, and Ryo by the stairs, also carrying gifts.
"OMG, Sora, Riku! You guys look great in those suits!
Especially with that tie, Sora!" said Alexa. "And Ryo! That is such a
gorgeous dress!"
Johnel: You sure I
can’t blow up your shoe Riku?
Riku: NO! Also why?!
Johnel: Bored.
Ryo smiled. "Kairi helped me make it!" she said.
"I like how you did your hair!"
Alexa's pink streaked hair was still streaked in pink, but
it was now layered.
Johnel: Whatever the
hell that means.
"Thanks! I got it done just this morning!" said
Alexa.
"Wow, I didn't think anyone would be open today."
said Ryo thoughtfully.
"Uh, Sora?" asked Riku, with a little weakness in
his voice. "Where can we put our gifts? My arms are killing me!"
Riku: Suck it up and
show a little dignity.
"I thought you had the strength to hold all those
presents!" joked Alexa.
Riku tried to playfully slug Alexa, but he nearly dropped
all his presents.
"Just put them on the table in the TV room."Sora
said with a laughas he pointed to the room next to him.
As Riku, Ryo, and Alexa put the presents in the TV room,
Kairi and Hurky showed up with presents as well. Kairi was wearing a black and
pink dress with high heels with buckles, while Hurky wore ablue dress, a black
sweater, and boots like the ones Aerith had. Kairi's hair looked the same, but
Hurky did her straight hair Goldilocks style. After everyone was in the TV
room, they all sat down and started to distribute the presents and opening
them.
Johnel: I know I’ve
used it before but I’m sorry it is the only way..
"OMG, Hurky!" said Kairi as she held out a pink
t-shirt that said, I'm with stupids and two arrows were pointing both left and
right. "Thanks for the shirt! It's hilarious! When I wear it, I'll stand
next to Sora and Riku!"
"I got t-shirts for everyone." said Hurky. "I
know how you all love shirts that say stuff.
Riku: No we don’t. In
fact I think neither I or my friends have ever wore anything like that.
Riku held out a black t-shirt that saidThingsYou Should
Never Say or do to a Cop, and there was a list ofstuffyou should never say or
do to a cop. He laughed, but then his laugh went away as he pulled out asmall
box with a little red bow from his back pocket and handed it to Ryo.
"Here, Ryo." he said. "I got this for
you."
Johnel: What you get?
Riku: When she opens
it a poison dart will stab her in the neck.
Ryo looked down at the box, took the box from Riku's
outstretched hand and untied the ribbon. She opened it to find a heart shaped
locket with a diamond on it.
"Open the locket." Riku said with a grin.
Ryo opened it and found a small picture of her and Riku. Ryo
had her arms around Riku, who was just smiling a small smile. Tears of
happiness welled in Ryo's eyes and she stood up and glomped him.
Riku: Well there goes
my guess.
"Oh, this is the best Christmas present EVER!" she
said.
Riku chuckled. "I figured you'd like it." he said.
Ryo let go of Riku and she gave him his present from her.
Riku opened it and totally flipped out when he saw it.
"HOLY SHNIKEY! DRAGON QUEST 8!" he yelled
excitedly. "THANKS A LOT, RYO!" (Shnikey is pronounced Mikey but with
a Shnike instead of Mike)
Johnel: First no shit
and second who in the fuck says holy shnikey?!
Then, out of nowhere, he threw his arms around Ryo. Even she
was surprised, since he rarely hugs her on his own.
"Awwww..." cooed Kairi, Hurky, and Alexa.
Johnel: Still creepy.
Riku: Hey don’t look
at me I’m the minor in this situation.
Sora just grinned. He picked up the presents from Joel and
Santa and gave them all to his friends.
"Presents?" asked Alexa. "Sora, how did you
find time to get us presents?"
Riku: Magic.
Johnel: Once again with whimsy.
"Oh, with the help of some friends," lied Sora,
thinking of Santa and Joel.
Riku opened his. "Nice! A watch!" he said.
"Thanks, Sora! I needed one after Rep used mine for an experiment..."
Johnel: You know hate
to say it but I’d probably prefer hearing the story of Riku’s older brother who
happens to be an alternate universe Dr. Insano right about now.
Ryo opened hers to find..."OMG, the whole collection of
Rurouni Kenshin mangas! Thank you Sora!" she said.
Hurky opened hers to find a pink skateboard.
"Cool!" she said. "Thank you so much, Sora!"
Alexa opened hers to find..."Wow, PSP games for my PSP!
Thank you, Sora!" she said.
And last but not least, Kairi opened hers to find a diamond
ring.
Riku: Hate to say but
I could almost see that last one happening.
Johnel: Really? Those
two dance around their feelings like someone with itching powder in their
pants.
Riku: I didn’t say it
wouldn’t take a couple decades.
"Whoa..." she said."A diamond ring?"
Sora nodded.
"Are you proposing to her?" asked Riku jokingly.
Everyone laughed.
"No!" said Sora. "I just happened to have
gotten her a ring."
Kairi hugged Sora. "Well, this is the best present I've
ever gotten from you." she said.
Johnel: You know this
is really weird a bad fanfic that treats Kairi okay, doesn’t kill her in under
five chapters, and pairs her up with Sora. It is like the platypus you might
only see it once.
"Can we go eat now?" asked Riku.
"I baked cookies!" said Ryo.
"No!" cried Riku. "You cook terribly!"
"Don't worry,
Riku: *As Ryo* They
are stuffed to the brim with pot.
I baked them at
Varan's house, getting the horse and the sled." said Ryo. "She helped
me out."
"And I baked a cake!" said Hurky.
"NO!" yelled everyone.
"My sister, Neo,
Johnel: Whoa.
helped me bake
it!" said Hurky. "Okay, she just mixed the ingredients..."
"Who cares, I'm starving!" said Alexa.
Everyone got up and went downstairs to find a surprising
amount of people. Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Gretchen, Max, and others
from the Disney castle were there, Axel and Larxene were also there, but with
them stood a man and a woman who must have been about sixty, with red hair.
Then, Sora remembered that they were Axel's parents, who finally got in contact
with him right before he came back to life. Axel stood there with Larxene,
laughing with his parents. He looked so happy.
"Hey, why is Axel here?" asked Alexa.
Johnel: Yeah last I
checked Lea isn’t one to be making social calls to the main land.
"Because my parents decided to befriend him when he
moved to the islands about a year ago." replied Sora.
Also, Ansem, his wife, and Oarah were there, too. Sora's
parents were also friends with them.
Riku: So Sora’s mom
and dad are friends with a heartless that possessed me and tried to kill their
son?
Johnel:
Sora and his friends went downstairs joined in on eating the
food. Sora was about to walk into the kitchen when suddenly, out of nowhere,
Kairi took him by his tie and kissed him on the lips for a long time in the
kitchen doorway. Finally, they let go.
"What was that for?" asked Sora. "Was that to
thank me for the present?"
"No silly!" she replied with a smile. "Well,
yeah, that, but look above."
Johnel:
She and Sora looked up to find mistletoe. Ethan, also
dressed in a suit, stood next to his brother and Kairi, away from the
mistletoe.
"Hmm. Wasn't there a minute ago." he said
thoughtfully. He shrugged his shoulders, took a drink from his glass of egg
nog, and walked off.
"OMG, misletoe!" yelled Ryo as she took Riku by
the arm and shoved Sora and Kairi out of the way of the mistletoe to be under
it.
Riku: Pretty sure you
can’t force it.
"Ryo, I am not going to kiss you!" said Riku.
"Aw, come on!" pleaded Ryo.
Riku sighed and kissed Ryo on the cheek. Ryo squealed. Riku
smiled.
"Come on." he said. "Let's go for a ride in
that sled with Sugarplum."
He held out his hand and Ryo happily took it and together,
Riku, and Ryo walked off.
Johnel: Until the
cops were called.
Sora and Kairi stood there and laughed. Sora could never be
any happier to be alive...
Riku: Is it over?
Johnel: I think so.
Thought there would be another dumb outro but guessing it was snipped from the
file.
*Just then in a
swirly dark hole. Stepped out Lea former backstabber and mole.*
Lea: Hey there you
guys been looking everywhere for you.
Both: Really?
Lea: Okay so Ienzo
took almost everything of mine and thought you might like the help because I’m
pretty sure he locked you guys in here.
Riku: Well I can
understand him. *Points to Johnel* I mean he is an ass.
Johnel: Ha ha pretty
boy.
Riku: So why am I
here?
Lea: I don’t know
could still be mad about Castle Oblivion.
Riku: That was mostly
your fault!
Lea: Hence why he
took my stuff. Look you want pay back or not?
*The other to grinned
a devilishly wicked grin. They knew just what trouble they were about to get
in. So with smile so wide it could take up fifty percent their body mass.*
All Three: I say we
go and kick some scientist prick’s ass!
Johnel: Oh also happy
Holidays everyone and thank you for reading the blog all this time. Push the
button Mister.
