*This time two
figures sit in front of the theater. The same portly gentlemen in hat and
trench coat and now a young man in a lab coat who looked in need of a haircut by his front fringe.*
Ienzo: So might I ask what it is we are doing for this commercialized celebration?
Johnel:
Ienzo: I hate you.
Johnel: Calm down it
is just the sequel to that story I read last year with Riku. Kind of
funny how your situation has done a 180 since then Ienzo?
Ienzo: Die in a fire.
Also why not have the Elf do this he at the very least looks the part.
*Just then a boomerang
clocks Ienzo on the back of the head.*
Johnel: I think it was something about typecasting.
Hurky: Hey everyone and welcome to the second annual holiday
story thingy also my last story published in 2006!! I was going to write this
one last year but I ran out of time.
Johnel: I’m sure no
one missed it.
Riku: Starring me, Riku!! I shall rule the world!!
Ienzo: So I take it
this writer suffers the same delusions you do?
Johnel: No she thinks
characters actually can stomach her.
Sora: Yeah right, Riku. Be sure to check out Hurky's first
Christmas story, 3 Holiday Wishes. It 's last year's story.
Ienzo: What happened
in that again?
Johnel: Sora died,
there was a prick angel, Xehanort’s hearless was a separate guy with a family,
and Sora did stupid stuff for OC’s to come back to life.
Kairi: And now the disclaimer!!
Ienzo: The following
story causes nausea, fatigue, retina scaring, and infects the reader with
multiple STIs.
Johnel: Really
feeling the spirit of the season aren’t you?
Disclaimer: Hurky doesn't own KH, Ryo, Alexa, or the Disney
Characters.
One sunny afternoon on December 23rd, Sora, Riku, and Kairi
were hanging out at Sora's house. They were trying to figure out what to get
who for Christmas.
Johnel: Great job
idiots.
Kairi had done all
her shopping the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday, where people would wait
outside shopping malls and department stores at three in the morning for the
stores to open at four just to snag a few good deals.
Johnel: Wouldn’t everyone
reading this already know what that is?
Ienzo: Maybe she
suffers an additional delusion to make her think she has international acclaim.
Kairi had done that. As soon as she finished eating her
Thanksgiving dinner, she and her mom sped to the mall to wait all night.
Ienzo: Ignoring
personal histories of certain parties involved making this impossible that seems very pathetic.
Sora and Riku had only bought a few presents.
"I just need to get Ryo and my dad a present."
said Riku. "Ryo likes jewelry but I gave her some last year."
Johnel: You could get
her more jewelry. Isn’t it the thought that counts?
"How about a nice, romantic night where you guys go to
dinner and a movie?" asked Kairi dreamily. Personally, she would have
loved something like that from a guy. Particularly Sora.
Johnel: Keep dreaming
they have to milk that will they or won’t they shtick for at least one more
game.
"I don't know." Riku said.
"How about a gift card from the hardware store?"
croaked Sora in a raspy voice.
Ienzo: What would
poses you to think that is a good idea?
Johnel: Well they
got..
Ienzo: Please don’t
tell me you are going to.
Johnel: *Sings*
They've got allen
wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods
and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles,
radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and
dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons,
window shutters
Paint removers, window louvers, masking tape
and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather
stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power
foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance
lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose
insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking
chisels, smoke detectors
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and
bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic
circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and
Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum
cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and
pepper shakers
*Stops Singing*
Ienzo:
"Ryo!!" he said.
Ryo looked up, saw Riku, and her face brightened. "RIKU!!" she said.
"What's wrong with you?" asked Riku.
Ienzo: Oh look this
story asked the question for me.
Johnel: You are just
a killjoy.
"Nothing." lied Sora. Well, his throat was feeling
sore, but he didn't want to show signs that he was getting sick right before
the holidays. His mom would make him spend all day Christmas Eve and day in
bed. It happened to his older brother, Ethan,
Ienzo: Who?
Johnel: An OC. That
is all you really need to know.
one year. Sora knew
he would soon be plagued with a bad headache, a stuffy nose, and congestion but
for now, it just hurt for him to talk. He unwrapped a cough drop and popped it
into his mouth.
"I think those things make sore throats worse."
Riku muttered. Suddenly, his cell phone rang. Riku took out his cell phone and
saw who it was. "Oh man, it's Ryo. Gotta go. She wants me to come with her
to see Santa Claus."
Sora's bright blue eyes brightened. "You're gonna see
Santa?" he croaked excitedly.
Ienzo: Fat bastard
and his coal.
Johnel: Dude hostile.
I’d count my lucky stars if I had a Santa in my universe.
"Yeah." said Riku. He sighed. "I told Ryo
that I thought Santa didn't exist, so she's taking me to Christmas Town to see
him."
Johnel: Shouldn’t
Christmas town being a thing be good enough evidence? What is he like Kaiba
were you can bludgeon him with evidence but he ignores it?
He walked out of Sora's house without another word and got
into his car. He shivered under his black jacket. The weather wasn't normally
this cold on Destiny Islands. It was about 50 degrees Fahrenheit and people
were used to the seventy to eighty degree weather year round. Last year, it had
snowed, but only because Sora had died and granted three holiday wishes. You'd
have to read that story for the rest of the details and events.
Johnel: You know the
audience reading this already knows this is a sequel you don’t have to have a
pointless break in the fourth wall like that to tell us.
But right now, rain was in the forecast for today, tomorrow,
and Christmas day.
Anyway, before we trailed off, Riku started his car and drove
home, where he walked into the kitchen to find his mother peeling potatoes with
a blonde haired girl. Riku jumped when he saw her.
Ienzo: I feel like
I’ll need a drink soon.
"Ryo!!" he said.
Ryo looked up, saw Riku, and her face brightened. "RIKU!!" she said.
Johnel: Ienzo!!
Ienzo: Jackass!!
"Hi, Riku, sweetie!!" said Mrs. Thompson, Riku's
mom. "Have fun at Sora's?"
Johnel: Still not
over the weird names. Just feels wrong.
"Me, Sora, and Kairi just sat around and talked about
gifts." explained Riku as he went to the fridge and took out a soda. He
pulled the tab and took a long drink. He loved to drink soda.
Ienzo: Can’t tell if
this is pointless or is going to come up later in the most moronic way
possible.
"Rep is going to be here in time for dinner." said
Mrs. Thompson as she poured the potatoes into a crock pot. "This stew has
to be ready by the time he gets here."
Johnel: I’m trying to
remember if they mentioned a Rep last time.
Riku rolled his eyes. "Who could forget?"
Ienzo: The round
idiot next to me apparently.
Rep was Riku's evil twin brother. He was seriously evil.
Johnel: Oh yeah I
remember now he was Doctor Insano.
He has made several
attempts to kill his twin in the past 17 years. They were meager attempts at
first like trying to drown Riku in the bathtub, which was why their parents
never let them bathe in the same bathtub, to poisoning him in the later years.
But despite being an evil genius, Rep hardly had any friends and was not lucky
in love.
Johnel: Why would
being Doctor Insano even make you think you’d get laid? I mean hell most people
that are attracted to Ienzo don’t even remember he is a scientist and put him
in maid outfits.
Ienzo: Not even going
to ask for I fear you’d tell me.
He was rejected by
every girl he asked to dances while Riku was constantly chased by fangirls.
"But Riku and I are leaving for Christmas Town around
then!" Ryo said as she got up and took Riku's arm into her hands.
"I don't think you two should be bothering Santa
Claus." said Riku's mom. "He's very busy, especially now that he has
to go all over the universe in about 24 hours."
Johnel: See Sandy
Claws is just a known fact why would Riku not believe?
"Don't worry, he's a very good friend of mine!"
explained Ryo. "I have known him since he started his business. He enjoys
my company!"
Ienzo: Wait what?
Johnel: She’s a Mary
Sue that is all the explanation you really need. But they have more.
Ryo was 1,014 years old but she looked like a ten year old.
She was still considered to be very young in her home world.
Ienzo: Why do I feel
this creature was created solely so this author or their friends could claim it
as attractive and not be put on some form of government watch list.
"If you insist." said Mrs. Thompson. "Be home
by Christmas Eve!!"
Johnel: So a few
hours really.
"We will!" said Ryo. "Come on, Riku, we need
to go to the gummi ship!!"
Before Riku could say anything, Ryo grabbed him by the arm
and ran to her big pink gummi ship where they strapped themselves in and Ryo
blasted off into the cloudy Destiny Islands sky...
Hurky: I know that first chapter was corny, but hey, this
story needs an intro. Thanks for reading!
Ienzo: I hate you as
well. Now that this is over…
Johnel: Sorry it is
the Christmas special whole thing is being done in one go.
Ienzo: Fuck.
It took Ryo many hours, but she finally reached Christmas
Town at around eight o'clock that night. It was also Halloween Town, but Ryo
had used another entrance to land on.
Johnel: Well and all
the other Holidays but no one really cares.
"We're here!" said Ryo as she got out of her seat
and put on a pair of gloves, a scarf, and a big pink parka. She noticed that
Riku wasn't putting on any extra clothes. "Riku, did you pack any extra
clothes?"
Johnel: Did he even
have time to pack?
"Why bother?" asked Riku.
"Because the weather here is beyond freezing!"
said Ryo as she opened the door to the gummi ship and stepped outside. Riku
reluctantly stepped outside the ship. He felt a gust of cold wind blow his
long, silvery hair around. Riku shivered. But he didn't want to show any
weakness. He and Ryo began to trudge in the deep snow, looking for Santa's
workshop...
Ienzo: For apparently
they decided landing their ship in the tundra instead of near the populated
area was appropriate.
Meanwhile, back at Sora's house, Sora was sitting on the
couch in his living room, watching TV. His throat still hurt but now his face
was feeling really hot and his head hurt, but he was trying not to show
symptoms of being sick. His mom walked in and sat next to him.
Johnel: For
screw Christmas magic I want to see Sora combat his stuffy nose this year.
"Hi, Sora dear." she said.
"Hey." mumbled Sora.
Sora's mom turned to the TV and saw what her son was
watching. "Jeopardy?" she asked in a surprised tone of voice.
"Mm-hm." Sora said.
"You don't normally watch this show." said Mrs.
Hart.
Ienzo: Please don’t
tell me they are trying to imply sickness damages your mental processes in a
way to make you watch unusual television.
"I watch it...sometimes." Sora said.
Sora's mom immediately noticed something about him.
"Sora, are you feeling okay?" she asked out of suspicion. "You
said that Jeopardy was a really boring show."
"No I didn't." lied Sora.
Johnel: You could
have just said you hadn’t taken the time to change the channel why lie at all?
Sora's mother stood up and began to walk to the kitchen.
"Okay then, if you say so..." she said as she walked out.
Sora breathed a sigh of relief. She almost caught him being
sick. He felt good knowing that he would not be spending Christmas Eve and
Christmas Day in bed. But it turned out that he wasn't out of the woods yet.
Suddenly, his mom came back in and stuck a thermometer in Sora's mouth.
Ienzo: Oh look
someone who isn’t foolish.
"Mmm!!" mumbled Sora through the thermometer. (He
was mumbling the word "Mom.")
"Hold still!" said Mrs. Hart.
Ienzo: That is just
awful.
Johnel: It’s just a
pun.
Ienzo: Exactly.
She waited about one or two minutes until the beep sounded.
She took the device out of Sora's mouth and looked at it. "Ah ha! Just as
I thought! One hundred and one degrees!!"
"I'm not sick!" protested Sora. "I'm going
to-ah...ah...ACHOO!!" He sniffed.
Johnel: Quick
question couldn’t he just cast cure on himself and feel better?
Ienzo: Not really the
cure spell works by repairing physical damage done to the body on a more macro
scale. So cuts, bruises, burns, sprains, and breakage. An illness would fall
under more of a status effect. Though he should still be able to heal himself
with ease yes.
Johnel: How did you
figure that out?
Ienzo: Tested it and
a variety of other afflictions on a “willing” subject back when I was in the
organization.
"Off to bed with you, young man!" said Mrs. Hart
as she whisked Sora off the couch and to his room upstairs.
In Christmas Town, Ryo walked up to a house that was
beautifully decorated with lights and decorations and rang the doorbell. There
was a long silence.
"He's not here!" said Riku. "Told ya he
didn't exist!
Johnel: For obviously
if I’m not home I don’t exist either.
Now let's get out of
this freezing weather and get some freaking hot ch-"
"Hold your horses there, Riku!" said Ryo, grabbing
Riku by the arm. "You're staying here whether you like it or-SANTA!!"
While Ryo was talking, the door had opened and there stood a
big, fat man with white hair and a white beard, wearing a red shirt and
suspenders. (Basically the Santa in Nightmare Before Christmas)
Johnel:
"Ryo!" he exclaimed cheerfully as he hugged Ryo.
"How pleasant to see you! Come on in!! It's freezing! Mrs. Claus made some
hot chocolate and cookies!"
He, Ryo, and Riku went inside and saw that there was a fire
burning. Riku felt and immediate rush of warmth as he walked in. There were
already three mugs of hot chocolate sitting on the table. Mrs. Claus had
brought them there as soon as she heard that there were visitors.
"What brings you here today, Ryo?" asked Santa.
"Well, my friend, Molester,
(How immature are you?) Riku here says that you don't exist, so I'm here to
prove it to you!" answered Ryo.
Santa studied Riku for a minute. Riku didn't like Santa's
glassy blue eyes burning into him like that.
"Riku Thompson..." said Santa. He pulled out an
extremely long list. "Yup. He's on the naughty list, along with his twin
brother, Ryan."
Johnel: Oh so his
brother is Andrew Ryan and not Doctor Insano then? Also does possession by dark
forces really get one on the naughty list? Wouldn’t saving the worlds later
counteract that?
Ienzo: Really the
naughty and nice system doesn’t do well when applying itself to fights for
survival and is far too nebulous a system for the modern age.
"It's Rep." spoke up Riku. "His nickname is
Rep."
Santa put away the naughty/nice list and walked over to his
computer. He typed something in and read from it as soon as the results popped
up.
Johnel: Well at least
he has gone digital.
"Riku Thompson has not been on the good list since
1998, convinced his best friend Sora to tell everyone that he didn't believe in
Santa a year later." read Santa with both disappointment and anger in his
voice. "He has blown up things, broken rules, told lies, cheated on tests,
steals candy from people, offended and insulted people, mooning people, and
even made up the fact that Santa has a ho named Marrie Christmas? You should be
ashamed to have this kind of file!!"
Ienzo: I have a
feeling that half of those couldn’t even be the same person. I should know I
tried to warp his mind into a useable tool.
Riku snickered. "Oh yeah, that story..." he
laughed.
Johnel: Something
stupid this way comes.
Three days earlier...
Kairi had encouraged Sora, Riku, Hurky, Alexa,
Ienzo: Let me guess
those other two are a personal fantasy of the author and one of those OC’s as
you like to call them?
Johnel: About sums it
up.
and Ryo to go down to
the hospital to tell Christmas stories to cheer the sick kids up. Everything
went well with everyone else's groups, but with Riku's group was where the
trouble happened
"And so Marree learned that Santa was married to Mrs.
Claus and ran off, fearing that she would never get a single present from Santa
ever again," said Riku as he finished his story. "So now, for the
past one hundred and fifty years, Santa has yelled, looking for his ho on
Christmas eve as he delivers presents, 'Ho ho ho, Marree Christmas!'"
Johnel: That’s meh
comedy. I mean I could see it being funny but the issue is that it makes no
sense for Riku to be telling this story.
Some kids laughed but others were offended. The nurses
kicked Riku out of the hospital and waited there for and hour and a half for
his friends. Hurky and Ryo told stories to kids with leukemia while Kairi and
Alexa told stories to injured kids. Riku had to tell stories to kids recovering
from surgeries while Sora got stuck with the kids with bad colds. Maybe that
was how Sora contracted the cold...
Ienzo: No surely he
was attacked with a biological agent instead.
"But this year." continued Santa. "You
haven't done so many bad things. You were just one good deed shy of the good
list."
Johnel: Well that and
he sleeps with something that looks like a ten year old which is an automatic
suspension of all gift receiving services.
"Hey, who else I know is on the naughty list?"
asked Riku, not caring that he himself was on the bad list.
Santa pulled out the list and read through the names.
"Scott Burkorini and Oarah Bon Sorton." he said.
Johnel: Are those
names or things you order as takeout?
Riku laughed. "Ha ha ha, I knew that they made the
list!!!" he laughed. Scott Burkorini was a red haired kid who was a
momma's boy while Oarah Bon Sorton was Ansem's spoiled daughter and only child.
She looked like the female version of Ansem only she got her mother's blonde
hair.
Ienzo: I... ok I
think my intellect attempted suicide there for a moment.
Ryo rolled her eyes. She was Riku's extreme fangirl, but she
didn't like the fact that other kids misfortunes were funny to him. "Who
made the good list?" she asked.
Johnel: Should he
really be giving out personal information like this?
Santa looked at the other side of the list and read the
names. "Sora, Kairi, you, Alexa, Hurky, Roxas, Namine, Hayner, Pence,
Olette, Yuffie..." he said. "Shall I continue on?"
Johnel: Ok so does
the Mary Sue Loli get presents because she looks ten or because she somehow
physically ages even slower than Asari the number equivalence would make it not
matter even if she looked older? Also why the fuck does she exist still.
"No thanks, Santa." Ryo said, sipping her mug of
hot chocolate.
Suddenly, there was the sound of banging cans outside and
glass breaking.
"What was that?" asked Riku.
"Must be Jack." said Santa. He walked over to the
door and in burst Jack Skellington.
Johnel: Oh boy a
character that is actually likable.
Ienzo: He must have
heard another she beast was in town and wanted to give them power over the dark
arts.
Johnel:
"Sandy Claws!" said Jack. "Christmas time has
once again come!!"
"Yes, and I must perform my duties to deliver all the
presents to the good boys and girls." said Santa. "What brings you
here, Jack?"
Johnel: The willing
suspension of disbelief.
"I just wanted to pay a visit to my good friend and
adore the beautiful lights and the snow!!" replied Jack in a festive
voice. "Oh the excitement!!"
"Jack, I would like to introduce some friends of
mine." said Santa. He gestured his hand to Riku and Ryo sitting on the
couch. "This is Riku Thompson and Ryo-oki."
Johnel: First name
wouldn’t be Zettia would it?
"Hi!" said Ryo.
"Hello, Ryo, Riku." said Jack, shaking Riku's and
Ryo's hands with his bony hands. "It's nice to meet you."
He took a seat next to Riku on the couch.
Johnel: Must be
really awkward with those long legs.
"How are the elves coming along on all the presents?"
asked Ryo.
"Very busy." replied Santa. "We have been
making lots of toys, especially the new Tickle Me Elmos, PS3s, and Nintendo
Wiis."
Johnel: Oh joy
product placement. Couldn’t be toy planes and trains besides brand names could
it.
Riku snickered. "He said 'Wii'." he said.
Ienzo: Somehow Riku
has been warped into a creature even lower on the intellectual scale than
Johnel.
Santa glared at Riku for a minute but then stopped.
"You see, Riku, this is why you keep getting on the bad list." he
said patiently. "Maybe if you took the time to be more nice and perform
more good deeds, you could be on the good list like Ryo here."
He picked up his mug of hot chocolate and took a long sip
from it.
"Uh, do you have any more marshmallows?" asked
Riku.
"I most certainly do, let me go get them." said
Santa, standing up and walking. "WWHHHHHHOOOOOOOAAAA!"
Johnel: *As Santa*
The drugs are kicking in.
A loud thump sounded and Ryo, Riku, and Jack stood up to see
what was going on with Santa.
"Sandy!" said Jack.
"WHO PUT THIS TOY ON THE FLOOR??" yelled Santa.
Ienzo: Who placed
this contrived plot device in this location?
"Sorry, my bad." said a short little elf.
Next to Santa was a wooden duck toy with wheels on it. Riku
and Jack helped Santa get up.
"I hope that didn't-OOOOOHHHH!!" moaned Santa as
he was on his feet. He immediately hobbled over to his big armchair and plopped
in it.
"What's wrong?" asked Ryo.
"I think I really injured something!" said Santa.
"I hope this does not affect Christmas!!"
Johnel: Nothing a
quick cure spell can’t fix should be handled in two seconds flat.
A short little man dressed in a white coat ran in and
checked Santa's ankle. "Oh, this is bad." he said. "Santa really
twisted his ankle. With my magic, it will take me about two days trying to heal
it!"
Ienzo: Seems the
elves have very little personal magic. Not that I needed this story to tell me
that. *Ducks as a boomerang sails over his head*
Riku turned to Ryo. "Do you know any spells that could
heal him or any remedies?" he asked her.
Johnel: Don’t you Riku?
"No, Riku!" replied Ryo worriedly. "The only
time I don't bring my remedies..."
Johnel: *As Mary Sue*
Worse yet it is also the prom tomorrow.
"Then this leaves me no choice." said Santa.
"Riku, you must take my place and be Santa."
Ienzo: That is an
awful idea. You are asking a minor with no experience who you have already
labeled as “naughty” to be your replacement. Are you a fool as well as fat?!
"You gotta be kidding me!" cried Riku in
disbelief. "I can't be Santa!"
Ienzo: See this
stupid story agrees with me.
"Why not?" asked Ryo. "You get to go around
the universe and deliver the presents!!"
Johnel: What about the
parts of the universe that don’t celebrate Christmas though?
Riku thought for a minute. "I don't know." he said
thoughtfully. "What do I get out of this?"
Johnel: Wow it is
like he has no Christmas spirit in his body. Sure this isn’t Ienzo?
Ienzo: Don’t even
compare me to this.
"I'll put you on the good list this year." replied
Santa as the elf applied ice to his ankle. "Ooh, that hurts."
"But how can I deliver millions of presents in just one
night?" asked Riku. "I mean, I'm not Superman!"
Johnel: Well you
shouldn’t know who that is either so the impossible is possible.
"Simple!" said Ryo. She walked over to a wall with
a picture of all the worlds on it. She picked up a long stick and pointed to
them.
Johnel: Convienient.
"Every few worlds is in a different time zone. It's ten
o'clock here but six o'clock on Destiny Islands. The times go all the way over
to the World That Never Was where it's three in the morning over there,
Ienzo: Well no it is
a world that is found in darkness and could be considered to exists out of
regular time and space. Clearly your predictions have no credibility in the
slightest.
Christmas Eve. You
could leave here tomorrow at 5 PM and it will be 10 PM over there and work your
way over to Disney Castle where it will be before 5 AM by the time you end your
journey."
"Wha?" asked Riku, confused and coming back from
laa laa land. "Sorry, I dazed out a little."
Johnel: You should
have said it in a jaunty tune that would have kept his attention.
Santa turned to Ryo. "Since you know what you are
doing, Ryo, why don't you come along with Riku?" he suggested.
Ienzo: Disgusting as
it is why not just have this creature perform his duties? Obviously it is more
capable and already has knowledge of how his operations are conducted.
Johnel: Because we
need to teach Riku a lesson or something.
Ryo's eyes brightened. "I would LOVE to!!" she
said.
Riku rolled his eyes. "Oh god no!" he said.
"Now come on, Riku, where's the Christmas spirit of
having your friend be there with you?" asked Santa with a small chuckle.
Johnel: Why do I feel
they just use the word friend because they realized how disgusting the thought
of them boning really was over the past two years.
Jack got an idea. "Hey!! Sandy, how about I deliver the
presents if Riku doesn't want to do it?" he asked positively.
Santa suddenly remembered what happened last time when Jack
took over for him. "NO!!" he said. "That's okay!! Riku will do
it, right?"
Johnel: When you are
out of options I guess.
He turned to Riku with a look of hope in his eyes. He really
didn't want Jack to fill in his position.
"You'll get whatever you want for Christmas." he
said persuasively.
Ienzo:*As Riku* I
want out of this story.
Johnel:*As Santa*
Except that.
"Okay. I'll do it." said Riku.
Back on Destiny Islands, Kairi, Alexa, Hurky, Donald, and
Goofy were all walking to Sora's house. They were going to help Donald pick out
a Christmas present for Daisy but first, Alexa wanted to stop by Sora's house
to deliver some homemade chicken noodle soup. She always did that whenever one
of her friends got sick. Recently, she had brought some over to Riku who also
fought a bad cold last month.
Johnel: For she is
just a perfectly special perfect friend.
Ienzo: Why would the
water fowl trust teenaged females with buying something that isn’t contrived
and childish?
"This soup always helps people get better." said
Alexa as she carried a steaming bowl covered with a lid and used pink
potholders to shield her hands from burning. "Took me all afternoon to
cook this."
She and the others were walking up the steps to Sora's
house. Kairi rang the doorbell and it was opened by a brown haired woman.
"Hi, Mrs. Hart!" said Kairi. "Can we go see
Sora? Alexa brought over some of her delicious homemade chicken noodle
soup."
Johnel: Probably
garnished with rat poison.
Ienzo: If only.
"Alright, but please be very quiet." said Mrs.
Hart. "Sora is very contagious and he's trying to sleep."
Alexa took her soup to the kitchen and then joined Hurky and
Kairi in walking the steps to Sora's room. Donald and Goofy stayed in the
kitchen with Sora's mom.
Johnel:*As Sora’s
Mom* So why is it again I let my son hang around two grown animal people? By the way could you be good courses.. I mean friends get me the large sharpened kitchen knife as well?
Kairi put a finger to her lips as she tiptoed to Sora's
room. She slowly opened the door. Behind that door was a neat and tidy bedroom
with blue wallpaper decorated with posters of his favorite bands, hardwood
floors with his backpack and yellow shoes and black socks on it (Hurky: I don't
know why, but I picture him wearing black socks with those shoes)
Ienzo: I do not care
about this information.
, a computer desk with a computer and chair, and the bed
where Sora was sleeping. He wasn't wearing any pajamas. Just his regular black
clothes from KH2.
Ienzo: I care less
for this line.
His hair was a little messed up from trying to comfort
himself on the pillows. He wasn't using his blankets. His breathing was
anything but silent. His nose was already stuffed up and he had to breathe
through his mouth, in which his breathing was hoarse and shallow.
"Poor Sora..." said Kairi. "He never should
have told a story to kids with colds."
Johnel: Why didn’t
the hospital give him a mask or something? Maybe they shouldn't have let him be near the infectious kids. Maybe just maybe they should've been the least bit competent at their jobs.
"You're the one who forced him to!" said Hurky.
"It was your idea to-"
Johnel: For I’m the
self-insert and can’t shoulder any blame for any bad calls.
"-Shh, he's waking up!" shushed Alexa.
Sora was stirring in his sleep. He opened his eyes to find
Kairi, Hurky, and Alexa at his bedside.
Ienzo: Is it ironic
that this situation is given the one fool who doesn’t know how to twist it for
his own gain.
Johnel: Isn’t it
creepy that your first thought was that?
"Hey, what are you doig here?" asked Sora stuffily
as he sat up. He couldn't say "doing" right on the account of his
stuffy nose.
"We just came to bring you some soup." explained
Alexa. "It's in the kitchen."
"Thanks." said Sora. He looked around the room.
"Where's Riku ad Ryo?"
"For some reason, they went off to see Santa."
said Hurky.
"What?" cried Sora. "Why didn't dey tell
be?"
"Sora, you're in no condition to go!" said Kairi.
"Your cold's getting worse and Riku and Ryo are in freezing conditions!
Your throat was the only thing bothering you earlier and now it's everything
that's bothering you!"
Johnel: Like that
chair in the corner being all smug and wood.
Sora sighed. "All I want for Christmas is to dot be
sick." he said in a disappointed voice. "Dow I gotta sped Christmas
Ebe and Day in bed."
Johnel: Could be
worse you were dead last year at this time.
He sniffed. Kairi grabbed a box of tissues and handed them
to Sora.
"You're about to cry." she said.
"Do I'b dot!" said Sora, taking a few tissues.
"I habe a ruddy dose." He blew his nose and tossed the tissues into
the garbage can next to his bed which was already halfway loaded with used up
tissues.
"Can we go now?" yelled Donald. "The mall is
going to close!!"
"IN THREE HOURS, YOU STUPID DUCK!" yelled Hurky.
Ienzo: I’d prefer his
company over yours loathed as I am to say it.
"Dodald ad Goofy are here?" asked Sora.
"Yeah, we're going to help Donald pick out a present
for Daisy." explained Alexa. "Is there anything you need before we go?"
"Doe but thanks adyway." Sora said in that stuffy
voice. With that, he lied back down and closed his eyes. Hurky, Alexa, and
Kairi walked out of the room quietly...
Johnel: Well that
felt pointless.
It got late over in Christmas Town, so Santa let Riku and
Ryo spend the night to rest up. Ryo woke up very early and got Riku up.
However, it was a big mistake. Riku was in a jet lag, so he was tired, grumpy,
and cold since Santa had Ryo take Riku out to practice the sleigh and he was
taking it out on the reindeer.
On Destiny Islands, Donald didn't get a chance to look for
his present for Daisy since he spent the entire time trying to get Goofy out of
the bar (he's an alcoholic in my fics),
Ienzo: That is just
awful, idiotic, and I really wonder why you would even imply such a thing.
Kairi and Alexa out
of Old Navy and Forever 21, and Hurky out of Hot Topic and DestSun.
Johnel: Women am I
right fellas? Can’t get them to focus on anything if there are clothing stores
nearby that is for sure.
"Are you sure it's a good idea to make Riku practice
the sleigh in this weather and when he's that sleepy?" asked Jack.
"Santa said that Riku needed a lot of practice,
especially since it's Christmas Eve." said Ryo.
Ienzo: You are all
doomed to failure.
"On Smasher, on Crasher, on Lap Dancer, on Pixen, on
Vomit, on Stupid, on Conner, on Blister!!" yelled Riku as he pulled the
reins of the sleigh.
Johnel: On Forced, on
boring, on pointless, on unfunny and crass
One of the reindeer kicked Riku with its hind leg.
"Ow!!" cried Riku. "Why you-"
"RIKU!!" yelled Ryo. "DO NOT YELL AT THE
REINDEER!!"
Johnel: So regret
this decision yet?
Riku sighed. He wished he was at home right now, asleep in
his warm bed at ten o'clock in the morning but no, he had to take on the role
of Santa and be up at five thirty in the morning in the cold, snowy weather.
"Riku, in order for the reindeer to cooperate, you need
to be nice to them!" explained Ryo.
"Fine." said Riku. He pulled the reins again.
"On Dasher, on Prancer, on Dancer, on Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on
Donner, and Blitzen!!"
The reindeer began to run slowly and then flew up. Riku let
out a yell of victory.
Ienzo: Oh joy he
repeated a rhyme ever idiot child knows. What a victory for the holiday season.
"YES!!" he yelled. "I'm flying!!"
Jack and Ryo stood there and smiled at Riku. Maybe there was
hope for Christmas this year.
Johnel: Probably not.
After a grueling three hours in the cold, snowy weather,
training with the sleigh, Santa had Riku come inside for breakfast. After a big
breakfast, Riku had done some more training but this time, he practiced putting
presents down fake chimneys. All while that was happening, the elves were
rushing around and getting the toys ready. Mrs. Claus was working on a project
of her own. She was making something for Riku and Ryo for their journey.
Johnel: Based on the
last time someone else did the Santa job I hope it is a defense against
missles.
Meanwhile, back on Destiny Islands, Donald decided to force
Kairi and the others to come with him since they wasted time at the mall
yesterday.
Ienzo: Why does he
not go on his own?
Johnel: It’s a
Kingdom Hearts fanfic you basically can’t give the Disney characters scenes
without the presence of someone from Final Fantasy or a self-insert.
"You know, I was helping my mom bake fourteen pumpkin
pies for people."
Ienzo: What is
someone going to steal the pies if you aren’t there?
Johnel: But that
would be as many as two sevens and would be terrible.
said Kairi as she pulled the door to the mall open. She was
shivering under her pink coat. The rain that had been forecasted yesterday
didn't come but it was still cold.
"If we got the present yesterday and not fooled around,
we wouldn't be in this mess."
Ienzo: If you had
done that we would also already be free of your pointless asides.
said Donald. "Brr!! My bottom is freezing!!"
Hurky rolled her eyes. "Well, maybe you should go to JC
Penney and buy yourself some pants." she muttered.
Johnel: Don’t draw
attention to the fact he doesn’t wear pants it just makes you have to ask a
bunch of other questions we don’t need answers too.
Ienzo: Also how is
the populace of this world not alarmed at the site of sentient water fowl or
drunken canines?
"What did you get Daisy last year that made her so
mad?" asked Alexa.
"I bought her something that she REALLY didn't
enjoy." said Donald.
Johnel: Orange sauce?
Last year...
Donald and Daisy were walking to the car garage on Christmas
Day of 2005. Donald put a blindfold over Daisy's eyes and led her to the
garage.
"Daisy, what is the number one thing you want?"
asked Donald.
"A car!" said Daisy in a hopeful voice. "Is
it a car?"
Johnel: Oh I get it
now he got her the live action version of the gadgetmobile and that is why
she’s so mad.
"You'll see!!" said Donald. They walked into the
garage and Donald took Daisy's blindfold off. Daisy's expression had changed
from excitement to disappointment.
In place of what should have been a car was a treadmill.
"A treadmill?" asked Daisy, fuming. "A
TREADMILL? ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M FAT?"
Ienzo: Well there
were planning to serve you with Christmas dinner.
"Well, your butt looks big!" Donald pointed out.
And so, Daisy had found a better use for that treadmill: Use
it to torture Donald!! She would make Donald run on it with a vicious dog
behind him on it. Donald just recently had the treadmill secretly destroyed.
Johnel: Not even
going to ask their toons.
"So just get her something that she won't find
offensive." said Hurky.
"I can't, the things she wants are WAY out of my price
range." said Donald.
Ienzo: You are best
friends with a king how is it that you even have a price range?
"You can get her a gift card." suggested Alexa.
"She only wants gift cards to spas and I don't know how
to work them." said Donald. "The whole point of coming to Destiny
Islands was to enlist Sora's help in finding Daisy a present. I didn't come
here to find gift cards, I came here to get actual presents. I can't look at
Disney Castle because she'll see me shopping for her."
Johnel: That and your
wording implied there is a mall in the castle.
Ienzo: Also asking
the keybearer for help with female companions is like asking my younger self
not to conduct horrible experiments on you.
"And Sora's sick with a bad cold." said Goofy,
taking a drink from a bottle of water that was actually filled with vodka. (Except it was water because your drunken
Goofy thing is idiotic as hell.) "That's why you're all here."
"Uh, we need to find the present and fast!" said
Kairi. "You're forgetting that it's Christmas Eve and we're in the
mall!"
"Let's go!" said Donald, beginning to run. Then,
he stopped. "Uh, do any of you know what places we should look at?"
Ienzo: Your ability
to think ahead is quite astounding.
Everyone stood and thought.
"Why don't we try Victoria's Secret?" asked Kairi.
Johnel: a;flajskfdlk
Ienzo: Are you sufferi
a mental breakdown?
Johnel:
"WHAT?" cried everyone.
"Not for the...clothes, but for the bath stuff."
explained Kairi. "I hear that they have great bath products. My mom buys
them. She gave me a great pomegranate bubble bath for my birthday!"
Johnel: THEN GO TO A
STORE FOR BATH PRODUCTS DUMBASS!
"No way Jose!" said Donald as he crossed his arms.
"My name's not Jose." said Kairi.
Johnel: And you
aren’t funny either.
"It's a saying!" yelled Donald. "That's it!!
I'm going to walk into any shop and buy something in there!"
He walked into a random store and there was a guy dressed in
G-Unit clothes handing out fliers and welcoming people.
"Yo yo yo duck, what's up?" he asked. "You
wanna buy some of our nice gear for your friends and family?"
"WWAAAAAAAAKKKKK!!" screamed Donald as he ran out
of the store. He ran all the way to the others. Kairi was crossing her arms.
"Okay, you win. Find me a better store."
Ienzo: Seems the duck
has some deep seated issues with prejudice he needs to work through.
So, the girls took Donald to all the gift shops. Donald felt
hopeless as his options became limited.
"Aw, I'm never going to get Daisy the right gift!"
he said sadly as everyone ate in the food court.
Alexa was sipping on her lemonade just as she was happening
to look over to a kiosk that was selling water powered massage machines
(they're hard to describe)
Johnel: Then why add
them?
"Hey Donald, you know how Daisy likes massages, right?"
she asked.
Johnel: I’m more
disturbed at how you know that.
"Yeah, but she wastes a lof of money on them every
year!" Donald said frustratingly. His eyes lit up. "HEY!! Yeah! I'll
get her one of those massage machines! It'll save the castle a lot of
money!"
He jumped up from his seat and ran all the way to the kiosk.
He purchased a water massage machine and it would be delivered by tonight since
Donald paid extra munny to have it rushed to the castle.
Ienzo: Since when has
Destiny Islands had a multi world spanning delivery service?
"I'm glad all that's over." said Donald. He turned
to Alexa. "Thanks a lot, Alexa. You saved my life!!"
Everyone laughed suddenly, the sound of the P.A. system
crackling had sounded and Goofy's voice rang through the mall.
"Hello, shoppers of Destiny Islands!" rang Goofy.
"I'm gettin' tired of listening to Silver Bells fifty gazillion times, so
here's some good music!"
Johnel: You know I’m
pretty sure Goofy would be the type of guy to actually like the Christmas music
playing in the mall.
"Oh crap." said Kairi and Donald at the same time.
"If you're in the pool and you feel something cool,
diarhea, diarhea!!" sang Goofy. "If you're running from the police
and you feel something release, dia
Ienzo: How is that in
anyway considered entertaining let alone palatable?!
Johnel: Because when
you are a minor, well not you specifically because you were just weird Ienzo,
anything vulgar sounds funny because you think you are getting away with
something.
-WA HOO HOO HOO HUY! SECURITY GUARDS! THANKS FOR
LISTENIN'!!"
"He's finding his own way home!"
Johnel: Well thanks
for ruining the character Goofy for us. At least the other authors I’ve ran
into have just left him out of most things.
said Hurky, zipping up her burgundy colored sweatshirt.
"Come on, let's go."
So, Kairi, Alexa, Hurky, and Donald all left the mall while
Goofy ran from security guards.
Several hours later came the big moment for Riku. He and Ryo
were given a big dinner before they were to start their journey. Earlier that
day, though, Santa had slipped and fallen from melting snow, reducing his
chances of taking the sleigh back to deliver the presents.
Ienzo: Did they
really try to strengthen their contrived set up with even further contrivances?!
After dinner, Riku and Ryo set out to go outside. It was
almost five in the afternoon. A runway was lit up and snow was falling. Riku
and Ryo approached the sleigh where Mrs. Claus and some elves were waiting.
Mrs. Claus had two long and red coats in her arms.
"Ready, Riku?" asked an elf.
"Ready." Riku said with a nod.
Johnel: I’m ready
nameless elf. You ready Ienzo?
Ienzo: No.
"Before you go, I made these for you two." said
Mrs. Claus, handing Riku and Ryo the red coats. "They are guaranteed to
keep you warm throughout the night."
Riku took his coat from Mrs. Claus and examined it. It was
made from a very soft and thick material. It said Riku in the left of the
chest. He smiled to himself.
Johnel: Wouldn’t it
be better to just let people think you’re Santa and not label yourself as a
pretender.
"Thanks, Mrs. Claus." said Riku. He took the coat
and put it on.
Mrs. Claus also handed Riku a Santa hat and Ryo a Santa hat,
plus four thermoses. "These are also for you. Two of the four thermoses
contain hot chocolate and the other two contain coffee. You may get cold and
sleepy. We need you awake to perform this job!"
Ienzo: You’d think
there would be more assuredly successful magical systems in place for that but
this tale disappoints at every turn.
"Don't worry, Mrs. Claus, I'll make sure Riku stays
awake." assured Ryo as she put on her coat. Hers said Ryo on the left.
"Let's get in the sleigh!!"
She and Riku climbed into the big sleigh laden with a very
huge bag of presents. The elves and Mrs. Claus got out of the way. One elf
holding lights that were used to direct planes in the dark signaled for Riku to
go. Riku picked up the reins of the sleigh and whipped it onto the reindeer.
"On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen, on Comet,
on Cupid, on Donner, on Blitzen!!" yelled Riku.
Johnel: Well it has
taken almost four chapters but the stories concept is finally happening.
The reindeer began to pull the sleigh and followed the
lights in front of them. As they ran, their running feet began to lift off from
the ground and went higher as they ran. They flew away into the night sky. Mrs.
Claus and the elves cheered as Riku flew into the night.
In the air, Ryo looked down and saw Christmas Town growing
smaller and smaller as they went higher into the air.
"Wow, look at the view!!" she said in awe.
Riku looked down and smiled. "The lights make it look
stunning." he said. His face felt chilly as the icy wind blew his long
silver hair around. He used the reins again and flew on into the night...
Ienzo: Only to freeze
to death for going too high shortly thereafter.
Two hours into the night, Riku had already delivered presents
to every good person in Radiant Garden, Agrabah, Never Land, Atlantica (he just
dropped presents into the ocean),
Johnel: What about
the people who don’t live in the ocean are they just going to get told tough
shit losers?
and The Deep Jungle. He also delivered tons of coal to The
World That Never Was. Xehanort was going to be pissed in the morning.
He still had many
other worlds to visit. He had to eat all the cookies everyone had set out for
him and he was already full. Riku was glad that the climates in many of the
worlds were different but still cold. Radiant Garden was below zero while Never
Land had cool springlike weather.
Riku's next stop was Twilight Town.
Ienzo: At this point
I’m wondering if the fat fool even had a logical route planned out with this
series of stops.
Johnel: With how they
change the map layout every game I’m surprised he can do it at all.
He couldn't wait to
stop there. He had become friends with Roxas and his friends through Sora.
Ienzo: Well seeing as
Sora and Roxas are the same being and currently merged I don’t see why he
wouldn’t be.
Johnel: No actually
they just ignore that and have guys like Roxas still exists separately.
Ienzo: More and more
I feel these stories like to slap me in the face with my own research and
knowledge of the universe.
He hadn't seen Roxas in a while but Riku heard that Roxas
would be at the Christmas party Hurky was holding at her house the next day.
Johnel: Yeah
apparently self-inserts host parties people from other worlds want to go to.
After stopping at numerous houses, Riku landed the sleigh on
the roof of Roxas' house. Riku pulled out the list and checked for Roxas' name.
"He's been good and Santa's giving him...AN ELECTRIC
GUITAR?" asked Riku. "IS HE NUTS?"
Johnel: Why does he
already own one?
Ryo rummaged through the bag of gifts and took out a box
that was beautifully wrapped in shiny blue paper and a green bow with Roxas'
name on it. "I think he'd make a great guitarist." she commented.
"He told me that Hayner was teaching him how to play the guitar."
Ienzo: Does that have
anything to do with the plot or is it once again a pointless distraction
dragging the torment out?
Riku took the box and went down the chimney. He slid down
until he hit the bottom of the fireplace. Riku stood up and looked around.
There was a tree standing in the living room but it was not lit up since Roxas'
parents
Johnel: Which should
be Sora’s parents I guess. Maybe virtual parents Ansem made for the virtual
Twilight Town. I don’t know this hurts my head a bit.
didn't want to start
a fire overnight. Riku looked to the wall and saw pictures of Roxas and his
parents. Roxas was an only child. There weren't pictures of any other blonde
haired kids as Riku could see.
He walked over to the tree where it was laden with presents
wrapped by Roxas' parents. There were also presents from Hayner, Pence, and
Olette which all said Do not open until Christmas.
Riku placed the guitar under the tree and walked back to the
fireplace. He magically shot back up and jumped out of the chimney. Santa had
given Riku some of his powers but it was temporary. They would wear off once he
got back to the workshop."
Ienzo: Very late to
explain that now. Almost as if the author didn’t remember that issue until just
now.
"Now we have to go to Namine's house." said Ryo,
checking off Roxas' name. "Her present is an art set."
Johnel: Like she
doesn’t have enough of those… if she wasn’t just merged like Roxas I guess.
"An art set?" asked Riku. "If you ask me,
that's a pretty boring present to ask for."
"But she requested an expensive type of art set."
explained Ryo. "It's got all kinds of stuff made from expensive materials
from unknown worlds."
Ienzo: If they are
unknown how would you even obtain them in the first place?
Riku flew all the way to Namine's house, went down her
chimney, and put the present under the tree. Right when he was walking to the
fireplace, there was the sound of a loud growl. Riku turned around to find a
fluffy white cat growling at him. It was Marshmallow, Namine's mean Persian
cat. It only liked Namine. It liked to attack Roxas and other people.
Johnel: Let me guess
hijinks are about to ensue.
"Nice Marshmallow..." said Riku as he backedaway
nervously. Just be calm, Riku...
Marshmallow stepped more and more forward to Riku. Cats
never really liked Riku. His family had a 6 year old gray and white cat named
Daisy.
Johnel: Must get
confusing when you are talking about visits to Disney Castle then. You’d think
they’d just choose a different name when writing this.
She only liked Riku's twin brother and their parents. She
loved to scratch people, especially Riku.
Riku immediately ran to the chimney and went back up. He ran
to the sled and caught his breath.
"What happened to you?" asked Ryo.
"Stupid...stupid cat!" panted Riku.
Ienzo: I feel there
is gaps were he actually interacted with the cat to justify this reaction.
Johnel: Fine be me
means less bad comedy attempts.
He paid a few more visits to other houses in Twilight Town.
Riku delivered a lot of Nintendo Wiis and PS3s to people.
Johnel: Yet no Xbox
360’s because fuck those guys.
Ienzo: You own one.
Johnel: Exactly.
Riku even delivered a
present to Axel. He made the good list this year. Riku fell down his chimney
with a wrapped iPod nano. Riku walked to the brightly lit tree and put the
present under it.
Ienzo: Lea made the
“good” list? Now I know this was made by a truly insane individual to believe
that could happen.
Riku turned around to find a sleepy eyed Axel walking around
in his PJs of a light blue t-shirt and candy cane pajama bottoms.
Oh crap, thought Riku. He saw me!
Johnel: So? Just say
hi explain what is going on and leave. He’s old enough to be ok with Santa
having a stand in for one year.
But Axel didn't walk over to Riku. He walked over to the
kitchen, got some pop tarts for some weird reason, and walked out. Riku got a
closer look at Axel and saw that his eyes were closed.
Is he sleepwalking? thought Riku.
"Yes, Roxas and Namine, I got yer pop
tarts...zzzzzzz...Got it memorized?" Axel said sleepily as he walked back
upstairs.
Ienzo: I see this
scene must has so gone beyond the mortal realms of humor and ascend to comedy
godhood to be so unknowable because I
completely found myself unable to laugh.
Riku laughed silently to himself and went back up the
chimney.
A few more hours were spent delivering presents. Finally,
Riku and Ryo reached Destiny Islands, where it was about 11:30. There was also
a light rain falling.
"Where do we go first?" asked Riku.
Ryo looked at the list and turned to Riku. "I think we
should go to Sora's. Santa really wants us to give him this present."
Johnel: At least it
gives him some priority for his work.
It was a special medicine for Sora. He had wanted to be well
for the holidays. Before Riku left, Santa had given the medicine to him.
Johnel: Couldn’t give
him an actually present with it you cheapskate?
"Make sure Sora gets this medicine." said Santa.
"One spoonful will cure the cold but Ryo would have to disguise herself as
Sora's mother."
Ienzo: First when was
it ever established that the creature could change shape? Why does she need to
be disguised at all for this medicine to even work? Finally why not introduce
the medicine in a gas or injection form and skip waking him completely?
Back in reality, Riku landed on Sora's roof with the
medicine in his hand. "Ryo, you're needed for this mission." he said.
Ryo jumped out of the sled and walked to Riku. "Let's
go!" she said.
Johnel: I’m going to
guess it is because they realized she had nothing to do so far in the story.
Riku first jumped and fell down the chimney to Sora's house.
He looked up at Ryo, who was watching him.
"Alright, you can come down here now!" he
whispered.
Ienzo: I’m curious at
what happens if she gets stuck inside the chimney.
Johnel:
Ryo jumped down the chimney and landed on her feet. She
walked into Sora's living room where a brightly lit tree stood. The living room
was neat and tidy. Normally, it was a little dirty, but tomorrow, Sora's
parents were going to hold a Christmas cocktail party. That was when Hurky got
the idea to throw a party for the people who couldn't or wouldn't drink.
Ienzo: Until Lea
brings alcohol to that party as well.
On the coffee table
was a plate with four cookies and a tall glass of milk.
"Ryo, you go over to Sora's room while I put these
presents under the tree." directed Riku. Ryo nodded.
Ryo crept up the stairs and made her way in the dark to
Sora's room. It was open ajar and Ryo opened it all the way. She walked slowly
into the room, where she found Sora, sleeping in his bed. This time, he was
wearing his pajamas consisting of a black t-shirt and basketball shorts. His
spiky hair was matted after taking a hot bath and going back to sleep with his
hair soaking wet. His face was red and flushed and his breathing was hoarse
since his throat was still sore.
Johnel: Now if only I
cared about that.
"Poor Sora," Ryo whispered. She snapped her
fingers and she changed into a brown haired woman with blue eyes. "Here
goes." she said in Sora's mom's voice.
Johnel: Wait finger
snapping magic? Dear god she is a Q!
She pulled out the medicine from her pocket, took out a
little plastic cup that normally came with liquid medicines, and gently shook
Sora.
"Sora dear, wake up." said Ryo, remembering what
Sora's mom always said.
Ienzo: I’d question
how she knows this but my sanity has limits.
Sora stirred and mumbled something.
"Come on Sora, I have some medicine for you,"
coaxed Ryo.
"Do way." croaked Sora. "I already took that
stupid hot bath."
Johnel: Actually wish
I could be taking a warm bath or shower right now to clean off the creep factor
this story has.
"It's just something small." said Ryo. "I'm
not asking too much."
Sora sighed and sat up. He coughed and snifled as Ryo poured
the medicine into the small plastic cup. She noticed that the bottle contained
only one dose of the medicine. She handed Sora the medicine and he gulped it
down. He was surprised at the taste. It tasted a lot like maraschino cherries,
the kind used in ice cream sundaes, and had a very tiny hint of that medicine-y
flavor.
Ienzo: Well at least
she isn’t so incompetent as to screw that up.
"That's my baby boy." said Ryo, ruffling Sora's
hair.
"Thanks, Bob." said Sora, whose voice was still
stuffy. "Dight."
He snuggled back under the covers and Ryo shuddered. She had
just called him a baby boy but Sora's mom always called him that.
Johnel: You could
have called him something else she calls him. But whatever needed that scene
for some reason.
She put a hand on
Sora's forehead. His fever was going down already. Ryo breathed a sigh of
relief.
She left the room, to the chimney, and went up it where she
found Riku already sitting in the sleigh, looking over the list. He looked up
to find Ryo hopping into the sleigh.
"Did he take it?" asked Riku curiously.
"Yeah, he did." replied Ryo. "Let's go."
Riku told the reindeer to go and they flew into the air.
They landed on Kairi's roof a minute later.
"What did Kairi want for Christmas?" asked Ryo.
Ienzo: Hopefully to
actually be useful the next time Xehanort tries something.
"A pink sweater made out of 99 percent cotton and 1
percent spandex." Riku read from the list. He looked up. "Hey, that
reminds me of the sweater she paid a lot of munny for that I destroyed."
Johnel: Who actually
wants an ugly Christmas sweater? That is the sort of thing you get then take to
Goodwill the week after.
Ryo rolled her eyes and pulled out a box wrapped in shiny
purple gift wrap with pink ribbons on it. Riku took the present, along with
presents for Kairi's younger siblings,
Ienzo: Her what?
Johnel: Don’t ask.
and went down the chimney. After about three minutes, Ryo
heard the sound of a dog growling and Riku whispering in a loud voice, "Oh
snap!!"
He flew back up the chimney, ran to the sleigh, and hopped
in.
"Let's go!" he said frantically.
Johnel: Calm down
dude you have magic and can summon a mythical weapon to your hand what is a dog
going to do to you?
"What happened down there?" asked Ryo.
"Kairi's stupid dog attacked me!" said Riku.
"It normally likes me, but I guess it was because I smell a lot like
Santa.
Johnel: The dog it
turns out celebrates the Pagan roots of the holiday and finds Santa an affront
to its religious beliefs.
Well, at least I snagged some of her mom's famous chocolate
chip and peppermint cookies."
He took a bite of a chocolate chip cookie with peppermint
pieces in it and flew off.
He went to Hurky's home to deliver a laptop computer for
Hurky and a Nintendo Wii for her younger brother, Louie.
Johnel: Wow some
author must really favor this Hurky.
"Why does that peacock hunting bastard get a
Wii?" complained Riku, looking at the list.
Ienzo: I do not care nor do I see a point in what you have just discussed and would wish that you would just get on with it.
Ienzo: I do not care nor do I see a point in what you have just discussed and would wish that you would just get on with it.
"It says that even though he hunts peacocks, he has
never actually hurt one." explained Ryo. "Let's just deliver the
presents."
So, Riku did, and then he went to Alexa's house to deliver a
Nintendo DS, and then to Ryo's house to deliver her present. Ryo wanted to open
hers right then and there, but Riku wouldn't let her...
Ienzo: I’m just so
invested in what is happening in this dramatic tale of yule time adventure
truly.
Hurky: (talking in a stuffy voice) Sorry for the short
chapter. I will try to fidish dis by Saturday or Suday but like Sora, I have
been sick with a code.
Johnel: Oh hey while
you are here can you answer why you give yourself and your other OC’s expansive
electronic gifts and only gave the main characters cough syrup and sweaters?
Riku: That's coincidental.
Hurky: Shut up Riku. Later!!
Sora: Quit hogging all the tiddues, Hurky!
Ienzo: Fuck off your
bit is done let’s just finish this abomination.
Hurky: It's the final chapter of How Riku Saved Christmas!
Sorry if the chapter isn't very descriptive, but it's almost Christmas and I
want this completed ASAP.
Johnel: Could you
have just not finished it at all? Maybe gave up in general?
Ienzo: Depends this
thing still write about us?
Johnel: Actually
think she moved on to fanfiction about sticoms.
Riku: Now enjoy!!
Disclaimer: Hurky doesn't own Jean. But she did rewrite the
Christmas songs herself.
After an eventful night, Riku had finally completed the
present delivery route. By then, Riku was physically exhausted. He wanted to
drop on the ground and sleep once he got back to Christmas Town but he knew he
couldn't. He was the hero with Christmas, along with Ryo. He couldn't embarrass
himself by doing that.
Ienzo: No fear this
story is an embarrassment all on its own.
Riku flew the sled back to Santa in silence. Ryo stared at
the view down below. Riku was focused on driving the sleigh. Ryo turned to her
right and saw peacocks wearing Santa hats, flying and flapping their wings. One
turned to Ryo and lifted its hat in hello. Ryo waved at the peacock.
Johnel: The fuck.
"Merry Christmas!!" said the peacock. "Balamb
Express thanks you for the safe delivery of the presents!!"
Johnel:
"Merry Christmas to you too!" said Ryo.
Riku pulled the reins again and they flew faster. The snow
flurries hit their faces and melted. Riku was shivering under his coat but he
was almost to the workshop.
After flying for twenty more minutes, they reached Christmas
Town. Mrs. Claus, Santa (with crutches), Jack, Sally, and the elves were
waiting there. They cheered when they saw the sleigh.
"They did it, Jack!" exclaimed Sally.
"Yup. They saved Christmas!!" said Jack.
The sleigh touched down on the snowy ground and the reindeer
went to a halt. Riku and Ryo jumped out of the sleigh and everyone went totally
nuts.
"YEEAAAAAHHHHH!!" they cheered.
"Congratulations!" said Santa. "You saved
Christmas."
Ienzo:
Riku grinned. He and Ryo went inside, along with everyone
else...
A few hours later, while Riku and Ryo were returning home,
Kairi, Alexa, and Hurky were sitting at the paopu tree on that sunny Christmas
morning, talking about their presents.
"I got a laptop!!" Hurky said excitedly.
"It's so awesome! I can turn the screen around and there's a spot for a
fingerprint!!"
"I got a Nintendo DS!" said Alexa. "It's pink
and I love it so far!"
"Speaking of pink..." said Kairi, who was wearing
her new sweater over her pink dress.
"Oh, you got that sweater!" said Alexa.
"Didn't Riku destroy it?"
Johnel:
"Yeah, but Santa gave this to me!" squealed Kairi.
"HELLO!!" said a voice.
The three girls jumped and turned to find Sora, standing
there. He was smiling and he looked a lot better.
"Sora!" said Kairi.
"Great news, I'm not sick anymore!" said Sora with
a huge grin on his face. "My mom gave me some medicine last night and I
woke up feeling like I wasn't sick at all."
"So you're not sick for Christmas!" said Hurky.
"That's awesome!! You can come to my Christmas party!!"
Johnel: I mean what
is more important that he isn’t sick so he can actually breath or that he isn’t
sick so he can attend your social functions and make you feel special?
Two hours later, at 11:00 in the morning, Riku and Ryo
finally made it home. Riku had drunk a lot of coffee so he wouldn't fall
asleep. They went to Hurky's house, where she was setting up. The party started
at 3:30. So, they helped Hurky along with Hurky's friend Jean.
Ienzo: Who I’ll take it is utterly pointless to the what is about the
happen.
Then the party started and people showed up.
"Hey Sora, you're not sick!" said Riku when he saw
Sora.
"I know, Santa gave me a really good present."
said Sora. "The gift of health."
Johnel: In hindsight
that is actually a rip off seeing as you’d get better eventually anyways.
"How do you know?" asked Riku.
Johnel: He’s got contacts
in the afterlife he can know whatever he wants.
"Because he probably had something to do with me
getting better."replied Sora. "I don't know how, but I'm not sick for
Christmas."
"Well good for you." said Riku, patting Sora on
the shoulder.
The party had all sorts of food and drinks. Little
sandwiches, potato chips, cherry cordials, candy, cake, meatballs with
toothpicks, sushi, soda, water, sparkling apple cider, and egg nog.
The party went along fine until Sora and Roxas got into an
argument. So Sora went to prove that he could strum Christmas tunes. He took
Roxas' guitar and began to strum and sing.
Ienzo: He is going to
sing stupid parody songs like you do isn’t he?
Johnel: Nah probably
be worse.
"Going to Kingdom Hearts,
In a broken down gummi ship,
To the worlds we go,
Laughing at Donald,
Johnel: Really you
kind of have to stretch out saying the name Donald to get it to match the beat
of “all the way” close enough I guess.
Ansem's gonna croak,
Making me a hero,
Johnel: Saying those
two just sounds awkward. I mean is the first line even in tune?
Oh what fun it is to be a keyblade wielder ohhhhhhh
Johnel: Hell they
completely dropped the beat for “a sleighing song tonight” there.
Jingle Bells, Ansem smells
Donald laid an egg,
Gummi ship lost its wing
And Roxas took ballet, HEY!!"
Johnel: That works
though really half that is just taking from the Batman version.
Everyone laughed and Roxas fumed. "I NEVER TAKE
BALLET!!" he said.
"What if I took ballet?" teased Namine.
Ienzo: Then she took
ballet and that in no way effects Roxas or should cause him further distress.
Sora strummed the guitar again and began to sing.
Ienzo: Are you going
to get worked up over something you yourself do again?
Johnel: Hey I put
more work into keeping in tune with the song I’m making fun of at least.
"Axel the red haired Organization member,
Johnel: Like right
there the word Organization completely mangles the beat of the line “Rudolph
the red nosed reindeer”. It makes the line five syllables too long.
Had very red hair,
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say it burns!!
All of the other members,
Used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Axel,
Join in on any meetings!
Johnel: Beats closer
but the rhyme is fucked to hell.
Then one foggy afternoon, Xemnas came to say,
'Axel with your hair so bright, come to our meeting today,'
Johnel: In the
original it was to rhyme bright and tonight. Changing it to today doesn’t work.
Hell they could have just kept it night if they need.
Then all the members liked him, Just for that afternoon,
Axel the red haired Organization member,
You'll go down in history!!
Ienzo: As a bastard
perhaps.
Axel, who was there only because he followed Roxas and Namine,
had his jaw drop open.
Johnel: Also to get
Sora drunk so he’d do something like this.
"My hair does not make people scream!" he cried.
"Got it memorized?"
Johnel: Ok I just
over analyzed your stupid lyrics out of boredom and there wasn’t even a line
about screaming in the damn thing.
Ienzo: Also as much
as I’m not his biggest fan I don’t think that got it memorized catchphrase of
his is just some verbal tic he uses after every sentence.
Sora ignored Axel and strummed again. Everyone knew this
song. Sora sang it last year.
Johnel: Oh joy.
Have a crazy, KH Christmas,
It's a random time of the year,
Ienzo: This wasn’t
random at all this entire tale was just idiotic and the product of someone who
was clearly dropped on their head on purpose as an infant.
I don't know if there will be snow,
But let's kick Ansem's ass!
Johnel: Turn a line
about good cheer into a wish to violently attack a man. Yes so Christmas
appropriate.
Have a crazy, KH Christmas,
And as you go to Destiny Islands,
Say hello to Sora and Kairi,
And maybe Riku, too.
Oh look the mistletoe,
Hung where we can see,
Ryo waits for Riku,
Run as fast as you can!!
Johnel: Can I not
think about your creepy fucking loli shit right now?
Have a crazy, KH Christmas,
And in case you didn't hear,
OMG have a crazy KH Christmas this year!!
Johnel: No fuck you.
I mean I understand the original lyric was “oh my golly” but you don’t replace
that with your Dumbass fucking chat speak!
Everyone applauded. Sora grinned and gave Roxas his guitar
back.
"Maybe you'll get better when you get lessons." said
Jean as she patted Roxas on the shoulder and walked away.
Ienzo: Oh so this
“Jean” was there just to insult one of the actually franchise characters. How
dull and uninteresting.
As everyone walked out of the room, Kairi noticed Riku and
Ryo on the couch, both asleep. Ryo had her head on Riku's shoulder and Riku had
his arm around her. They had a long and sleepless night and no one else knew.
Kairi smiled, took a blanket, covered them with it, turned out the light, and
walked out...
Johnel: To Axel
burning the house down in drunken spite.
Hurky: That's the end! I would like to thank everyone for
their support throughout the story. Have a safe and happy holidays from me,
Sora, and the gang!!
Ienzo: They wish you
and your made up “friends” would all burn with the house most likely.
Riku: We're not a gang!!
Sora: It's an expression!!
Johnel: I don’t give
a fuck!!
Riku: Oh, I get it, haha. MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANNUKAH,
and HAPPY KWANZAA EVERYONE, WOOT!!!
Johnel: Well now
everyone that celebrates those Holidays hates you.
Ienzo: So we are done
with this abomination?
Johnel: Yeah meaning
we will most likely get a message from the bitchy overlord in 3…2…1..
*A message in poorly
written crayon appears on screen saying “I toots ws mad si to go 2 stoopid
charity 2 tell them to chick there privleg fir trying to halp peeples thez
aren’t” *
Johnel: Well glad to
see she isn’t any smarter.
Ienzo: You aren’t
going to sing anything are you?
Johnel: No this story
ruined parody music for me for a bit.
Ienzo: Fine whatever
happy holidays or some such you portly bastard.
Johnel: Merry
Christmas to you too man. Also Happy Holidays to our readers let me play you
all off and have a wonderful new year.