*This time two figures sit in front of the theater. The same portly gentlemen in hat and trench coat and now a young man in a lab coat who looked in need of a haircut by his front fringe.*
Ienzo: So might I ask what it is we are doing for this commercialized celebration?
Ienzo: I hate you.
Johnel: Calm down it is just the sequel to that story I read last year with Riku. Kind of funny how your situation has done a 180 since then Ienzo?
Ienzo: Die in a fire. Also why not have the Elf do this he at the very least looks the part.
*Just then a boomerang clocks Ienzo on the back of the head.*
Johnel: I think it was something about typecasting.
Hurky: Hey everyone and welcome to the second annual holiday story thingy also my last story published in 2006!! I was going to write this one last year but I ran out of time.
Johnel: I’m sure no one missed it.
Riku: Starring me, Riku!! I shall rule the world!!
Ienzo: So I take it this writer suffers the same delusions you do?
Johnel: No she thinks characters actually can stomach her.
Sora: Yeah right, Riku. Be sure to check out Hurky's first Christmas story, 3 Holiday Wishes. It 's last year's story.
Ienzo: What happened in that again?
Johnel: Sora died, there was a prick angel, Xehanort’s hearless was a separate guy with a family, and Sora did stupid stuff for OC’s to come back to life.
Kairi: And now the disclaimer!!
Ienzo: The following story causes nausea, fatigue, retina scaring, and infects the reader with multiple STIs.
Johnel: Really feeling the spirit of the season aren’t you?
Disclaimer: Hurky doesn't own KH, Ryo, Alexa, or the Disney Characters.
One sunny afternoon on December 23rd, Sora, Riku, and Kairi were hanging out at Sora's house. They were trying to figure out what to get who for Christmas.
Johnel: Great job idiots.
Kairi had done all her shopping the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday, where people would wait outside shopping malls and department stores at three in the morning for the stores to open at four just to snag a few good deals.
Johnel: Wouldn’t everyone reading this already know what that is?
Ienzo: Maybe she suffers an additional delusion to make her think she has international acclaim.
Kairi had done that. As soon as she finished eating her Thanksgiving dinner, she and her mom sped to the mall to wait all night.
Ienzo: Ignoring personal histories of certain parties involved making this impossible that seems very pathetic.
Sora and Riku had only bought a few presents.
"I just need to get Ryo and my dad a present." said Riku. "Ryo likes jewelry but I gave her some last year."
Johnel: You could get her more jewelry. Isn’t it the thought that counts?
"How about a nice, romantic night where you guys go to dinner and a movie?" asked Kairi dreamily. Personally, she would have loved something like that from a guy. Particularly Sora.
Johnel: Keep dreaming they have to milk that will they or won’t they shtick for at least one more game.
"I don't know." Riku said.
"How about a gift card from the hardware store?" croaked Sora in a raspy voice.
Ienzo: What would poses you to think that is a good idea?
Johnel: Well they got..
Ienzo: Please don’t tell me you are going to.
They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvers, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers
"Ryo!!" he said.
Ryo looked up, saw Riku, and her face brightened. "RIKU!!" she said.
"What's wrong with you?" asked Riku.
Ienzo: Oh look this story asked the question for me.
Johnel: You are just a killjoy.
"Nothing." lied Sora. Well, his throat was feeling sore, but he didn't want to show signs that he was getting sick right before the holidays. His mom would make him spend all day Christmas Eve and day in bed. It happened to his older brother, Ethan,
Johnel: An OC. That is all you really need to know.
one year. Sora knew he would soon be plagued with a bad headache, a stuffy nose, and congestion but for now, it just hurt for him to talk. He unwrapped a cough drop and popped it into his mouth."I think those things make sore throats worse." Riku muttered. Suddenly, his cell phone rang. Riku took out his cell phone and saw who it was. "Oh man, it's Ryo. Gotta go. She wants me to come with her to see Santa Claus."
Sora's bright blue eyes brightened. "You're gonna see Santa?" he croaked excitedly.
Ienzo: Fat bastard and his coal.
Johnel: Dude hostile. I’d count my lucky stars if I had a Santa in my universe.
"Yeah." said Riku. He sighed. "I told Ryo that I thought Santa didn't exist, so she's taking me to Christmas Town to see him."
Johnel: Shouldn’t Christmas town being a thing be good enough evidence? What is he like Kaiba were you can bludgeon him with evidence but he ignores it?
He walked out of Sora's house without another word and got into his car. He shivered under his black jacket. The weather wasn't normally this cold on Destiny Islands. It was about 50 degrees Fahrenheit and people were used to the seventy to eighty degree weather year round. Last year, it had snowed, but only because Sora had died and granted three holiday wishes. You'd have to read that story for the rest of the details and events.
Johnel: You know the audience reading this already knows this is a sequel you don’t have to have a pointless break in the fourth wall like that to tell us.
But right now, rain was in the forecast for today, tomorrow, and Christmas day.
Anyway, before we trailed off, Riku started his car and drove home, where he walked into the kitchen to find his mother peeling potatoes with a blonde haired girl. Riku jumped when he saw her.
Ienzo: I feel like I’ll need a drink soon.
"Ryo!!" he said.
Ryo looked up, saw Riku, and her face brightened. "RIKU!!" she said.
"Hi, Riku, sweetie!!" said Mrs. Thompson, Riku's mom. "Have fun at Sora's?"
Johnel: Still not over the weird names. Just feels wrong.
"Me, Sora, and Kairi just sat around and talked about gifts." explained Riku as he went to the fridge and took out a soda. He pulled the tab and took a long drink. He loved to drink soda.
Ienzo: Can’t tell if this is pointless or is going to come up later in the most moronic way possible.
"Rep is going to be here in time for dinner." said Mrs. Thompson as she poured the potatoes into a crock pot. "This stew has to be ready by the time he gets here."
Johnel: I’m trying to remember if they mentioned a Rep last time.
Riku rolled his eyes. "Who could forget?"
Ienzo: The round idiot next to me apparently.
Rep was Riku's evil twin brother. He was seriously evil.
Johnel: Oh yeah I remember now he was Doctor Insano.
He has made several attempts to kill his twin in the past 17 years. They were meager attempts at first like trying to drown Riku in the bathtub, which was why their parents never let them bathe in the same bathtub, to poisoning him in the later years. But despite being an evil genius, Rep hardly had any friends and was not lucky in love.
Johnel: Why would being Doctor Insano even make you think you’d get laid? I mean hell most people that are attracted to Ienzo don’t even remember he is a scientist and put him in maid outfits.
Ienzo: Not even going to ask for I fear you’d tell me.
He was rejected by every girl he asked to dances while Riku was constantly chased by fangirls.
"But Riku and I are leaving for Christmas Town around then!" Ryo said as she got up and took Riku's arm into her hands.
"I don't think you two should be bothering Santa Claus." said Riku's mom. "He's very busy, especially now that he has to go all over the universe in about 24 hours."
Johnel: See Sandy Claws is just a known fact why would Riku not believe?
"Don't worry, he's a very good friend of mine!" explained Ryo. "I have known him since he started his business. He enjoys my company!"
Ienzo: Wait what?
Johnel: She’s a Mary Sue that is all the explanation you really need. But they have more.
Ryo was 1,014 years old but she looked like a ten year old. She was still considered to be very young in her home world.
Ienzo: Why do I feel this creature was created solely so this author or their friends could claim it as attractive and not be put on some form of government watch list.
"If you insist." said Mrs. Thompson. "Be home by Christmas Eve!!"
Johnel: So a few hours really.
"We will!" said Ryo. "Come on, Riku, we need to go to the gummi ship!!"
Before Riku could say anything, Ryo grabbed him by the arm and ran to her big pink gummi ship where they strapped themselves in and Ryo blasted off into the cloudy Destiny Islands sky...
Hurky: I know that first chapter was corny, but hey, this story needs an intro. Thanks for reading!
Ienzo: I hate you as well. Now that this is over…
Johnel: Sorry it is the Christmas special whole thing is being done in one go.
It took Ryo many hours, but she finally reached Christmas Town at around eight o'clock that night. It was also Halloween Town, but Ryo had used another entrance to land on.
Johnel: Well and all the other Holidays but no one really cares.
"We're here!" said Ryo as she got out of her seat and put on a pair of gloves, a scarf, and a big pink parka. She noticed that Riku wasn't putting on any extra clothes. "Riku, did you pack any extra clothes?"
Johnel: Did he even have time to pack?
"Why bother?" asked Riku.
"Because the weather here is beyond freezing!" said Ryo as she opened the door to the gummi ship and stepped outside. Riku reluctantly stepped outside the ship. He felt a gust of cold wind blow his long, silvery hair around. Riku shivered. But he didn't want to show any weakness. He and Ryo began to trudge in the deep snow, looking for Santa's workshop...
Ienzo: For apparently they decided landing their ship in the tundra instead of near the populated area was appropriate.
Meanwhile, back at Sora's house, Sora was sitting on the couch in his living room, watching TV. His throat still hurt but now his face was feeling really hot and his head hurt, but he was trying not to show symptoms of being sick. His mom walked in and sat next to him.
Johnel: For screw Christmas magic I want to see Sora combat his stuffy nose this year.
"Hi, Sora dear." she said.
"Hey." mumbled Sora.
Sora's mom turned to the TV and saw what her son was watching. "Jeopardy?" she asked in a surprised tone of voice.
"Mm-hm." Sora said.
"You don't normally watch this show." said Mrs. Hart.
Ienzo: Please don’t tell me they are trying to imply sickness damages your mental processes in a way to make you watch unusual television.
"I watch it...sometimes." Sora said.Sora's mom immediately noticed something about him. "Sora, are you feeling okay?" she asked out of suspicion. "You said that Jeopardy was a really boring show."
"No I didn't." lied Sora.
Johnel: You could have just said you hadn’t taken the time to change the channel why lie at all?
Sora's mother stood up and began to walk to the kitchen. "Okay then, if you say so..." she said as she walked out.
Sora breathed a sigh of relief. She almost caught him being sick. He felt good knowing that he would not be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in bed. But it turned out that he wasn't out of the woods yet. Suddenly, his mom came back in and stuck a thermometer in Sora's mouth.
Ienzo: Oh look someone who isn’t foolish.
"Mmm!!" mumbled Sora through the thermometer. (He was mumbling the word "Mom.")
"Hold still!" said Mrs. Hart.
Ienzo: That is just awful.
Johnel: It’s just a pun.
She waited about one or two minutes until the beep sounded. She took the device out of Sora's mouth and looked at it. "Ah ha! Just as I thought! One hundred and one degrees!!"
"I'm not sick!" protested Sora. "I'm going to-ah...ah...ACHOO!!" He sniffed.
Johnel: Quick question couldn’t he just cast cure on himself and feel better?
Ienzo: Not really the cure spell works by repairing physical damage done to the body on a more macro scale. So cuts, bruises, burns, sprains, and breakage. An illness would fall under more of a status effect. Though he should still be able to heal himself with ease yes.
Johnel: How did you figure that out?
Ienzo: Tested it and a variety of other afflictions on a “willing” subject back when I was in the organization.
"Off to bed with you, young man!" said Mrs. Hart as she whisked Sora off the couch and to his room upstairs.
In Christmas Town, Ryo walked up to a house that was beautifully decorated with lights and decorations and rang the doorbell. There was a long silence.
"He's not here!" said Riku. "Told ya he didn't exist!
Johnel: For obviously if I’m not home I don’t exist either.
Now let's get out of this freezing weather and get some freaking hot ch-"
"Hold your horses there, Riku!" said Ryo, grabbing Riku by the arm. "You're staying here whether you like it or-SANTA!!"
While Ryo was talking, the door had opened and there stood a big, fat man with white hair and a white beard, wearing a red shirt and suspenders. (Basically the Santa in Nightmare Before Christmas)
"Ryo!" he exclaimed cheerfully as he hugged Ryo. "How pleasant to see you! Come on in!! It's freezing! Mrs. Claus made some hot chocolate and cookies!"He, Ryo, and Riku went inside and saw that there was a fire burning. Riku felt and immediate rush of warmth as he walked in. There were already three mugs of hot chocolate sitting on the table. Mrs. Claus had brought them there as soon as she heard that there were visitors.
"What brings you here today, Ryo?" asked Santa.
"Well, my friend, Molester, (How immature are you?) Riku here says that you don't exist, so I'm here to prove it to you!" answered Ryo.
Santa studied Riku for a minute. Riku didn't like Santa's glassy blue eyes burning into him like that.
"Riku Thompson..." said Santa. He pulled out an extremely long list. "Yup. He's on the naughty list, along with his twin brother, Ryan."
Johnel: Oh so his brother is Andrew Ryan and not Doctor Insano then? Also does possession by dark forces really get one on the naughty list? Wouldn’t saving the worlds later counteract that?
Ienzo: Really the naughty and nice system doesn’t do well when applying itself to fights for survival and is far too nebulous a system for the modern age.
"It's Rep." spoke up Riku. "His nickname is Rep."
Santa put away the naughty/nice list and walked over to his computer. He typed something in and read from it as soon as the results popped up.
Johnel: Well at least he has gone digital.
"Riku Thompson has not been on the good list since 1998, convinced his best friend Sora to tell everyone that he didn't believe in Santa a year later." read Santa with both disappointment and anger in his voice. "He has blown up things, broken rules, told lies, cheated on tests, steals candy from people, offended and insulted people, mooning people, and even made up the fact that Santa has a ho named Marrie Christmas? You should be ashamed to have this kind of file!!"
Ienzo: I have a feeling that half of those couldn’t even be the same person. I should know I tried to warp his mind into a useable tool.
Riku snickered. "Oh yeah, that story..." he laughed.
Johnel: Something stupid this way comes.
Three days earlier...
Kairi had encouraged Sora, Riku, Hurky, Alexa,
Ienzo: Let me guess those other two are a personal fantasy of the author and one of those OC’s as you like to call them?
Johnel: About sums it up.
and Ryo to go down to the hospital to tell Christmas stories to cheer the sick kids up. Everything went well with everyone else's groups, but with Riku's group was where the trouble happened
"And so Marree learned that Santa was married to Mrs. Claus and ran off, fearing that she would never get a single present from Santa ever again," said Riku as he finished his story. "So now, for the past one hundred and fifty years, Santa has yelled, looking for his ho on Christmas eve as he delivers presents, 'Ho ho ho, Marree Christmas!'"
Johnel: That’s meh comedy. I mean I could see it being funny but the issue is that it makes no sense for Riku to be telling this story.
Some kids laughed but others were offended. The nurses kicked Riku out of the hospital and waited there for and hour and a half for his friends. Hurky and Ryo told stories to kids with leukemia while Kairi and Alexa told stories to injured kids. Riku had to tell stories to kids recovering from surgeries while Sora got stuck with the kids with bad colds. Maybe that was how Sora contracted the cold...
Ienzo: No surely he was attacked with a biological agent instead.
"But this year." continued Santa. "You haven't done so many bad things. You were just one good deed shy of the good list."
Johnel: Well that and he sleeps with something that looks like a ten year old which is an automatic suspension of all gift receiving services.
"Hey, who else I know is on the naughty list?" asked Riku, not caring that he himself was on the bad list.
Santa pulled out the list and read through the names. "Scott Burkorini and Oarah Bon Sorton." he said.
Johnel: Are those names or things you order as takeout?
Riku laughed. "Ha ha ha, I knew that they made the list!!!" he laughed. Scott Burkorini was a red haired kid who was a momma's boy while Oarah Bon Sorton was Ansem's spoiled daughter and only child. She looked like the female version of Ansem only she got her mother's blonde hair.
Ienzo: I... ok I think my intellect attempted suicide there for a moment.
Ryo rolled her eyes. She was Riku's extreme fangirl, but she didn't like the fact that other kids misfortunes were funny to him. "Who made the good list?" she asked.
Johnel: Should he really be giving out personal information like this?
Santa looked at the other side of the list and read the names. "Sora, Kairi, you, Alexa, Hurky, Roxas, Namine, Hayner, Pence, Olette, Yuffie..." he said. "Shall I continue on?"
Johnel: Ok so does the Mary Sue Loli get presents because she looks ten or because she somehow physically ages even slower than Asari the number equivalence would make it not matter even if she looked older? Also why the fuck does she exist still.
"No thanks, Santa." Ryo said, sipping her mug of hot chocolate.
Suddenly, there was the sound of banging cans outside and glass breaking.
"What was that?" asked Riku.
"Must be Jack." said Santa. He walked over to the door and in burst Jack Skellington.
Johnel: Oh boy a character that is actually likable.
Ienzo: He must have heard another she beast was in town and wanted to give them power over the dark arts.
"Sandy Claws!" said Jack. "Christmas time has once again come!!"
"Yes, and I must perform my duties to deliver all the presents to the good boys and girls." said Santa. "What brings you here, Jack?"
Johnel: The willing suspension of disbelief.
"I just wanted to pay a visit to my good friend and adore the beautiful lights and the snow!!" replied Jack in a festive voice. "Oh the excitement!!"
"Jack, I would like to introduce some friends of mine." said Santa. He gestured his hand to Riku and Ryo sitting on the couch. "This is Riku Thompson and Ryo-oki."
Johnel: First name wouldn’t be Zettia would it?
"Hi!" said Ryo.
"Hello, Ryo, Riku." said Jack, shaking Riku's and Ryo's hands with his bony hands. "It's nice to meet you."
He took a seat next to Riku on the couch.
Johnel: Must be really awkward with those long legs.
"How are the elves coming along on all the presents?" asked Ryo.
"Very busy." replied Santa. "We have been making lots of toys, especially the new Tickle Me Elmos, PS3s, and Nintendo Wiis."
Johnel: Oh joy product placement. Couldn’t be toy planes and trains besides brand names could it.
Riku snickered. "He said 'Wii'." he said.
Ienzo: Somehow Riku has been warped into a creature even lower on the intellectual scale than Johnel.
Santa glared at Riku for a minute but then stopped. "You see, Riku, this is why you keep getting on the bad list." he said patiently. "Maybe if you took the time to be more nice and perform more good deeds, you could be on the good list like Ryo here."
He picked up his mug of hot chocolate and took a long sip from it.
"Uh, do you have any more marshmallows?" asked Riku.
"I most certainly do, let me go get them." said Santa, standing up and walking. "WWHHHHHHOOOOOOOAAAA!"
Johnel: *As Santa* The drugs are kicking in.
A loud thump sounded and Ryo, Riku, and Jack stood up to see what was going on with Santa.
"Sandy!" said Jack.
"WHO PUT THIS TOY ON THE FLOOR??" yelled Santa.
Ienzo: Who placed this contrived plot device in this location?
"Sorry, my bad." said a short little elf.
Next to Santa was a wooden duck toy with wheels on it. Riku and Jack helped Santa get up.
"I hope that didn't-OOOOOHHHH!!" moaned Santa as he was on his feet. He immediately hobbled over to his big armchair and plopped in it.
"What's wrong?" asked Ryo.
"I think I really injured something!" said Santa. "I hope this does not affect Christmas!!"
Johnel: Nothing a quick cure spell can’t fix should be handled in two seconds flat.
A short little man dressed in a white coat ran in and checked Santa's ankle. "Oh, this is bad." he said. "Santa really twisted his ankle. With my magic, it will take me about two days trying to heal it!"
Ienzo: Seems the elves have very little personal magic. Not that I needed this story to tell me that. *Ducks as a boomerang sails over his head*
Riku turned to Ryo. "Do you know any spells that could heal him or any remedies?" he asked her.
Johnel: Don’t you Riku?
"No, Riku!" replied Ryo worriedly. "The only time I don't bring my remedies..."
Johnel: *As Mary Sue* Worse yet it is also the prom tomorrow.
"Then this leaves me no choice." said Santa. "Riku, you must take my place and be Santa."
Ienzo: That is an awful idea. You are asking a minor with no experience who you have already labeled as “naughty” to be your replacement. Are you a fool as well as fat?!
"You gotta be kidding me!" cried Riku in disbelief. "I can't be Santa!"
Ienzo: See this stupid story agrees with me.
"Why not?" asked Ryo. "You get to go around the universe and deliver the presents!!"
Johnel: What about the parts of the universe that don’t celebrate Christmas though?
Riku thought for a minute. "I don't know." he said thoughtfully. "What do I get out of this?"
Johnel: Wow it is like he has no Christmas spirit in his body. Sure this isn’t Ienzo?
Ienzo: Don’t even compare me to this.
"I'll put you on the good list this year." replied Santa as the elf applied ice to his ankle. "Ooh, that hurts."
"But how can I deliver millions of presents in just one night?" asked Riku. "I mean, I'm not Superman!"
Johnel: Well you shouldn’t know who that is either so the impossible is possible.
"Simple!" said Ryo. She walked over to a wall with a picture of all the worlds on it. She picked up a long stick and pointed to them.
"Every few worlds is in a different time zone. It's ten o'clock here but six o'clock on Destiny Islands. The times go all the way over to the World That Never Was where it's three in the morning over there,
Ienzo: Well no it is a world that is found in darkness and could be considered to exists out of regular time and space. Clearly your predictions have no credibility in the slightest.
Christmas Eve. You could leave here tomorrow at 5 PM and it will be 10 PM over there and work your way over to Disney Castle where it will be before 5 AM by the time you end your journey."
"Wha?" asked Riku, confused and coming back from laa laa land. "Sorry, I dazed out a little."
Johnel: You should have said it in a jaunty tune that would have kept his attention.
Santa turned to Ryo. "Since you know what you are doing, Ryo, why don't you come along with Riku?" he suggested.
Ienzo: Disgusting as it is why not just have this creature perform his duties? Obviously it is more capable and already has knowledge of how his operations are conducted.
Johnel: Because we need to teach Riku a lesson or something.
Ryo's eyes brightened. "I would LOVE to!!" she said.
Riku rolled his eyes. "Oh god no!" he said.
"Now come on, Riku, where's the Christmas spirit of having your friend be there with you?" asked Santa with a small chuckle.
Johnel: Why do I feel they just use the word friend because they realized how disgusting the thought of them boning really was over the past two years.
Jack got an idea. "Hey!! Sandy, how about I deliver the presents if Riku doesn't want to do it?" he asked positively.
Santa suddenly remembered what happened last time when Jack took over for him. "NO!!" he said. "That's okay!! Riku will do it, right?"
Johnel: When you are out of options I guess.
He turned to Riku with a look of hope in his eyes. He really didn't want Jack to fill in his position.
"You'll get whatever you want for Christmas." he said persuasively.
Ienzo:*As Riku* I want out of this story.
Johnel:*As Santa* Except that.
"Okay. I'll do it." said Riku.
Back on Destiny Islands, Kairi, Alexa, Hurky, Donald, and Goofy were all walking to Sora's house. They were going to help Donald pick out a Christmas present for Daisy but first, Alexa wanted to stop by Sora's house to deliver some homemade chicken noodle soup. She always did that whenever one of her friends got sick. Recently, she had brought some over to Riku who also fought a bad cold last month.
Johnel: For she is just a perfectly special perfect friend.
Ienzo: Why would the water fowl trust teenaged females with buying something that isn’t contrived and childish?
"This soup always helps people get better." said Alexa as she carried a steaming bowl covered with a lid and used pink potholders to shield her hands from burning. "Took me all afternoon to cook this."
She and the others were walking up the steps to Sora's house. Kairi rang the doorbell and it was opened by a brown haired woman.
"Hi, Mrs. Hart!" said Kairi. "Can we go see Sora? Alexa brought over some of her delicious homemade chicken noodle soup."
Johnel: Probably garnished with rat poison.
Ienzo: If only.
"Alright, but please be very quiet." said Mrs. Hart. "Sora is very contagious and he's trying to sleep."
Alexa took her soup to the kitchen and then joined Hurky and Kairi in walking the steps to Sora's room. Donald and Goofy stayed in the kitchen with Sora's mom.
Johnel:*As Sora’s Mom* So why is it again I let my son hang around two grown animal people? By the way could you be good courses.. I mean friends get me the large sharpened kitchen knife as well?
Kairi put a finger to her lips as she tiptoed to Sora's room. She slowly opened the door. Behind that door was a neat and tidy bedroom with blue wallpaper decorated with posters of his favorite bands, hardwood floors with his backpack and yellow shoes and black socks on it (Hurky: I don't know why, but I picture him wearing black socks with those shoes)
Ienzo: I do not care about this information.
, a computer desk with a computer and chair, and the bed where Sora was sleeping. He wasn't wearing any pajamas. Just his regular black clothes from KH2.
Ienzo: I care less for this line.
His hair was a little messed up from trying to comfort himself on the pillows. He wasn't using his blankets. His breathing was anything but silent. His nose was already stuffed up and he had to breathe through his mouth, in which his breathing was hoarse and shallow.
"Poor Sora..." said Kairi. "He never should have told a story to kids with colds."
Johnel: Why didn’t the hospital give him a mask or something? Maybe they shouldn't have let him be near the infectious kids. Maybe just maybe they should've been the least bit competent at their jobs.
"You're the one who forced him to!" said Hurky. "It was your idea to-"
Johnel: For I’m the self-insert and can’t shoulder any blame for any bad calls.
"-Shh, he's waking up!" shushed Alexa.
Sora was stirring in his sleep. He opened his eyes to find Kairi, Hurky, and Alexa at his bedside.
Ienzo: Is it ironic that this situation is given the one fool who doesn’t know how to twist it for his own gain.
Johnel: Isn’t it creepy that your first thought was that?
"Hey, what are you doig here?" asked Sora stuffily as he sat up. He couldn't say "doing" right on the account of his stuffy nose.
"We just came to bring you some soup." explained Alexa. "It's in the kitchen."
"Thanks." said Sora. He looked around the room. "Where's Riku ad Ryo?"
"For some reason, they went off to see Santa." said Hurky.
"What?" cried Sora. "Why didn't dey tell be?"
"Sora, you're in no condition to go!" said Kairi. "Your cold's getting worse and Riku and Ryo are in freezing conditions! Your throat was the only thing bothering you earlier and now it's everything that's bothering you!"
Johnel: Like that chair in the corner being all smug and wood.
Sora sighed. "All I want for Christmas is to dot be sick." he said in a disappointed voice. "Dow I gotta sped Christmas Ebe and Day in bed."
Johnel: Could be worse you were dead last year at this time.
He sniffed. Kairi grabbed a box of tissues and handed them to Sora.
"You're about to cry." she said.
"Do I'b dot!" said Sora, taking a few tissues. "I habe a ruddy dose." He blew his nose and tossed the tissues into the garbage can next to his bed which was already halfway loaded with used up tissues.
"Can we go now?" yelled Donald. "The mall is going to close!!"
"IN THREE HOURS, YOU STUPID DUCK!" yelled Hurky.
Ienzo: I’d prefer his company over yours loathed as I am to say it.
"Dodald ad Goofy are here?" asked Sora."Yeah, we're going to help Donald pick out a present for Daisy." explained Alexa. "Is there anything you need before we go?"
"Doe but thanks adyway." Sora said in that stuffy voice. With that, he lied back down and closed his eyes. Hurky, Alexa, and Kairi walked out of the room quietly...
Johnel: Well that felt pointless.
It got late over in Christmas Town, so Santa let Riku and Ryo spend the night to rest up. Ryo woke up very early and got Riku up. However, it was a big mistake. Riku was in a jet lag, so he was tired, grumpy, and cold since Santa had Ryo take Riku out to practice the sleigh and he was taking it out on the reindeer.
On Destiny Islands, Donald didn't get a chance to look for his present for Daisy since he spent the entire time trying to get Goofy out of the bar (he's an alcoholic in my fics),
Ienzo: That is just awful, idiotic, and I really wonder why you would even imply such a thing.
Kairi and Alexa out of Old Navy and Forever 21, and Hurky out of Hot Topic and DestSun.
Johnel: Women am I right fellas? Can’t get them to focus on anything if there are clothing stores nearby that is for sure.
"Are you sure it's a good idea to make Riku practice the sleigh in this weather and when he's that sleepy?" asked Jack.
"Santa said that Riku needed a lot of practice, especially since it's Christmas Eve." said Ryo.
Ienzo: You are all doomed to failure.
"On Smasher, on Crasher, on Lap Dancer, on Pixen, on Vomit, on Stupid, on Conner, on Blister!!" yelled Riku as he pulled the reins of the sleigh.
Johnel: On Forced, on boring, on pointless, on unfunny and crass
One of the reindeer kicked Riku with its hind leg.
"Ow!!" cried Riku. "Why you-"
"RIKU!!" yelled Ryo. "DO NOT YELL AT THE REINDEER!!"
Johnel: So regret this decision yet?
Riku sighed. He wished he was at home right now, asleep in his warm bed at ten o'clock in the morning but no, he had to take on the role of Santa and be up at five thirty in the morning in the cold, snowy weather.
"Riku, in order for the reindeer to cooperate, you need to be nice to them!" explained Ryo.
"Fine." said Riku. He pulled the reins again. "On Dasher, on Prancer, on Dancer, on Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen!!"
The reindeer began to run slowly and then flew up. Riku let out a yell of victory.
Ienzo: Oh joy he repeated a rhyme ever idiot child knows. What a victory for the holiday season.
"YES!!" he yelled. "I'm flying!!"
Jack and Ryo stood there and smiled at Riku. Maybe there was hope for Christmas this year.
Johnel: Probably not.
After a grueling three hours in the cold, snowy weather, training with the sleigh, Santa had Riku come inside for breakfast. After a big breakfast, Riku had done some more training but this time, he practiced putting presents down fake chimneys. All while that was happening, the elves were rushing around and getting the toys ready. Mrs. Claus was working on a project of her own. She was making something for Riku and Ryo for their journey.
Johnel: Based on the last time someone else did the Santa job I hope it is a defense against missles.
Meanwhile, back on Destiny Islands, Donald decided to force Kairi and the others to come with him since they wasted time at the mall yesterday.
Ienzo: Why does he not go on his own?
Johnel: It’s a Kingdom Hearts fanfic you basically can’t give the Disney characters scenes without the presence of someone from Final Fantasy or a self-insert.
"You know, I was helping my mom bake fourteen pumpkin pies for people."
Ienzo: What is someone going to steal the pies if you aren’t there?
Johnel: But that would be as many as two sevens and would be terrible.
said Kairi as she pulled the door to the mall open. She was shivering under her pink coat. The rain that had been forecasted yesterday didn't come but it was still cold.
"If we got the present yesterday and not fooled around, we wouldn't be in this mess."
Ienzo: If you had done that we would also already be free of your pointless asides.
said Donald. "Brr!! My bottom is freezing!!"
Hurky rolled her eyes. "Well, maybe you should go to JC Penney and buy yourself some pants." she muttered.
Johnel: Don’t draw attention to the fact he doesn’t wear pants it just makes you have to ask a bunch of other questions we don’t need answers too.
Ienzo: Also how is the populace of this world not alarmed at the site of sentient water fowl or drunken canines?
"What did you get Daisy last year that made her so mad?" asked Alexa.
"I bought her something that she REALLY didn't enjoy." said Donald.
Johnel: Orange sauce?
Donald and Daisy were walking to the car garage on Christmas Day of 2005. Donald put a blindfold over Daisy's eyes and led her to the garage.
"Daisy, what is the number one thing you want?" asked Donald.
"A car!" said Daisy in a hopeful voice. "Is it a car?"
Johnel: Oh I get it now he got her the live action version of the gadgetmobile and that is why she’s so mad.
"You'll see!!" said Donald. They walked into the garage and Donald took Daisy's blindfold off. Daisy's expression had changed from excitement to disappointment.
In place of what should have been a car was a treadmill.
"A treadmill?" asked Daisy, fuming. "A TREADMILL? ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT I'M FAT?"
Ienzo: Well there were planning to serve you with Christmas dinner.
"Well, your butt looks big!" Donald pointed out.
And so, Daisy had found a better use for that treadmill: Use it to torture Donald!! She would make Donald run on it with a vicious dog behind him on it. Donald just recently had the treadmill secretly destroyed.
Johnel: Not even going to ask their toons.
"So just get her something that she won't find offensive." said Hurky.
"I can't, the things she wants are WAY out of my price range." said Donald.
Ienzo: You are best friends with a king how is it that you even have a price range?
"You can get her a gift card." suggested Alexa.
"She only wants gift cards to spas and I don't know how to work them." said Donald. "The whole point of coming to Destiny Islands was to enlist Sora's help in finding Daisy a present. I didn't come here to find gift cards, I came here to get actual presents. I can't look at Disney Castle because she'll see me shopping for her."
Johnel: That and your wording implied there is a mall in the castle.
Ienzo: Also asking the keybearer for help with female companions is like asking my younger self not to conduct horrible experiments on you.
"And Sora's sick with a bad cold." said Goofy, taking a drink from a bottle of water that was actually filled with vodka. (Except it was water because your drunken Goofy thing is idiotic as hell.) "That's why you're all here."
"Uh, we need to find the present and fast!" said Kairi. "You're forgetting that it's Christmas Eve and we're in the mall!"
"Let's go!" said Donald, beginning to run. Then, he stopped. "Uh, do any of you know what places we should look at?"
Ienzo: Your ability to think ahead is quite astounding.
Everyone stood and thought.
"Why don't we try Victoria's Secret?" asked Kairi.
Ienzo: Are you sufferi a mental breakdown?
"WHAT?" cried everyone.
"Not for the...clothes, but for the bath stuff." explained Kairi. "I hear that they have great bath products. My mom buys them. She gave me a great pomegranate bubble bath for my birthday!"
Johnel: THEN GO TO A STORE FOR BATH PRODUCTS DUMBASS!
"No way Jose!" said Donald as he crossed his arms.
"My name's not Jose." said Kairi.
Johnel: And you aren’t funny either.
"It's a saying!" yelled Donald. "That's it!! I'm going to walk into any shop and buy something in there!"
He walked into a random store and there was a guy dressed in G-Unit clothes handing out fliers and welcoming people.
"Yo yo yo duck, what's up?" he asked. "You wanna buy some of our nice gear for your friends and family?"
"WWAAAAAAAAKKKKK!!" screamed Donald as he ran out of the store. He ran all the way to the others. Kairi was crossing her arms. "Okay, you win. Find me a better store."
Ienzo: Seems the duck has some deep seated issues with prejudice he needs to work through.
So, the girls took Donald to all the gift shops. Donald felt hopeless as his options became limited.
"Aw, I'm never going to get Daisy the right gift!" he said sadly as everyone ate in the food court.
Alexa was sipping on her lemonade just as she was happening to look over to a kiosk that was selling water powered massage machines (they're hard to describe)
Johnel: Then why add them?
"Hey Donald, you know how Daisy likes massages, right?" she asked.
Johnel: I’m more disturbed at how you know that.
"Yeah, but she wastes a lof of money on them every year!" Donald said frustratingly. His eyes lit up. "HEY!! Yeah! I'll get her one of those massage machines! It'll save the castle a lot of money!"
He jumped up from his seat and ran all the way to the kiosk. He purchased a water massage machine and it would be delivered by tonight since Donald paid extra munny to have it rushed to the castle.
Ienzo: Since when has Destiny Islands had a multi world spanning delivery service?
"I'm glad all that's over." said Donald. He turned to Alexa. "Thanks a lot, Alexa. You saved my life!!"
Everyone laughed suddenly, the sound of the P.A. system crackling had sounded and Goofy's voice rang through the mall.
"Hello, shoppers of Destiny Islands!" rang Goofy. "I'm gettin' tired of listening to Silver Bells fifty gazillion times, so here's some good music!"
Johnel: You know I’m pretty sure Goofy would be the type of guy to actually like the Christmas music playing in the mall.
"Oh crap." said Kairi and Donald at the same time.
"If you're in the pool and you feel something cool, diarhea, diarhea!!" sang Goofy. "If you're running from the police and you feel something release, dia
Ienzo: How is that in anyway considered entertaining let alone palatable?!
Johnel: Because when you are a minor, well not you specifically because you were just weird Ienzo, anything vulgar sounds funny because you think you are getting away with something.
-WA HOO HOO HOO HUY! SECURITY GUARDS! THANKS FOR LISTENIN'!!"
"He's finding his own way home!"
Johnel: Well thanks for ruining the character Goofy for us. At least the other authors I’ve ran into have just left him out of most things.
said Hurky, zipping up her burgundy colored sweatshirt. "Come on, let's go."
So, Kairi, Alexa, Hurky, and Donald all left the mall while Goofy ran from security guards.
Several hours later came the big moment for Riku. He and Ryo were given a big dinner before they were to start their journey. Earlier that day, though, Santa had slipped and fallen from melting snow, reducing his chances of taking the sleigh back to deliver the presents.
Ienzo: Did they really try to strengthen their contrived set up with even further contrivances?!
After dinner, Riku and Ryo set out to go outside. It was almost five in the afternoon. A runway was lit up and snow was falling. Riku and Ryo approached the sleigh where Mrs. Claus and some elves were waiting. Mrs. Claus had two long and red coats in her arms.
"Ready, Riku?" asked an elf.
"Ready." Riku said with a nod.
Johnel: I’m ready nameless elf. You ready Ienzo?
"Before you go, I made these for you two." said Mrs. Claus, handing Riku and Ryo the red coats. "They are guaranteed to keep you warm throughout the night."
Riku took his coat from Mrs. Claus and examined it. It was made from a very soft and thick material. It said Riku in the left of the chest. He smiled to himself.
Johnel: Wouldn’t it be better to just let people think you’re Santa and not label yourself as a pretender.
"Thanks, Mrs. Claus." said Riku. He took the coat and put it on.
Mrs. Claus also handed Riku a Santa hat and Ryo a Santa hat, plus four thermoses. "These are also for you. Two of the four thermoses contain hot chocolate and the other two contain coffee. You may get cold and sleepy. We need you awake to perform this job!"
Ienzo: You’d think there would be more assuredly successful magical systems in place for that but this tale disappoints at every turn.
"Don't worry, Mrs. Claus, I'll make sure Riku stays awake." assured Ryo as she put on her coat. Hers said Ryo on the left. "Let's get in the sleigh!!"
She and Riku climbed into the big sleigh laden with a very huge bag of presents. The elves and Mrs. Claus got out of the way. One elf holding lights that were used to direct planes in the dark signaled for Riku to go. Riku picked up the reins of the sleigh and whipped it onto the reindeer.
"On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, on Blitzen!!" yelled Riku.
Johnel: Well it has taken almost four chapters but the stories concept is finally happening.
The reindeer began to pull the sleigh and followed the lights in front of them. As they ran, their running feet began to lift off from the ground and went higher as they ran. They flew away into the night sky. Mrs. Claus and the elves cheered as Riku flew into the night.
In the air, Ryo looked down and saw Christmas Town growing smaller and smaller as they went higher into the air.
"Wow, look at the view!!" she said in awe.
Riku looked down and smiled. "The lights make it look stunning." he said. His face felt chilly as the icy wind blew his long silver hair around. He used the reins again and flew on into the night...
Ienzo: Only to freeze to death for going too high shortly thereafter.
Two hours into the night, Riku had already delivered presents to every good person in Radiant Garden, Agrabah, Never Land, Atlantica (he just dropped presents into the ocean),
Johnel: What about the people who don’t live in the ocean are they just going to get told tough shit losers?
and The Deep Jungle. He also delivered tons of coal to The World That Never Was. Xehanort was going to be pissed in the morning.
He still had many other worlds to visit. He had to eat all the cookies everyone had set out for him and he was already full. Riku was glad that the climates in many of the worlds were different but still cold. Radiant Garden was below zero while Never Land had cool springlike weather.
Riku's next stop was Twilight Town.
Ienzo: At this point I’m wondering if the fat fool even had a logical route planned out with this series of stops.
Johnel: With how they change the map layout every game I’m surprised he can do it at all.
He couldn't wait to stop there. He had become friends with Roxas and his friends through Sora.
Ienzo: Well seeing as Sora and Roxas are the same being and currently merged I don’t see why he wouldn’t be.
Johnel: No actually they just ignore that and have guys like Roxas still exists separately.
Ienzo: More and more I feel these stories like to slap me in the face with my own research and knowledge of the universe.
He hadn't seen Roxas in a while but Riku heard that Roxas would be at the Christmas party Hurky was holding at her house the next day.
Johnel: Yeah apparently self-inserts host parties people from other worlds want to go to.
After stopping at numerous houses, Riku landed the sleigh on the roof of Roxas' house. Riku pulled out the list and checked for Roxas' name.
"He's been good and Santa's giving him...AN ELECTRIC GUITAR?" asked Riku. "IS HE NUTS?"
Johnel: Why does he already own one?
Ryo rummaged through the bag of gifts and took out a box that was beautifully wrapped in shiny blue paper and a green bow with Roxas' name on it. "I think he'd make a great guitarist." she commented. "He told me that Hayner was teaching him how to play the guitar."
Ienzo: Does that have anything to do with the plot or is it once again a pointless distraction dragging the torment out?
Riku took the box and went down the chimney. He slid down until he hit the bottom of the fireplace. Riku stood up and looked around. There was a tree standing in the living room but it was not lit up since Roxas' parents
Johnel: Which should be Sora’s parents I guess. Maybe virtual parents Ansem made for the virtual Twilight Town. I don’t know this hurts my head a bit.
didn't want to start a fire overnight. Riku looked to the wall and saw pictures of Roxas and his parents. Roxas was an only child. There weren't pictures of any other blonde haired kids as Riku could see.
He walked over to the tree where it was laden with presents wrapped by Roxas' parents. There were also presents from Hayner, Pence, and Olette which all said Do not open until Christmas.
Riku placed the guitar under the tree and walked back to the fireplace. He magically shot back up and jumped out of the chimney. Santa had given Riku some of his powers but it was temporary. They would wear off once he got back to the workshop."
Ienzo: Very late to explain that now. Almost as if the author didn’t remember that issue until just now.
"Now we have to go to Namine's house." said Ryo, checking off Roxas' name. "Her present is an art set."
Johnel: Like she doesn’t have enough of those… if she wasn’t just merged like Roxas I guess.
"An art set?" asked Riku. "If you ask me, that's a pretty boring present to ask for."
"But she requested an expensive type of art set." explained Ryo. "It's got all kinds of stuff made from expensive materials from unknown worlds."
Ienzo: If they are unknown how would you even obtain them in the first place?
Riku flew all the way to Namine's house, went down her chimney, and put the present under the tree. Right when he was walking to the fireplace, there was the sound of a loud growl. Riku turned around to find a fluffy white cat growling at him. It was Marshmallow, Namine's mean Persian cat. It only liked Namine. It liked to attack Roxas and other people.
Johnel: Let me guess hijinks are about to ensue.
"Nice Marshmallow..." said Riku as he backedaway nervously. Just be calm, Riku...
Marshmallow stepped more and more forward to Riku. Cats never really liked Riku. His family had a 6 year old gray and white cat named Daisy.
Johnel: Must get confusing when you are talking about visits to Disney Castle then. You’d think they’d just choose a different name when writing this.
She only liked Riku's twin brother and their parents. She loved to scratch people, especially Riku.
Riku immediately ran to the chimney and went back up. He ran to the sled and caught his breath.
"What happened to you?" asked Ryo.
"Stupid...stupid cat!" panted Riku.
Ienzo: I feel there is gaps were he actually interacted with the cat to justify this reaction.
Johnel: Fine be me means less bad comedy attempts.
He paid a few more visits to other houses in Twilight Town. Riku delivered a lot of Nintendo Wiis and PS3s to people.
Johnel: Yet no Xbox 360’s because fuck those guys.
Ienzo: You own one.
Riku even delivered a present to Axel. He made the good list this year. Riku fell down his chimney with a wrapped iPod nano. Riku walked to the brightly lit tree and put the present under it.
Ienzo: Lea made the “good” list? Now I know this was made by a truly insane individual to believe that could happen.
Riku turned around to find a sleepy eyed Axel walking around in his PJs of a light blue t-shirt and candy cane pajama bottoms.
Oh crap, thought Riku. He saw me!
Johnel: So? Just say hi explain what is going on and leave. He’s old enough to be ok with Santa having a stand in for one year.
But Axel didn't walk over to Riku. He walked over to the kitchen, got some pop tarts for some weird reason, and walked out. Riku got a closer look at Axel and saw that his eyes were closed.
Is he sleepwalking? thought Riku.
"Yes, Roxas and Namine, I got yer pop tarts...zzzzzzz...Got it memorized?" Axel said sleepily as he walked back upstairs.
Ienzo: I see this scene must has so gone beyond the mortal realms of humor and ascend to comedy godhood to be so unknowable because I completely found myself unable to laugh.
Riku laughed silently to himself and went back up the chimney.
A few more hours were spent delivering presents. Finally, Riku and Ryo reached Destiny Islands, where it was about 11:30. There was also a light rain falling.
"Where do we go first?" asked Riku.
Ryo looked at the list and turned to Riku. "I think we should go to Sora's. Santa really wants us to give him this present."
Johnel: At least it gives him some priority for his work.
It was a special medicine for Sora. He had wanted to be well for the holidays. Before Riku left, Santa had given the medicine to him.
Johnel: Couldn’t give him an actually present with it you cheapskate?
"Make sure Sora gets this medicine." said Santa. "One spoonful will cure the cold but Ryo would have to disguise herself as Sora's mother."
Ienzo: First when was it ever established that the creature could change shape? Why does she need to be disguised at all for this medicine to even work? Finally why not introduce the medicine in a gas or injection form and skip waking him completely?
Back in reality, Riku landed on Sora's roof with the medicine in his hand. "Ryo, you're needed for this mission." he said.
Ryo jumped out of the sled and walked to Riku. "Let's go!" she said.
Johnel: I’m going to guess it is because they realized she had nothing to do so far in the story.
Riku first jumped and fell down the chimney to Sora's house. He looked up at Ryo, who was watching him.
"Alright, you can come down here now!" he whispered.
Ienzo: I’m curious at what happens if she gets stuck inside the chimney.
Ryo jumped down the chimney and landed on her feet. She walked into Sora's living room where a brightly lit tree stood. The living room was neat and tidy. Normally, it was a little dirty, but tomorrow, Sora's parents were going to hold a Christmas cocktail party. That was when Hurky got the idea to throw a party for the people who couldn't or wouldn't drink.
Ienzo: Until Lea brings alcohol to that party as well.
On the coffee table was a plate with four cookies and a tall glass of milk.
"Ryo, you go over to Sora's room while I put these presents under the tree." directed Riku. Ryo nodded.
Ryo crept up the stairs and made her way in the dark to Sora's room. It was open ajar and Ryo opened it all the way. She walked slowly into the room, where she found Sora, sleeping in his bed. This time, he was wearing his pajamas consisting of a black t-shirt and basketball shorts. His spiky hair was matted after taking a hot bath and going back to sleep with his hair soaking wet. His face was red and flushed and his breathing was hoarse since his throat was still sore.
Johnel: Now if only I cared about that.
"Poor Sora," Ryo whispered. She snapped her fingers and she changed into a brown haired woman with blue eyes. "Here goes." she said in Sora's mom's voice.
Johnel: Wait finger snapping magic? Dear god she is a Q!
She pulled out the medicine from her pocket, took out a little plastic cup that normally came with liquid medicines, and gently shook Sora.
"Sora dear, wake up." said Ryo, remembering what Sora's mom always said.
Ienzo: I’d question how she knows this but my sanity has limits.
Sora stirred and mumbled something.
"Come on Sora, I have some medicine for you," coaxed Ryo.
"Do way." croaked Sora. "I already took that stupid hot bath."
Johnel: Actually wish I could be taking a warm bath or shower right now to clean off the creep factor this story has.
"It's just something small." said Ryo. "I'm not asking too much."
Sora sighed and sat up. He coughed and snifled as Ryo poured the medicine into the small plastic cup. She noticed that the bottle contained only one dose of the medicine. She handed Sora the medicine and he gulped it down. He was surprised at the taste. It tasted a lot like maraschino cherries, the kind used in ice cream sundaes, and had a very tiny hint of that medicine-y flavor.
Ienzo: Well at least she isn’t so incompetent as to screw that up.
"That's my baby boy." said Ryo, ruffling Sora's hair.
"Thanks, Bob." said Sora, whose voice was still stuffy. "Dight."
He snuggled back under the covers and Ryo shuddered. She had just called him a baby boy but Sora's mom always called him that.
Johnel: You could have called him something else she calls him. But whatever needed that scene for some reason.
She put a hand on Sora's forehead. His fever was going down already. Ryo breathed a sigh of relief.
She left the room, to the chimney, and went up it where she found Riku already sitting in the sleigh, looking over the list. He looked up to find Ryo hopping into the sleigh.
"Did he take it?" asked Riku curiously.
"Yeah, he did." replied Ryo. "Let's go."
Riku told the reindeer to go and they flew into the air. They landed on Kairi's roof a minute later.
"What did Kairi want for Christmas?" asked Ryo.
Ienzo: Hopefully to actually be useful the next time Xehanort tries something.
"A pink sweater made out of 99 percent cotton and 1 percent spandex." Riku read from the list. He looked up. "Hey, that reminds me of the sweater she paid a lot of munny for that I destroyed."
Johnel: Who actually wants an ugly Christmas sweater? That is the sort of thing you get then take to Goodwill the week after.
Ryo rolled her eyes and pulled out a box wrapped in shiny purple gift wrap with pink ribbons on it. Riku took the present, along with presents for Kairi's younger siblings,
Ienzo: Her what?
Johnel: Don’t ask.
and went down the chimney. After about three minutes, Ryo heard the sound of a dog growling and Riku whispering in a loud voice, "Oh snap!!"
He flew back up the chimney, ran to the sleigh, and hopped in.
"Let's go!" he said frantically.
Johnel: Calm down dude you have magic and can summon a mythical weapon to your hand what is a dog going to do to you?
"What happened down there?" asked Ryo.
"Kairi's stupid dog attacked me!" said Riku. "It normally likes me, but I guess it was because I smell a lot like Santa.
Johnel: The dog it turns out celebrates the Pagan roots of the holiday and finds Santa an affront to its religious beliefs.
Well, at least I snagged some of her mom's famous chocolate chip and peppermint cookies."
He took a bite of a chocolate chip cookie with peppermint pieces in it and flew off.
He went to Hurky's home to deliver a laptop computer for Hurky and a Nintendo Wii for her younger brother, Louie.
Johnel: Wow some author must really favor this Hurky.
"Why does that
peacock hunting bastard get a
Wii?" complained Riku, looking at the list.
Ienzo: I do not care nor do I see a point in what you have just discussed and would wish that you would just get on with it.
Ienzo: I do not care nor do I see a point in what you have just discussed and would wish that you would just get on with it.
"It says that even though he hunts peacocks, he has never actually hurt one." explained Ryo. "Let's just deliver the presents."
So, Riku did, and then he went to Alexa's house to deliver a Nintendo DS, and then to Ryo's house to deliver her present. Ryo wanted to open hers right then and there, but Riku wouldn't let her...
Ienzo: I’m just so invested in what is happening in this dramatic tale of yule time adventure truly.
Hurky: (talking in a stuffy voice) Sorry for the short chapter. I will try to fidish dis by Saturday or Suday but like Sora, I have been sick with a code.
Johnel: Oh hey while you are here can you answer why you give yourself and your other OC’s expansive electronic gifts and only gave the main characters cough syrup and sweaters?
Riku: That's coincidental.
Hurky: Shut up Riku. Later!!
Sora: Quit hogging all the tiddues, Hurky!
Ienzo: Fuck off your bit is done let’s just finish this abomination.
Hurky: It's the final chapter of How Riku Saved Christmas! Sorry if the chapter isn't very descriptive, but it's almost Christmas and I want this completed ASAP.
Johnel: Could you have just not finished it at all? Maybe gave up in general?
Ienzo: Depends this thing still write about us?
Johnel: Actually think she moved on to fanfiction about sticoms.
Riku: Now enjoy!!
Disclaimer: Hurky doesn't own Jean. But she did rewrite the Christmas songs herself.
After an eventful night, Riku had finally completed the present delivery route. By then, Riku was physically exhausted. He wanted to drop on the ground and sleep once he got back to Christmas Town but he knew he couldn't. He was the hero with Christmas, along with Ryo. He couldn't embarrass himself by doing that.
Ienzo: No fear this story is an embarrassment all on its own.
Riku flew the sled back to Santa in silence. Ryo stared at the view down below. Riku was focused on driving the sleigh. Ryo turned to her right and saw peacocks wearing Santa hats, flying and flapping their wings. One turned to Ryo and lifted its hat in hello. Ryo waved at the peacock.
Johnel: The fuck.
"Merry Christmas!!" said the peacock. "Balamb Express thanks you for the safe delivery of the presents!!"
"Merry Christmas to you too!" said Ryo.
Riku pulled the reins again and they flew faster. The snow flurries hit their faces and melted. Riku was shivering under his coat but he was almost to the workshop.
After flying for twenty more minutes, they reached Christmas Town. Mrs. Claus, Santa (with crutches), Jack, Sally, and the elves were waiting there. They cheered when they saw the sleigh.
"They did it, Jack!" exclaimed Sally.
"Yup. They saved Christmas!!" said Jack.
The sleigh touched down on the snowy ground and the reindeer went to a halt. Riku and Ryo jumped out of the sleigh and everyone went totally nuts.
"YEEAAAAAHHHHH!!" they cheered.
"Congratulations!" said Santa. "You saved Christmas."
Riku grinned. He and Ryo went inside, along with everyone else...
A few hours later, while Riku and Ryo were returning home, Kairi, Alexa, and Hurky were sitting at the paopu tree on that sunny Christmas morning, talking about their presents.
"I got a laptop!!" Hurky said excitedly. "It's so awesome! I can turn the screen around and there's a spot for a fingerprint!!"
"I got a Nintendo DS!" said Alexa. "It's pink and I love it so far!"
"Speaking of pink..." said Kairi, who was wearing her new sweater over her pink dress.
"Oh, you got that sweater!" said Alexa. "Didn't Riku destroy it?"
"Yeah, but Santa gave this to me!" squealed Kairi.
"HELLO!!" said a voice.
The three girls jumped and turned to find Sora, standing there. He was smiling and he looked a lot better.
"Sora!" said Kairi.
"Great news, I'm not sick anymore!" said Sora with a huge grin on his face. "My mom gave me some medicine last night and I woke up feeling like I wasn't sick at all."
"So you're not sick for Christmas!" said Hurky. "That's awesome!! You can come to my Christmas party!!"
Johnel: I mean what is more important that he isn’t sick so he can actually breath or that he isn’t sick so he can attend your social functions and make you feel special?
Two hours later, at 11:00 in the morning, Riku and Ryo finally made it home. Riku had drunk a lot of coffee so he wouldn't fall asleep. They went to Hurky's house, where she was setting up. The party started at 3:30. So, they helped Hurky along with Hurky's friend Jean.
Ienzo: Who I’ll take it is utterly pointless to the what is about the happen.
Then the party started and people showed up.
"Hey Sora, you're not sick!" said Riku when he saw Sora.
"I know, Santa gave me a really good present." said Sora. "The gift of health."
Johnel: In hindsight that is actually a rip off seeing as you’d get better eventually anyways.
"How do you know?" asked Riku.
Johnel: He’s got contacts in the afterlife he can know whatever he wants.
"Because he probably had something to do with me getting better."replied Sora. "I don't know how, but I'm not sick for Christmas."
"Well good for you." said Riku, patting Sora on the shoulder.
The party had all sorts of food and drinks. Little sandwiches, potato chips, cherry cordials, candy, cake, meatballs with toothpicks, sushi, soda, water, sparkling apple cider, and egg nog.
The party went along fine until Sora and Roxas got into an argument. So Sora went to prove that he could strum Christmas tunes. He took Roxas' guitar and began to strum and sing.
Ienzo: He is going to sing stupid parody songs like you do isn’t he?
Johnel: Nah probably be worse.
"Going to Kingdom Hearts,
In a broken down gummi ship,
To the worlds we go,
Laughing at Donald,
Johnel: Really you kind of have to stretch out saying the name Donald to get it to match the beat of “all the way” close enough I guess.
Ansem's gonna croak,
Making me a hero,
Johnel: Saying those two just sounds awkward. I mean is the first line even in tune?
Oh what fun it is to be a keyblade wielder ohhhhhhh
Johnel: Hell they completely dropped the beat for “a sleighing song tonight” there.
Jingle Bells, Ansem smells
Donald laid an egg,
Gummi ship lost its wing
And Roxas took ballet, HEY!!"
Johnel: That works though really half that is just taking from the Batman version.
Everyone laughed and Roxas fumed. "I NEVER TAKE BALLET!!" he said.
"What if I took ballet?" teased Namine.
Ienzo: Then she took ballet and that in no way effects Roxas or should cause him further distress.
Sora strummed the guitar again and began to sing.
Ienzo: Are you going to get worked up over something you yourself do again?
Johnel: Hey I put more work into keeping in tune with the song I’m making fun of at least.
"Axel the red haired Organization member,
Johnel: Like right there the word Organization completely mangles the beat of the line “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer”. It makes the line five syllables too long.
Had very red hair,
And if you ever saw it,
You would even say it burns!!
All of the other members,
Used to laugh and call him names,
They never let poor Axel,
Join in on any meetings!
Johnel: Beats closer but the rhyme is fucked to hell.
Then one foggy afternoon, Xemnas came to say,
'Axel with your hair so bright, come to our meeting today,'
Johnel: In the original it was to rhyme bright and tonight. Changing it to today doesn’t work. Hell they could have just kept it night if they need.
Then all the members liked him, Just for that afternoon,
Axel the red haired Organization member,
You'll go down in history!!
Ienzo: As a bastard perhaps.
Axel, who was there only because he followed Roxas and Namine, had his jaw drop open.
Johnel: Also to get Sora drunk so he’d do something like this.
"My hair does not make people scream!" he cried. "Got it memorized?"
Johnel: Ok I just over analyzed your stupid lyrics out of boredom and there wasn’t even a line about screaming in the damn thing.
Ienzo: Also as much as I’m not his biggest fan I don’t think that got it memorized catchphrase of his is just some verbal tic he uses after every sentence.
Sora ignored Axel and strummed again. Everyone knew this song. Sora sang it last year.
Johnel: Oh joy.
Have a crazy, KH Christmas,
It's a random time of the year,
Ienzo: This wasn’t random at all this entire tale was just idiotic and the product of someone who was clearly dropped on their head on purpose as an infant.
I don't know if there will be snow,
But let's kick Ansem's ass!
Johnel: Turn a line about good cheer into a wish to violently attack a man. Yes so Christmas appropriate.
Have a crazy, KH Christmas,
And as you go to Destiny Islands,
Say hello to Sora and Kairi,
And maybe Riku, too.
Oh look the mistletoe,
Hung where we can see,
Ryo waits for Riku,
Run as fast as you can!!
Johnel: Can I not think about your creepy fucking loli shit right now?
Have a crazy, KH Christmas,
And in case you didn't hear,
OMG have a crazy KH Christmas this year!!
Johnel: No fuck you. I mean I understand the original lyric was “oh my golly” but you don’t replace that with your Dumbass fucking chat speak!
Everyone applauded. Sora grinned and gave Roxas his guitar back.
"Maybe you'll get better when you get lessons." said Jean as she patted Roxas on the shoulder and walked away.
Ienzo: Oh so this “Jean” was there just to insult one of the actually franchise characters. How dull and uninteresting.
As everyone walked out of the room, Kairi noticed Riku and Ryo on the couch, both asleep. Ryo had her head on Riku's shoulder and Riku had his arm around her. They had a long and sleepless night and no one else knew. Kairi smiled, took a blanket, covered them with it, turned out the light, and walked out...
Johnel: To Axel burning the house down in drunken spite.
Hurky: That's the end! I would like to thank everyone for their support throughout the story. Have a safe and happy holidays from me, Sora, and the gang!!
Ienzo: They wish you and your made up “friends” would all burn with the house most likely.
Riku: We're not a gang!!
Sora: It's an expression!!
Johnel: I don’t give a fuck!!
Riku: Oh, I get it, haha. MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANNUKAH, and HAPPY KWANZAA EVERYONE, WOOT!!!
Johnel: Well now everyone that celebrates those Holidays hates you.
Ienzo: So we are done with this abomination?
Johnel: Yeah meaning we will most likely get a message from the bitchy overlord in 3…2…1..
*A message in poorly written crayon appears on screen saying “I toots ws mad si to go 2 stoopid charity 2 tell them to chick there privleg fir trying to halp peeples thez aren’t” *
Johnel: Well glad to see she isn’t any smarter.
Ienzo: You aren’t going to sing anything are you?
Johnel: No this story ruined parody music for me for a bit.
Ienzo: Fine whatever happy holidays or some such you portly bastard.
Johnel: Merry Christmas to you too man. Also Happy Holidays to our readers let me play you all off and have a wonderful new year.