Sunday, October 28, 2012

A Nightmare on Hyrule Field Part 6: My Little Boar

Back in Hyrule

Johnel: Let’s see Dragmire has been reincarnated and Link refuses to do two in a row. Well guess I’m doing it myself.

         "Welcome home, how was thy honeymoon?" The King questioned. "We had the time of our lives." Link winked and a grin happed upon his face. "It was very beautiful, thank you soo much."

Johnel: Yeah on that beautiful bit I have one thing to say...

I said hugging the King tightly. "I really enjoyed the time with Link." Just then Zelda spoke up. "A fairy from the forest has sent word that the Great Deku Tree wants to speak with you both."

Johnel: Wait I’m pretty sure he is dead

 Link and I exchanged glances. "The Great Deku Tree has summoned us?" I said as I looked back at Zelda. "Yes the word came in this morning." Link looked at me with a confused look. "We had better not keep The Great Deku Tree waiting." Link inquired. "Jenna my daughter

Johnel: Fuck you.

I will have one of your horses saddled and brought to you."  I nodded and then the King and Princess Zelda returned to the castle.

   After a few minuets a stable hand came with my brown mare "Star Dancer."

Johnel: To hell with it I can’t resist.


Link helped me up into the saddle then mounted Epona. Link gently booted Epona and she took off at a gallop. I then followed. We headed to Kokiri forest. It was not a long ride, but we had to make haste. As we arrived at the entrance to the Kokiri forest, Saria was there to greet us. "You made it, The Great Deku Tree is waiting." Saria said as we dismounted. "I will have your horses tended to."

Johnel: By who? No seriously how would any of them know how to take care of a horse. In fact how many even know what a horse is?

"Please go on." We each exchanged looks then entered the Kokiri Village. All of the Kokiri watched us as we make our way through. Then when we reached the entrance to the Great Deku Tree's meadow, Mido the Kokiri leader was waiting. "You must hurry, the Great Deku Tree is waiting." Mido said as he ushered us onward. We walked down the path and into the meadow.

   As we stood in front of The Great Deku Tree he awoke from his slumber.

Ganondorf:*Teleports in* Curse it all!

Johnel: Oh hey what was the hero gimmick this time?

Ganondorf: There was four of the little bastard cutting out chunks of my beast form’s flesh like it was to be sold at the market!

"Link and Jenna, thoust has arrived." "Come come, sit I have great news for thee."

Link and I sat down in the grass and awaited for the Great Deku Tree's

Ganondorf: Isn’t he dead?

Johnel: Just run with it.

 news. "Link, "Hero of Time"-thou art courageous, ye saved Hyrule and hast taken a wife." "Jenna, thou art spiritual,

Johnel: What fucking spirituality are you seeing?

 ye lost thy family, then began a vagabond's journey. "Now thou hast taken a husband." "Shall ye seek the blessing of child?"

Johnel: Whoa  Deku Tree kind of getting personal with the questions.

 I turned to Link and we exchanged smiles as we said "Yes." "Since Hyrule is at peace now things are all well, but the Desert Man may some day return. "I give each of ye a Guardian Fairy to protect ye."

Ganondorf: Yes for surely I the great Ganondorf will be defeated by a glowing ball of light with wings.

          Just then two fairies, one with a pink aura and one with a blue aura flew over to us. "I cannot believe that fairies really exist."

Johnel: You saw them the last time you were here! Did you think they just had a thing for strobe lights during their celebrations!

I thought to myself. I watched as the blue fairy flew over to Link. "Long time no see Link." "How I have missed you." Link looked at the fairy and smiled big. "Navi, my old friend, I have missed you too."

Johnel: Hey listen hey listen hey listen hey listen hey listen hey listen hey listen..

Ganondorf: WHAT!

Johnel: Did you know according to Word of God Navi was in love with Link?

Ganondorf: What…I don’t….


 "How have you been since last we saw each other?" Link inquired the blue fairy. "Oh great."

Johnel: Wait is he being sarcastic?

Ganon:*confused grunt*

 "I see you have taken a wife." "She is truly beautiful, Link." "You two will make beautiful children together."

Johnel: Because you know the only thing a wife is for is to look pretty and spit out children.

 The fairy smiled at Link then flew over to me. The Pink one behind her. As the fairy hovered in front of me her blue aura seemed so beautiful, so peaceful. "My name is Navi and this is Lilly." "Hello." the Pink fairy said. "We will be the Guardian Fairies for Link and you from now on." Navi inquired. I could not believe I was getting a fairy. They were only told in storybook tales where I came from. But as I looked at Navi and Lilly, I was glad they were not just myths. I was glad to have a fairy partner.

Johnel: Everything for the Sue of course.

         Navi then flew back over to Link and Lilly came over to me. "Hello Jenna, its nice to meet you." Lilly said as she hovered in front of me. As I looked at the Pink Fairy, I was glad that she was my Guardian. "Lilly, I think we are going to be good friends." "As do I." Lilly responded. Then I got up and went over to Link. I threw my arms around him and looked into his eyes. His eyes seemed to glow in the sunlight.

Johnel: If anything else starts to glow in the sunlight I’m fleeing.

 I laid my head against his chest and begun to think to myself. "A Guardian Fairy." "I would have never dreamed." "It is not a myth, this is real." "And I am very lucky."

Ganon:*Attempts to rip screen with tusks*

           Just then The Great Deku Tree spoke again once more. "Thou art courageous and thou art spiritual will be protected if the Desert Man should ever return." "Then your Guardian Fairies will help protect ye." "When thou hast thy first born, return to see me."

Johnel: For you know there is always room for more bullshit to be given out.

 With his words spoken The Great Deku Tree returned to his slumber. I held Link's hand as I looked at the two fairies. "This is truly a great gift The Great Deku Tree has given us." Then I looked back at Link and he nodded in agreement. Link and I then kissed before we started for home. When we returned to Kokiri Village, all of the Kokiri especially Saria wanted to know what The Great Deku Tree told us. Saria's eyes widened when we told her we had our own fairies. Even more so when she found out Navi returned to Link.


Johnel: Wait I thought you could speak in beast form?

Ganon:*Used Stomp*

          "That is great news!" Saria said cheerfully. "It is great to see that Navi has returned." Link nodded and a smile crossed his face. "How come they get fairies?" "They are not even Kokiri!" A voice called from behind. Just then the head strong Mido approached us.

Johnel: Wait so now he is acting confrontational again?

 "What makes them so special to get their own fairies?" Mido questioned. Saria turned and looked at Mido square in the face. "Link is the "Hero of Time." "He is special and so is his wife." "As the Sage of the Forest I remember what Gannon said as we sealed him the Sacred Realm."

Johnel: Well that is more just a repeat of the curse Demise placed but the author didn’t know that yet.

Ganon:*Confused snort*

 "He cursed that he would one day get revenge on Link or his decedents." "Link has already confided in me that he and his new wife plan on having children." "They will need protection if Gannon should ever return." "He would go after Link and his family first." Saria's eyes narrowed as she confronted Mido. Saria was always protective of Link and even more so when Mido tried to get smart. I watched as she faced off with Mido.

Johnel: Now we get the real reason of this scene. To re affirm how fucking perfect the main character and her husband are.

         When Mido saw the fire burning in Saria's eyes he knew to back off. "Well they still don't deserve it, grumble, grumble." Then Mido walked off. Saria watched as he went. "I'm sorry for all of that trouble." "I guess he really never got over what happened eight years ago." Saria then walked up to Link. "*Sigh* I guess he will never get over it."

Johnel: You said that twice you dumb green haired loli!

 She said as she placed her hand gently on Link's. "I will always remain your friend Link not matter what." "I will also help protect you and your family should Gannon ever return." "I promise." Saria said as she looked over at me. And I knew I believed her. She would go to the ends of the Earth

Ganon:*Looks at Johnel*

Johnel: We also use Earth for the name of our planet but really it doesn’t matter right now.

 for Link. And that made me feel better as well. We spent some time there while Link said some temporary "Good byes." as I sat and talked with Lilly.
Johnel:  You know what this whole chapter is nothing but….

         When it started to get late we decided it was time to settle into our new home. Link wanted me to see it while there was still light. Then Saria went to fetch our horses. When she came back we mounted and headed for the Lost Woods. Link and I waved goodbye just before we disappeared into the tunnel leading to the Lost Woods. We made our way through the maze of trees and into a large clearing. There stood the most beautiful house I had ever seen.

Johnel: Then and army of Stalfos popped out and killed them because you built a house in the Lost Woods you dumbass.

          My eyes were transfixed on the house as I dismounted. I ran up to the front of the house and looked it over. There was a white gate in the front with a fence that ran all the way around the house. A stable for horses was on the right side, a pen for sheep and pigs just off to the side near the front. There was a pasture behind the house to graze cows and horses in. And off to the left of the house was the well. The house itself was like a summer home. It was a light tan house with a white roof. The windows were Monastery style. And the front door was brown with the carving of the Triforce symbol just bellow the greeting hole.

Johnel: Greating hole?

And when I then went inside I was nearly blown away.

   The entire house was furnished. The living quarters had a wooden couch with cushions. A reading chair sat beside a fireplace. There was a book table beside the couch with an oil lamp on it. Candles in stands stood all around the room while oil lamps hung from the walls. In the dining quarters stood a huge wooden table with six chairs around it. A small vase of flowers sat in the middle. The kitchen had all of the cooking supplies we would ever need. There was even a spice rack on the wall. A small icebox was in the corner and another small fireplace was in the back for cooking. There was a spiral staircase that went up to the sleeping quarters. I walked up the staircase and went to see the sleeping quarters. When I reached the top I noticed there were 5 doors. Four were empty and one furnished. The one that was furnished was our Bed Chamber. There was an Edwardian bed(3)

Johnel: Just think one of those beds with curtains. Also I think even the house is a Sue at this point.

 with beautiful white silk sheets and pillows. A wooden chair sat off to the right and a small table with an oil lamp sat to the left of the chair. Silk curtains lined the window. And award robe closet stood in the left side of the room.

Johnel: For apparently they give out robes as awards in this universe.

         I was so over overjoyed with the sight that when Link came up behind me I threw my arms around him, told him I loved him and kissed him passionately. I knew that this was the place we were going to raise our family. The place I was going to spend the rest of my life in. Link had given me a beautiful gift. A gift of love.

Johnel: Well that was bad but not the worst chapter so far what did you think Dragmire?

Ganon:*Used Roar… the part ended*

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Hit the 200 Mark!

Well looks like this crazy experiment is starting to pick up some steam for it has already hit the 200 view mark!

Now lets just see if this growth can continue.

So keep checking back for updates and once again.

                      Thank You For Reading!

Monday, October 8, 2012

A Nightmare on Hyrule Field Part 5: The Same Thing We Do Every Night

The Honeymoon


Johnel: Yes but wouldn’t a zombie version of Elvis have to lip sync due to no longer having working vocal cords?

        After a long ride we reached the Great Coast. The Summer Cabin the King had set up for us was along the ocean. Link pulled back on the reins and Epona came to a full stop. He helped me down, dismounted himself and took Epona to the stable. After he returned he picked me up into his arms and carried me over the threshold and inside. Once inside my eyes grew as big as saucers. The entire place was furnished. Candles were lit everywhere and a table with a meal already prepared on it was set for two. Two candles were lit in the center. And I wondered who could have made the food. Then I remembered that one of the Sages left the reception early. The Sage of Water, Ruto.

Johnel: Then she came up from behind and bashed the Sues head in wanting to take Link for herself.


          I looked around and saw a small letter on the table by the door. I opened it and it was from Ruto. The letter said: "Link was supposed to marry me,


Johnel: Well look at it this way you are dead and the other you went back in time so it is probably null and void by this point.

 but I was blind to his happiness.  As I watched him with you I saw how happy he had become. Now I realize what I had done was wrong. I could not hold Link to something he would not be happy with. I hope your life together brings you both the happiness and peace you both desire. When you two have your first born please come and see me." Signed -Ruto the Water Sage.

Johnel: How much you want to bet she is going to steal that kid in some crazy revenge scheme?


Johnel: Eh the dumped love interests turn evil most of the time in these things so I’m just making an educated guess.

         I closed the letter and held it close. A tear trickled down my cheek as I thought of what Ruto had done for us. Link came up behind me and threw his arms around me. "What is wrong my love?" "Are you feeling ok?" Link's skin seemed to glow under the candlelight and his eyes filled with love. I wiped my face and put the letter down. "I...I'm fine." "I'll be ok." I said as I softly placed my hand against his cheek and looked into his eyes. "I'm glad to be here with you." I said softly. "As am I" Link's smile widened and he took my hand and led me to the table.


         I sat down and Link pushed in my chair before seating himself. As we ate we talked about future plans and having a family. But I could tell his mind was not on the food.

Johnel: Mostly because it was filled with arsenic and he was about to keel over.

I took my foot and slowly, brushed it up against his leg. As I rubbed his leg with my foot he squirmed in his chair. Finally he got up and came around behind me.


         He lowered his head down by my neck and I could feel his hot breath against my cheek. I felt his lips move to my neck as he started to passionately kiss me there. As he nibbled on my neck I let out soft moans. After a few minuets Link took me by the hand, lifted me out of the chair and led me to a room where a tub was filled with hot water.

Johnel: Wait did the author just write in a hot tub?

He pressed his lips on mine and we kissed deeply, as he begun to remove my dress exposing my naked body. As his hands started to caress my body, caress my breasts, I could feel myself getting hotter. I wanted him. Wanted to feel him. I wanted to touch him in ways that he had never been touched.

Johnel: Most of those will of course involve very uncomfortable things being shoved places they shouldn’t go and it would leave poor Link a cripple.


 Then I felt his heart beating faster, felt his hands moving up and down my slender body.  As he nibbled

Johnel: What is with this version of you and the nibbling?


on my nipples, I little by little slowly started to remove his clothes, exposing his heavenly naked body. I slowly reached up and placed my hands on his bear chest.


 As I ran my finger tips down his chest, soft moans passed his lips. His body was so muscular, so firm, his skin silky to the touch.

Johnel: Something about that just doesn’t sound right but what is it?


Johnel: No I meant the muscular part.


 I ran my hands slowly down his body. First to his waist then to his thighs, around his butt, then to the swollen organ between his legs. When I grazed my hand over the head, Link let out small cries of pleasure.

Johnel: Okay just speaking for myself guys aren’t exactly that vocal especially over so little contact.

 Then I looked in to his eyes.

Johnel: Only to be burned by the lasers that should out of them. Also I’ll be merciful and skip the oral scene what do you say?


Johnel: Good man.

Link let out a loud animal like cry as he reached his peak, releasing his essence into my mouth.


       I swallowed, licking up all of the sweet juices off his member. As I licked my lips, he brought his face close to mine. Our lips met kissing each other passionately, the taste of him still on my lips.


Johnel: Oh stop being a drama hero we’ve just started to look at this.

 As he deepened the kiss, I let out soft moans into his mouth. Then we broke off the kiss and I looked into his eyes. "I'm ready for you now my love." I said as I started to kiss his neck. Slowly I felt the heat between us grow stronger. I felt myself wanting him, felt my body calling out to feel him inside me. His eyes shone desire in them, the passion burned in them. He led me by the hand then, pulled me into the tub as the desire between us raged.

Johnel: Well that tub will never be good for washing again.

          I wanted him even more now; wanted to feel him inside me.  He moved closer to me and I felt his throbbing member at my entrance. Then I begun to cry out in ecstasy as he slowly penetrated my enchanted body.

Johnel: Ah ha so she did place a curse on him!


 Slowly at first, then I cried out in pure bliss as Link upped his movements. As we made hot love I felt his heart beating in unison with mine, felt the heat of his body against my body. Link felt soo good inside me. So warm. So tender.

Johnel: Like a well prepared steak.

Then he pushed me up against the side of the tub as he put his hands underneath my body lifting me up, allowing him to penetrate deeper. I wrapped my legs around his waist and groaned as I grabbed his back and dug my nails in feeling the sweat beginning to form.  As I dragged my hands down his back, I cried in ecstasy as he begun to thrust deeper inside my now hot sweaty form.

Johnel: Marvel at how the author makes a sex scene so generic but so unappealing at the same time!

 Our bodies quivered as our movements begun to flow in unison. And I felt his heart beginning to beat faster as I forced my body up against his. Loud animal-like sounds passed his lips


 as his thrusts came in faster beats. Then I bucked against Link as I as cried for him to take me. "Ungh....Link..Oh...My Goddesses.....LINK!" I cried as I ran my hands down his back; down over his buttock, dragging my nails as they went.

Johnel: Honestly that sounds more painful than erotic.

 I felt him starting to breath faster as he started to climax. And as the sheer ecstasy raced through our bodies I didn't want it to end.    I wanted every part of him. I wanted to drink in his body. He felt soo hot......he was mine, mine forever.

Johnel: *As the Sue* Yes my love curse has made the Hero of Time my willing slave for the rest of eternity!


I had him......had his body........his heavenly body........Mmmm.......Sexual thoughts raced through my mind as we both came to a full climax....."LINK!" I cried out in pure ecstasy as I gushed down his muscular legs. "JENNA!" Link screamed as he reached his peak and released his very essence in side me. I let out a loud moan as I felt the warm liquid slide down inside my beautiful body.


It felt sooo good........I now had a part of him inside me. A part of his very essence.

Johnel: Yep she even sucked out a part of his soul through sex.

          We both collapsed from exhaustion after Link delivered his second and final release. Breathing heavy, I looked deeply into his sexy blue eyes.....eyes with passion in them. Then I leaned over and pressed my lips on his tasting the sweetness of firm, so sweet...... Feeling a slight longing I moved my lips to his ear and whispered words of passion to him. "Oh... my Goddesses.... Link." "I so ....much." I said in between gasps of breath before I slowly starting to caress his long sexy pointed ear with my lips and tongue.

Johnel: Yes enjoy the taste of ear wax honey.

 "And....I" Link said as he embraced me. As I nibbled on the lobe of his ear I could hear his soft moaning..........felt his hands moving down my body......I felt the heat of his body......felt his skin against heavenly........his body.......finally for once I felt complete.......felt like a women......I felt sexy, wanted.

Johnel: Honestly what is with this writing is the author having trouble thinking of anything but pointless repetition after the other hand finished?

 We laid there still connected and covered in sweat. I laid my head against his chest and listened to the beating of his heart. We were both exhausted and breathing heavy. Then as my breathing started slow I felt my eyes beginning to drift. And as I felt my last ounce of strength leave my body, I fell asleep.


Johnel: Unfortunately that doesn’t happen and the fic is going to continue.

         The next morning I awoke in bed lying on Link's chest while he stroked my hair. We talked awhile before rising and getting dressed. After he got dressed he went down stairs to cook breakfast as I went to freshen up. I washed my face and hands then I went to the wardrobe closet to select a dress. I picked out a low cut long silk blue dress with a gold Hylian symbol on the lower part of the dress. I put on my wedding ring, the bracelet Zelda gave me, and fixed my hair then I went down stairs.

Johnel: It’s just breakfast you can wear some normal close. Oh wait I forgot the Sue must always look special and beautiful.

 Link greeted me at the bottom and his eyes widened as he looked me over. He took me into his arms and kissed me. "You look beautiful, my love." His eyes seemed to flicker with passion as he held me in his arms. He knew how to make me feel good. His words soft and gentle. He was the perfect man.

Johnel: Yeah not even close girl.


          I walked over to the dinning table and glanced over all the food Link had prepared. "I hope your hungry, my sweet."

Johnel: Honestly all this disgustingly sugary dialogue is not good for my figure.

 He said as I nodded yes. Link pulled out my chair, I sat down and he pushed my chair in before seating himself. While we ate we talked about the plans for the day. Since it was a beautiful day and the area nice, I thought going horseback riding would be the thing to do. But then I remembered one thing, there was only one horse, Epona. A look of disappointment crossed my face, I had really wanted to go horseback riding. Then Link had an idea. "Epona is strong enough to hold us both. "She carried us both here." "You can just sit behind me and put your arms around my waist." Link said as smile widened and I felt better.

Johnel: That was a completely devoid of any actual conflict.



         After breakfast, Link went to saddle Epona while I did the dishes.

Johnel: Of course the “female” does the dishes.

When I finished Link poked his head in the door and said he was ready. I removed my apron, put on my riding boots and followed Link out the door. Epona was in front saddled and ready to go. The rusty brown mare was truly beautiful horse. I walked up to her and patted her on the head. She gently put her mussel near my face to show no fear. As I looked at her, she was the most beautiful horse I had ever seen.


         Link took my hand and helped me into the saddle. Then he mounted in front of me. I put my arms around his waist as he checked to see if I was ready then booted Epona in the ribs and she took off at a gallop. We rode down to the ocean along the beach. Water kicked up behind Epona's legs as we rode along the waters edge. The ocean air smelled sweet and the breeze was cool. I looked over Link's shoulder to see what lay ahead. The beach was vast and wide. Rocky cliffs lined the water further down. Small caves with water flowing into them lined a small island far in the distance.  Then I turned and looked over the vast ocean and saw small islands lining the horizon. This was truly a beautiful place. So peaceful, so serene, it almost made me not want to leave .

Johnel: Actually I’d like to know where the fuck this place is?

        Then we arrived at a small alcove and Link stopped Epona. He dismounted then helped me down. "This is a real beautiful spot let's just sit here awhile." Link said as his blue eyes shone in the sunlight. After we sat down in the sand, I laid my head on Link's shoulder as he put his arm around me. I watched as distant Seagulls flew over the ocean in search of food. The cool breeze blew threw my hair as the salt air tingled my senses. I felt at peace here. Here, there were no wolfos to chase off, no thieves, no duties no nothing.

Johnel: Like you did anything before.

 But I knew that soon it would all be over and we would have to return to Hyrule.

   "Don't worry about that!"  I thought to myself. "Your here with the man you love, your new husband." "Enjoy it with him." "Don't be a fool!"


 Then I got up and ran towards the ocean. Walking into the water I turned and giggled at Link.  Then I gestured for him to follow. Leery he came to the ocean's edge and then I splashed water on him. He looked at me sideways before he splashed water back at me. No sooner had that started, we were running around in the water splashing each other and laughing like little kids. We played all day. Just like we were kids again.

Johnel: A. you didn’t know one another as kids and B. Link grew up in the fucking woods when would he play on a beach!

 I was having the best time of my life. When it started to get dark, we went back up to the beach and sat down in the sand to watch the sun set. I cuddled into Link's arms and laid my head against his chest as the sun's golden rays slowly started to set below the horizon.    "My life with Link will be a happy and special one." He is all I need." "Soon we will have a family and my life will be truly complete."

Johnel: Remember ladies only a dick and some kids can make you have a happy and complete life.


 As I thought to myself my eyes slowly drifted. And as the sun's last rays disappeared over the horizon I closed my eyes..........


Johnel: Still not happening.

         Back at the cottage I was bathing while Link prepared the evening meal. After a bit Link came upstairs to check on me. "I came to see if you need any help bathing."

Johnel: For as a women she can’t do anything herself heavens no.

 He asked. As I looked into his eyes, I took my hand and slowly ran it from the top of my shoulder and down over my breasts. "I could use my back washed." I said seductively. Taking the hint, Link took the washrag and begun to wash my back. After a minute he put the rag down in the water and begun to passionately kiss my neck. Moaning softly I turned my head to face him and gently pressed my lips on his kissing him deeply, our tongues meeting. As we kissed I could feel his hands moving down my naked body.

Johnel: Guess what I’m feeling nice and will cut out the whole follow oral scene for this chapter.

       Painting from the intense experience I got up and looked into his eyes, and knew what he wanted. Slowly I removed his clothes and opened myself to him. I let him take control. Allowed him to fulfill himself. Long Into the night there was nothing but hot passion.

Johnel: Well and the cramps, cuts from the overuse  of teeth, a sprained elbow, some minor fractures, someone ended up taking a knife to the left knee cap, and there was a gunshot wound in her right arm somehow.


Johnel: Just keeping the medical reports honest.

         The last few days were either spent down at the beach or taking peaceful walks together. I knew we only had a small amount of time left here but I spent every minuet enjoying it. And on the day we were returning to Hyrule I couldn't wait to get back. Upon our arrival at the castle the king and Princess Zelda were at the gates to greet us home.


Johnel: Yeah the chapter just kind of ends there. Well see you next time Link.

Link:*Leaves but not before setting the screen on fire*

Johnel: Hmm… perhaps this is having a negative effect on the undead man’s mental state. Nah probably just a phase.