The Next Part of the My Inner Life riff will have the first riffed sex scene in full so just warning you now that it is going to get graphic.
A place where the most vile of fan fiction is brought to be riffed for the good of the multiverse. Or some asshole got bored it really isn't clear.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
A Nightmare on Hyrule Field Part 2: Gannon Banned!
Prologue
Johnel: Greetings I
sent Link to get a chillingly academic lesson in humanoid nature so he’ll be
back next part.
Dreams come in
many forms. Some good, some bad, some very realistic, even ones that feels very
real.
Johnel: You know
those last two have the same meaning dumbass.
A dream may come to
us from happy events, or even stem from bad events in our lives. Some come to
us as a pleasure dream
and some come as
nightmares.
Johnel: The
fanfiction that passes through here create nightmares that’s for sure.
Some become vague
memories after time, while some stay very rich in our minds. This is a story
about a dream that I had. A dream that became more dreams. A dream that would
end one night then resumes the next. It became like a second life.
Johnel: “I’ve been
having these weird thoughts lately. Like is any of this real or not?” Seriously
get on with it you’re starting to bore me.
Ever since I became a
Zelda fan, I grew an interest in Link. I thought of him as the perfect man.
Johnel: You know besides
being mute, a young child in an adult’s body, and not being able to grow a
proper manly beard.
One that you could
not find of this world.
Johnel: I’m pretty
sure there are plenty of good cosplayers out there you could molest.
I thought of him as a
man that should have been. The more that he attracted my attention the more I
became more attracted to him. I felt
like there was a connection between him and me. Then he became a part of me,
and after that I fell deeply in love with him.
Johnel: This is just plain creepy. I mean there isn’t
anything wrong with saying a fictional character is aesthetically pleasing we
are all human after all. Yet this isn’t the garden variety finding Kamina sexy
this is a delusion of romance.
I know that
may sound queer to you but love is a mysterious thing and should not be taken
lightly. Love is a very strong emotion, an emotion that should be treasured.
Love comes from the heart, but when it takes hold, it’s got you. I quite don't
understand it myself, but I do know that when I first laid my eyes upon Link I
fell in love with him.
Johnel: See what I
mean she is using the word love not anything to determine basic attraction.
Also based on how it seems Ocarina of Time was your first Zelda game it is
highly likely the first time you saw him he was a child.
My heart just told me
it was right.
Johnel: Can you stop
saying heart I’m taking a break from Kingdom Hearts fanfiction right now.
Told me he was the
one, the one I had been searching for. Ever since then I have felt that it was
destiny that has brought me to him. Even in my mind it feels the same. I don't
consider myself any different from anyone else.
Johnel: Then I fear
what kind of company you keep.
Though I have love for someone that is not really there, he
will always remain very real to me inside my heart and in my mind. Even to this
day I still love him. He has kept me very happy. He has made me happy when I
was sad. He has made me feel stronger about myself. He has even taken care of
me in ways that no one else can.
Even though I have
feelings for him, I'm not any different from the rest of you.
Johnel: How ‘bout no
you crazy fangirl!
I will always hold him close to me in my heart. He is still
on my mind and I still have dreams. The connection stills remains strong, and
the dreams very real. I lived an entire
life with Link in Hyrule.
Johnel: Here’s hoping
it ended with violence then.
All stemming from a
series of dreams. Dreams that I want to have. Dreams that I make happen. From
the first day I met him, to the birth of our first child,
Johnel: That is kind
of messed up.
to even the days when
Link and I prepared our family in the event that Gannon should return.
Ganondorf:*Teleports
in* Did someone dare miss say the name of the Great King of Evil!
Johnel: Oh hey
Dragmire how’d you die this time?
Ganondorf: Imp-fucker
stabbed me in the gut. I see you’re reading another story that tortures a hero.
Johnel: Yeah you in?
Ganondorf: Why not I
have time before I’m reincarnated again.
This book is based on my inner life. A second life lived in
a far away land in another time line in another dimension. A tale of love,
passion, despair and hope. I enjoyed my inner life. I looked forward to going
to sleep to it every night. And I look forward to ones that will come, because
LOVE WILL NEVER DIE.
Ganondorf: I take it
that this woman is ill.
Johnel: Like you
wouldn’t believe.
The Beginning
I will never
forget the day, the day I met Link. It was a warm spring day; I was on my usual
trip back to Hyrule with my wagon of goods to sell in Hyrule market at the
annual Spring Festival (1).
Ganondorf: I’ve seen
Hyrule in many timelines and I’ve never heard of this Spring Festival.
Johnel: Don’t worry
it is just some generic harvest celebration the author made up.
I have been a
traveling merchant since I was fourteen. This is my sixth year returning to
Hyrule. The last two years I was not able to return when Princess Zelda sent
word of an evil presence in Hyrule. Then all contact was lost. For almost two
years I tried to contact Princess Zelda. Desperately I kept trying to find out
if she was ok. I was never too long without contact with my good friend.
Ganondorf: Surely a
simply merchant from another land couldn’t be friends with the royal family.
Johnel: Trust me it
gets worse.
Then I was considering going to investigate, when one-day
word came in that peace had been restored to Hyrule do to the legendary
"Hero of Time."
Ganondorf: I see so
it is this time line.
Johnel: Still getting
the temporal headaches?
Ganondorf: Indeed an
existence in multiple timelines can be a bother even for one like me. Though if
it is the Child Hero won’t he be driven to madness by descriptions of
activities these so called writers enjoy?
Johnel: Don’t worry I
sent him to someone.
After some
catching up time with my old friend I came to find out what really happened.
Seems that a Gerudo named Gannondorf, an evil man from Gerduo Valley, desired
the legendary Triforce.
Ganondorf: Yes it
isn’t like there was racism on the part of the Hyrule royal family and that my
people lived in horrible conditions with the one male every hundred years rule
making repopulation a problem.
Johnel: You’re
letting your Great Sea personality show again.
Ganondorf: Silence!
Though the Triforce was only told in fairy tales to the
children where I come from, I was amazed to find out it really existed. She
told me how she played with things she knew nothing about. And about how
Gannondorf tricked the soon to be "Hero of Time" into unlocking the
door to the Sacred Realm. I even noticed that Zelda was a little older then I.
Last I saw her she was four years younger then me.
Johnel: For obviously
a teenage girl would be friends with a preteen girl if I’m doing my math right.
It was told to me
that when Gannondorf went into the Temple of Time and into the Scared Realm,
time jumped ahead in Hyrule seven years. Yet only two years passed in my land.
And in the rest of the world.
Ganondorf: I have
lived in multiple time lines and that didn’t make sense.
After the
"Hero of Time" defeated the King of Evil,
Ganondorf: Except for
the timeline that I was victorious and killed him.
Johnel: Oh yeah that
is actually the timeline I had to pull the hero from so he might be a bit
bitter.
the hero was granted
to either return to the past or to remain in the present time. Since he chose
to remain in the present Zelda jumped ahead of me in age by four years.
Johnel: For you know
you still have to have Link in his legal sexy body so just go ahead and bend
canon to your will.
It seems that
everyone in Hyrule jumped in age from the rest of the world. But now that peace
was restored life resumed in Hyrule.... As I made my way down the desert trail
that led to Hyrule I begun to think about whom the "Legendary Hero of
Time" was.
Ganondorf: Hopefully
some of my people will steal this girl’s cargo and leave her for dead.
I was very
interested in meeting this man. Princess Zelda never told me his name, but I
was going to make it a point this time to finally meet Hyrule's Hero. As I
turned off the dirt trail and onto Hyrule field, Hyrule castle appeared in the
distance. Dust and dirt kicked up behind the wheels of my wagon as it creaked
along. Then as I came closer to the gates of Hyrule castle, a familiar face
appeared to greet me. I pulled back on the reins to make the horses come to a
complete stop at the front gate, and I realized that the person greeting me was
my good friend Princess Zelda.
Johnel: Bullshit!
I have been a
good friend of the Royal Family ever since my first arrival in Hyrule six years
ago for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival. Ever since the first day I met the
Princess I have been one of her closest friends.
Ganondorf: Bullshit!
I was even considered part of the Royal Family. After I
climbed down from my perch on the wagon, I ran over to Zelda and hugged her.
"Hello Princess Zelda my good friend, yes it is good to see you. How have
you been?" Looking at her I could tell she was happy to see me.
Johnel: We get it
your “good” friends now shut up!
"Oh it is so good to see you again my friend! Come,
come, father is waiting to see you!"
Ganondorf: Fool no
one could so easily get an audience with the King!
Johnel: Yet you the
leader of a race that seems to be treated as nothing but thieves could.
Ganondorf: *Punches
Johnel*
Leaving my wagon to be tended to by the stable hands I
followed Zelda through the market place and to the gates that lead to the
castle. As we approached the castle gates I saw some of the same guards I have
seen in the past few years. Saluting to Princess Zelda and me was a guard named
Perrino.
Ganondorf: Swear I
remember killing a Perrino in one of the timelines.
I met him a few years
back, during one of my first visits to Hyrule. He was one of the guards that
befriended me the first time I arrived. He smiled a friendly smile as we passed
by.
Johnel: I have a
feeling this character won’t be appearing much.
"Its nice to see you again Mistress Jenna." He
said as he waved.
Johnel: Bullshit!
Also you are forgetting something grammatically important there.
As I smiled back I thought to myself how good it was to be
back again. We went through the front gate and made our way towards the palace
garden. Upon approaching the gates leading to the garden another familiar face
appeared to greet me. As we walked closer I realized that the face was of
Zelda's caretaker Impa of the Sheikahs. As I walked over to Impa she turned to
fully face me and a small smile crossed her face.
Johnel: I’m confused
didn’t the sages end up dead before having their power awakened?
Ganondorf: I’ve tried
to figure it out but even the species of the sages keep changing when I come
back.
"Its good to see you again my friend. How has life been
treating you?" Impa asked and put a hand on my shoulder.
"Oh fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. I had to chase
some thief's off on the first night that I was on my way here. Though after
some facing time off I was able to chase them away with my bow."
Ganondorf: I highly
doubt that.
Then I made a big grin as I remembered the looks on the
thief's faces when I rained arrows on them.
"Well it seems that with the abilities you posses you
should have no problem keeping your possessions safe."
Johnel: Yet she’ll
mostly delegate to her big strong Link in the future.
With another smile Impa gestured for us to go into the
garden. That is where I met him. The man
that took my heart.
Ganondorf: Strange I
didn’t have Zant killing people on similar points of the time line.
Johnel: You wish it
was literal Dragmire.
As we walked into the
garden I saw a young man in green with his back facing us polishing a rather
odd sword. As I watched him I had begun to notice something about the sword. It
had a rather odd shape on the hilt. The hilt was blue with the top of the hilt
looking like a fishes tail. The sword looked rather strangely familiar.
Ganondorf: I already
hate this woman. Also what is this fish tailed sword she speaks of?
I leaned over to Princess Zelda and asked her who the young
man was.
"That is the Legendary "Hero of Time," his
name is Link." Zelda replied.
My eyes grew as big
as saucers as I turned to look back at him. "You mean he is the "Hero
of Time" you told me about? The one who saved Hyrule? Then that must be
the Legendary Master Sword he is holding?"
Ganondorf: I don’t
know why that accursed sword makes her think of a fish. I’ve been slain by it
many times yet never made such a connection.
Zelda nodded yes. Just then Link turned to look at us. And
with one look at his face my heart sank into my chest. He was the most gorgeous
man I had ever laid my eyes upon. At that very moment I fell in love.
Johnel: It begins.
His eyes were
like looking down into deep blue pools of water. His lips firm. His ears long and
sexy.
Beautiful blond hair that parted in the middle. And his body was so tight and muscular that
it took my breath away.
Ganondorf: The heroes
have always looked a bit malnourished if you ask me.
When our eyes met, I
blushed and swiftly looked away. He approached me and took my hand in his,
gently kissed it and asked, "Who might this beautiful young lady be?"
Ganondorf: I see it
is an imposter for I have never heard the hero speak.
Johnel: What about
the Cd…
Ganondorf: *clasps
hand over Johnel’s mouth* The hero has never spoken a word do you understand
me!
I turned my head back
to face him, and as our eyes met again I blushed. "My name is Jenna, I'm a
traveling merchant from the Great Lebian Coast."
Johnel: The Great
Lesbian Coast eh? Sound sexy.
Ganondorf:*Punches
Johnel* You aren’t as funny as you think you are.
"My village is
there." "I have been a friend of the Royal Family for a long
time." "And I come every year for Hyrule's annual Spring
Festival." He looked into my eyes and smiled. Watching him smile made my
heart pound in my chest. He again took my hand in his, kissed it again and
spoke. "Nice to meet you Mistress Jenna." "You are as beautiful
as a winter rose."
Both:
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
Ganondorf: *Wipes
away a tear* Honestly who is this fool and where is the child hero?
He said as he stared
at me with his enchanted blue eyes. "Th-Thank you." I stammered as I
blushed again.
Johnel: Stammering
and blushing the clichés ever fanfic author must use.
"What
are you doing tonight?" He asked with a soft smile. " Stunned, not
believing my ears I turned and looked directly into his eyes again.
"Nothing really."
Johnel:*As Jenna*
Just planning on raping you.
"I was just going to retire to my wagon and cook supper
before settling in front of a fire to read a book." With a glint in his
eyes he asked, "Why don't you join me tonight in Kokiri Village for the
annual Spring Night celebration?"(2) "It is a celebration feast that
happens the night before the Spring Festival."
Johnel: I’d like to
note that the little (2) just leads to a repeat of the same exact information.
Without hesitation I took him up on his offer. "I would
love to go." I said with a soft smile. "I will pick you up this
evening." Link said with a grin.
Johnel: Yes for
surely a grown women wants to spend her whole night in a village of nothing but
children.
Just then a deep voice rumbled through the garden.
"Jenna my dear friend, how have ye been?" A grandfatherly face
appeared before me. With a smile I curtseyed before the King. "King Zelda,
my old friend how have I missed you!"
Ganondorf: She can’t
be this stupid?
Johnel: Yes she can
and she will continue to be so.
" I have been
just fine." " It is really nice to see you again." I said with
excitement in my voice. As always the King thought of me as a daughter
Both: Bullshit!
Bullshit of the highest caliber!
and always looked
forward to the day when I would arrive in Hyrule for the annual Spring
Festival. He always liked to see what new merchandise I have picked up thought
my travels since the last time I was there. And most of the time he would buy
something from me. But he always liked it when I would show up since I would
bring lots of fun and happiness.
Ganondorf: I find it
more likely this wretched creature is to bring something more along the lines
of pain and despair.
As I looked at the
King I realized I was some what at home.
Johnel: Good could
you go do that somewhere else?
As he started to approach me I ran up to the
King and gave him a hug. How I missed him. Ever since my parents died when I
was very young, I never let anyone get very close to me. But the King was
different. He opened up to me, took me into his family and became like a father
to me. He gave me a home to come to every year. When I was in Hyrule, I felt at
home.
Ganondorf: I think I
wish to murder this thing more than I want to murder the last incarnation of
the hero.
Johnel: He couldn’t
have been that bad.
Ganondorf: He turned
into a wolf and tried to disembowel my beast form with his teeth.
"Jenna
my sweet daughter, what have ye acquired through thy travels this past
year?" I smiled at the King, "You must see some of the new cloth I
picked up in the city of Skyile." "The great city of light."
Johnel: Even the
locations seem to be Mary Sue’s.
I smiled, as the King's eyes grew big. "Jenna my
daughter, you must show me what you've acquired." Then he took my hand and
began to lead me out of the garden. With one last look back at Link, I smiled
at him. "See you tonight." I said before I left. After spending some time with the King, he
brought some of my new cloth then let me settle in for the night.
Ganondorf: Is that
the end of this wretched thing?
Johnel: There is more
but I want Link here for the really juicy bits.
Ganondorf: I see
please do inform me when the time comes I will love to see the Child Hero
squirm. *Leaves*
Johnel: So yeah next
time we get the first sex scene prepare your barf bags people it is going to
get gross. Also hope you all are liking the new direction feel free to leave
your opinions in the comments.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
A Nightmare on Hyrule Field Part 1: Get On With It!
Johnel: Hello and
welcome to the firth part of my riff on My Inner Life. Guess what the opening
author’s note is so long and so bad I’m actually just riffing on that today
because the story can wait.
Also many may not be
aware but the pocket dimension this exists in lets me contact the characters
for insights on the material so I was able to grab the one the only Link to
help me with this. The main issue of course is that as a mute he has to use
pictures but it should be fine.
Link:
Author’s notes: Hello. Thanks for choosing to read my story.
As you might know I have become a major Zelda fan in the last year.
Johnel: I now want to
punch whoever put a controller in your hand.
Ever since I played
OoT I have grown a fond interest in Link. I started to notice that after I got
really into it, I found that I have a strange gift. A gift to Lucid Dream.
Johnel: Really that
is something people can be trained to do but you are treating it like some sort
of super power.
I started having
dreams about Hyrule, and about Link. In a Lucid Dream you can control your
dreams. The dreams became very real, kinda like a second life, and almost every
night I would have another. Starting from where the last left off. Even to this
day I still have them. I find that they help me get through life.
Link:
I know this may sound queer, but for me the dreams sure help
me out. I have shared this story with many other people and so far all has
liked it.
Johnel: Who! No I’m
serious here who in their right mind told her this was a good story? Wait no
she most likely held a knife to their throat so the praise was false for that
is the only believable outcome.
Now as you read this
it is told from my perspective or first person view.
You will find that it is very detailed since I remember it
all very clearly to this day. The story takes place after OoT.
Johnel: Well she more
repeats herself and adds unwanted information but sure let’s go with that.
Nothing after that
ever happens. No Majora's Mask. No LttP, or even Oracle of Ages and Seasons.
And there is no love relation between Link and Zelda, Link and Ruto, Link and
Malon or Link and Saria.
Johnel: Because who
the fuck needs connection to cannon?
Because of my feelings about Link,
Link:
the person that he
gets involved with in this story is myself or actually is my persona. A persona
is for those of you who need to know, a representation of ones personality, or
in dictionary terms is, (Persona) n. In biology, same as person. So for all you
future readers, this story is based on Jenna, a char that is a representation
of my personality.
Johnel: No she is a
self-insert Mary Sue no matter what you steal from your High School English
text book to make yourself sound smart.
But if you think this might be too queer then you shouldn't
read this. THIS IS NOT THE TYPE OF STORY FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DISLIKE, OR
CANNOT HANDLE SUCH MATERAL AS THE CONTEXT OF THIS STORY. But if you seriously
believe you can handle the content of this story, then read on. If your
squeamish about sex, then you should not read this, since this story is a REAL
LEMON and there is a lot of that, heavily detailed. (Between Link and I that
is) Especially during the bonding ceremony. There is also some blood content
and strong adult language. So if that’s too much then you should turn back now.
Johnel: By the way
we’ve read ahead and trust me the bonding ceremony is going to be bad really
really bad.
Now I have not finished it as of yet. I have to catch up,
since the last dream I had was just after Link and I had the blessing ceremony
for our twins.(Our 3rd and 4th kids)
Johnel: My god four
kids really?!
Right now there is about
100-150 pgs worth. I'm expecting it to reach at least 300-350 probably even
more. I will try to up date as often as possible. I hope that some of you like
this. I do not mind sharing it. But please understand that this is very
PRECIOUS to me, as well as Link.
Link:
So like I said, if
the content of this story sounds, too queer to you, TURN BACK NOW! But to all
who wish to continue, happy reading. Thanks,
~*~ Link’s Queen ~*~
Johnel: Trust me the
reading will not be happy. Also stop using the word queer I don’t care if it
used to mean something different you have to move on with how language changes.
Rated R for strong adult language, sex, violence and blood
content.
AGAIN AS A FINAL WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS HEAVY SEX,
ABULT LANGUAGE AND TALKS ABOUT MY PERSONAL ENCOUNTER WITH LINK.
Link:
Johnel: Why do you
keep repeating that single image?
Link:
Johnel: Fair enough. Wait do you even undesrstand what the author means by that?
Link: .....
Johnel: We need to talk once this is over.
Link: .....
Johnel: We need to talk once this is over.
THIS STORY IS BASED
ON DREAMS, DREAMS ABOUT MY LIFE WITH HIM. IF YOU FIND THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY
TO BE OFFENSEVE, QUEER, OR PLAIN OUT OFF THE WALL, THEN DO NOT READ ON!!!!!!!
Johnel: Sorry but for
the will of comedy I must go on.
I HAVE GOTTEN WAY TO
MANY FLAMES ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY WHEN I HAVE PLACED SEVERAL
WARNINGS!!!!
Johnel: Have you
maybe thought it was the quality of your story and not the content?
I WILL NOT ACCECPT
ANY MORE FLAMES, RAMBLINGS, CUSSING OR EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT ABOUT THE CHAR
JENNA, OR REVIEWS ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY, EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT,
VICIOUS ATTACKS AGAINST MY PERSONALITY, OR NON-MATURE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIM!!!
Johnel: Now we could
be mature about this and act accordingly but you are whining like an entitled
child so fuck that.
Link:
ANY REVIEWS SUBMITTED
THAT DO NOT FOLLOW THE ABOUVE GUIDLINES, WILL BE DELETED IMMEDIATELY! THESE
WARNINGS ARE NOT THERE TO LOOK PRETTY, THE AUTHORS PLACE WARNINGS FOR A
REASON!!!
Johnel: Yes to be so
annoying and bad they get their own part.
IT IS TO TELL YOU
WHAT THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS SO THAT IF THE READER FINDS THE CONTENT OF THE
STORY OFFENSIVE, THEY WILL NOT READ ON!!! MANY AUTHORS HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING
ABOUT UNWANTED, EXCESSIVE, VIOLENT AND JUST PLAIN NASTY REVIEWS THAT HAVE BEEN
SUBMITTED BY READERS ABOUT THEIR STORIES, CAUSING FANFICTION TO GRANT AUTHORS
THE ABILITY TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS AND BLOCK CERTAIN READERS!!
Johnel: Okay I found
this on an archive but it would make sense that this originated on that site.
I WILL SAY THIS FOR
MYSELF AND FOR ALL AUTHORS ON FANFICTION.
Link:
NO AUTHOR TWISTS YOUR
ARM OR HOLDS YOU AT GUN POINT OR FORCES YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM TO READ
THEIR STORIES!! ALL READERS HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO READ A CERTAIN STORY!!! IT IS
YOUR RESOPONSIBILITY TO READ THE WARNINGS AND DECIDE FOR YOUSELF IF THE CONTENT
OF THE STORY IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU, AND TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO READ ON OR NOT!!!
Johnel: Exclamation
Points Away!
AND IT ALSO IS THE
READERS RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ON HOW THEY HANDLE THENSELVES WHEN
LEAVING A REVIEW FOR AN AUTHOR!! LEAVING A REVIEW THAT IS VIOLENT IN NATURE
ONLY MAKES YOU THE READER LOOK BAD, AND IS VERY IMMATURE.
Johnel: Look who’s
talking.
Link:
IF ALL US HERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS, WELL
THEN, LETS CONDUCTIVE OURSELVES LIKE ADULTS AND NOT LIKE LITTLE KIDS!
Johnel: Well a lot of
fan fiction writers are under 18, lots of readers will most likely be under 18,
and the guy sitting next to me missed out on seven years of social development
so you aren’t going to be getting your way here.
I ONLY EXPECT THE
VIOLENT LASHING OUT AND VICIOUS ATTACKS TO COME FROM TEENANGERS, NOT ADULTS! IF
YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE ADULTS THAT ARE CONDUCTING YOURSELVES IN THE MANORS I
DECRIBED ABOVE, YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE SCARING ME!
Johnel: Have you read
your own story for I don’t think you should be the one who is afraid.
IT’S A DAMN SHAME TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE ADULTS OUT THERE
WHO CANNOT CONDUCTIVE THEMSELVES IN THE SIMPLEST MANORS THEIR PARENTS HAVE
TAUGHT THEM!
Link:
ALSO LEAVING MALICIOUS REVIEWS IS ALSO A SIGN OF LOW
SELF-ESTEEM.
Link:
Johnel: Agreed my
green wearing acquaintance that was just plain old bullshit.
IF ALL YOU PEOPLE
KNOW HOW DO IS ATTACK SOMEONE VICIOUSLY, IT’S A SIGN OF SELFISHNESS AND NO
RESPECT FOR ONES-SELF!
Johnel: Your character..
no you are one of the most selfish people here with how the story pans out.
I SUGGEST TO ALL
READERS WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING A MALICIOUS REVIEW FOR ME, PLEASE GET A
HOBBY AND LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER,
Johnel: This is my
hobby.
BECAUSE YOUR ONLY
HURTING YOURSELF, NOT ME! ALSO LEAVING A NASTY REVIEW ONLY MAKES YOU LOOK
STUPID, NOT ME!
Johnel: Sure and this
all caps lock rant doesn’t make you look stupid.
I FIND IT VERY RIDICULOUS THAT I HAD TO LEAVE A WARNING THIS
LONG, BUT IT IS BECAUSE OF THE VERY IMMATURE READERS THAT HAVE SUBMITTED NASTY
CHILDISH REVIEWS!
Link:
AGAIN, PLEASE READ THE ABOVE CONTEXT BEFORE READING ON!!!!
Furthermore, I have realized that this story needs some
heavy grammar corrections, and that the plot needs some work.
Johnel: No it just
needs to have never been written.
Also under the advisement of my friend who had just recently
completed two literature classes
Johnel: That either
you locked in your basement or doesn’t exist.
, has stated the reasons why people had classified Jenna as
a “Mary Sue” char and labeled her as “flat”. She has come to the conclusion
that most people do not know or understand Jenna’s history, so she has advised
me to create an origin story to explain about her history before she met Link.
Johnel: Lack of
origin isn’t the problem. Hell I’m pretty sure more backstory has even hurt
characters at times.
Link:
Johnel: Case in
point.
That way she will
become more rounded and give people a reason to care about her. It was never in
my intentions to create Jenna as a “Mary Sue” char or to make her conceited,
because I’m not really like that.
Johnel: You are most
likely inexperienced with sexuality and overly obsessive without the ability to
form real world connections.
Jenna is a persona char, one that resembles my personality
while this story is being told from her perspective. This story is not
something that I pulled out of my head like my drawings, it came from my
dreams.
Johnel: I’m really
glad I haven’t found any of this fan art yet.
So I understand that revising this story is going to be hard
work and will take time. Since this story is being told in the exact, or close
to exact order it happened in the dreams, changing how fast Link and Jenna
marry isn’t going to be easy. Even changing how fast they have sex and revising
the Lemon parts also won’t be so easy to do. But I’m currently in the process
of revising this story, also I have received a college grammar book from my
friend and I will be investing in a Beta-Reader.
Johnel: Guess what it
still sucks.
I’m also considering
taking to literature classes at JC to help boost my writing skills. But now I
say this, if you people, the reviewers really have the intentions to help me,
them please do it positively and like a mature adult.
Link:
I’m telling you that
it is a proven fact that negative motivation NEVER motivates someone to change.
It never has and it never will. I’m pretty sure your parents have taught you
that people only respond to positive motivation and not negative.
Johnel: Well no in
fact fear can be a great motivator and that is negative. Look it would actually
maybe be seen as more mature if you didn’t create huge rants about this sort of
thing.
I’m not close-minded, I NEVER have been. I have always been
open to other people’s thoughts and opinions, its when its done in an
inappropriate manner that I turn my nose at it and look away. People have to
understand that when you’re an adult, you need to conduct yourself like one and
learn how to address other people like one. You cannot just act childish
Johnel: Of course we
can it’s the internet.
when you come across
something that you DO NOT approve of, you’re only making yourself look bad and
that can affect you later on in life. Acting childish and ranting and raving is
something I’d expect a little kid would do when he doesn’t get his way.
Johnel: Really
ranting and raving gets people jobs on the internet actually so maybe you
should re consider.
When an adult acts
childish over stupid things, that’s looked down upon, and considered to be
unhealthy.
Johnel: Writing sex
scenes that constantly refer to tigers might also be seen as unhealthy.
Also I’m cutting out the next eight
lines because it is a repeat.Also as a side note, I NEVER physically hurt ANYONE with this story. I got one reviewer that said. “Oh God please stop writing, your hurting everyone.” Now I want to know where I physically touched that person.
Johnel: Well if you
throw up for long enough your throat will start to burn and that can be pretty
painful.
Link:
Johnel: Just being
honest man.
I want to know how
I’m twisting anyone’s arms to read this. I have never done anything of the sort
in any way, shape or form and I DO NOT appreciate being accused of that! If
you’re emotionally hurt over this, its your fault not mine. I’m sorry if it
did, but I have placed several warnings describing the content of this story
and if you know what it contains and you do not like this type of material,
then why are you reading it?
Link:
Johnel: Indeed that
is why I do this.
I do not appreciate
getting accused for other people’s actions. It is your choice as the reader to
read the content of this story and it is not my fault if it upsets you when you
knew from the gecko what it contained.
Link:
So please DO NOT flame me about it.
I also feel like a schoolteacher teaching a bunch of little
kids.
Johnel: Don’t you
dare consider yourself a teacher bitch!
Link:
Johnel: Sorry
It's a touchy subject with me.
And I find that this
really wasn’t necessary and shouldn’t have had to come to this, but it is very
hard when your reviewers have forgotten how to conduct themselves like adults.
Link:
If you honestly think that being malicious is a good thing
and that you’re not wrong in doing so, well then your blinded by your own
selfish pride. People with common sense learn how to take responsibility for
themselves and are able to admit when their wrong. I have found that many of
the reviewers that have left me malicious reviews honestly believe that its
appropriate behavior for an adult. When it really is that they are too
self-absorbed in themselves to admit their wrong. Again that results from
selfish pride. One to scared to admit in front of others that they just might
be wrong.
Johnel: She is really
defensive about all this.
Also, how can any of
you hold any right to call Jenna conceited when in reality, your contradicting
yourself by being conceited as well?
Link:
Being conceited is
again selfish pride and being self-absorbed. And yes, it is and always will be
a fact that most of the reviewers have been conceited and very contradictive. Please
DO NOT leave me a review that only contradicts what you are trying to preach.
You should in reality, take your own advice.
Link:
Again I find it very ridiculous that this had to be as long
as it is,
Johnel: Well it isn’t
my fault you repeated yourself about eleven times with me cutting paragraphs
out.
but it is due to the
fact that people not conducting themselves appropriately. Also if I do receive
any more malicious reviews, with screaming, spitting nails or ranting and
raving over this story because you do not like it then are to self-absorbed to
admit that acting like that is wrong, well then you have proven my point! All
of this is very self-explanatory!
Link:
Now PLEASE DO NOT READ ON if you DO NOT plan on leaving me a
review appropriately!
Johnel: Well no I’m going
to anyways. So um yeah next time we will actually get to a chapter of the fic.
Now if you’ll excuse
me I have to go explain some things to Link.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Over the 100 Mark
So I just looked and The Pocket Dimension of Horrible Fanfiction has over 100 views.
As such I'm going to move ahead of schedule and release a first part to My Inner Life early. So be on the look out this coming Tuesday for that.
Once again from everyone trapped in this Pocket Dimension thanks!
As such I'm going to move ahead of schedule and release a first part to My Inner Life early. So be on the look out this coming Tuesday for that.
Once again from everyone trapped in this Pocket Dimension thanks!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Don't Hold Me Closer Cloaked Dancer (Final)
Johnel: This is it.
Part 14 the end to Don’t Hold Me Closer Cloaked Dancer. So I’d like to take the
time to say thanks to those brave few that have decided to read my work. Though
you are unknown to me and we may have never conversed the fact that someone out
there likes this little experiment makes me feel some joy in my heart.
Mister says thank you
as well.
Zexion stepped forward, "Axel...!"
Johnel: Wrong for it
is fact Axal his evil twin.
Lexaeus took a firm grab on Zexion's shoulder,
"Guards!" he yelled.
The guards, Reno and Rude, quickly sprang into action and
jumped on Axel, retraining him.
Johnel: So suddenly
the fucking Turks are involved and acting like henchmen. What can you do?
"Zexion!"
Zexion looked at Axel and he smiled, despite the dull pain
beginning to form in his shoulder.
"Axel!" the boy yelled, wanting to run to him.
Lexaeus growled and tightened his grip on Zexion's shoulder.
Zexion squeaked in surprise at the sudden pain.
He fell to his knees and cried, "L-Lexaeus! Ow! That
hurts!" Zexion weakly tried to get Lexaeus' hand off of his shoulder.
Johnel: If you haven’t
guessed yet the author just realized that while Lexaeus was being written as a
bit stupid the man himself had yet to look like a villain. So considered this
him punching his evil card in.
"You're hurting him!" Axel yelled, trying to
wiggle away from Reno and Rude. He growled and relaxed, laying there.
Johnel: Well he sure
gave up quickly.
"We are going to get married. Now." Lexaeus yanked
Zexion up and kept a firm hold on him. "Marry us pastor!"
Johnel:*As pastor* No
I refuse to marry you and your he/she demon spawn carrying bride good sir.
The pastor took a step back, "Y-Yes u-uhm...Do you,
Lexaeus Edwa--"
Johnel: Wait what’s
with the fake name? No seriously both Vincent and Cid are in this fucked up
family tree so why doesn’t the author just use one of their last names?
"I do he does, tada! We're married!" Lexaeus said.
"U-Uhm...you may kiss--"
"Stop!" Axel yelled, wiggling out from under the
two guards.
Johnel: Oh looks like
he got his second wind.
Lexaeus frowned and reached in his coat pocket, pulling out
a small revolver. He aimed it at Axel and glared, narrowing his eyes. Zexion
looked up and gasped, eyes going wide.
Johnel: Why the hell
did you bring a gun to your wedding?
Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Without thinking
Zexion ran to Axel, jumping into the redhead's arms. Thankfully for Axel,
Zexion was faster than the bullet that protruded from Lexaeus' gun.
Johnel: Suddenly
Zexion becomes a fucking last son of Krypton and outruns the speeding bullet.
It went so slow, yet it was the fastest, most terrifying
feeling in Axel's life.
One moment he was
holding onto his lover's warm body, the next moment he was holding his lover's
limp pale body. He felt Zexion's skin get colder as the moments went by and
suddenly a warm liquid substance seeped onto his hand.
"Y-You..." Axel's eyes flickered up, "You
shot Zexion!" he yelled, hugging Zexion's body closer. "You shot him!
How could you!?"
Johnel:*As Lexaeus*
It was quite easy watch *shoots Axel*.
Axel got out his cellphone and dialed the emergency number,
yelling at them to hurry.
The people in the audience were all frozen in place, trying
to take in what exactly was going on. Lexaeus dropped the gun and cursed
loudly. "Fuck you! You redheaded bastard!"
Johnel: You could’ve
shot him. No seriously shoot him everyone else in the room works for you are is
a part of your fucked up bloodline you can get away with it.
Axel rolled his eyes, running outside with Zexion still in
his arms. The ambulance arrived quickly and took Zexion. Thankfully they let
the redhead join the ride. He held Zexion's hand and watched as the doctors
immediately began to work on him. Zexion was slipping in and out of being
conscious and unconscious. He weakly squeezed Axel's hand every so often to let
him know he was still there. Axel held his hand tightly and kissed it, over and
over and over again. He let himself cry, he loved Zexion to death and to see
him injured...it was too much.
When they arrived to the emergency room the doctors informed
Axel he had to wait in the waiting room. He closed his eyes and waited, hugging
himself tightly. After a few hours he sat up straight and pulled out his
cellphone, "Demyx, Xemnas, Xigbar, get down here. Now!" he yelled.
Johnel: Okay first
did no one get the cops over the whole gunfire at a wedding thing and second
you just called three people that most likely are living viruses at this point
to go see an injured person.
The lady at the reception desk 'shushed' him and went back
to typing on her computer. the pyromaniac sighed and layed across several
chairs, curling up as he waited for his friends.
Johnel: No fuck you author
you just can’t throw in the fire connection this late in the game.
Demyx was the first to burst through the doors of the
hospital, still clad in his work uniform.
Johnel: So he is
streaking in a hospital?
It was a small sky
blue tube top that cut off a bit past his chest. It revealed the small, barely
noticeable muscles on his stomach and his naval. He was also wearing a pair of
navy blue short shorts. His legs were covered with thigh high light blue
stockings and he had bluish-black leather high-heeled boots on.
Johnel: Is costume
porn really important at this time?
He ran to Axel, "What happened to my Zexion!?" he
yelled, shaking the pyro.
Xigbar ran in, huffing, "Who knew the kid could run so
fast in heels..." he laughed, wheezing hoarsely. He was soon followed by
Xemnas who was equally out of breath.
Axel opened his mouth to speak, but a doctor exited the
room, "You can seen him now, but be very quiet," she whispered.
Johnel: They didn’t
have any good dialogue for Axel explaining the situation so they used the
doctor to cover.
Axel nodded and hastily moved inside of the room, looking at
his slate haired lover. "Zexion," he breathed softly.
Johnel: Bluenette,
mauve, and now slate. Is there a reason why the author can’t stick to a
descriptor for hair or why they need to keep taking about their hair at all?
Well I guess that
makes some sense.
"Zex-" Demyx was about to burst in and yell to his
best friend about how worried he was and so on and so on, but Xigbar and Xemnas
pulled him out of the room, placing their tan hands over his creamy lips. He
thrashed and glared, but they pulled him into the waiting room, closing the
door so Axel and Zexion could be alone.
Zexion's eyes softly opened and he gave a weak smile,
"Axel," he said, attempting to sit up.
Axel made him get back down, "Shh, shh, keep laying
down," he whispered. "You need to relax."
"The baby...he's okay," Zexion smiled, putting a
hand on his stomach.
Johnel: How! You got fucking
shot and where hopped up on pills how is it fine!
Axel smiled and put his hand on Zexion's, "I'm glad. I
love you so much," he whispered, leaning down to kiss the other's pale
lips.
Zexion smiled brightly, "I missed you so much...I love
you. Now...we can get married and have our small family," he said, closing
his eyes. "And we can live happily ever after, just like in a fairy
tale," he said softly.
Johnel: Except
neither of you have a job. I doubt no one will marry you if the story gets out
about Zexion equals church shoot outs. Also like retards no one has called the
cops on Lexaeus!
Axel nodded, tears slipping down his cheeks,
"Yes...you're my little princess," he laughed softly. "I love
you," he said again. "I love you, I love you, I love you." It
seemed Axel couldn't get enough of saying that word. "I love you."
Johnel: I hate you I
hate every last one of you.
AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
THE END.
Johnel: Oh I wish.
((If I get lotsa reviews on this chapter then I'll make an
epilogue. OTHERWISE THIS STORY IS OVER :3))
Johnel: I let’s hope
no one was stupid enough to do so.
I have decided YES there will be a sequel, since a bunch of
people wanted one. xD;;
Johnel: Who are these
people and where is my tomahawk?!
Welllllllllll, anyway. Yeah...
I'm not sure what I'm gonna call it...
Thinks
I'll call it...
...
Eh...
I really don't know. O-O
SOMEONE GIVE ME A TITLE FOR IT!!
Johnel: The worst
part besides the author being a complete dumbass mind is that the sequel has
been made. Will I riff I don’t know but I have My Inner Life next so I’m going
to go enjoy myself. So remember you should always.
Now push the button
Mister.
The End For Now.
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