Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Quick Warning

                       The Next Part of the My Inner Life riff will have the first riffed sex scene in full so just warning you now that it is going to get graphic.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

A Nightmare on Hyrule Field Part 2: Gannon Banned!


Prologue

Johnel: Greetings I sent Link to get a chillingly academic lesson in humanoid nature so he’ll be back next part.

       Dreams come in many forms. Some good, some bad, some very realistic, even ones that feels very real.

Johnel: You know those last two have the same meaning dumbass.

 A dream may come to us from happy events, or even stem from bad events in our lives. Some come to us as a pleasure dream

 and some come as nightmares.

Johnel: The fanfiction that passes through here create nightmares that’s for sure.

 Some become vague memories after time, while some stay very rich in our minds. This is a story about a dream that I had. A dream that became more dreams. A dream that would end one night then resumes the next. It became like a second life.

Johnel: “I’ve been having these weird thoughts lately. Like is any of this real or not?” Seriously get on with it you’re starting to bore me.

 Ever since I became a Zelda fan, I grew an interest in Link. I thought of him as the perfect man.

Johnel: You know besides being mute, a young child in an adult’s body, and not being able to grow a proper manly beard.

 One that you could not find of this world.

Johnel: I’m pretty sure there are plenty of good cosplayers out there you could molest.

 I thought of him as a man that should have been. The more that he attracted my attention the more I became more attracted to him.  I felt like there was a connection between him and me. Then he became a part of me, and after that I fell deeply in love with him.

Johnel:  This is just plain creepy. I mean there isn’t anything wrong with saying a fictional character is aesthetically pleasing we are all human after all. Yet this isn’t the garden variety finding Kamina sexy this is a delusion of romance.

        I know that may sound queer to you but love is a mysterious thing and should not be taken lightly. Love is a very strong emotion, an emotion that should be treasured. Love comes from the heart, but when it takes hold, it’s got you. I quite don't understand it myself, but I do know that when I first laid my eyes upon Link I fell in love with him.

Johnel: See what I mean she is using the word love not anything to determine basic attraction. Also based on how it seems Ocarina of Time was your first Zelda game it is highly likely the first time you saw him he was a child.

 My heart just told me it was right.

Johnel: Can you stop saying heart I’m taking a break from Kingdom Hearts fanfiction right now.

 Told me he was the one, the one I had been searching for. Ever since then I have felt that it was destiny that has brought me to him. Even in my mind it feels the same. I don't consider myself any different from anyone else.

Johnel: Then I fear what kind of company you keep.

Though I have love for someone that is not really there, he will always remain very real to me inside my heart and in my mind. Even to this day I still love him. He has kept me very happy. He has made me happy when I was sad. He has made me feel stronger about myself. He has even taken care of me in ways that no one else can.



 Even though I have feelings for him, I'm not any different from the rest of you.

Johnel: How ‘bout no you crazy fangirl!

I will always hold him close to me in my heart. He is still on my mind and I still have dreams. The connection stills remains strong, and the dreams very real.   I lived an entire life with Link in Hyrule.

Johnel: Here’s hoping it ended with violence then.

 All stemming from a series of dreams. Dreams that I want to have. Dreams that I make happen. From the first day I met him, to the birth of our first child,

Johnel: That is kind of messed up.

 to even the days when Link and I prepared our family in the event that Gannon should return.

Ganondorf:*Teleports in* Did someone dare miss say the name of the Great King of Evil!

Johnel: Oh hey Dragmire how’d you die this time?

Ganondorf: Imp-fucker stabbed me in the gut. I see you’re reading another story that tortures a hero.

Johnel: Yeah you in?

Ganondorf: Why not I have time before I’m reincarnated again.

This book is based on my inner life. A second life lived in a far away land in another time line in another dimension. A tale of love, passion, despair and hope. I enjoyed my inner life. I looked forward to going to sleep to it every night. And I look forward to ones that will come, because LOVE WILL NEVER DIE.

Ganondorf: I take it that this woman is ill.

Johnel: Like you wouldn’t believe.

The Beginning

 

        I will never forget the day, the day I met Link. It was a warm spring day; I was on my usual trip back to Hyrule with my wagon of goods to sell in Hyrule market at the annual Spring Festival (1).

Ganondorf: I’ve seen Hyrule in many timelines and I’ve never heard of this Spring Festival.

Johnel: Don’t worry it is just some generic harvest celebration the author made up.

 I have been a traveling merchant since I was fourteen. This is my sixth year returning to Hyrule. The last two years I was not able to return when Princess Zelda sent word of an evil presence in Hyrule. Then all contact was lost. For almost two years I tried to contact Princess Zelda. Desperately I kept trying to find out if she was ok. I was never too long without contact with my good friend.

Ganondorf: Surely a simply merchant from another land couldn’t be friends with the royal family.

Johnel: Trust me it gets worse.

Then I was considering going to investigate, when one-day word came in that peace had been restored to Hyrule do to the legendary "Hero of Time."

Ganondorf: I see so it is this time line.

Johnel: Still getting the temporal headaches?

Ganondorf: Indeed an existence in multiple timelines can be a bother even for one like me. Though if it is the Child Hero won’t he be driven to madness by descriptions of activities these so called writers enjoy?

Johnel: Don’t worry I sent him to someone.

         After some catching up time with my old friend I came to find out what really happened. Seems that a Gerudo named Gannondorf, an evil man from Gerduo Valley, desired the legendary Triforce.

Ganondorf: Yes it isn’t like there was racism on the part of the Hyrule royal family and that my people lived in horrible conditions with the one male every hundred years rule making repopulation a problem.

Johnel: You’re letting your Great Sea personality show again.

Ganondorf: Silence!

Though the Triforce was only told in fairy tales to the children where I come from, I was amazed to find out it really existed. She told me how she played with things she knew nothing about. And about how Gannondorf tricked the soon to be "Hero of Time" into unlocking the door to the Sacred Realm. I even noticed that Zelda was a little older then I. Last I saw her she was four years younger then me.

Johnel: For obviously a teenage girl would be friends with a preteen girl if I’m doing my math right.

 It was told to me that when Gannondorf went into the Temple of Time and into the Scared Realm, time jumped ahead in Hyrule seven years. Yet only two years passed in my land. And in the rest of the world.

Ganondorf: I have lived in multiple time lines and that didn’t make sense.

        After the "Hero of Time" defeated the King of Evil,

Ganondorf: Except for the timeline that I was victorious and killed him.

Johnel: Oh yeah that is actually the timeline I had to pull the hero from so he might be a bit bitter.

 the hero was granted to either return to the past or to remain in the present time. Since he chose to remain in the present Zelda jumped ahead of me in age by four years.

Johnel: For you know you still have to have Link in his legal sexy body so just go ahead and bend canon to your will.

  It seems that everyone in Hyrule jumped in age from the rest of the world. But now that peace was restored life resumed in Hyrule.... As I made my way down the desert trail that led to Hyrule I begun to think about whom the "Legendary Hero of Time" was.

Ganondorf: Hopefully some of my people will steal this girl’s cargo and leave her for dead.

       I was very interested in meeting this man. Princess Zelda never told me his name, but I was going to make it a point this time to finally meet Hyrule's Hero. As I turned off the dirt trail and onto Hyrule field, Hyrule castle appeared in the distance. Dust and dirt kicked up behind the wheels of my wagon as it creaked along. Then as I came closer to the gates of Hyrule castle, a familiar face appeared to greet me. I pulled back on the reins to make the horses come to a complete stop at the front gate, and I realized that the person greeting me was my good friend Princess Zelda.

Johnel: Bullshit!

         I have been a good friend of the Royal Family ever since my first arrival in Hyrule six years ago for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival. Ever since the first day I met the Princess I have been one of her closest friends.

Ganondorf: Bullshit!

I was even considered part of the Royal Family. After I climbed down from my perch on the wagon, I ran over to Zelda and hugged her. "Hello Princess Zelda my good friend, yes it is good to see you. How have you been?" Looking at her I could tell she was happy to see me.

Johnel: We get it your “good” friends now shut up!

"Oh it is so good to see you again my friend! Come, come, father is waiting to see you!"

Ganondorf: Fool no one could so easily get an audience with the King!

Johnel: Yet you the leader of a race that seems to be treated as nothing but thieves could.

Ganondorf: *Punches Johnel*

Leaving my wagon to be tended to by the stable hands I followed Zelda through the market place and to the gates that lead to the castle. As we approached the castle gates I saw some of the same guards I have seen in the past few years. Saluting to Princess Zelda and me was a guard named Perrino.

Ganondorf: Swear I remember killing a Perrino in one of the timelines.

 I met him a few years back, during one of my first visits to Hyrule. He was one of the guards that befriended me the first time I arrived. He smiled a friendly smile as we passed by.

Johnel: I have a feeling this character won’t be appearing much.

"Its nice to see you again Mistress Jenna." He said as he waved.

Johnel: Bullshit! Also you are forgetting something grammatically important there.

As I smiled back I thought to myself how good it was to be back again. We went through the front gate and made our way towards the palace garden. Upon approaching the gates leading to the garden another familiar face appeared to greet me. As we walked closer I realized that the face was of Zelda's caretaker Impa of the Sheikahs. As I walked over to Impa she turned to fully face me and a small smile crossed her face.

Johnel: I’m confused didn’t the sages end up dead before having their power awakened?

Ganondorf: I’ve tried to figure it out but even the species of the sages keep changing when I come back.

"Its good to see you again my friend. How has life been treating you?" Impa asked and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. I had to chase some thief's off on the first night that I was on my way here. Though after some facing time off I was able to chase them away with my bow."

Ganondorf: I highly doubt that.

Then I made a big grin as I remembered the looks on the thief's faces when I rained arrows on them.



"Well it seems that with the abilities you posses you should have no problem keeping your possessions safe."

Johnel: Yet she’ll mostly delegate to her big strong Link in the future.

With another smile Impa gestured for us to go into the garden.  That is where I met him. The man that took my heart.

Ganondorf: Strange I didn’t have Zant killing people on similar points of the time line.

Johnel: You wish it was literal Dragmire.

 As we walked into the garden I saw a young man in green with his back facing us polishing a rather odd sword. As I watched him I had begun to notice something about the sword. It had a rather odd shape on the hilt. The hilt was blue with the top of the hilt looking like a fishes tail. The sword looked rather strangely familiar.

Ganondorf: I already hate this woman. Also what is this fish tailed sword she speaks of?

I leaned over to Princess Zelda and asked her who the young man was.

"That is the Legendary "Hero of Time," his name is Link." Zelda replied.

 My eyes grew as big as saucers as I turned to look back at him. "You mean he is the "Hero of Time" you told me about? The one who saved Hyrule? Then that must be the Legendary Master Sword he is holding?"

Ganondorf: I don’t know why that accursed sword makes her think of a fish. I’ve been slain by it many times yet never made such a connection.

Zelda nodded yes. Just then Link turned to look at us. And with one look at his face my heart sank into my chest. He was the most gorgeous man I had ever laid my eyes upon. At that very moment I fell in love.

Johnel: It begins.

         His eyes were like looking down into deep blue pools of water. His lips firm. His ears long and sexy.

Beautiful blond hair that parted in the middle.  And his body was so tight and muscular that it took my breath away.

Ganondorf: The heroes have always looked a bit malnourished if you ask me.

  When our eyes met, I blushed and swiftly looked away. He approached me and took my hand in his, gently kissed it and asked, "Who might this beautiful young lady be?"

Ganondorf: I see it is an imposter for I have never heard the hero speak.

Johnel: What about the Cd…

Ganondorf: *clasps hand over Johnel’s mouth* The hero has never spoken a word do you understand me!

 I turned my head back to face him, and as our eyes met again I blushed. "My name is Jenna, I'm a traveling merchant from the Great Lebian Coast."

Johnel: The Great Lesbian Coast eh? Sound sexy.

Ganondorf:*Punches Johnel* You aren’t as funny as you think you are.

 "My village is there." "I have been a friend of the Royal Family for a long time." "And I come every year for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival." He looked into my eyes and smiled. Watching him smile made my heart pound in my chest. He again took my hand in his, kissed it again and spoke. "Nice to meet you Mistress Jenna." "You are as beautiful as a winter rose."

Both: Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Ganondorf: *Wipes away a tear* Honestly who is this fool and where is the child hero?

 He said as he stared at me with his enchanted blue eyes. "Th-Thank you." I stammered as I blushed again.

Johnel: Stammering and blushing the clich├ęs ever fanfic author must use.

         "What are you doing tonight?" He asked with a soft smile. " Stunned, not believing my ears I turned and looked directly into his eyes again. "Nothing really."

Johnel:*As Jenna* Just planning on raping you.

"I was just going to retire to my wagon and cook supper before settling in front of a fire to read a book." With a glint in his eyes he asked, "Why don't you join me tonight in Kokiri Village for the annual Spring Night celebration?"(2) "It is a celebration feast that happens the night before the Spring Festival."

Johnel: I’d like to note that the little (2) just leads to a repeat of the same exact information.

Without hesitation I took him up on his offer. "I would love to go." I said with a soft smile. "I will pick you up this evening." Link said with a grin.

Johnel: Yes for surely a grown women wants to spend her whole night in a village of nothing but children.

Just then a deep voice rumbled through the garden. "Jenna my dear friend, how have ye been?" A grandfatherly face appeared before me. With a smile I curtseyed before the King. "King Zelda, my old friend how have I missed you!"

Ganondorf: She can’t be this stupid?

Johnel: Yes she can and she will continue to be so.

 " I have been just fine." " It is really nice to see you again." I said with excitement in my voice. As always the King thought of me as a daughter

Both: Bullshit! Bullshit of the highest caliber!

 and always looked forward to the day when I would arrive in Hyrule for the annual Spring Festival. He always liked to see what new merchandise I have picked up thought my travels since the last time I was there. And most of the time he would buy something from me. But he always liked it when I would show up since I would bring lots of fun and happiness.

Ganondorf: I find it more likely this wretched creature is to bring something more along the lines of pain and despair.

 As I looked at the King I realized I was some what at home.

Johnel: Good could you go do that somewhere else?

        As he started to approach me I ran up to the King and gave him a hug. How I missed him. Ever since my parents died when I was very young, I never let anyone get very close to me. But the King was different. He opened up to me, took me into his family and became like a father to me. He gave me a home to come to every year. When I was in Hyrule, I felt at home.

Ganondorf: I think I wish to murder this thing more than I want to murder the last incarnation of the hero.

Johnel: He couldn’t have been that bad.

Ganondorf: He turned into a wolf and tried to disembowel my beast form with his teeth.

         "Jenna my sweet daughter, what have ye acquired through thy travels this past year?" I smiled at the King, "You must see some of the new cloth I picked up in the city of Skyile." "The great city of light."

Johnel: Even the locations seem to be Mary Sue’s.

I smiled, as the King's eyes grew big. "Jenna my daughter, you must show me what you've acquired." Then he took my hand and began to lead me out of the garden. With one last look back at Link, I smiled at him. "See you tonight." I said before I left.  After spending some time with the King, he brought some of my new cloth then let me settle in for the night.

Ganondorf: Is that the end of this wretched thing?

Johnel: There is more but I want Link here for the really juicy bits.

Ganondorf: I see please do inform me when the time comes I will love to see the Child Hero squirm. *Leaves*

Johnel: So yeah next time we get the first sex scene prepare your barf bags people it is going to get gross. Also hope you all are liking the new direction feel free to leave your opinions in the comments.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

A Nightmare on Hyrule Field Part 1: Get On With It!


Johnel: Hello and welcome to the firth part of my riff on My Inner Life. Guess what the opening author’s note is so long and so bad I’m actually just riffing on that today because the story can wait.

Also many may not be aware but the pocket dimension this exists in lets me contact the characters for insights on the material so I was able to grab the one the only Link to help me with this. The main issue of course is that as a mute he has to use pictures but it should be fine.
Link:



Author’s notes: Hello. Thanks for choosing to read my story. As you might know I have become a major Zelda fan in the last year.

Johnel: I now want to punch whoever put a controller in your hand.

 Ever since I played OoT I have grown a fond interest in Link. I started to notice that after I got really into it, I found that I have a strange gift. A gift to Lucid Dream.

Johnel: Really that is something people can be trained to do but you are treating it like some sort of super power.

 I started having dreams about Hyrule, and about Link. In a Lucid Dream you can control your dreams. The dreams became very real, kinda like a second life, and almost every night I would have another. Starting from where the last left off. Even to this day I still have them. I find that they help me get through life.

Link:

I know this may sound queer, but for me the dreams sure help me out. I have shared this story with many other people and so far all has liked it.

Johnel: Who! No I’m serious here who in their right mind told her this was a good story? Wait no she most likely held a knife to their throat so the praise was false for that is the only believable outcome.

 Now as you read this it is told from my perspective or first person view.

You will find that it is very detailed since I remember it all very clearly to this day. The story takes place after OoT.

Johnel: Well she more repeats herself and adds unwanted information but sure let’s go with that.

 Nothing after that ever happens. No Majora's Mask. No LttP, or even Oracle of Ages and Seasons. And there is no love relation between Link and Zelda, Link and Ruto, Link and Malon or Link and Saria.

Johnel: Because who the fuck needs connection to cannon?

Because of my feelings about Link,

Link:

 the person that he gets involved with in this story is myself or actually is my persona. A persona is for those of you who need to know, a representation of ones personality, or in dictionary terms is, (Persona) n. In biology, same as person. So for all you future readers, this story is based on Jenna, a char that is a representation of my personality.

Johnel: No she is a self-insert Mary Sue no matter what you steal from your High School English text book to make yourself sound smart.

But if you think this might be too queer then you shouldn't read this. THIS IS NOT THE TYPE OF STORY FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DISLIKE, OR CANNOT HANDLE SUCH MATERAL AS THE CONTEXT OF THIS STORY. But if you seriously believe you can handle the content of this story, then read on. If your squeamish about sex, then you should not read this, since this story is a REAL LEMON and there is a lot of that, heavily detailed. (Between Link and I that is) Especially during the bonding ceremony. There is also some blood content and strong adult language. So if that’s too much then you should turn back now.

Johnel: By the way we’ve read ahead and trust me the bonding ceremony is going to be bad really really bad.

Now I have not finished it as of yet. I have to catch up, since the last dream I had was just after Link and I had the blessing ceremony for our twins.(Our 3rd and 4th kids)

Johnel: My god four kids really?!

 Right now there is about 100-150 pgs worth. I'm expecting it to reach at least 300-350 probably even more. I will try to up date as often as possible. I hope that some of you like this. I do not mind sharing it. But please understand that this is very PRECIOUS to me, as well as Link.

Link:

 So like I said, if the content of this story sounds, too queer to you, TURN BACK NOW! But to all who wish to continue, happy reading. Thanks,

~*~ Link’s Queen ~*~

Johnel: Trust me the reading will not be happy. Also stop using the word queer I don’t care if it used to mean something different you have to move on with how language changes.

Rated R for strong adult language, sex, violence and blood content.

AGAIN AS A FINAL WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS HEAVY SEX, ABULT LANGUAGE AND TALKS ABOUT MY PERSONAL ENCOUNTER WITH LINK.

Link:

Johnel: Why do you keep repeating that single image?

Link:

Johnel: Fair enough. Wait do you even undesrstand what the author means by that?

Link: .....

Johnel: We need to talk once this is over.

 THIS STORY IS BASED ON DREAMS, DREAMS ABOUT MY LIFE WITH HIM. IF YOU FIND THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY TO BE OFFENSEVE, QUEER, OR PLAIN OUT OFF THE WALL, THEN DO NOT READ ON!!!!!!!

Johnel: Sorry but for the will of comedy I must go on.

 I HAVE GOTTEN WAY TO MANY FLAMES ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY WHEN I HAVE PLACED SEVERAL WARNINGS!!!!

Johnel: Have you maybe thought it was the quality of your story and not the content?

 I WILL NOT ACCECPT ANY MORE FLAMES, RAMBLINGS, CUSSING OR EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT ABOUT THE CHAR JENNA, OR REVIEWS ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THIS STORY, EXCESSIVE LASHING OUT, VICIOUS ATTACKS AGAINST MY PERSONALITY, OR NON-MATURE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIM!!!

Johnel: Now we could be mature about this and act accordingly but you are whining like an entitled child so fuck that.

Link:

 ANY REVIEWS SUBMITTED THAT DO NOT FOLLOW THE ABOUVE GUIDLINES, WILL BE DELETED IMMEDIATELY! THESE WARNINGS ARE NOT THERE TO LOOK PRETTY, THE AUTHORS PLACE WARNINGS FOR A REASON!!!

Johnel: Yes to be so annoying and bad they get their own part.

 IT IS TO TELL YOU WHAT THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS SO THAT IF THE READER FINDS THE CONTENT OF THE STORY OFFENSIVE, THEY WILL NOT READ ON!!! MANY AUTHORS HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT UNWANTED, EXCESSIVE, VIOLENT AND JUST PLAIN NASTY REVIEWS THAT HAVE BEEN SUBMITTED BY READERS ABOUT THEIR STORIES, CAUSING FANFICTION TO GRANT AUTHORS THE ABILITY TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS AND BLOCK CERTAIN READERS!!

Johnel: Okay I found this on an archive but it would make sense that this originated on that site.

 I WILL SAY THIS FOR MYSELF AND FOR ALL AUTHORS ON FANFICTION.

Link:

 NO AUTHOR TWISTS YOUR ARM OR HOLDS YOU AT GUN POINT OR FORCES YOU IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM TO READ THEIR STORIES!! ALL READERS HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO READ A CERTAIN STORY!!! IT IS YOUR RESOPONSIBILITY TO READ THE WARNINGS AND DECIDE FOR YOUSELF IF THE CONTENT OF THE STORY IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU, AND TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO READ ON OR NOT!!!

Johnel: Exclamation Points Away!

 AND IT ALSO IS THE READERS RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY ON HOW THEY HANDLE THENSELVES WHEN LEAVING A REVIEW FOR AN AUTHOR!! LEAVING A REVIEW THAT IS VIOLENT IN NATURE ONLY MAKES YOU THE READER LOOK BAD, AND IS VERY IMMATURE.

Johnel: Look who’s talking.

Link:

 IF  ALL US HERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS, WELL THEN, LETS CONDUCTIVE OURSELVES LIKE ADULTS AND NOT LIKE LITTLE KIDS!

Johnel: Well a lot of fan fiction writers are under 18, lots of readers will most likely be under 18, and the guy sitting next to me missed out on seven years of social development so you aren’t going to be getting your way here.

 I ONLY EXPECT THE VIOLENT LASHING OUT AND VICIOUS ATTACKS TO COME FROM TEENANGERS, NOT ADULTS! IF YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE ADULTS THAT ARE CONDUCTING YOURSELVES IN THE MANORS I DECRIBED ABOVE, YOU PEOPLE REALLY ARE SCARING ME!

Johnel: Have you read your own story for I don’t think you should be the one who is afraid.

IT’S A DAMN SHAME TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE ADULTS OUT THERE WHO CANNOT CONDUCTIVE THEMSELVES IN THE SIMPLEST MANORS THEIR PARENTS HAVE TAUGHT THEM!

Link:

ALSO LEAVING MALICIOUS REVIEWS IS ALSO A SIGN OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

Link:

Johnel: Agreed my green wearing acquaintance that was just plain old bullshit.

 IF ALL YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW DO IS ATTACK SOMEONE VICIOUSLY, IT’S A SIGN OF SELFISHNESS AND NO RESPECT FOR ONES-SELF!

Johnel: Your character.. no you are one of the most selfish people here with how the story pans out.

 I SUGGEST TO ALL READERS WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING A MALICIOUS REVIEW FOR ME, PLEASE GET A HOBBY AND LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER,

Johnel: This is my hobby.

 BECAUSE YOUR ONLY HURTING YOURSELF, NOT ME! ALSO LEAVING A NASTY REVIEW ONLY MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID, NOT ME!

Johnel: Sure and this all caps lock rant doesn’t make you look stupid.

I FIND IT VERY RIDICULOUS THAT I HAD TO LEAVE A WARNING THIS LONG, BUT IT IS BECAUSE OF THE VERY IMMATURE READERS THAT HAVE SUBMITTED NASTY CHILDISH REVIEWS!

Link:

AGAIN, PLEASE READ THE ABOVE CONTEXT BEFORE READING ON!!!!

Furthermore, I have realized that this story needs some heavy grammar corrections, and that the plot needs some work.

Johnel: No it just needs to have never been written.

Also under the advisement of my friend who had just recently completed two literature classes

Johnel: That either you locked in your basement or doesn’t exist.

, has stated the reasons why people had classified Jenna as a “Mary Sue” char and labeled her as “flat”. She has come to the conclusion that most people do not know or understand Jenna’s history, so she has advised me to create an origin story to explain about her history before she met Link.

Johnel: Lack of origin isn’t the problem. Hell I’m pretty sure more backstory has even hurt characters at times.

Link:

Johnel: Case in point.

 That way she will become more rounded and give people a reason to care about her. It was never in my intentions to create Jenna as a “Mary Sue” char or to make her conceited, because I’m not really like that.

Johnel: You are most likely inexperienced with sexuality and overly obsessive without the ability to form real world connections.

Jenna is a persona char, one that resembles my personality while this story is being told from her perspective. This story is not something that I pulled out of my head like my drawings, it came from my dreams.

Johnel: I’m really glad I haven’t found any of this fan art yet.

So I understand that revising this story is going to be hard work and will take time. Since this story is being told in the exact, or close to exact order it happened in the dreams, changing how fast Link and Jenna marry isn’t going to be easy. Even changing how fast they have sex and revising the Lemon parts also won’t be so easy to do. But I’m currently in the process of revising this story, also I have received a college grammar book from my friend and I will be investing in a Beta-Reader.

Johnel: Guess what it still sucks.

 I’m also considering taking to literature classes at JC to help boost my writing skills. But now I say this, if you people, the reviewers really have the intentions to help me, them please do it positively and like a mature adult.

Link:

 I’m telling you that it is a proven fact that negative motivation NEVER motivates someone to change. It never has and it never will. I’m pretty sure your parents have taught you that people only respond to positive motivation and not negative.

Johnel: Well no in fact fear can be a great motivator and that is negative. Look it would actually maybe be seen as more mature if you didn’t create huge rants about this sort of thing.

I’m not close-minded, I NEVER have been. I have always been open to other people’s thoughts and opinions, its when its done in an inappropriate manner that I turn my nose at it and look away. People have to understand that when you’re an adult, you need to conduct yourself like one and learn how to address other people like one. You cannot just act childish

Johnel: Of course we can it’s the internet.

 when you come across something that you DO NOT approve of, you’re only making yourself look bad and that can affect you later on in life. Acting childish and ranting and raving is something I’d expect a little kid would do when he doesn’t get his way.

Johnel: Really ranting and raving gets people jobs on the internet actually so maybe you should re consider.

 When an adult acts childish over stupid things, that’s looked down upon, and considered to be unhealthy.

Johnel: Writing sex scenes that constantly refer to tigers might also be seen as unhealthy.
 Also I’m cutting out the next eight lines because it is a repeat.

Also as a side note, I NEVER physically hurt ANYONE with this story. I got one reviewer that said. “Oh God please stop writing, your hurting everyone.” Now I want to know where I physically touched that person.

Johnel: Well if you throw up for long enough your throat will start to burn and that can be pretty painful.

Link:

Johnel: Just being honest man.

 I want to know how I’m twisting anyone’s arms to read this. I have never done anything of the sort in any way, shape or form and I DO NOT appreciate being accused of that! If you’re emotionally hurt over this, its your fault not mine. I’m sorry if it did, but I have placed several warnings describing the content of this story and if you know what it contains and you do not like this type of material, then why are you reading it?

Link:

Johnel: Indeed that is why I do this.

 I do not appreciate getting accused for other people’s actions. It is your choice as the reader to read the content of this story and it is not my fault if it upsets you when you knew from the gecko what it contained.

Link:

So please DO NOT flame me about it.

I also feel like a schoolteacher teaching a bunch of little kids.

Johnel: Don’t you dare consider yourself a teacher bitch!

Link:

Johnel: Sorry It's a touchy subject with me.

 And I find that this really wasn’t necessary and shouldn’t have had to come to this, but it is very hard when your reviewers have forgotten how to conduct themselves like adults.

Link:

If you honestly think that being malicious is a good thing and that you’re not wrong in doing so, well then your blinded by your own selfish pride. People with common sense learn how to take responsibility for themselves and are able to admit when their wrong. I have found that many of the reviewers that have left me malicious reviews honestly believe that its appropriate behavior for an adult. When it really is that they are too self-absorbed in themselves to admit their wrong. Again that results from selfish pride. One to scared to admit in front of others that they just might be wrong.

Johnel: She is really defensive about all this.

 Also, how can any of you hold any right to call Jenna conceited when in reality, your contradicting yourself by being conceited as well?

Link:

 Being conceited is again selfish pride and being self-absorbed. And yes, it is and always will be a fact that most of the reviewers have been conceited and very contradictive. Please DO NOT leave me a review that only contradicts what you are trying to preach. You should in reality, take your own advice.

Link:

Again I find it very ridiculous that this had to be as long as it is,

Johnel: Well it isn’t my fault you repeated yourself about eleven times with me cutting paragraphs out.

 but it is due to the fact that people not conducting themselves appropriately. Also if I do receive any more malicious reviews, with screaming, spitting nails or ranting and raving over this story because you do not like it then are to self-absorbed to admit that acting like that is wrong, well then you have proven my point! All of this is very self-explanatory!

Link:

Now PLEASE DO NOT READ ON if you DO NOT plan on leaving me a review appropriately!

Johnel: Well no I’m going to anyways. So um yeah next time we will actually get to a chapter of the fic.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go explain some things to Link.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Over the 100 Mark

So I just looked and The Pocket Dimension of Horrible Fanfiction has over 100 views.


As such I'm going to move ahead of schedule and release a first part to My Inner Life early. So be on the look out this coming Tuesday for that.

Once again from everyone trapped in this Pocket Dimension thanks!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Don't Hold Me Closer Cloaked Dancer (Final)


Johnel: This is it. Part 14 the end to Don’t Hold Me Closer Cloaked Dancer. So I’d like to take the time to say thanks to those brave few that have decided to read my work. Though you are unknown to me and we may have never conversed the fact that someone out there likes this little experiment makes me feel some joy in my heart.



Mister says thank you as well.

Zexion stepped forward, "Axel...!"

Johnel: Wrong for it is fact Axal his evil twin.

Lexaeus took a firm grab on Zexion's shoulder, "Guards!" he yelled.

The guards, Reno and Rude, quickly sprang into action and jumped on Axel, retraining him.

Johnel: So suddenly the fucking Turks are involved and acting like henchmen. What can you do?

"Zexion!"

Zexion looked at Axel and he smiled, despite the dull pain beginning to form in his shoulder.

"Axel!" the boy yelled, wanting to run to him.

Lexaeus growled and tightened his grip on Zexion's shoulder. Zexion squeaked in surprise at the sudden pain.

He fell to his knees and cried, "L-Lexaeus! Ow! That hurts!" Zexion weakly tried to get Lexaeus' hand off of his shoulder.

Johnel: If you haven’t guessed yet the author just realized that while Lexaeus was being written as a bit stupid the man himself had yet to look like a villain. So considered this him punching his evil card in.

"You're hurting him!" Axel yelled, trying to wiggle away from Reno and Rude. He growled and relaxed, laying there.

Johnel: Well he sure gave up quickly.

"We are going to get married. Now." Lexaeus yanked Zexion up and kept a firm hold on him. "Marry us pastor!"

Johnel:*As pastor* No I refuse to marry you and your he/she demon spawn carrying bride good sir.

The pastor took a step back, "Y-Yes u-uhm...Do you, Lexaeus Edwa--"

Johnel: Wait what’s with the fake name? No seriously both Vincent and Cid are in this fucked up family tree so why doesn’t the author just use one of their last names?

"I do he does, tada! We're married!" Lexaeus said.

"U-Uhm...you may kiss--"

"Stop!" Axel yelled, wiggling out from under the two guards.

Johnel: Oh looks like he got his second wind.

Lexaeus frowned and reached in his coat pocket, pulling out a small revolver. He aimed it at Axel and glared, narrowing his eyes. Zexion looked up and gasped, eyes going wide.

Johnel: Why the hell did you bring a gun to your wedding?

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Without thinking Zexion ran to Axel, jumping into the redhead's arms. Thankfully for Axel, Zexion was faster than the bullet that protruded from Lexaeus' gun.

Johnel: Suddenly Zexion becomes a fucking last son of Krypton and outruns the speeding bullet.

It went so slow, yet it was the fastest, most terrifying feeling in Axel's life.



 One moment he was holding onto his lover's warm body, the next moment he was holding his lover's limp pale body. He felt Zexion's skin get colder as the moments went by and suddenly a warm liquid substance seeped onto his hand.



"Y-You..." Axel's eyes flickered up, "You shot Zexion!" he yelled, hugging Zexion's body closer. "You shot him! How could you!?"

Johnel:*As Lexaeus* It was quite easy watch *shoots Axel*.

Axel got out his cellphone and dialed the emergency number, yelling at them to hurry.

The people in the audience were all frozen in place, trying to take in what exactly was going on. Lexaeus dropped the gun and cursed loudly. "Fuck you! You redheaded bastard!"

Johnel: You could’ve shot him. No seriously shoot him everyone else in the room works for you are is a part of your fucked up bloodline you can get away with it.

Axel rolled his eyes, running outside with Zexion still in his arms. The ambulance arrived quickly and took Zexion. Thankfully they let the redhead join the ride. He held Zexion's hand and watched as the doctors immediately began to work on him. Zexion was slipping in and out of being conscious and unconscious. He weakly squeezed Axel's hand every so often to let him know he was still there. Axel held his hand tightly and kissed it, over and over and over again. He let himself cry, he loved Zexion to death and to see him injured...it was too much.



When they arrived to the emergency room the doctors informed Axel he had to wait in the waiting room. He closed his eyes and waited, hugging himself tightly. After a few hours he sat up straight and pulled out his cellphone, "Demyx, Xemnas, Xigbar, get down here. Now!" he yelled.

Johnel: Okay first did no one get the cops over the whole gunfire at a wedding thing and second you just called three people that most likely are living viruses at this point to go see an injured person.

The lady at the reception desk 'shushed' him and went back to typing on her computer. the pyromaniac sighed and layed across several chairs, curling up as he waited for his friends.

Johnel: No fuck you author you just can’t throw in the fire connection this late in the game.

Demyx was the first to burst through the doors of the hospital, still clad in his work uniform.

Johnel: So he is streaking in a hospital?

 It was a small sky blue tube top that cut off a bit past his chest. It revealed the small, barely noticeable muscles on his stomach and his naval. He was also wearing a pair of navy blue short shorts. His legs were covered with thigh high light blue stockings and he had bluish-black leather high-heeled boots on.

Johnel: Is costume porn really important at this time?

He ran to Axel, "What happened to my Zexion!?" he yelled, shaking the pyro.

Xigbar ran in, huffing, "Who knew the kid could run so fast in heels..." he laughed, wheezing hoarsely. He was soon followed by Xemnas who was equally out of breath.

Axel opened his mouth to speak, but a doctor exited the room, "You can seen him now, but be very quiet," she whispered.

Johnel: They didn’t have any good dialogue for Axel explaining the situation so they used the doctor to cover.

Axel nodded and hastily moved inside of the room, looking at his slate haired lover. "Zexion," he breathed softly.

Johnel: Bluenette, mauve, and now slate. Is there a reason why the author can’t stick to a descriptor for hair or why they need to keep taking about their hair at all?



Well I guess that makes some sense.

"Zex-" Demyx was about to burst in and yell to his best friend about how worried he was and so on and so on, but Xigbar and Xemnas pulled him out of the room, placing their tan hands over his creamy lips. He thrashed and glared, but they pulled him into the waiting room, closing the door so Axel and Zexion could be alone.

Zexion's eyes softly opened and he gave a weak smile, "Axel," he said, attempting to sit up.

Axel made him get back down, "Shh, shh, keep laying down," he whispered. "You need to relax."

"The baby...he's okay," Zexion smiled, putting a hand on his stomach.

Johnel: How! You got fucking shot and where hopped up on pills how is it fine!

Axel smiled and put his hand on Zexion's, "I'm glad. I love you so much," he whispered, leaning down to kiss the other's pale lips.

Zexion smiled brightly, "I missed you so much...I love you. Now...we can get married and have our small family," he said, closing his eyes. "And we can live happily ever after, just like in a fairy tale," he said softly.

Johnel: Except neither of you have a job. I doubt no one will marry you if the story gets out about Zexion equals church shoot outs. Also like retards no one has called the cops on Lexaeus!

Axel nodded, tears slipping down his cheeks, "Yes...you're my little princess," he laughed softly. "I love you," he said again. "I love you, I love you, I love you." It seemed Axel couldn't get enough of saying that word. "I love you."

Johnel: I hate you I hate every last one of you.

AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

THE END.

Johnel: Oh I wish.

((If I get lotsa reviews on this chapter then I'll make an epilogue. OTHERWISE THIS STORY IS OVER :3))

Johnel: I let’s hope no one was stupid enough to do so.

I have decided YES there will be a sequel, since a bunch of people wanted one. xD;;

Johnel: Who are these people and where is my tomahawk?!

Welllllllllll, anyway. Yeah...



I'm not sure what I'm gonna call it...



Thinks



I'll call it...



...



Eh...



I really don't know. O-O



SOMEONE GIVE ME A TITLE FOR IT!!

Johnel: The worst part besides the author being a complete dumbass mind is that the sequel has been made. Will I riff I don’t know but I have My Inner Life next so I’m going to go enjoy myself. So remember you should always.



Now push the button Mister.

The End For Now.