Sunday, September 23, 2012

A Nightmare on Hyrule Field 4: I Object!

The Wedding

Johnel: You know I had some sort of song ready for this but all my papers got burned.

Ganondorf: You sing enough as it is I’m not letting you bring original composition into this.

         It was the day of our wedding and I had been nervous all day long. The time to walk down the isle drew near, and I felt a rush of nervousness run through me.

Johnel: Really? Tell us again what is it your feeling.

 But I was not going to let that stop my wedding day. I was in the bridal chamber with Impa and Princess Zelda. As Impa and Princess Zelda worked on my hair,

Ganondorf: I’m guessing the hundreds of servants I’ve seen working at the castle had all fallen ill.

Johnel: Okay I’ve played the game and there were maybe less than one hundred people in the whole country.

Ganondorf: I’m talking about in reality you simpleton.

 I stared down at my dress, fingering with the lacy design at my waist.

Johnel: The honeymoon is next chapter show a little patience.

         The dress was the most beautiful and the most expensive I had ever seen. The King had spared no expense when he had it made.

Ganondorf: Of course they make the wedding a royal affair.

Johnel:*prepares to sing* It has to be wed…

Ganondorf: *Punches* We aren’t having any of that now.

The top of the dress was a low "V" cut with lace that crisscrossed in front of my breasts to hold them up. And a feathery lace design lined the edges. Inter woven in the lace was an intricate design of pearls and at the very center was a gold Triforce design. The lace design "V at the waist and a different lace pattern started where the other left off. The other pattern was all of the Triforce design. Smaller gold Triforce symbols lined the bottom of the dress. The sleeves were a see through lace that ran from mid arm all the way down to my wrist and attached at my middle finger. My veil had a full pearl design at the front and small solid white Triforce designs lines the edges.


 After I was fully dressed all that was left to do was finish my hair.

Johnel: I’m hoping Zelda lights it on fire with magic.

         Impa stopped working on my hair and let Zelda finish it. She walked over to a table and picked something up. When she came back over she handed me a gold choker that had a Triforce charm with a Diamond dangling in the center. I looked up at Impa while I fingered it. It was very beautiful. I started to say something but Impa interrupted me. "It will look beautiful on you." She took it and the Sheika smiled as she fastened it around my neck. Then I smiled back at her." Thank you Impa." "Its very beautiful."

Ganondorf: Of course only the best for the wretched beast.

         Just then Princess Zelda said she was done with my hair. I walked over to a mirror to take a look. The sides of my hair were done into a halo braid.

Johnel: Well great I already made a Halo joke.

 The back of my hair was done up into four smaller braids that looped up and attached to the back of f the halo braid. A silvery lace ran from the front of my hair to the back of my head and then around the four smaller braids. As I touched my hair with my hand I turned to look at Princess Zelda and smiled at her. "Thank you soo much, I just love it." I cooed as she smiled back.

Ganondorf: I’m hoping these means the princess has turned the she demon into a pigeon.

        As princess Zelda looked me over she said something was missing. After thinking for a bit, she turned and walked over to her vanity and opened up a small jewelry box. She picked up something out of it closed the jewelry box lid and walked back over to me.

        Taking my left hand she held up my hand and fastened a beautiful gold bracelet around my wrist. Looking at it I could tell it was real expensive. The bracelet was of pure solid gold. At the center was a Triforce charm. Diamonds lined the edges of the bracelet and Rubies lined the inner part. At the center of the Triforce charm was an Emerald.

Johnel: Honestly why not just give everything in the royal treasury to her.

         I looked back up at Princess Zelda and she smiled a kind of a sad smile. "It was my mother's." "But I want you to have it."

Ganondorf: Now I’m truly offended! How dare this thing come in and think they can take something that belonged to one’s mother!

Johnel: You do realize that you just got offended on Zelda’s behalf right?

Ganondorf: Even someone like me has mothers fool.


 She said with a hint of sadness in her voice.  A blank looked crossed my face as I looked back down at the bracelet. "I....I cannot accept this." I said as I held my wrist back out at her. Princess Zelda blinked in surprise. "Nonsense....mother would have done the same thing if she were here."

Johnel: I’m starting to get the feeling Zelda has some pretty shit parents if they love a Mary Sue more than their own daughter. It is kind of depressing.

 "Besides I want you to have it." "It looks beautiful on you." "Take it........and that's an order." Impa nodded in agreement and I smiled back. "Thank you soo much!" I said as I hugged my friend. Satisfied with how I looked we got my bouquet and headed towards the courtyard.

         The wedding was about to begin. There was a loud bustle as people tried to find their seats. Everyone in Hyrule had attended.

Johnel: Okay even by in game population this is a little insane.  Also can the Deku Sprout even move?

 Even all of the sages had to attend. The King would settle for no less. All of Hyrule was going to witness Link and I being wed. As the crowd begun to settle down the King came to my side. Since he was like a father to me, he was going to be the one who was giving me away to Link.

Johnel: Of course how silly would it be if he didn’t.

 I started to get nervous again as the wedding music begun to play.

Ganondorf:*Begins to play on a piano*

          First the flower girl went out.

Ganondorf: The what?

Johnel: Just roll with it.

As she spread the flower petals along the red carpet she looked like a little angel. I hoped that the day Link and I had children we would have a girl as pretty as her.

Johnel: Well just kidnap her and call it an adoption.

Then I watched as all my brides maids were walked out one by one with the ushers. Next I saw Link being walked out with Princess Zelda. He looked soo handsome dressed in Prince clothes

Johnel: So he looked like this?


 as he walked down the isle. When he reached the alter and took his place it was my turn to walk. Taking the King's arm we begun to walk down the isle. As we walked my eyes darted around the room. The nervousness rushed over me. Then my eyes landed on Link. I could see his beautiful smile, but since I was nervous I was glad Link could not see my face from underneath my veil.

When we reached the alter, I took my place at Link's left. Zelda my Maid of Honor was to my left, and Daurina Link's Best Man was to his right.

Johnel: Okay part of wants to argue that Daurina is probably dead and couldn't be there but another part of me wants to argue how they probably don't have a Best Man in Hyrulian wedding.

 Before I fixed my eyes forward I looked at Link from the corner of my eye. Man how I loved him. Then the preacher begun to speak.

          "We have gathered here today to witness this man and woman being joined in Holy Matrimony." "This is a special time, a Holy time when a man and a woman come together and are joined under the witness of god."

Ganondorf: What in the lava spewing fuck!? Who is this man and how did he become a priest of any kind?!
Johnel: Trust me I'm as confused as you as why the priest said god.

"May your marriage bring long life and happiness." "Do you Link take this woman to be your wife, to love, to hold, to cherish, in sickness and in health until death do you part?" "Yes I do." Link responded. 'And do you Jenna take this man to be your husband, to love, to hold, to cherish, in sickness and in health until death do you part?" "Yes…Yes I do." I said softly. " The rings please." The preacher gestured for the ring bearer to bring over the rings. We were handed each other's ring and told to give each other our personal vows. Taking my left hand Link slid the ring on my finger. "With this ring I thee wed." Link said with passion. Then I took his left hand and slid the ring on his finger. "With this ring I thee wed." I said as I looked deeply into his eyes.

Johnel: Well could have had a bit more for a personal vow.

         We then looked back at the preacher and he finished the ceremony. "If there is anyone who thinks this man and woman should not be joined let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

Both: I Object!

After a moment of silence, the preacher spoke again. "By the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife." "You may now kiss the bride." Gently Link lifted up my veil and for a moment we stared deeply into each other's eyes. Then I closed my eyes, as he gently took me into his arms and gently pressed his lips on mine. Then every one started clapping as we made our marriage final. I felt a rush of happiness run through me. It felt warm, like the sun.

 As we kissed everything was silent, only the sound of our hearts beating together was heard. This was the happiest day of my life.

Johnel: How the hell can people being hearing your hearts beating?

         Next I gestured for all of my Bride's Maids and my Maid of Honor to gather around behind me. Then I turned my back and threw the bouquet over my shoulder. Everyone reached to grab it, but it was Princess Zelda that caught it. I looked at her and a smile crossed her rosy face as I winked. She would be the next to wed.

Ganondorf: Why?

Johnel: Stupidity. Also I don’t think Zelda ever does find that special someone in this fic.

 Then I looked at Link, smiled at him and took his arm. He led me out towards the reception hall as everyone threw rose petals over us.

         The reception hall was set quite beautifully. There were flower displays, white dove symbols interlocked with the Triforce lined the walls, there were white candles lining the room and a huge wedding cake sat in the center. As everyone filled in to the room, Link and I went over to the cake and stood side by side behind it. The music begun to play as Link and I took the knife and cut the cake. We each took a piece and fed it to each other. He missed my mouth and got some on my face.

Ganondorf: And they call me a pig.

         Next thing I knew we had cake all over our faces.  And I giggled as I smeared some on his nose. People laughed at the funny sight and I smiled at Link as we started whipping the cake off our faces. There were two goblets sitting by the cake, and a bottle of Champagne next to them. Link popped the cork and poured the Champagne into the goblets. He put the bottle down and we picked up the goblets, interlocked arms and drank from each other's cups.

Ganondorf: Are the fools incapable of feeding themselves?

 Everyone clapped and then made a toast to our marriage. "May your life together bring happiness and new experiences!" Zelda said as she raised her goblet high "Here, here!!"

Ganondorf: May you both die the most gruesome of deaths preferably at my hand!

Johnel: Here, here!

Some one else yelled. Then the music changed in to a dance, and everyone crowded onto the ballroom floor. Link led me by the hand and the crowd formed a circle around us as we begun to dance together. As I danced with Link I felt like I was dancing on air. Felt light as a feather. I got into the music, my thoughts drifted and I begun to flow in unison with Link's body. He took the lead and I let myself go with the flow. As I looked into his beautiful dark blue eyes, there was passion flickering in them. His eyes made me melt in his arms, and as we danced together I felt at peace. When we were done dancing, it was time for our wedding song to be played.

Johnel: Wonder if it will be that Zora back up chorus from the oneshot I riffed?

         Link had found someone to sing our wedding song. A beautiful young redheaded girl named Malon from Lon Lon ranch was to sing for us. She got up on the platform and started to sing "Your love floats on the wings of a dove" Malon's

Johnel: Oh look another possible love interest for Link being made to work for the whims of the Sue.

Ganondorf: I’ve never heard of this composition she is singing and I hope I never do.

 voice was very beautiful and as she sung the song it moved me.

Johnel: You know I thought the author was using another Mariah Carey song but the closest I could find was something by Dolly Parton and that didn’t have the exact quote anywhere.
Ganondorf: *Punches Johnel* Stop it with the pointless pratle and let us finish this.

I moved closed to Link and laid my head on his shoulder. He took his arm and put it around me as Malon continued to sing. The song was so moving that tears of happiness begun to steam down my face. I looked deeply into Links deep blue eyes and whispered to him that he was my everything. My world.

Ganondorf: I believe I’m starting to feel ill from this story.

 I saw love in his eyes, in his facial expressions, he brought my face closer to his and told me that I was his one true love, his first intimately, and his world. His passion made me feel good inside, warmed my soul. I felt like the sky was limit. And when I was with him it felt like flying.


         At the end it was time for Link and I to leave for our Honeymoon. As we walked out of the castle and to the awaiting rusty brown mare, the King and Zelda had one last gift to give. Zelda walked up to me and took my hand placed an Ocarina in it and closed my fingers around it.

Both: What?!

  "I want you to have this as my gift to you both." I looked at it and Link's face grew a surprised look. "Are you sure?" Link looked at her squarely. "I know that these are the keys to the door of time, but I think that it would be safer with the both of you." Zelda replied with a reassured look in her eyes. I looked at Link and he knew I was confused. "This is what Gannondorf used in tricking me to open the door to the Sacred Realm."

 Link said as remembered that day, he never forgot it. I remembered what I was told, the stories of Gannondorf. But Link and I holding the keys might be safer. "Thank you, we will take good care of it." I said as I hugged her and she smiled. Then the King hugged me, gave Link a pat on the back and a wink. I knew what he meant by that.

Johnel: So anyone else feel like throwing up?

Then we went to the horse that was waiting for us.

         Link carried me to the saddle. The horse was Epona. There was a "Just Married" sign tied to the saddle over Epona's behind. Colored strings of yarn hung from the back of the saddle and from the bottom of the sign.

Ganondorf: I believe the sheer stupidity of that image could be weaponized to kill a man.

 Link lifted me up into the saddle then mounted in front of me. I threw my arms around his waist as he checked to see if I was ready. Then he gently booted Epona in the ribs and we took of at a gallop. I could hear the King and Zelda saying goodbye as we rode but soon their voices drifted into the distance.

Johnel: Well at least that’s over.

Ganondorf: Indeed and I’m hoping that will be the worst of it.

Johnel: Actually I’m going to need you back for the bonding ceremony .

Ganondorf: Of course you will. *leaves*

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Why The Wait

Hi there this is a quick post to explain to anyone who is a fan why the next part of A Nightmare on Hyrule Field is taking so long.

To put it simply fall term as started up for me in college so I'm going to be draining most of my time into classes and the like and as such have less time for riff creation.

Still the rough draft of the next part is done and now I just have to work on visual and video gag placement along with a subtitle.

Excpect it in the coming week.

Finally just to vent I have to ask...Why the Fuck is it $100 for a single Fucking college textbook!?

Saturday, September 8, 2012

A Nightmare on Hyrule Field Update: Music! Plus Extra

                      For everyone who is curious the next part of A Nightmare on Hyrule Field is going to be awhile due to some pre writing I have to do. Mostly I have a gag planned involving fake song lyrics based on the perspective of a disgruntled servent in Hyrule Castle. For a sample this is roughly what I'm trying as a chorus.

"They say it will be a wedding, a royal wedding. Sometimes a fear just where this country's heading.

A king who can't get of his behind, and a princess who can't tell if time is in fastforward or rewind.

But it must be a royal wedding they all say, so I must continue to pointlessly slave away."

                    The basic idea was the verses would all be insults at the Mary Sue and Link for getting married. I it getting kind of obvious I enjoy musical jokes? Still the fake song lyrics might never apear in the actual riff it is all up in the air right now.

                  With school starting up again ,okay technically college for me isn't until the end of the month which is giving me plenty of time to sleep in, I'm going to find a highschool AU fic to riff on as well.
                  If you have any Highschool AU fics you want me to riff just post them in the comments and I'll give them a look to see if they are riff worhty. Also though Kingdom Hearts is a goldmine for these try and include ones from other fandoms because I've already got plenty of fics from that fandom on the backburner.
                 So hope to release those other bits soon and remember.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

A Nightmare on Lake Hylia

Johnel: Hey everyone I’m currently trying to get Ganondorf to be more cooperative with doing the next part so I thought I’d riff on one of the companion fics to My Inner Life. You see this is one of three fics that the author made having one of the more cannon possible love interests for Link pining that they can’t have him because of the Mary Sue Jenna. They are terrible but a good way to take a break from the meat of the riff. Also light spoilers for this and the others are from a latter perspective of My Inner Life.

Ruto's Song:

Johnel: No the large gap isn’t me screwing up the editing this time and I resent the accusation.


Authors notes: This story is also a song fic based on a song by Mariah Carey.

Johnel: The author loves Mariah Carey so this isn’t the only song fic using her songs.

 The song is called “Breakdown” This one is going to focus on Ruto’s feelings for Link. Even though Link has found and married another, Ruto is questioning herself if she really is over him. Her life has changed dynamically, ever since the day Link married his current wife Jenna. Ruto has sat on the sidelines and watched him marry, and have four beautiful children.

Johnel: I don’t think the author ever got to the other children before the main fic died though.

Even though she still remains friends with Link and Jenna, have her feelings for Link returned? Read on to find out! Rated PG 13 for adult langue and themes.

Johnel: Part of me is happy for this means no sex scene. Part of me is so desensitized that it doesn’t really matter.

Disclaimer: Ok I know I do not own Ruto, Link or any of the other Zelda peeps.


They belong to Nintendo (Though I wish I owned Link hehehe)


 But I however do own Jenna and any another chars in this story that are not found in Zelda, so don’t use them without my permission.

Johnel: Why the fuck would I want to use your characters?

 I’m just using the Zelda peeps for my stories



Ruto’s Song




A love not meant to be

Johnel: Once again the gaps aren’t my fault so they are staying in. Also that opening line doesn’t look right but I can’t tell why.

Ruto stared lazily up at the sky as she sat on the bank of Lake Hylia. Her eyes locked onto it’s aqua blue tones as she watched distant clouds roll by, causing shapes of creatures to form in them. She had been there all day, she had gone there to think about her feelings, the feelings she still had for Link.

Johnel: Well this is really boring I was hoping for something crazy to make fun of already.

Now she had done it, she was still in love with him, but it was impossible now. He had already married another and had four children with her. “But why do I still feel this way?” Ruto questioned herself. She felt her body swarm with uneasy feelings, her mind clogged with thoughts of “him”. Had she been living in denial all this time? She convinced herself after he married Jenna that she was over him. But she still felt strong feelings for him.

Johnel: Because the author wants to have you all be jealous and lord it over you is my best guess why you still do.

She rose and walked gloomily around the lake. Her thoughts of “him” racing threw her mind. “Am I really living in denial?” “Did I only convince myself that I was over him when I really wasn’t?” “But it’s impossible now, he has already married another.”

Johnel: Well you could be his mistress then.

 Ruto shook her head, the feelings still strong inside her. “OH GODDESSESS WHY DO I STILL FEEL THIS WAY?!” Ruto cried sorrowfully into the air……..


“Break, break down, steady breakin' me on down

Break, break down, steady breakin' me on down

Break, break down, steady breakin' me on down

Break, break down, steady breakin' me on down

You called yesterday to basically say

That you care for me but that you're just not in love

Immediately I pretended to be feeling similarly

And led you to believe I was O.K.

To just walk away from the one thing

That's unyielding and sacred to me….”

Johnel: Okay you have most likely listened to the song itself as posted up above to get a feel for it. Now in my personal opinion it is a very meh song not really horrendous but not something I’d listen to. Also the opening bit of the breakdown repetition is sung by male backup vocals so does Ruto have a Zora barbershop quartet following her around?

Tears streamed down her face. She felt her body race with uneasy feelings as she wandered restlessly around the area surrounding Lake Hylia. Her blue sapphire eyes glistened as the tears fell form them. “Perhaps I'm just fantasizing, perhaps I’m just wishing for something that isn’t going to happen.” “How I miss looking into those blue eyes, blue like the

water in which my people live, shimmering like the sapphire that brought

us together, and sparkling like the tears now falling freely from my


Johnel: Why is one continuous dialogue being broken up like this it is very confusing.



 Ruto cried, burying her face in her hands. “Why can’t I get over him?” “WHY!?” “Its so over I know, but I cannot help the way I feel!” Ruto screamed. She felt as if she was dying inside, her heart wrenching with confused feelings, feelings full of a useless hope.

Johnel: Well the evil demon spawn that married him obviously but a curse on you.

”Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it

And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you

Johnel: Okay more of a criticism towards the song but I’m not sure I like that use of the word nonchalant. That could just be me though.

But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind

Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly

'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering

So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night

And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry”


Images of the first day they met filled into her mind. From the time when he saved her from the bows of Jabau Jabau’s belly, to the vows she thought they made when she handed him the Zora’s Sapphire.

Johnel: I admit I kind of hated having to carry her around in that dungeon. Also it is bows you idiot it is bowls!

 Then she remembered when he disappeared for seven long years, trapped inside the Sacred Realm. She felt abandoned, felt like he left her behind. Then one day he showed up inside the Water Temple, wearing the Zora Tunic, and at first I thought I was hallucinating, I thought it was all a dream, then I saw those blue eyes, twinkling against the clear water that filled the Temple, and it was then I knew I was no longer alone. I had finally thought he had returned to me, thought he was ready to take his place at my side as King, but I was wrong.

Johnel: Could they even legally have someone who was not of the Zora race be their king?

“Now this new feeling has washed over me, the feeling is more then just one of fear: it's one of loneliness, abandonment, horror, and trepidation.” “Where do I go from here?” Without...Link.

Johnel: Termina?

“So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to

Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue

Of the pain that rejection is putting you through

Do you cling to your pride and sing “I will survive”

Do you lash out and say “How dare you leave this way”

Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away”


“Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it

And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you

But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind

Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly

'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering

So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night

And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry”

Johnel: Don’t think we needed a repetition of what could be called the chorus but whatever.

She descended into the lake to wet her dried skin, then she walked back out and onto the bank, her body shimmering as little droplets of water ran down her body like small diamonds as the sun reflected off of them.

Johnel: Okay the droplets part is a little squicky but that could be the effect of fanfiction coloring my interpretation of the lines.

 She walked slowly towards the fences that led to the lake, then stopped. Her aqua blue eyes closed as she stood and thought for a moment. She pondered if she should sneak over to the Lost Woods and spy on Link.

Johnel: Of course don’t you know anything about psychology! Stalking equals love.

She felt something inside her say that she wanted to see him that she needed to see those “eyes” again. How she longed for him. A yearning to feel him longed inside her. She had always wanted to feel him naked against her, the thought of his lean infatuated body made her groan inside.

Johnel: You might want to see a doctor about those groaning internal organs.

 She had always loved the shape of his body, the hard muscles that rippled threw his tunic always made her swoon.

Johnel: What muscles?

But there was not hope of that now. She had always wanted to share herself with him, she even saved that “special part of her” just for him.

Johnel: Okay first her kind seems to lay eggs so do they even utilize penetrative mating? Second she is naked in the games and there is no genitalia to be found so what is this special part of her then? Also I’m getting sick of the authors obsession with virginity.

 But now that was all just a lingering fantasy. She felt all the pain slowly return. She felt as if she was suffering. Again the feeling of being abandoned slowly welled up inside her again as her thoughts of anger towards him returned.

“How could he do this!?”

Johnel: What is she suddenly Gollum now?

 Ruto yelled to herself. “What the hell happened to us?” “Gone, that's what!” “In a breaths time, I have lost everything and anything Link and I ever shared after he married that….that brown haired women, Jenna!”

Johnel: Ruto language. She is the brown haired demon whore slut dumbass Jenna.

 “He was supposed to my husband--no matter what relationship he'd had with Jenna, he was supposed to be mine.” “We made those vows to each other ten years ago.” “And because of that I thought of him to be the prime choice for someone as beautiful as I.” Ruto wiped the stinging tears away with the back of her hand as she raised her head skyward. “Had he really forgotten about those “special” vows we made?” “Did his love for me really just simply slip….away?” “Where do I go from here?”

Johnel: Well no offense he really didn’t promise to marry you and I don’t even think he understood exactly what you were implying back then so it isn’t like he could.

Yeah, c'mon Yeah, c'mon, c'mon Break break down

Gotta get control Roll roll roll along Steady breakin' me on down

Roll roll roll along Break break down Gotta get control

Roll roll roll along Steady breakin' me on down

Roll roll along It'll break you down

Only if you let it Everyday crucial situation wrackin' my mind

Tryin' to break me down But I won't let it Forget it

Forget it I've been feelin' like you're breakin' me down

Kickin' me around Stressin' me out I think I better go and get

out and let me Release some stress (stress) Don't ever wanna

feel no pain (pain) Hoping for the sun But it looks like rain

(rain, rain, rain) Oh, I just wanna maintain Yeah, when you feel the pressure's on But nevertheless Krayzie won't fall It's over

It's endin' here, here

Johnel: Eh once again not the greatest lyrics ever.

“I never really considered it was over, never had I imagined that our love would slowly just fade away.” Ruto hung her head low as she decided to cross the fences that bordered Hyrule Field. She just wandered aimlessly around it for what seemed like an eternity, before slowly slipping into the secret entrance to the Lost Woods she had built so she could secretly watch Link without him or Jenna knowing.

Johnel: Okay Ruto this is what we call psychotic behavior and you should probably go see a mental health professional as soon as possible.

She made her way around the winding tunnel until a bright light came into view. Slowly she emerged into the sanctuary of the Lost Woods, then proceeded to slip over to Link’s home. When she got close enough, she heard voices. Slinking behind a nearby bush, she slowly raised her head over it and saw three figures standing in front of the beautiful house Link had built before he married.…Jenna.

Johnel: I’m still not sure how he was able to build that house either.

Her blue-jeweled eyes lit up when she caught a glimpse of Link playing with his young son, Roan.

Johnel: Roan? I was actually expecting something worse for Sue spawn names I’m pleasantly bored with the name Roan.

 She just sat there and reveled in his gorgeousness as he played catch with his small son. Oh how his muscles made her body quake when they bulged underneath his green tunic after he threw the ball back each time. She felt her body swarm with the feelings of a lustful yearning and longing all over again. Her hands gripped tightly down onto the bush she was hiding behind, it was all she could do to keep herself from wanting to go running over to him. As always every time she went there that way, she had to always fight to keep her emotions from overtaking her and blowing her cover. But each and every time she did come, it was getting harder to control “those feelings”.

Johnel: Madam  control yourself there are children present!

Then another figure emerged from the house. The figure was a women and she soon realized that the women was his wife Jenna. She was carrying a tray with what looked to be drinks on it and handed Link and their two sons each a goblet.

Johnel: Wait where is this other son I thought he was playing with just the one named Roan?

 The next thing that happened sent Ruto over the edge. She watched as Jenna went into Link’s arms, then they kissed passionately. She felt tears well up in her eyes as she lost control over it. The tears streamed like small rivers down her face as she watched Link hold Jenna lovingly in his arms.

Johnel: Probably made their kids regurgitate the drinks too.

That was her undoing, she completely lost control of her emotions. She slowly slipped back threw the tunnel and emerged back under the hazy sky of Hyrule Field. She just had her heart broken again, broken for about the hundredth time. “What is wrong with me, why is it so hard for me to just “forget him?” “Why must my heart continue to break, why must I suffer this way?” “WHY?!” “Oh goddesses I just want to be over him!” “Is that just too much to ask!”

Johnel: Not until the Sue is done lording the superiority of her husband over you.

Ruto cried out towards the sky, her eyes stinging from the gushing tears. “But I still love him.” “And I know just how hard it is to just ignore those “feelings”. “Its not something that you can just simply throw aside.”

Johnel: May I suggest lots of liquor?

“Link…how could you have just left me stricken and confused?” Ruto whispered to herself. “Whatever the cause of this is, it can't be my fault. No, never will be!”

Johnel: Well it is the Sue’s fault so you are right.

Ruto scorned as she fell to the ground in a crying heap. “What am I to do when I become queen?”

Johnel: Tax reforms, proper military funding, more open relations with neighboring nations, and not becoming so fat it is hard to move I think would be good options.

“I will have no partner to bear the next heir to the throne, nor be there by my side during the hard times.”

Johnel:*Snaps fingers* You don’t need no man girlfriend.

 “Dammit; how dare he, leaving me so blustered like this!” She felt as if Link had ripped her heart out of her chest and threw it at her. She felt as if her whole being was being torn apart. “For once, I don't know the answer to my broken heart, but...but I'm sure the answer will make itself known to me soon, for a wise sage never goes long without the answers...”

Johnel: Also as a sage shouldn’t you be dead? It was never clear in the game.

“...Or do they?”


“Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it

And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you

But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind

Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside

Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly

'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering

So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night

And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry”


“No, I cry mentally, wringing my mind of all the doubts and fears that

have been threatening to crash down one me.”

Johnel: For the brain is much like a sponge.

 “But again the one question I still ask myself still goes unanswered, “Was Link really in love with another from the beginning?” “Was the flame between us really nonexistent from the start?”

Johnel: Possibly.

 “I guess I will never know the answer that still evades me to this day.” “But wither or not he ever shared the same feelings for me that I do for him, I will always love him….until the end of time.”


Johnel: Did the author just really have a character say the word sigh?

 “I guess he will never know my true feelings for him, but maybe just maybe I have come to the realization that Link indeed became a butterfly and needed to know what it felt like to fly.”

Johnel: That was just one of the dumbest lines I have ever had the displeasure of reading for this blog.

Ruto dried her tear-stained face and looked into the lavender pinkish rays of the setting sun once more. “Perhaps, I have to come to terms with myself. Perhaps...I am the one who is wrong……Maybe it really is time to let go.”

Johnel: Could you maybe murder the Sue in a crime of passion first you know just for kicks?



Well what did ya think? Yay Nay? Well pleases tell me what ya thought, I’m dying to know.

Johnel: Stop saying ya it makes you sound like your inbreed or Raijin whichever you find worse.

 I know that this is one of my first attempts at writing a song fic, but I think I did pretty well don’t ya think?

Johnel: No in fact that was an awful attempt and you should feel bad. Push the button Mister.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

A Nightmare on Hyrule Field Part 3: Bow to the Chika to the Wow to the Wow

minuets the water was r   I returned to the inside of my wagon and prepared a hot bath.

Johnel: Hey it’s the third part and we have Link back say hi Link.


Johnel: Are you still mad about your innocence being shattered or Ganondorf being here?


I went to the mirror and brushed my hair while I waited for the water to heat up. After about five eady.

Johnel: While your spellcheck was obviously not.

As I slipped down into the warm water, it felt good against my sore muscles. I begun to relax and slowly let my thoughts drift. Link was the only thing on my mind. "He is sooo handsome."

Johnel: That is both superficial and makes you sound half  your age good job.

 I thought to myself. "That is the heroic man who became the "Legendary Hero of Time" and saved Hyrule from a life of darkness."


Though something tugged at the back of my mind. I remembered that I had wanted to marry one day.  And Link would be a good choice since he was my age, strong, smart, and handsome and would help make strong beautiful children.

Johnel: Skipping the more sexist content this makes me feel more like a farmer is looking at a cows and bulls while trying to guess which combination produces the best offspring to be made into hamburgers.

Yes indeed Link would make a good husband.

Johnel: You have just met the guy!

Then I took the soap and washed up. After I washed I got out of the tub and dried off.  I went to the wardrobe closet to pick out a dress for this evening's occasion. After some rummaging, I picked a low v cut white dress with lace that held the v together.

Johnel: For that is totally what you wear to a forest filled with children.

Gold embroidered Triforce symbols lined the bottom of the dress.

And the sleeves started from mid arm and ran all the way down my arm to my wrist. Next I picked a gold choker with the Triforce symbol for around my neck. And a gold Triforce ring for my finger.

Johnel: Take about your symbol spam.

 Then I had to do my hair. I braided my hair into a halo braid

Johnel: Does this halo braid kill aliens and not afraid of anything?

 and ran a beautiful silver lace through it. After that I went to the full-length mirror to look at myself. As I looked myself over, a knock came at the door.


         "Come!” I yelled. Appearing in the doorway was the man I had set my eyes on. His eyes grew big, as he looked me over. "You look beautiful tonight." Link said as he took my hand and kissed it.



 Then he led me out the door. There were two horses in front saddled for riding. One was a rust colored mare with a white main and tail with a black mussel. The other was one of my brown mares with a black main and tail. The one he had gotten was the one with the white star on her forehead. The one whom I named "Star Dancer."


Johnel: No we are still in the fanfic the horse is just special. Thank Primus too I’d like to avoid Cupcakes for as long as possible.

 He led me to my mare and helped me into the saddle. Then he mounted the other horse. Looking back at me his eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight. "Follow me, I will lead the way." Then he booted the horse in the legs

Johnel: How the fuck did he do that!


and took off at a slow gallop. I then followed. We rode to the south side of Hyrule field and came upon a long dark tunnel. "This way!" Link called. "Through here!" I watched as Link disappeared into the tunnel. Then I followed. At the other end we crossed a bridge and then into what seemed to be a village.

Johnel: I can’t believe they are even letting her in.

         Little people wearing green clothes that looked like kids

Johnel: She was then pelted with arrows for he had really led her into a Dalish ambush.


started to surround us when we stopped. "This is the Kokiri Village." "The place where I was raised." Link said as he dismounted. After I dismounted one of the kid like Kokiri took our horses to tend to them.

Johnel: Do they even know anything about horse care.

 As I walked around the village the child like people began watching me. They all seemed very curious to who I was. As I looked around at them I noticed that they had something floating around them. As I took a closer look I noticed that they looked like fairies from the fairy tales told to us in our village as kids. "Were these really fairies from the stories I heard as a child?"

Johnel: Hey Link ever find out what happened to Navi in the timeline where you lived?


 I thought to myself. Just then one of the Kokiri, a young girl approached me. "My name is Saria, what's yours?" The young girl asked. "My name is Jenna, it's a pleasure to meet you." I replied. "Are you the one that came with my friend Link for our Spring Night Festival?" Saria's eyes seemed to glow at that moment.

Johnel: Quick Saria use your sagey sage powers to smite the Sue!

 "Yes he invited me." I said as a smile crossed the Kokiri girl's face.   I could tell that she knew I had my eyes set on Link, though she remained silent about it.

Johnel: They can sense competition from a mile away.

There were male Kokiri as well. One in particular was one named Mido. He was the leader of the Kokiri and a dear friend of Saria and Link.


 He had a sense of humor but he yet remained stern and headstrong for he was their leader and was responsible for their lives. It was time for the feast,

Johnel:*Mimicking the Grinch*Then the Kokiri, young and old, will sit down to a feast. And they'll feast, and they'll feast. And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast! They'll feast on Kokiri pudding and rare Kokiri roast beast. Aw, roast beast is a feast I can't stand in the least!


Johnel: Fine I will for now.

 Saria gestured for me to join them at the feast table. She led me to the seat next to Link. As I sat down next to him she smiled and winked at me. "Did she plan this?" I asked myself, and then smiled. After a moment I looked over all of the food. There was a great abundance of food to eat. There was cooked pork in a rich chestnut cream sauce, beef stew, cooked turkey, all different kinds of cheeses, bread and butter, cooked vegetables and even many different kinds of fruit.

Johnel: Remember reader it is all a dream so the Mary Sue gets to eat whatever she wants. Even an illogical assortment of food.

 My mouth began to water as I combed over the food. After I served myself, I began to eat. As I was eating I could not help but notice that Link was watching me out of the corner of his eye.


         I could feel his stare. Though it was pleasant. Then our eyes met and a smile crossed his face. As I stared into his eyes they seemed to glow under the light of the moon. He even looked more handsome in the moonlight. And I told myself that I would be crazy to pass up a man like this. After everyone finished eating, all of the Kokiri got up and started to dance.



Some of the Kokiri even played instruments. As the music drifted in the air Link took my hand in his. "Would you care to dance?" I looked at him and smiled. "Yes, I'd love to." He led me to where everyone else was and we started to dance. We danced and drank long into the night.

Johnel: Okay I know the Kokiri are ageless but that just seems wrong for them to drink.

 And to show my appreciation I even did a solo dance.

Johnel: What did Girl!Zexion from the last fic teach you a striptease?


Then after I did my dance I went to sit down and rest. I was tired. Link came and sat down beside me. "You look real tired."

Johnel: Anyone page the redundant department of redundant redundancy on redundant street.

 "Are you ready to retire." Link said as he put his hand on my shoulder. I nodded yes and tried to get up and walk. But I was so tired and had too much to drink that I stumbled. Catching me in his arms, Link led me back to where I was sitting. "I think it would be wise if you stay here tonight." " I have plenty of room and I can escort you back to the castle in the morning." Link looked at me with a worried look and I decided to stay. And that is how we spent every night together, even up to the night when I finally shared his bed.

Johnel: Get your barf bags people it is going to be bad.

         I started to know within side myself that Link was the one I wanted to be with. Even more so on the night when I shared myself with him......

         It was a warm spring night and night had just arrived. Link and I were sharing the quiet sounds of the night together. I had been seeing Link for a little more then a month. The Spring Festival had come and gone and the warm weather was finally returning. All signs of winter were almost gone and my time in Hyrule was about to end for this year. In two weeks I would be leaving for the city of Tar Vera. Knowing this made me sad to go since I did not want to leave Link.

Johnel: Please leave we’d much rather see you destroy another place we’ve never heard of.

         I had finally found someone that I truly loved and I would have to leave him behind when it was time to leave.

Even Link was not happy after I told him that I would be leaving soon. When I told him his face went from happy to a depressed one.

Johnel: I think the grammar there just killed half my brain cells.

He wanted to be with me and he wanted me to stay in Hyrule with him. But I was going to spend every last minute I had left with him enjoying it. We had remained quiet for quite some time, then it was Link who broke the silence. "Jenna........ it has been a wonderful almost two months

Johnel: Wait it has only been a month she said make up your mind.

 with you......."I watched him as he stuttered to find his words. "Even as short as it was‚ I really enjoyed the time I've spent with you." "I wish you did not have to leave." "I do not think I will ever find another quite like you." Link said as a look of sadness appeared in his eyes. At that moment I was on the verge of tears. I was in love with him. I leaned over and softly placed my lips on his and kissed him tenderly.


 Then he looked deeply into my eyes and told me he loved me. With those words I began to cry. I had never felt this way before. Like the way he makes me feel when I'm with him.

        He gently took his hand and wiped away my tears. Then he put his hand underneath my chin and slowly lifted my head up until our eyes met. With his hand, he drew my face close to his, gently placed his lips on mine and kissed me softly. At that moment I took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. As our tongues met I started to feel his hands caressing my body. As he gently caressed my body, I let out small moans into his mouth.

Johnel: It begins.

Then he moved his lips to my neck, placing sweet nibbles on it as his hands trickled up my back to the clasp of my dress.

Johnel: You know this just doesn’t seem all that sexy.

 Little by little he slowly started to remove my dress and I felt my body quivering under the gentle caressing of his broad hands as he pulled the dress down off my legs and tossed it aside. Slowly he moved back to my lips and kissed me forcefully, his tongue begun probing my mouth. My tongue slowly met his, causing it to intertwine with his, tasting the sweetness of him. Then we broke off the kiss and I looked into his dark blue eyes as I reached up to remove the belt from around his waist.

 Johnel: You know the problem isn’t even that it is that horrific right now it is just that it is so damn generic a make out scene.

         Slowly I pulled off his belt letting it fall to the ground, then I slipped my hands under his tunic and swiftly removed it as his lips went to my breasts.

Johnel: How did you get it over his head if he had it currently smashed up against your chest?

 As his lips and tongue teased the nipples of my breasts, I felt new feelings swarm threw my body.

Johnel: You’d think the girl had never pleased herself before.

 My back arched and groans of pure pleasure escaped past my lips. Never had I felt such feelings before. Never had my body ever felt such pleasure.

Johnel: We know you’ve said it before.

Then Link slowly moved his lips down my body till he reached my navel. When he kissed it a giggle passed my lips. Then he looked up and we looked into each other's eyes as I reached up to his chest and placed my hands on the lace that held the collar together of his white under shirt.

Johnel: Wait something about the positioning seems a bit off.

His body started quivering as my hands worked across his chest while I removed his white undergarments. Then I yanked it off, exposing his beautiful heavenly naked body. A body of pure heaven.

Johnel: Guessing she has never seen the Old Spice Guy.



         Our lips met again as he gently pushed me down onto his bed, climbing on top of me. I begun to feel his heart beating in his chest

Johnel:*Frantically pointing* See the demon spawn is preparing to rip out his heart for a blood ritual!

 as his lips moved back to the nipples on my breasts. Soft moans of pleasure passed my lips as he nibbled gently on my nipples causing them to become erect. As he teased my nipples with his lips and tongue, I felt his handwork its way down my body.

Johnel: Finally we can get this over with and go throw up.

 First to my thighs, then between my legs. He gently brushed his hand across the lips of my mound and I groaned to tell him to continue. Slowly his fingers probed around the inside of my flower, sending strange new pleasurable feelings cursing threw my body.

Johnel: Probably isn’t that new for the author was most likely doing the same thing to herself while typing this.


 I moaned louder as his fingers caressed the inside of my mound, moving in a slow up and down motion. Then his fingers brushed against my clit, and I screamed out as a pulse of pure ecstasy raced threw me.

 I grabbed his hand and pulled it closer, telling him that I wanted more. Taking the hint, he teased me, as his hand brushed across my clit every few strokes. My body shuddered under his touch as my soft moans turned into cries of pleasure and pure ecstasy. As Link's fingers teased and caressed my mound, his fingers moved down until they brushed over the entrance. Slowly Link inserted a finger, slipping it into the wetness probing me inside, causing animal like cries to pass my lips.

Johnel: Honestly I’m wondering what will happen when the actual penetration occurs.


Johnel: Wishful thinking but unfortunately it will most likely not come to pass.

Then I arced my back and screamed in pure ecstasy as he begun to thrust his broad fingers deep inside my hot wetness. New feelings flooded threw my body, rushing to my head like a sugar high,

Johnel: I don’t think I ever heard someone link eating a bunch of candy to orgasm before.

 as his fingers pushed their way in and out of my sleek beautiful body. With each thrust, my legs shuddered sending momentary shocks to my lower organs. Then I arched my back, my body screaming in ecstasy as his movements became faster.  I reached up and dug my nails into his muscular back as the eternal bliss raced through my every vein.

Johnel: Seriously calm down this isn’t a realistic reaction.

         I began feeling jolts of pure hot passion surging through my lower organs , through my bones as I felt myself starting to climax. My back arced again and I grunted in cat like sounds


Johnel: Now that is what we call sexy not this horrible fic thing. Though we are being off topic so let's continue.

as he begun to thrust his fingers deeper, upping the movement. My hands felt his back become sweaty as I dug my nails in deeper.

Johnel: You feeling okay man? 
Then my slender body twisted as I came to full climax, and I screamed in ecstasy as my warm juices gushed down his hand. Falling back painting, I looked into his eternal blue eyes. " I want to make love to you." I whispered to him as he ate my body with his hungry stare.

Johnel: I almost wish something would devour her right now.

 "I've wanted to make love to you from the first day I met you." Link said as his hungry lips returned to my beautiful neck.

Johnel: Little egotist isn’t she?

          Then I bucked my head back and cat like sounds escaped passed my lips as he pressed his hot body down against mine. As I ran my nails down his sweaty back and I felt our hearts starting to beat faster as our bodies became hungry for each other.

      Suddenly strange new feelings begun to surge through me as our passions ignited. Then as he penetrated deep inside my sweaty body, the feeling rushed through me like a raging river, the feeling of.......... feeling like a women.


Johnel: Well Link finally snapped.

 Never had I felt this way before. I felt my body beginning to surge with strange new feelings as I let my virginity slip away.

Johnel: Honestly she has felt at least ten different new feelings so far. Also notice how she doesn’t feel pain from her hymen breaking. I mean yes the hymen can be broken without sexual penetration and in some cases just isn’t there but I doubt fanfic authors know that.

 As we made love I whispered in his ear that he made me feel like a women and to my surprise he said I made him feel like a man. We made love long into the night. For filing each other's hot desires and fantasies. And I thought to myself that this was one thing I did not want to miss. I wanted to drink in every part of him. And after it was over I could not wait to feel him again.

Johnel: Thank Primus that’s over.


         The next few days were depressing. Us knowing that I was leaving in less then two weeks made us depressed.

Johnel: No really?


 The nights were spent mostly quiet except for the occasional sigh. I was beginning to think I'd never be this happy again. Link made me feel special. He made me feel like a women. And he was my first.


Johnel: I’m starting to see what makes Dragmire so annoyed by your reincarnations.

 "Do I really have to leave?" I asked myself. But then I remembered that the places I travel to every year were counting on me so I had to go. Love or not.

Johnel: Are foreign economies really going to collapse because fancy fabric from the Lesbian Coast isn’t being delivered?

         It was the day before I was leaving. I was at the market place for the last time for this year. I was at my stand selling what I had left when I saw Link enter the market and headed for where I was. As I watched him I wondered if this was going to be the last time I was ever going to see him. I began to cry when he approached me. Taking his hand he gently wiped away my tears and told me not to cry. He looked deeply into my brown eyes and told me he had something to tell me. Then he got down on one knee and produced a small gold box. He opened it to reveal a gold diamond ring inside. With a loud gasp I clopped my hands over my mouth. Then he took my hand in his. "Will you marry me?" He asked with hope in his eyes as I started to cry again.


Johnel: The author will just crib stuff from Christian marriage procedure instead of being creative.

         "Oh my Goddesses......yes, yes I will!"  I said in between tears. He took my left hand and placed the ring on my finger. Then he got up, we embraced and started to kiss. Now I knew I did not have to leave. Hyrule was meant to be my home. We were destined to be together.

Johnel: So marriage somehow makes it so the implied economic woes no longer matter?

         Summer finally arrived and signs of spring were slowly fading. I was spending my days at Hyrule castle helping with the chores and making plans for my upcoming wedding. Link spent his days building a home in the Lost Woods for us to live in after we were married.

Johnel: What idiots would live in that cursed place. I mean Ganondorf wouldn’t  mind more Stalfos to command but you’d think they’d have looked into where they’d live.

         I was excited about our upcoming wedding. I was marring Link. I finally had the man I fell in love with. He was special to me. And he was building a home for us to live in. A home for us to raise our family in. Link told me he wanted to be a father and that most of all he wanted a son.


Johnel: This is starting to feel uncomfortably sexist.

We had talked about having children together. When I first started my traveling, I did not want children, but now that I was marring Link, I decided I wanted to have children with him. Having children by him would make them strong and beautiful, since Link was strong and beautiful himself.

Johnel: I’m really resisting the urge to go with Goodwin’s  Law right now.

         Even my friendship with Princess Zelda and her father grew stronger when we told them about our engagement and that we were going to have children. Since Zelda was not betrothed and had not yet wed, this was the closest thing to her being a mother and the King being a grandfather.Now that we were to wed my life was almost complete.


Johnel: Yeah you can have a break until the next chapter.


Johnel: I’m going to go have a bacon maple bar and forget this.*leaves*