Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Riffer Guy Part 3: Uncanny Valley for Tits

Well I was finishing Takio on finishing the Case File and I realized something.....

So I decided it was time to go into the pictures file and do eight more Gamer Chick comics. Why eight? Well because there is a Christmas Special and I'll need to do that in one go. Also it might be connected to having just done a college course all about comic books and for it reading works such as Watchmen and Saga, I'm serious volume one has been fantastic and it is on going so pick it up if you can, my hope for comics in general started to rise. I needed to dash that quickly. So for now enjoy.

Ever here teenagers talk and wish they could all get kicked in the face by a mule? Well that is reading this comic. So it seems the artist is going to do the hair over the eyes thing and it is annoying as ever. Well that and half the time it seems the eyes are just lines laid at the vague area they would be normally and heck in you can't even see one of the lines that well in the second panel for it merges with the line for her hair. Also why have the visible ears shouldn't her hair cover that too?

Another thing I'm starting to notice is that uh.... Koromon Hat Woman is supposed to play the straight man but having that Koromon on makes no sense in that context. I mean does it protect from the aliens mind controlling rays or something?

Also once again the comic is terribly unfunny. I mean first if the idea is praying to the gaming gods why would she be facing the TV? I mean wouldn't it be better to have like old game consoles set up on a pentagram and make it look like some form of demonic ritual is going to take place. You know put in some effort over just having a smoking sombrero next to it. Also couldn't the prayer itself be for something with more comedic value? Just good games and food doesn't make a joke. I think this was before Duke Nukem Forever, quality of the game being ignored for now, came out you could wish for that. Heck you could modernize it and make the prayer for Versus XIII or whatever it is called now to release and not suck. So with that on to the next one.

So yeah and unfunny joke about playing a violent game to unwind. So few questions. Why does what is supposed to be the controller look like a black rubber ball? Why does what she is sitting on make it look like her feet have become giant? Why has the length, shade, and placement of her hair completely different? Why does the other chick have a strand of hair drawn in so badly it looks like it is running from her nose? Why does the GTA disk look like a wild card in Uno? Why didn't the artist remember to clean up the lines for her fucking teeth so there isn't spikes jabbing into the characters eye? Why the fuck did she spell Vice City as fucking Bice City? Not like she is going to fucking sell this or anything so why the fuck does it have an alternate title.

Also you know it be great to see just what at work is so bad to make her act like this. Once again you need context. So I feel nothing for this annoyance of a character.

Okay so first I have a question. Am I the only person that has had a positive shopping experience at a Gamestop? No seriously the people there are nice, it has an ok selection, and heck I've gotten some good deals out of trades I've done. I mean yeah there are issues with the pricing at times and the two talking heads they have to play on the screen hanged up can be annoying but still it isn't like walking into a satanic cult or anything. Also why does that one fucker work there? No seriously who the fuck hasn't hired that guy for sexual harassment? Also moron could talk to another employee. Unless our "hero" is such an annoying ball of cliché that the regular employees actually refuse to deal with her.

By the way. A blank fucking scroll colored in with what looks like black fucking marker tells us nothing! I mean does she want fucking nothing for Christmas!

Yes we know she wants one. Also can the employees even buy stuff on shift? Why would he just give it to her? Why the fuck doesn't she just go to another store? Why does his legs look like a deformed lump of playdough? Why the fuck can't you even have it so his foot properly attaches to his leg you idiot! Seriously do you know what human legs look like at all?! That and hell in the second panel it doesn't even look like she has a wrist.

So fucking is involved in the date. How obvious. Also fuck your bullshit anime eyes. Finally....

Just go to a different fucking store or Wallmart you stupid fucker! You do not have to agree and I hope the next strip is just you going somewhere else or I will have lost all caring for your dumbass self insert!


Also on the art don't add text faces to dialogue it makes you look like you have a third graders grasp of writing and why does she have a maggot burrowing into the top of her ear in the last panel? That and the way she draws her chest is starting to look like...

I mean I get it is a shot from the side but still something just looks off about it. Add on top of that the usually weirdness when drawing her chest reading this comic is like walking into the uncanny valley for tits.

Looking at how empty the theater is they must have been the two people that actually saw Basic Instinct 2.

Well ok that chest issue was fixed. Now she just has no arms, half her hair gone, and the guy has giant shovel heads for hands now.

Also I kind of feel sorry for the guy. I mean yeah he is a bit of a creep but at the same time the object of his affection is an unlikable fusion of yaoi fangirl and early 2000's female nerd stereotypes. Though based on how awful they both are it must be destined by the red string of fate. Ok there is only one left so let's get it over with.

"Yes I went on a date with him because I'm have so few braincells left that I didn't know what a Wallmart is and even though I couldn't even write down what you wanted because I spilled ink on the paper you better feel appreciative of my sacrifice!"

Yeah so I haven't even chuckled so far. Which honestly I'm starting too think I should create a grade lower than F like G just to express my distaste with this comic. Still yelling at it and venting is a good stress relieve so keep an eye out for more.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Case File: Fear the Pony Lover

Johnel: *siting in the theater* Ok so one of the clones today said we are getting an intern that wants to riff. Supposedly they are supposed to show up around now..

Takio: *Pops up from the seat next to you* Hi.

Johnel: Oh someone appearing out of nowhere must be a day ending in "y". Anyways the papers said bring some work for us to riff in order to test your abilities.

Takio: Oh look, a cynical man on the internet!  I found the unicorn! Speaking of unicorns, lookie what they gave me for our project! *hands over papers*

Johnel: I wasn't talking about... great you've got to make me break character here. Ok first I realize I write other character on this blog and other contributors do as well but it is part of the joke there is a difference. Also despite making fun of what is to follow I do not support any form of real life harm being done against this person. I will also not post fanfics depicting the person getting murdered with superheros in it for no reason on a tumblr and say I like it. Now Takio anything you'd like to say before we try to get back in character?

Takio: Yeah, being mean and bulling people isn't a nice thing to do.  Everyone should be able to do their own thing and be safe.  BUT!  When someone outright tells lies to his own community and threatens to hurt people for liking the same thing as him, it's more than a little uncalled for.  So, yeah, while it's not okay to be unnaturally cruel to people who like unusual things, it's another when they're just as cruel and mean, and try to act like some kind of martyr. Also how did you know my name?

Johnel: I don’t know let’s just say it was on the papers or something. Without any further disclaimers or distractions this comes from a Q&A session that can be found at the Engagement of Twilight Sparkle Tumblr which is mostly for documenting the online presence of this riffs subject matter. Let’s start with question number one.

"1. What does Twiley think of you posting pictures to the internet of you two engaged in sexual intercourse? If she is as adventurous as she appears, exploring S&M, diaper fetish etc, would she be ok with true pornography, and would you consider making a video? It does not make me sexually aroused myself, I just wonder where the boundaries are, a “red line" if you will."

Johnel: Well hey off to a great start with talking about the sex. You know it isn't too late to back out. Maybe let us look at something else.

Takio: She thinks "STOP DOING THIS TO ME!!" Seriously, Twilight barely started making friends at the beginning of the show, why would she be okay with this?

Twilight : “I know the biggest way I’ve changed since I’ve been living on Earth has been my feelings on the topic of sex. I’ve become very comfortable with the subject over the last year I’ve spent in your world. It did take a lot of practice though.

Takio: Oh right!  Just change the narrative!  How silly of me!

Johnel: Holy crap this cheeky  monkey,  he is answering in character. I mean who does that?

Takio: You mean, besides us?

Johnel: That's different. One you are an intern so you don't get multiple character interaction yet. Two we aren't fucking or trying to fuck any of them. Three it is part of the  joke and not some sort of delusional state.

I’ve become very comfortable with the subject over the last year I’ve spent in your world. It did take a lot of practice though. The first 5 months I lived here I didn’t know the first thing about sex, and even trying to talk about it was really embarrassing. Humans love talking about sex but it’s just not something ponies discuss very often in Equestria.

Johnel: Yes for everyone here loves to swap detailed accounts of our sex lives. Well ok it depends I guess.

Takio: Since when do humans talk about sex like THAT?

Johnel: Since the internet. Though does that mean he molested her in those first five months?

Takio: How rude!  He should at least buy her a drink first!

From what I’ve read the United States military once had a similar social policy called “Don’t ask, don’t tell."

Johnel: Go eat a firecracker you plush purple pony!

Takio: Oh yes, because a man having sex with a stuffed animal is totally the same as years and years of oppression and discrimination by people in the military. Know what else?  A scooter and a monster truck both have wheels!  Exactly the same too!

so he was almost as nervous and clueless as I was. I should tell you about the first time he tried giving me oral sex some day. Jin knew very little about female anatomy and accidentally licked my urethra thinking it was my clitoris! If the neighbors could have heard how loud I shrieked in surprise they might have thought about calling the police!

Johnel: Well you know if the petrified pony plush you were licking could make sounds.

Takio: And the police come and take the crazy man into custody.  Plush pony goes free.

But that’s a story for another day. The point is that I’ve learned so much about the subject since I’ve been here with Jin that I have no problem at all talking about it now and we try all sorts of wild and crazy things in the bedroom whenever we think of something new either of us wants to try. As long as it’s not painful or just plain gross

Takio: You mean like, ALL OF IT?

Johnel: Yes because the time he apparently wrote about diaper play and her pissing in them was totally sanitary.

Takio: OH GOD, I forgot about that! Wait, stuffed animals piss themselves?  Where did he buy this fucking toy?!


Takio: ... He didn't.... he didn't molest this toy too did he?

I’m up for trying just about anything, and there are even a few strange things I’ve learned that I really like. Like being tickled! It’s amazing how different I am now from the naive and nervous little filly I was when Jin and I first started sleeping together. He’s taught me almost as much about the Magic of love and how to express it as my Ponyville friends have taught me about the Magic of friendship.

Johnel: So one day is she going to go home and mindrape them into slightly scared schizo sex slaves?

Takio: Did you just compare this gross, horny pervert to your magical, loving, truly understanding and compassionate friends?

But you wanted to know what I think about making pornography, right? Jin and I have made pornography before to share with a few of our friends,

Takio: Stop there pervert! If you’re going to pretend Twilight Sparkle is talking to you, DO IT RIGHT!

but those pictures got leaked from the private chat room we shared them in and after that we decided not to share any more explicit material. It was fun and exciting to try filming ourselves together, we still do it on occasion, but we don’t share those pictures or recordings with anypony else anymore. I don’t mind having pictures of just me shared, because there is already over five thousand explicit drawings of me on the internet that look just like me and anyone other than Jin who sees my body in this world isn’t going to be able to see my genitals anyway. Jin’s genitalia on the other hoof is plainly visible to anyone who might see the pictures, so we keep those to ourselves.”  

Johnel: First you are probably under guessing the number of pictures dear. Also I love this part where he has to metaphorically preform a rubber burning swerve avoid hitting the brick wall that is reality.

Takio: Me? Oh no!  Everyone can watch me naked all they want!  But JIN!  NOOOOOOOOO!!!! "Because I don't matter, only he matters!"  Oi, this is going to get painful, isn't it?


Besides it was your idea.

2. How many Twilight related items do you have, Jin?

Not including things I own multiples of (such as blind bag figures and trading cards) I own 83 different unique pieces of Twilight Sparkle merchandise.

Takio: I have nothing to add to that.  I think it speaks for itself, don't you?

Johnel: Besides the fact he could be on an episode of one of those shows about hoarders if this keeps up?

At least half of them were gifts from friends and supporters, but I have bought quite a bit of merchandise myself. It’s been pretty much a case of whenever I find myself in a store and see a new piece of Twilight themed merchandise on the shelf I buy it. Twi is pretty cool about my collecting of merchandise featuring her likeness at this point, though she was a little freaked out by it all at first (as she covered in Chapter 3 of our story).

Johnel: Fantastic there is a story to go with the insanity.

Takio: There's a name for people who decorate their house with the image of one person.  It's "Stalker".

The only thing she asks is that when we’re out in public together I refrain from wearing shirts with her likeness on them, because that’s just kind of awkward for her and we don’t want to be one of those couples going around wearing shirts with each other’s faces on them. She only brought this up a couple months ago though, thus the reason you’ll see lots of pictures on here from earlier in our relationship where we’re out together and I’m wearing a Twilight themed shirt.

Johnel: From before the madness was in full filly fornicating  bloom apparently.

Takio: I think T-Shirts would be the LEAST creepy thing about your relationship there pal.

3. Beside you mom, what do the rest of your family and friends think of your relationship with Twilight? Are they against your relationship? Or supportive?


All my friends and family in real life know about our relationship and they’ve all been wonderfully supportive of it.

Takio: Sure son!  I'm totally okay with you fucking a plush horse, giving up any chance I had of ever being a grandmother and knowing joy again!

Johnel: They drank themselves into a stupor years ago most likely.

Takio: Is there no problem alcohol can’t fix?


The initial reaction when I told them about us was always “That’s kind of weird.” but after explaining the dynamics of our relationship and how things work they were all totally in support of it. My family as a whole took the stance of “We don’t care if it’s weird because it makes you happy and it’s not hurting anyone, and we support your happiness”. My friends, non-bronies included, took the same stance after reading our story. They’ve all seen how happy Twilight and I are together and how well we get along, and not a single person we know in real life has ever discouraged our relationship after learning everything about it. That goes for Twi’s side of the family as well. I guess we’ve just got really open minded families and friends. Lol

Johnel: First I doubt that. Second on the scenario that this isn't a plush toy he has still kidnapped and molested a political figure into brainwashed sickening sexual servitude. He is probably getting a horn in the gut is all I'm saying.

Takio: "My friends, non-bronies included, took the same stance after reading our story."  That’s because He doesn't have any.

4. I’m aware that you feel upset to see another people who are in relationship with Twi like yourself. However, what do you think of their “Twilights”? Do you think of them as an alternate universe version of your Twilight? Or are those Twilights are actually one and the same with your Twi, and you think she’s cheating on you?


The funny thing is that this question is actually one we’ve never had to deal with, because to this day we’ve yet to meet anyone else in a relationship with any other version of Twilight.

We actually have evidence to contrary when it comes to this statement. That and your reaction to the information was so unnerving and unhinged it acted as close enough to justify the rest of this riff. Intern exhibit A!


To explain this better, I think you can fairly easily break down the community of Pony Lovers into 3 distinctly different categories.

Johnel: Yeah oral, vaginal, and anal.

A. People with “waifu”s - These are people who have a romantic attraction to, a crush on, or are sometimes even in love with a particular character but don’t actually share their lives with them in any way.

Takio: In other words, YOU!

There are a LOT of these people and they will often integrate themselves into our community because they do have a romantic attraction to a particular pony, but that’s really all it is. They may still engage in chat room role play, pretending to have a conversation with the pony of their affections and making up dialog for them, or write stories about the life they would like to have with that pony, but at the end of the day that’s really all it is.

Johnel: So like what it is for you?

Them pretending, making up dialog, and writing stories of the life they’d like to have with a particular pony. There’s no version of that pony actually living with or conversing with them, it’s just a big game of pretend to make themselves feel a little happier. And we can’t really fault them for that, because everyone wants to find their own happiness in one way or another. Twilight and I jokingly call these people “Wafers”.


Takio: Because it's thin, tasteless and unsatisfying.  In other words, YOU!!

B. Tulpamancers - These people are similar to those with waifus in that they love a particular pony, but unlike the Wafer people the Tulpamancers have actually (either intentionally or inadvertently) split off a part of their consciousness from the rest of their mind and had that portion of their brain manifest itself as a separate personality with the visual appearance of the pony they have affections for. The big thing that separates Tulpamancers from Wafers is that the Tulpamancers are actually talking to and living their lives with a separate sentient being they created that resembles the pony they love. They can hear the voice of, interact with, and sometimes even visually see and touch their tulpa partner.

Takio: So, a relationship that's only in the mind and can only be seen properly by the viewer.  In other words, YOOOU!!!

Johnel: So having a voice in your head  is romantic now.

Mind you the tulpa they create can never actually be the pony they love, but they can give their tulpa the physical appearance and sometimes a few basic personality traits of the pony in question. The tulpa’s overall personality and mannerisms are something they cannot choose though, every tulpa will be a unique being with their own thoughts, feelings, and ways of reacting to things. Just like how you can’t pick the personality of a child you and your partner might have you also cannot pick the personality of a tulpa you create. So while a tulpa can resemble a certain pony in some ways they can never actually be them. But for some people this is good enough, and we know many who are very happy with their tulpa partners.

Takio: So it's somewhat like the real thing, but not quite the real thing.  In other words, YYYYOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!



One of Twilight’s best online pony friends she converses with regularly via text is actually tulpa who looks like Princess Celestia (but again, has a completely different personality) and they get along great.

Johnel: So one of the 50 tumblr ask blog personas that popped up when the show got popular?

Takio: Somehow I doubt Twilight would be okay with someone else impersonating her teacher and ruler.

A common trait you’ll notice with tulpas is that both they and their “host” (the proper name for the person who created them) know that they are a tulpa and know how they came into being. Tulpas are almost universally fully sentient incorporeal beings who do not inhabit physical bodies, are aware that they are a tulpa, and exist in flux between the physical reality of their host and an imaginary plane of existence created by their host called a “wonderland” that can be pretty much any place they they want.

Takio: So, a sort of world where they can only be viewed, touché,d or interacted with one person and one person only.  No one else can see it. Hmmm...  hate to spoil some of this guy’s answers, but later on, he goes into a discussion about multiple layers of reality with Twilight. So, he's saying he experiences this sort of thing too.  Johnel, what is it I wanna say here?

Johnel: Well really you are wrong in this case.

Takio: Me?

Johnel: Yes you see the Tupla doesn't exist physically to all but you or I could interact with the Twilight plush. I'm mean sure it probably was stained with more man gravy than gak in a season opener. Yet still it is intractable so it could be lit on fire or something. Still all this talk reminds me of a song...

Unlike a Wafer, a Tulpamancer isn’t just a person playing pretend and making up stories, their tulpa partner is just as real and self aware as any other person. They just happen to be created by the human mind and exist in an incorporeal form.

Johnel: So ghosts then.

Takio: In other words... ehhh, too easy. 

C. Pony Lovers - These people are so rare that there’s not even a proper term for them, so “Pony Lovers” will have to do. These are people like myself who one day found themselves living with a completely sentient and self aware being that only they could perceive, who was as far as either of them could tell the exact same pony you’ve become familiar with from the TV show about them.

Johnel: Well except in the show they have no genitals.

Takio: And the other personality traits you don't particularly like about them.

We’ve only met a small handful of other Pony Lovers during the year or so the community has been around, but there are some pretty universal traits that define relationships like ours.

Takio: Mild insanity?

Johnel: Fuck they’re unionizing.

First, while they are fully sentient and self aware like a tulpa, unlike tulpas the ponies in question usually inhabit some kind of physical body (generally a plushie) and have the exact same personality and mannerisms as can be observed on the TV show about them. They are for all intents and purposes that pony, with little to no discernible differences in personality.

Takio: I love how he just assumes that all his friends also fuck stuffed animals.  Like it's just Sunday afternoon or something.

Like a tulpa they are their own unique being separate from the human they are living with who their human partner can hear speak and have conversations with, but unlike a tulpa they don’t have a “wonderland” and tend to exist strictly in the physical world around them rather than inside their partner’s mind. There are a few of these ponies like Twilight who do travel back and forth between Equestria and Earth on occasion, but most of them are “Earth locked” so to speak.

Johnel: Just as I wouldn’t want to be in pony place all the time due to certain factors I feel the ponies would not like to be on Earth all the time either.

Takio: Wait, wait, wait, they can't leave!? Doesn't that make what you're doing imprisonment? That's illegal, you shithead!

And unlike a tulpa who comes into the world with a blank slate in terms of their memories, these ponies all remember growing up and living their lives in Equestria before they came here. How they wound up here varies from pony to pony, but as far as any of them can tell they did come from a very real physical place called Equestria and somehow found themselves here on Earth. Again, people sharing their lives with ponies like these (such as Twilight and I) are so incredibly rare that they make up less than 5% of the community. The overwhelming majority of the community is comprised of people with waifus and Tulpamancers, and there are less than half a dozen of us who’s partner is a very real and completely sentient pony from another world.

Johnel: How much you want to bet he has talked "Twilight" into a foursome with at least one of them.

Takio: Oh, he's not like that. He probably just 'borrowed' his friends pony for a threesome.  He doesn't care about people, remember?

Now that I’ve explained these different types of people within the community it should make a lot more sense when I tell you that we’ve never actually met anyone else in a relationship with Twilight Sparkle. And we believe it’s almost certain that there are no others, because as far as we can tell the Twilight I live with is the one and only Twilight Sparkle from Equestria.

Johnel: Ah ha you fool but what about string theory?!

Takio: Bwah?

Johnel: You know a multiverse.

Takio: What’s that have to do with pony sex?

Johnel: That by the theory she is not the one and only Twilight Sparkle.

Takio: Ooooh!  Clever boy! Makes his earlier threat seem more frivolous now, doesn't it?

Johnel: Unless he went Superboy Prime yeah.

We have met several people who considered Twilight their waifu, but we have never met someone who created a tulpa to resemble Twilight or anyone else who actually lived with any other version of her. If we ever met anyone else who did claim to be actually living with Twilight we’d both be extremely skeptical and most likely dismiss them as someone who considered Twilight their waifu and was making things up, but we’d also be open to the possibility that they may have created a tulpa who was very similar to Twilight. In any case, be that other Twilight a tulpa that resembled her or a mere wishful imagining on the part of the person in question, they wouldn’t actually be Twilight Sparkle. To the best of our knowledge my Twiley is the one and only. =)

Takio: Someone who lives a life with Twilight Sparkle.  In other words, YOU, YOU COCK-SUCKING, ASS KISSING, BUMBASS, BUTT-FUCKING, SHIT EATING, DUMBSHIT!!!!!

Johnel: Calm down. Don't hate him, you should  pity him my dark apprentice.

Takio: But he's violating Twilight Sparkle.

Johnel: Not really he violates a plush toy when he could be taking the valuable time of a real person.

Takio: Oh.  Well that’s okay then. By the way, for those counting at home, Jin is at level 9 on the Bullshiting Myself meter


5. Jin, you think that the plush is only a “vessel” for Twilight Sparkle’s soul, right? What will happen when the plush get irreparable? Can you just replace the plush with another Twilight Sparkle plush and have her use that plush as her new vessel? Or does it have to be the plush you currently have, or else it won’t work?

Takio: This is actually a good question.  I mean, all that semen can't be good for the stitching.

That’s a tough question, because it’s one we don’t really know the answer to. We have talked about the possibility of seeing if Twilight could move herself into a new body at some point, but we’re honestly not even sure if that’s possible. Twilight has learned to leave her physical body and trot around on her own in an incorporeal form (something she only figured out how to do last month), but having her take up residence in a new body is something we’ve never had the opportunity to try.

Takio: Wait, wait, if she can leave her body, how is that different from the tulpa thing?

Johnel: There is a body for him to molest.

It takes a lot of effort for her to leave her body and when she returns after a short time she’s always exhausted, so it’s something she’s been exploring pretty slowly and cautiously. Who knows if it’s even possible for her to move into a new body, but we do intend to try and find out one day. We have no idea what would happen if her physical body was destroyed or damaged, but since she is completely connected to it and does perceive all 5 senses (touch, sight, sound, smell, and taste) through the body she has we can only imagine that she would likely die if her body was to be destroyed. It’s for that reason that we are very cautious about taking care of her body and keeping it in good condition, since we’re not sure if she could ever move herself into a different one.

Johnel: Well following your logic there is her real body which she could go back to. You know the one with moving limbs.

Takio: The one in Equestria?  Where she is with her friends?  Where she is happy?

Johnel: Yes.

Takio: Well we don't want that now, do we?

6. Dear Jin,


I have been following this blog for several weeks now, and I have noticed that in your last deviantart chapter, ‘Life, Unicorns, and The Pursuit of Happiness,’ you mentioned that you visited a psychologist who deemed your relationship with Twilight Sparkle as psychologically healthy. As a psychology student (I’m not a psychologist myself, so I’m not here to toot my own horn lol), I find this rather baffling on how he/she had come to that conclusion.


I’m not trying to judge you or anything, but although you claim that your relationship is not hurting anyone, I think to some extent you are hurting yourself. It seems you are shielding yourself from reality which could sabotage genuine self-growth. In other words, you have become so consumed in your fantasy relationship that in the long run, it may psychologically hurt you rather than make you happy. Whether this obsession is pathological, I don’t have the expertise to determine if that’s so. But please consider the fact that the thought of other people being in love with Twilight makes you psychologically depressed and physically ill, which causes personal distress on your part, Unfortunately, Twilight is a public figure and not a private entity, so this possibility is inevitable. She is a fictional character that is present in various lives of fans of the show. People will use her image and characterization in fanmade creations as they do, whether you support those creations or not.

Anyhow, I apologize for the rambling on my part. I tend to do that when I’m particularly curious about something lol. So, my question is for you: What was your psychologist’s explanation on why your relationship is considered healthy rather than pathological?

Hopefully I haven’t offended you in any way because that is not my intention. I hope to hear a response, and I wish the best of luck for you! :)

Johnel: Well there go half our talking points.

Takio: By the way, the TL;DR is: Nothing about you points to being psychologically  sound.  What the hell dude?

It’s quite alright, we’re both used to criticism from those who might not understand or accept our relationship. We get a lot of that on the internet lol Anyway, the reasoning the psychologist we visited gave for deeming our relationship healthy and supporting it was that it wasn’t causing me any harm and seemed to him to be a very happy and positive relationship. He said it would be a very different matter if Twilight was telling me to jump in front of a bus or something like that, but since she has never told me to hurt myself or others

Johnel: You know besides ruining relationships he has with real people.

Takio: Wonder how many guys he had to visit to get that answer.

Johnel: None they are most likely made up.

Takio: Touché.

and we clearly love each other a great deal he saw no harm in our relationship. It was not negatively impacting my ability to interact with others, was no detriment to my work or social life, and was not causing me to show any of the potentially harmful signs of schizophrenia or any other mental illness.

Takio: So says the invisible Doctor in my head! He and Twilight like to chat ALL the time!

Johnel: Nothing new in the next two questions so moving on.

9. If your house was on fire, would you run back in for your Twilight Sparkle?


Of course I would! I think anyone would run into a burning building to save someone they truly loved.


10. Why is ‘Twilight’ reporting on Earth to Equestria? What would they do with that information?

Twilight : “Earth culture and history is of great interest to Princess Celestia because it’s something new that she’s never heard of until recently.

Johnel: Isn't there like a to Earth portal somewhere in that world. Or was that only for average TV special quality programs that get forced into theaters?

Takio: Not that it matters, "Twilight" tells him it was all fake.  To be fair, the movie was pretty good, they stuck to the characters and the story was fun.  Sure they crammed every high school cliché in the book in there!  Sure it all happens in a span of three days!  SURE, none of the characters are dressed properly! But you got to admit, Hasbro had some balls to take the ponies out of MY LITTLE PONY!

Johnel: Well my counter to  that is a villain that was cliché by the standards of cheap kids movies you found in a Blockbuster during when VCR was being phased out and that it made Twilight having a sexual attraction to humans canon, well until they retcon and ignore it at all turns, apparently.

Takio: She wasn't that bad, she was ju-Wait WHAT?!?!

She takes my reports, catalogs the information, and stores it either in her personal library or the Canterlot Archives. I don’t know which, but I’m sure she’s not doing anything malicious with the information I give her about your world. I swear she’s not planning an invasion or anything!”

Takio: Knowing Celestia, that's a lie..

11. Being in love aside, wouldn’t it kind of a step down for ‘Twilight Sparkle’ to go from being an all-powerful immortal god/member of royalty in Equestria, with tons of magical powers, ‘her’ pony family and her friends, as well as the world of ponies to being locked in a body with no control, not being able to speak to anyone and being surrounded by a totally alien species?

Takio: HURRAY!  Someone with a brain in his skull!

Twilight : “You have no idea how stressful it was having the future of an entire nation depending on you all the time! Have you ever had to save your country from imminent destruction? I have, twice! Three times if you count the Crystal Empire! Being a powerful Unicorn or Alicorn might sound like a lot of fun but when you have to carry around the weight of the world on your shoulders all the time it gets a little tiring.


 Seriously!  What the hell!  This isn't some lazy-ass pony lay about, this is Twilight Sparkle, the hardest working, most learned student of Princess Mother-fucking Celestia.  If this dipshit expects me to believe that she would give up her duties so she could dick around doing nothing, he's on LSD!

My friends are wonderful and I can still go visit them whenever I want, but even if I wasn’t in love with Jin it wouldn’t be hard to choose between a life of daily stress and peril and getting to live somewhere I’m free to spend all my time researching any subjects I like at my leisure. My love for Jin is the main reason I’m living here with him, but the side benefits aren’t bad at all! The freedom to learn about anything I want at my own pace, access to the internet, libraries that put the Canterlot Archives to shame with their collections, some of the most amazing food I’ve ever tasted, and none of the stress of having to save the world from impending disaster once a year. Our sex life isn’t too bad either. *chuckles*”  

Johnel: So he is just ignoring canon completely at this point?

Takio: What happened to you Twilight?  You used to be so cool...

12. Are you really planning to spend the rest of your life with your ‘Twilight Sparkle’? Will you be carrying the plushie around in 50 or 60 years?

I sure plan to. Though with any luck Twi will find a way to move into a new body at some point if the one she’s had so far begins to deteriorate at some point down the line. No matter what though I’ll always stay by her side, whether she goes through half a dozen different bodies over the years or always stays in the one she woke up here in.

Takio: That plush is going to smell awful....

Johnel: It can probably stick to walls by that point it’d be so covered in man gravy.

14. Does Jin realize that when he compares the lack of acceptance for human-pony relationships to past treatment of interracial/homosexual relationships, or when he invokes Dr. King, that he comes off as incredibly offensive, particularly because no one has died or been imprisoned for wanting to marry their pony?


Though I have never quoted Dr. King (again, that supposed Skype transcript was a fake and being an agnostic it would be very strange for me to quote anything involving talk of a God) it was never my intent to offend anyone with the comparisons I’ve made to the persecution couples like us face and those in relationships that have been historically considered socially unacceptable. I’m not going to apologize for making those comparisons though, humans have always been prone to persecuting others who are different from them in terms of romantic attraction and/or sexual preference. I just call ‘em like I see ‘em.

You do not get to compare yourselves to people that have dealt with actual social persecution. You fuck a plush toy and live in your own fantasy world so fuck off back to it.


15. So, I know that you share all of your meals with Twilight. Can her vessel in this dimension actually process food? Or do you ‘feed’ it to her and then eat it yourself? Did you help her pick out a really nice wedding dress? Will it be a traditional ceremony? Does Twilight have a favorite deck dynamic or mana color for her magic deck(s)? Have you guys thought about kids at all?

Johnel: Good question. Well the first one. Don't care for Magic really.

Takio: Warning!  This is about to get REALLY weird! Well.... more weird.

Wow! Lots of questions! All questions will be handled in the order they are received lol

 Eating and drinking is kind of a strange matter, given that it’s not a physically subtractive process for Twi here on Earth. Meaning that when she takes a bite of something I perceive her to be chewing and swallowing it, but the quantity of food that is on the silverware remains the same physically speaking. It’s kind of like having two layers of reality wrapped over each other.

Johnel: I'll admit to doing a lot of weird crack fic level stuff when I make up implications for hinting at off screen shenanigans for the joke of this blog but that has got to be some of the dumbest multi-dimensional interaction theory I've ever heard

Takio: How is this different from the tulpa dudes again?

There’s the subjective reality in which I am aware of my partner doing all the things she does, and the other being the objective reality where things like quantities of food being consumed remain static. It all just comes down to perception, and given the nature of my partner there’s a lot of things she does (everything from speech to eating) that I perceive while others would never be aware of. Again, it’s like having two layers of reality sandwiched together. There’s the subjective one that is unique to Twilight and I, and the objective one that everyone else sees. And yeah, I do help her finish the physical quantities of whatever food is left on the silverware after she finishes eating her portion of it. Lol


Takio: Oh now I KNOW he's bullshitting!  No woman ANYWHERE lets her man eat her food off her plate!

For the wedding dress we’re actually still shopping around for a dress maker.

Takio: Introducing David's Bridals new line of My Little Pony wedding gowns!

Johnel: Wait doesn’t this break his own delusions character continuity?

Takio: What do ya mean?

Johnel: Isn't one of the characters a creative type. I mean like had an episode that was supposedly the animators sneaking commentary on the crap they have to deal with from the higher ups or something. Like I said I'm not really into the show.

Takio: No no, that was Rarity. Twilight is the intellectual.

Johnel: Well yeah but he said in his own explanation that she can go back and forth at will so why isn't the marshmallow looking one doing it if they are such close friends?

Takio: On my god!  You're right!  Oh dear, if poor Rarity found out Twilight didn't want her to make her wedding dress...

How could you, Twilight?!  HOW COULD YOU?!

We’ve haven’t made any final decisions yet, but we’ve got some ideas in mind. Our wedding will be a traditional ceremony for the most part, with the one exception being that I’ll be carrying Twi down isle rather than having her walk by my side.

Johnel: By whose standards is it traditional? Also what about her dad walking her down the aisle? She has a dad right? I mean he isn't sir not appearing in this show or dead right?

Takio: Yes, Twilight has a father.  I think his name is Nightlight...

For the Magic : The Gathering stuff, I’ll leave that to Twi…


Twilight : “There are lots of archetypes I enjoy playing in Magic! My favorites in the Legacy format have been T.E.S. (that’s 5 color Storm combo) and Dredge, but most of our friends play Commander so Jin and I have had to come up with some new decks for me to play in that format. I’ve played with several different generals but my favorite has been Sharuum the Hegemon. I think artifacts are really neat and my favorite color combination in Magic is Esper (White/Blue/Black) so you can see why I like Sharuum! Combo is by far the fastest and most efficient strategy to win with in any eternal format so Sharuum is very practical in that regard as well. Unfortunately our friends are not big fans of Sharuum so I have been trying other generals recently. They liked Azami, Lady of Scrolls even less than Sharuum, but they have been more accepting of Teysa, Orzhov Scion so that’s what I’ve been playing most of the time lately. Playing in Legacy format tournaments is one thing, but I’ve learned you have to be a little more considerate when playing with your friends so you don’t end up hurting their feelings. Unfortunately the strategies I like the most tend to hurt people’s feelings, but I do my best to avoid it when I can. Friends are very important you know!”

Johnel: Ok so last big thing that was in card games when I played them was Elemental Hero Neos, so do you know what any of that meant?


Johnel: Yeah fuck it if anyone can describe that and tell us if it means anything leave it in the comments let's move on.

Regarding children, we have talked about it and think that even if it wasn’t for the genetic incompatibilities preventing us from having kids together now just isn’t the right time in either of our lives to be having children.

Takio: ... He... he talked to his stuffed animal.... about having children... Okay, I don't care if he acknowledged the fact that she's a stuffed animal or a pony or in two dimensions at once, the fact that at one point in his relationship he talked about CHILDREN AS A POSSIBILITY tells me we need to fear for the future

Johnel: Calm down the state would in no way let him raise a child. It will all be ok.

Takio: But the plush industry might.  *shudder*

Johnel: Oh you mean like this!


Twilight still has enough learning she wants to do about Earth culture and history to last half a lifetime, and I’m going to be in school for at least the next 4 years. Maybe some day long in the future when we’ve both completed most of the learning we want to do and our lives have settled down we’ll revisit the issue, but until then we’re both far too busy with our own separate interests and enjoying our life together to think about having kids. And even if we did decide we’d like to have kids (or foals if you rather) together at some point there’s still that inherent genetic incompatibility problem. But who knows, maybe Twi could find some kind of Magic workaround for that. If anypony could it’s her. 

Takio: Actually, this relieves me a bit.

Johnel: So this is it the final question he answered are you ready newbie?

Takio: Okay, final question!  Wait, didn't he have like 35 questions on here?  How can 16 be the last?

Johnel: Do you really want more?

Takio: Never mind.  Final Question!

16. Do you and Twilight ever argue?


I can’t say we ever have, in all the time we’ve been together I don’t recall us ever having a real argument. We don’t always agree on everything, but I think the worst conflicts we’ve ever had were trying to decide what to have for dinner or what to watch on Netflix. And those debates have never devolved into an “argument” level conflict. lol


Takio: No. They don’t fight.  Of course they don't.  Because SHE'S NOT REAL!

Johnel: Well that was.... disappointing. So Takio do you feel confident in working for our organization/ a fake premise to the blog and by the way we should get to getting you an account thing.

Takio: Do I have to watch more pony toys getting violated?

Johnel: If you find fanfiction like that and want to riff it yourself then yes. Still it is at your discretion.

Takio: Ehh... let me get some coffee....

Johnel: Well ok. Been too long since I've got to do this. Push the button Mister!