Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Confusions in Equestria Part 2: My Little Eyesore

Cabbagelass: Welp, Twilight and I are back in the saddle-
Twilight: Boooooo.
Cabbagelass: I know, I’m sorry. Let’s just get on with it.
On my way out I ran into the door - how do ponies open doors... - I reached up with my mouth and opened the door
Twilight: wings, dumbass. Pegasi use wings….

I looked over and saw pinkiepie bouncing around then she went into sugercube corner
my stomache started to rumble so I said to myself, "why not"


I walked into sugercube corner and walked over to the counter, I said, "hi im new here, can I have a look at the menu?"
Pinkiepie said, "HI OMG
Twilight: What’s an O.M.G?”
Cabbagelass: it stands for  Oh My Judeo-Christian-Deity-That –No-One-In-Equestria-Or-The-Majority-Of-Fantasy-Universes-For-That-Matter-Worship-And-Yet-Recieves-Anachronistic-Title-Drops-In-ManyA-Poorly-Written-Fanfiction.
Twilight: that last part didn’t start with a “g”.
Cabbagelass: You asked for a definition and I provided one.
Twilight :

I said, "I know"

Cabbagelass: And there goes any possibility of being inconspicuous. You know, that THING you were supposed to accomplish by permanently abandoning your humanity and everyone you love!
She said, "what you cant know, u just got here!"
Panicking a bit I said, "nevermind, can I get a muffin?"
Twilight: hmm, a ditzy Pegasus with a craving for muffins? He should ask Derpy Hooves out sometime…
she smiled and said "absolutly-tootly!"
About a minute later she comes back with a muffin,
Not realizing how hungry I am, it disappears within seconds


"sorry, I guess I was just a bit hungry, but listen can u round up rarity applejack rainbowdash twillightsparkle and fluttershy,

I have something important to tell u all"
She said, "Sure!"
Then she bounced away, I got so bored waiting for them to get back

Cabbagelass: that that I forgot to finish this Celestia-awful fan fiction-the end!

that I fell asleep on the floor
"is he dead?" I heard somepony say
Cabbagelass: oh how marvelous that would be…
"no - look u just woke him up - good job rarity"
"Oh good your all here!" I said
Twilight: Your… who possesses this “all here” of which you speak?!
Twillight said, "have any ideas what These things are?" as twillight pulled nick and riley out of nowhere
Cabbagelass: Right, who are these people?
Twilight: and why are you introducing them in the worst possible way ever?
so I said, "Ok the truth is I was going to my job, im really a human like they are,
Cabbagelass: that’s assuming the mane six know what humans are and are not instinctively skittish of us!
trixie just used her magic to transform me"
Rarity diecdied
Twilight: That sounds much more violent than the author probably intended…
Cabbagelass: you should see the gorefic my friend is working on. Almost everyone you know diecdies in it!

 to chime in, "and she chose wonderful coulers!"
Cabbagelass: Rarity: I guess having a taste in fashion gives her ADD.
"wut?" I said
Twilight: is that a word?
Rarity pulled out a mirror and showed me, I had white fur with green hair and wings!
Cabbagelass: sounds like a lousy OC to me…
"this looks awesome!" I exclaimed
"oh also can u turn nick and riley into ponies, they need to be discised too"

Twilight: well here we go again, breaking both the rules and ethics of magic…
Twilight: can’t even spell my name right…
nodded, riley was a earth pony with pink skin and yellow hair
Nick had a yellow horn, with red fur and purple hair

Cabbagelass: *singing* My Little Eyesore~ My Little Eyesore~
"oh also trixie said we need to stay with some of u, can we? I dont think living in the same house would be a good idea tho,
Twilight: w-why? Seriously? That would probably be the best possible thing now that all three of you have to ajust to our culture and  would cut down on living costs an-
Cabbagelass: just let the stupid happen Twilight, let the stupid happen…
 so can we live with any of u?"
we talked for a while and we diecided what we are going to do,


Nick is going to stay with applejack

Cabbagelass: wait, shouldn’t Nick stay with a unicorn? After all someone has to teach him how magic works and how not to-
Twilight: let the stupid happen, remember?
Cabbagelass: …touché.

Riley is going to stay with fluttershy
And im going to stay with rainbowdash
At the farm with nick...
Twilight: how can you do a jumpcut like that if this story is in first-person?!

In the barn applejack said, "ok Sugercube this is where yall gunna B sleeping,

Cabbagelass: as opposed to A or C sleeping?
Twilight: *facehoof*
 untill you get married and Y'all that then you have to sleep on the floor"
Cabbagelass: Wow, this does smack of awkward right here.
Nick said, "fine... well lets go meet up with the others then becuase theres not much else is there
Big mac comes in, "Nope."
Twilight: and there’s our pointless cameo  of the chapter…
At Fluttershys cottage with Riley...
Fluttershy shows riley a couch, "you can sleep on this if you like, and I have some blankets in the closet if u need them"
Cabbagelass: yeah this is awkward. I mean, with Applejack it was softened by the barn-thing and her massive family, but Fluttershy is living relatively alone, and letting her long-term stallion roommate sleep on the couch. I don’t know, maybe I’m just being paranoid…
Riley said, "alright then thanks fluttershy!"
And finnaly at rainbowdashs house with me :D
Twilight: why did he punctuate his sentence with a colon and an uppercase d?
Cabbagelass: because his only writing experience is asking his friends how drunk he was last night via text.
Rainbowdash Yells at me, "Alright listen up, If your going to be living with me then you better not steal anything becuase I KNOW WHERE U LIVE!"

I respond, "ya... I know u do, I live with you"
Rainbowdash kind of blushes
Cabbagelass: hopefully because she is ashamed of how stupid her comment sounded out loud…
 and says, "ya... well if u need to just bring a cloud in the house to sleep on, becuase again u can walk on clouds becuase u have wings"
Cabbagelass: I never really inderstood that cloud-walking thing…
Twilight: well you see, the molecular structure of a Pegasus’s hoof is just such that it allows for vapor-
Cabbagelass: eh, maybe you can explain before the start of chapter 3…
I smile a bit, "alright well lets meet up with the others"
Rainbowdash nods
Back at Sugercube corner - - - - - - -
Twilight: One unsuccessful page break later…

I say, "is there anything u need me to do? my bits arent going to last very long - and these guys dont even have bits at all!

Cabbagelass: is it wrong that I took that sentence in an incredibly dirty context?
riley and nick cant help but look helpless
Twilight: Rarity, stop being a marewhore!
Cabbagelass: author, stop using emoticons in an inappropriate context!
Nick Riley and I all look at her like she has lost her mind...
Twilight: typical Pinkie, using sugar and parties to solve nearly every problem.
Cabbagelass: you spelled “I fail at high school English” wrong….
exept for fluttershy raised theyre hands
Twilight: Their WHATS?
Caggagelass: this thing *holds up hand and wriggles fingers*

 that’s disgusting….

So we set off for sugercube corner,
pinkiepie said, "ok whoever eats the most gets 250 bits and free cupcakes/muffins for life!
2nd gets 100 bits and a free cupcake

Cabbagelass: neither cupcake-related item would be all that appetizing after this contest.
Twilight: does Pinkie Pie even have the authority to do either of those things? She could lose her job

3rd gets 10 bits
So we all got ready
"on your marks... get set... GO!" screamed pinkie

Cabbagelass: *chomps on a cupcake* this cupcake tastes kinda bloody… is there a pegasus feather in mine?!

I started to plow through those cupcakes, rarity was slowly eating a single cupcake

Twilight: I don’t think Rarity would even enter a cupcake eating contest…

I was in 3rd at the moment
30 seconds yelled pinkie
I sped up my pace and barley

Cabbagelass: hoho, a pun. My we are comedic…..
 passed riley
15 seconds!
I was catching up on nick so he began to eat faster too

Twilight: the suspense is killing me….
Cabbagelass: said Nopony Ever…

I was almost there



Cabbagelass:is this string of numbers really necessary?

I Was tied

Twilight: to the table, ready to be sacrificed

This is very close!
I blacked out due to eating too many cupcakes
Cabbagelass: Oh thank Celestia, we’re free!
Twilight: and not a moment too soon. I need to finish up some recordkeeping for this year’s Winter Wrap-up. We finished a half-day early!
Cabbagelass: sweet coincidence, I have to go play some Harvest Moon now!
Twilight: ah, I see. With that I bid you a happy first day of spring.

Cabbagelass: thanks, you too.

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