Saturday, March 9, 2013

Confusions in Equestria Part 1: Wings, Horn or RACISM?

Cabbagelass: Jesus, a whole riff all to myself. This is what I call a promotion; just need to find a good piece… not many Game of Thrones fics but good characters… plenty of A:TLA characters, but the shipping could prove controversial… My Little Pony…
Pinkie Pie: Did Somebody Ponies! *falls through the ceiling*

 uh, hi Pinkie Pie… fancy you falling through the ceiling like a fourth-wall breaking ninja.
Twilight Sparkle: *flies in off-screen* we came as soon as we heard you were riffing a pony fic. It seemed appropriate to oversee your first work.
Pinkie Pie: Plus this place serves great snacks! *downs an oversized bucket of popcorn in one sitting* we had to come.
Cabbagelass: fair enough… ah here’s one *pulls out a reel of fic* Tristen’s New Life in Equestria.  Ooh, this has suck written all over it!
Pinkie: Let’s start the show!
"1 2 3 4!" I yelled
James and I began to play
But kory forgot to sing

"Whatever. Ill cya guys tommarow." I said annoyed
Cabbagelass: wow, four sentences in and I am totally lost. Good job fanfic, you’ve done a service to us all.
I went home and fell asleep
I woke up that morning knowing in a few hours I would have to go to a job I hated so I diecided to walk. no paticular way just... to walk
Pinkie: I dunno whether to be confused or bored…
Twilight: try both…
I had no intentions of doing anything... that I may regret I was walking when when I fell into a revinve
Cabbagelass: It’s like dada without the gore! It has no point and no direction, just random things happening without explaination!
slowly the walls closed around me and I just kept falling
-1 week of sleeping later-
Twilight: So you fall in a ravine, and you decide to take a week-long nap instead of trying to find help or escape?

I woke up in a room and I found a familier face staring
at me...
Pinkie: *in a Reaper mask* your time has come, Tristan!
"Trixie?..." I started to say
"How do you know my name- what or who are you, SPEAK BEFORE THE ALMIGHTY TRIXIE"
Twilight: more importantly, when does this take place, before or after Trixie’s alicorn amulet incident? Because either way, this is out of character for her….
"well I was walking in my town and I fell in a reviene... and now I guess im here"

"Hmm you seem to be telling the truth - however you need wings or a horn - what will it be?
Twilight: wings or a… is she turning him into a pony?! 
Pinkie: And besides, you don’t need wings OR a horn. Earth ponies, hellooooo?
"wings for sure" I replied
Pinkie: are you trying to summon a windigo you little racist?!
"alright but you never said who or what u are, care to explain?" She replied
Cabbagelass: So you’re changing his entire anatomy, gastronomy and way of life without any knowledge of what he is, what his intentions are and without permission.

"Im tristan - and Im a human"
"Interesting, Here it goes!"
Twilight: I should note that this goes against all the ethics of the Equestria board of magic and Trixie could be arrested and de-horned for this.
I was hit by a bolt of light when I reached back to feel wings! I had Awesome green wings
Cabbagelass: if you have to describe it as awesome, it probably isn’t…
, but when I pulled my hand back
there was no hand... just a hoof... so I said, "did u just turn me into a pony?"
Pinkie: What, were you expecting to become a griffin?
Cabbagelass: Now whose the racist?
She said, "yes, you have to blend in, but the only transformation spell I had is permadent, so you are a pony forever now"

Pinkie: why the buck would you transform somepony into something else without asking if they were ok with it first if it was permanent?!
Cabbagelass: or at least warn them first. You know for a great and powerful unicorn, you’re kinda a bitch Trixie…
I replied, "thats Awesome, have any bits I can barrow?"
Twilight: How are you taking this so well?! It’s not like becoming an alicorn where only one detail changes, YOUR ENTIRE LIFE HAS NOW BEEN IRREPRABLY CHANGED WITHOUT YOUR CONSCENT OR FORKNOWLEDGE AND YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT BITS?!?!
She tossed me a brown bag, "this bag has 175 bits - use them wisley.. or not, not really my corncern
Pinkie: just like EVERYTHING so far in this fic!
 but good luck out there tristan, find a home to stay in also,
I have family coming out
Cabbagelass: oh my, there really are fillyfoolers out there?
Pinkie: of course silly! What do you think Dashie and I have been up to since she got back from the Wonderbolt Academy?

 so u need to stay with somepony else"
Cabbagelass: this person can’t grammar…
"alright, best of luck to you Trixie"
"you too tristan"
Cabbagelass: and that’s enough of that of that shit…
Pinkie: that was actually kinda fun. I’ve got a date with Dashie next week but can I come back again next time?
Cabbagelass: sure thing. Take all the time you need.
Twilight: this fic has given me a lot to think about… I have some spells to work on now…
Cabbagelass: I don’t know which is more disturbing, this fic or that ominous line…

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