Cabbagelass: So, here we are back in the constipated nightmare that is Tristan's New life in Equestria.
Pinkie Pie: and this time I wrangled Dashie into the mix.
Rainbow Dash: You know Pinks, this isn't exactly what I had in mind when you said we were going to a movie together.
Cabbagelass:
Anyways, here goes nothing...
I Woke up to a note that said that I won
Cabbagelass: Oh good, some literally tacked-on resolution to the thrilling-as-all-fuck ending of the last chapter.
so I took my bits and headed into the sky
Pinkie: Otherwise known as flying!
It was getting pretty late so I headed to Rainbows place
Pinkie: Otherwise known as flying!
It was getting pretty late so I headed to Rainbows place
Rainbow: Get off my property you bum!
Pinkie: He lives with you in this story.
Rainbow:
But on the way there I was so tired I diecided
Cabbagelass: Jesus, he STILL can't spell "decided" right?!
Pinkie Pie: it's almost as if he fell on his head recentl- Ooooooooooooh!
it was too far away so I just slept on a cloud in the middle of the sky
Rainbow Dash:
Ameteur...
The next mourning I flew to Trixies house
Pinkie Pie: When did Trixie get a house in Ponyville?
Cabbagelass: she always struck me as an apartment user at best.
becuase she had told me that there was a spell she could cast to enhance my flying
Cabbagelass: More magic body-alts? Mary-Sues never take a break, do they?
Rainbow: Well he'd need it if he's living with me.
I flew on over there, it took my a while becuase im still getting used to my wings... and hooves
Rainbow Dash: and the town layout, and the weather patterns, and you're own stupidity... really, it's a wonder he didn't fly into the town well like Derpy always does.
when I arrived Trixie greeted me at the door
Ameteur...
The next mourning I flew to Trixies house
Pinkie Pie: When did Trixie get a house in Ponyville?
Cabbagelass: she always struck me as an apartment user at best.
becuase she had told me that there was a spell she could cast to enhance my flying
Cabbagelass: More magic body-alts? Mary-Sues never take a break, do they?
Rainbow: Well he'd need it if he's living with me.
I flew on over there, it took my a while becuase im still getting used to my wings... and hooves
Rainbow Dash: and the town layout, and the weather patterns, and you're own stupidity... really, it's a wonder he didn't fly into the town well like Derpy always does.
when I arrived Trixie greeted me at the door
"come in come in" she said
Pinkie Pie: I made cupcakes!
Rainbow Dash :
"thanks" I said as I walked in
"have you found a place to live for a while?" Trixie asked
Cabbagelass: I thought you didn't care....
Cabbagelass: I thought you didn't care....
"yeah, im living at rainbowdashes house for a while"
Rainbow Dash: In my living room, I'm using him as a coffee table.
Rainbow Dash: In my living room, I'm using him as a coffee table.
"cool man
Pinkie Pie: I Didn't know Trixie was a New-Age-Retro-Hippie...
- alright the spell that enhances your flying - will allow you to go fast enough to go through a moutain if you go in face first,
Pinkie Pie: I Didn't know Trixie was a New-Age-Retro-Hippie...
- alright the spell that enhances your flying - will allow you to go fast enough to go through a moutain if you go in face first,
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, only if you're ok with flattening your face against your flank!
however I must warn you, if you dont go fast enough, then that will hurt pretty bad to faceplant a mountain,
however I must warn you, if you dont go fast enough, then that will hurt pretty bad to faceplant a mountain,
Cabbagelass: As opposed to going really fast and risking serious injury or death in THE MOST RETARDED STUNT I HAVE EVER HEARD OF?!
alright are you ready?"
Rainbow:
"yes!" I yelled
She shot a bolt of light at me, and I didnt feel different, but I felt in my mind that I could pass
Pinkie Pie:
through a moutain now if I was to try
Cabbagelass: And if not, we know that Social Darwinism is still a thing, really nobody loses in this scenario.
"thanks as always trixie!" I yelled as I smashed through the window and flew away.
Pinkie Pie:
through a moutain now if I was to try
Cabbagelass: And if not, we know that Social Darwinism is still a thing, really nobody loses in this scenario.
"thanks as always trixie!" I yelled as I smashed through the window and flew away.
Rainbow: Worst. Guest. Ever!
Later that day I was insanly bored, so I met up with Nick and Riley
"what should we do?" said Nick
Pinkie Pie: Throw a party, duh?
Cabbagelass: I was gonna suggest trying to find a way back home, but whatever.
Pinkie Pie: Throw a party, duh?
Cabbagelass: I was gonna suggest trying to find a way back home, but whatever.
"well I have some news for you guys, Me and fluttershy have been talking-"
Cabbagelass: *as Riley* if another human finds it's way into Equestria, we will recruit it for a traveling circus, collect the royalties and become filthy rich!
[Awkward silence]
Cabbagelass: Screw blending in, I want all the bits!
Cabbagelass: *as Riley* if another human finds it's way into Equestria, we will recruit it for a traveling circus, collect the royalties and become filthy rich!
[Awkward silence]
Cabbagelass: Screw blending in, I want all the bits!
I scream, "YOU ADOPTED A PUPPY? :D!"
Rainbow:... Are you sure this isn't Pinkie? he's acting a lot like Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie:
Rainbow: Except he's stupid a-and he can't plan parties... and he's not a pretty little filly that I love with all m-my heart?
Pinkie: That's better!
Riley smacks me in the face with his hoof, "No! were getting married!"
Cabbagelass:
Rainbow Dash: To this guy's credit, Fluttershy's always been into fairytale stu- Pinks, what are you doing?
Pinkie: I knew this would happen! *hides rainbow and produces boombox*
"And tristan you have the most important job to me you are my-"
Rainbow: Food-taster. you are expendable.
Rainbow: Food-taster. you are expendable.
"I knew it I get to be the usher! TY so much" then I ran off
Cabbagelass: When I was a character I used to rate character's based on their intelligence. Tristan rate's a half-Patrick or quite possibly a high Peter Griffin.
Cabbagelass: When I was a character I used to rate character's based on their intelligence. Tristan rate's a half-Patrick or quite possibly a high Peter Griffin.
"well nick you get to be my best man then." said Riley
Cabbagelass: I mean, this is so random! what the Hell were they-
Pinkie: Woo, tapdance Partaay!
Cabbagelass: Sorry guys, that's my boss calling. Take five!
[Cabbagelass walks to the back of the theatre to take said call. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash take advantage of the situation to cuddle and such]
Cabbagelass: Hey Johnel, what's- No, I haven't been watching the news, thank you very much, I'm too busy working on that piece of crap you sent- Hold on, What's so big about the Supreme Cou- They did WHAT?! Oh my God, you better not be kidding me man! I will KILL you if this is a prank. Uh-huh. No shit I'm excited! alright, bye. *beep* GUYS, SOMETHING AWESOME HAS HAPPENED!
[Cabbagelass has interrupted a light makeout session between the mares.]
Rainbow Dash: What?! are the Wonderbolts hiring?! Cabbagelass: Better then that: DOMA is Dead!
Pinkie Pie: ...What's a DOMA?
Cabbagelass: O-Oh right. Well, there used to be this crappy law that denied same-sex married couples federal benefits and a bunch of other crap. It was called the "Defense" of Marriage Act, and just yesterday politicians called hax on it's nonsense!
[Blank Stares]
Cabbagelass: Gay Marriage is now legally-recognized on a federal scale?
Cabbagelass: Why aren't you guys as amped as I am?!
Rainbow Dash: *Giggles* Cabs, Mareiage has been been a legally-recognized process in Equestria for over a thousand years. you're not impressing anyone here.
Cabbagelass: Oh....
Pinkie Pie: On the other hoof, all this talk about marriage and tapdance parties and DOMAs kinda makes me want to plan out my wedding party.
Rainbow Dash: Eh.. let's get back to the story. Now!
Cabbagelass: I mean, this is so random! what the Hell were they-
Cabbagelass: Sorry guys, that's my boss calling. Take five!
[Cabbagelass walks to the back of the theatre to take said call. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash take advantage of the situation to cuddle and such]
Cabbagelass: Hey Johnel, what's- No, I haven't been watching the news, thank you very much, I'm too busy working on that piece of crap you sent- Hold on, What's so big about the Supreme Cou- They did WHAT?! Oh my God, you better not be kidding me man! I will KILL you if this is a prank. Uh-huh. No shit I'm excited! alright, bye. *beep* GUYS, SOMETHING AWESOME HAS HAPPENED!
[Cabbagelass has interrupted a light makeout session between the mares.]
Rainbow Dash: What?! are the Wonderbolts hiring?! Cabbagelass: Better then that: DOMA is Dead!
Pinkie Pie: ...What's a DOMA?
Cabbagelass: O-Oh right. Well, there used to be this crappy law that denied same-sex married couples federal benefits and a bunch of other crap. It was called the "Defense" of Marriage Act, and just yesterday politicians called hax on it's nonsense!
[Blank Stares]
Cabbagelass: Gay Marriage is now legally-recognized on a federal scale?
Rainbow Dash: *Giggles* Cabs, Mareiage has been been a legally-recognized process in Equestria for over a thousand years. you're not impressing anyone here.
Cabbagelass: Oh....
Pinkie Pie: On the other hoof, all this talk about marriage and tapdance parties and DOMAs kinda makes me want to plan out my wedding party.
Rainbow Dash: Eh.. let's get back to the story. Now!
Well since the wedding isnt for 5 more hours then I guess I can just chill.
Rainbow: ... Ok, this is starting to get a bit excessive. five hours, I doubt even you could pull that off Pinkie.
I went to Rainbowdashes
Pinkie: I thought we sealed up that cloning mirror pool weeks ago!
Cabbagelass: Actually I expect my boss had a hand in this... although why I cannot say.
Rainbow:
house to see if she was home, sure enough she was
Rainbow Dash: yeah, it's not like I have a job, or a marefriend, or a social life that keeps me busy day-to-day.
"hey rainbowdash" I said as I slowly walked in
Cabbagelass: oh it's a miracle, he didn't destroy somthing upon entry!
I went to Rainbowdashes
Pinkie: I thought we sealed up that cloning mirror pool weeks ago!
Cabbagelass: Actually I expect my boss had a hand in this... although why I cannot say.
Rainbow:
house to see if she was home, sure enough she was
Rainbow Dash: yeah, it's not like I have a job, or a marefriend, or a social life that keeps me busy day-to-day.
"hey rainbowdash" I said as I slowly walked in
Cabbagelass: oh it's a miracle, he didn't destroy somthing upon entry!
"hey Tristan, Come in" she said smiling
I walked in, Room coated in wonderbolt posters
Pinkie Pie: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Rainbow Dash: Awww, thanks Pinks.
Pinkie Pie: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Rainbow Dash: Awww, thanks Pinks.
We sat there just talking for a while when I said
"you wanna see somthing really Really cool?"
Rainbow: sure *pulls out a mirror* ahhh, yup. still awesome.
Rainbow: sure *pulls out a mirror* ahhh, yup. still awesome.
"sure!" she said.
we flew down to equestria
Cabbagelass: Which is the entire country and quite possibly continent. did this guy even try to research something?
and I found the biggest moutain I could, I just charged right at that thing, I could feel myself getting faster and faster,
Pinkie Pie:
Rainbow Dash:
Cabbagelass: Which is the entire country and quite possibly continent. did this guy even try to research something?
and I found the biggest moutain I could, I just charged right at that thing, I could feel myself getting faster and faster,
Pinkie Pie:
Rainbowdash who looked terrified
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash, terrified? pfff, like that'd happen!
Said, "Tristan are you crazy?! your going to kill yourself!"
Rainbow Dash:
Ignoring that I kept going and suddenly I just passed through the moutain like it was paper
Cabbagelass: ok... but what was the point of that?
and I flew back over the moutain she looked at me in shock
Rainbow Dash:
Cabbagelass: ok... but what was the point of that?
and I flew back over the moutain she looked at me in shock
"that... that... that was incredible! How did you do that?!"
Rainbow Dash: yeah, really incredible, coming from the mare who can BREAK THE SOUND BARRIER!
Rainbow Dash: yeah, really incredible, coming from the mare who can BREAK THE SOUND BARRIER!
trying to look modest I said, "it was nothing, Trixie did some magic on my wings that allows me to do that"
Cabbagelass: Technical as fuck!
Cabbagelass: Technical as fuck!
She Looked terrified again, she squealed, "TRISTAN LOOK OUT!"
Pinkie Pie: *Suddenly annoyed* why does this author keep acting like my Rainbow's a big scardy cat?
Behind me was a 700 foot tall firebreathing, ponyeating, Dragon.
Pinkie Pie: *Suddenly annoyed* why does this author keep acting like my Rainbow's a big scardy cat?
Behind me was a 700 foot tall firebreathing, ponyeating, Dragon.
Cabbagelass: Oh good, Danyeris is here to burn and raze the human-pony slavers, free the enslaved Fluttershy, and claim back the iron throne
Pinkie Pie: Valor Maregulis!
Rainbow: ok, I can't be the only one out there confused by this...
I looked over at rainbowdash who was lying on the ground, hit from the dragon,
Rainbow Dash: Once again, I've been launched across Ponyville into a tree house fought several different monsters INCLUDING a dragon, and personally defeated a giant robot. this guy does not give me enough credit...
I flew up there and pulled out my axe,
Cabbagelass and Rainbow: Your WHAT?!
Pinkie: Oh relax Dashie, you know I'd do the same *nuzzles Dash*
Cabbagelass: Awwwwwww... wait, this is still weird.
"Nobody, and I mean NOBODY treats my friends that way!" and I smacked him so hard in the head with my axe it auctully knocked me out of the sky,
Cabbagelass: Do you even laws of physics?
but that dragon was slain, but Man my Right wing hurt so bad!
Rainbow:...Why? Nothing described in this scenario would put particular strain on your right wing.
Pinkie: *giggles* so says Egghead Dashie.
Rainbow: *blushing* S-shut up...
From the pain I layed down, and fell into a sleep.
Cabbagelass: They should really consider renaming this fic Tristan's Adventures with Narcolepsy.
I had a dream. In the dream discord had taken over,
Pinkie:
and exploded the elements of harmony
Rainbow and Cabbagelass: ...Say what now?
and had turned celestia and luna into stone
Pinkie: The Word of the Day is: IRONY!
Riley and fluttershy stood ready to attack,
Cabbagelass: Ok, making Riley and Fluttershy a battle-couple is actually kind of cool.
Rainbow: True, but I always saw Fluttershy as more of a field medic in this situation.
Cabbagelass: And Riley as the live bait.
but me and nick stood alone, discord would easily be able to take over,
Pinkie:
me and nick had not found our loved ones yet,
Cabbagelass: Wait, what does that have to do with anything?
Rainbow Dash: Element of Love, remember?
Cabbagelass: Then go get Cadence and Shining Armor you twats!
Discord ran at me and turned me into stone!,
Pinkie Pie: ...Pretty sure that's not how turning to stone works.
Cabbagelass: Who cares? the fic is over, DOMA died, today is a good day.
Rainbow Dash:...That was actually not bad...
Cabbagelass: care to tackle the next one with me one-on-one?
Rainbow:
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