Wednesday, December 12, 2012

A Nightmare on Hyrule Field Part 9: 1,000 Years in the Dungeon!

Johnel: Hey everyone today we have a special guest to help with the fic. Please welcome Wind Waker timeline Zelda! *The sound of applause comes out of nowhere*

Zelda: Yes now might I ask why that other Link tried to stab you in the eye…

Johnel: Let’s just say we are about to experience it.

A Few Loose Ends


         I spent the next few weeks adding to our farm. Link started out by bringing home cuccos and a rooster, then I got two milk cows, a pig and four sheep.

Zelda: Who is this narrator? *clasps hands with glee* Wait I know it must be that nice girl Malon having started a life with Link back in the new timeline.

Johnel: Yeah no this is a succubus that married Link and goes to weird monasteries were monks have you drink urine.

Zelda: ….. I …… I’m not sure what to say to that.

Link surprised me when he came home one day with a beautiful black stallion. Since we have a special connection with the royal family, the King himself had that horse bred especially for us.

Zelda: What timeline is this in again?

Johnel: A variant where you did not send Link back in time why?

Zelda: I see so this girl claims my father who died at the hands of Ganondorf is alive and providing her with special privileges.....*starts to grind teeth*

We decided that since the stallion (whom we named Midnight Star.) was such a strong horse, we were going to bread him with Epona. We bred them for the first time just before their mating season was to end.

 It was perfect timing, I only had seven more months until I was to give birth. The colt would be born not to long after I was to have my first-born.

Zelda: But horses do not take only three months to bear children.

Johnel: Yeah the author doesn’t really care. Also great job making Link’s faithful stead a baby machine author.

 I knew each colt that was born would be strong and healthy. Perfect for each child that Link and I were going to have.


Johnel: Quite the little eugenics activist isn’t she?

After we got all of the animals that we needed, I started a garden. I was going to grow a lot of the food we were going to eat. Though some of the meats and fruits were provided to us by the King. I grew most of the vegetables that were going to be used in meals. Each and every day I would tend to my garden. It was my pride and joy, next to being pregnant. Keeping it up was tough but fun.

Zelda: I’m unsure fun would be the word to describe it.

The Separation

One day I was visiting with Princess Zelda at the castle when she got word from her father that a war had started in one of our allied lands.

Zelda: War? But the only possible violent aggressors we could have had at such a time was Ganondorf and he had been defeated…until the flooding that is. *grinds teeth again*

Johnel: Logic is sort of a nonexistent thing to one handed typists.

Zelda: The creator has one hand?

Johnel: No… look never mind.

The King decided to send in some of his knights and one of the legions he was sending was Link's.

  My face turned white as a sheet. I knew that affairs like these could keep the men away for months.

Johnel: Well that and the death, destruction, and mental scaring caused by war.

 Since he was the captain of his legion he had to go. When Princess Zelda saw how upset I was she tried to comfort me, but I couldn't help thinking that Link might miss the birth of our first child. When I explained my concerns to her, she told me that in the event if I was to give birth before Link was to return home, her father would have him brought home.

Zelda: My father would most certainly not just pull a great warrior of the frontlines if he is needed. Imagine what could happen if an enemy force invaded a position without the men’s leaders there to fend them off.

 After she told me that I started to feel a little better, but  it was the separation that was bothering me. I knew that spending such a great amount of time apart would be hard. I didn't want to get lonely. We had been together for five months and married for two and never spent much of that time apart. "Would this long separation period stress me out?"

Johnel: Yes but it isn’t like there are whole families whose fathers, brothers, and husbands are having to go to war and don’t have magic swords, arrows, and volcano safe clothes at their disposal.

I thought to myself. When I got home I was mopey. I knew Link would have to leave soon and then I was going to miss him. I wished that he did not have to leave.

   When he came home, he delivered the bad news. He told me that he was going to have to leave in the morning. As I looked into his eyes tears begun to stream down my face. I did not know how I was going to cope with the separation. I went into his arms and cried into his chest.

   Link gently rocked me in his arms as I cried. He told me that he would be home as soon as the war was over. He also said he would write as often as possible. Though the one thing that sacred me was that something would happen to him and he would not return home to me. I expressed my concerns to him. "I do not want our baby to grow up without a father!" I said choking in between tears. "Do you remember the stories of my battle with Gannondorf?" Link asked. I nodded yes. "I survived that." "I'm standing here as living proof." "And a war cannot be worse then battling the King of Evil himself." "I'm a survivor, I will survive."


Zelda: Uh… are you okay?

Johnel: Sure just providing some musical breakage from the fic.

 With those words I looked deeply into his eyes and saw the determination in them. "Jenna my love, I will return to you." "Love will guide me back." He said as his eyes flickered with love and I knew then he meant want he said.

Zelda: That was… uh sweet maybe?

Johnel: No it was just cheesier than Wisconson.

         He took his hand and brushed away my tears. Then he bent his head down and kissed me. A mix of emotions raced through my mind. Some sad, some happy and some with fear. I felt like the world was crashing down on me. Like all of the bad things were happening at once. Though as I looked into his eyes I could tell that within my own heart, love will bring him back to me.


         Just then Navi came flying into the room and saw that I was crying. She flew over to me concerned. "Jen, Link, where's Lilly and are you ok?" I looked at the blue fairy and tears begun to stream down my face again. "A war has started in one of our allied lands, and the King has decided to send in knights. Link's legion is one of them." I begun to choke on my tears as I held Link tightly. "Oh honey, I'm sorry, that is bad news, but you remember Gannondorf right?"

Zelda: Wasn’t this already established?

Johnel: Yes but you can count on this fic to hold itself to the… standard.

I nodded yes. "Well he put Link through a lot worse then this, and he's still here." "He loves you and he will come back to us." "He is going to be a father and that will not keep him away for long." Navi flew in front of me and her blue aura grew brighter. Her aura was always calming.
        I looked into Link's eyes. His eyes were as beautiful and as sexy as ever. Still like deep blue pools of water. I just laid against his chest and enjoyed what time we had left. I did not know how long it was going to be before I was going to see him again. I thought to myself. "He loves me." "Love will guide him back home to me." "And that is all I need to remember."

Zelda: So what follows is a retrospective work on the feelings of those that wait for the men who go off to war?

Johnel: Hahahahahaha… hahaha… *Catches breath* hahahahaha…

The Reunion


         Some time had past since Link has left with the King's knights. He kept in touch via letters by carrier pigeon.

Zelda: Pigeon? What is a pigeon?

Johnel: They’re rats with wings that’s what they are.

 In one of his last letters he said that there was talk of a peace treaty. And if that happened the war would end and he would be coming home. To pass the time I either spent my time at the castle with Zelda or in Kokiri Village with Saria. And when it was too much to bear


 I spent those days in my garden or tending the farm. Most of the time passed easily, but there were days when I really missed him. And I was always awaiting for his next letter.

         Then one day about four or five months later a message came in from Link that the peace treaty passed, the war was over and he would be coming home soon.

Zelda:*Blinks* I… *blinks again* no just no that did not just happen.

Johnel: No it happened. This dumbass of an author just had a war go by in under a page. Also here. *Passes a bottle of scotch*

Zelda: What is this for?

Johnel:*Takes out shot glasses* Never wanted to play the drinking game with Ganondorf too dangerous. Okay quick plot resolution take two shots. *Slams them down*

Zelda: Well I suppose. *Takes the shots*

I started to cry tears of happiness. Link was finally coming home. I had missed him sooo

Johnel: Take a shot.

Zelda:*Takes the shot* …Wow I’m starting to feel a little better.

 much. My husband was returning to me like he said. And there was nothing more important then that. Lilly and Navi had come to make their routine check on me. When they came I told them the good news. They were happy to hear that Link was coming home. I was glad that Lilly and Navi were here. I wouldn't have known what to do without them. They always made things brighter,

Zelda: Because they act like a light source?

and even helped the time go by faster. Even on the days when I got emotional from missing Link, they helped the sadness go away.
         Though it was hard sleeping alone. Waking up and finding Link's side of the bed empty. At least I had Lilly and Navi to help me through it.
         I was told that it was going to be about a week before the knights were to return to Hyrule. I could hardly wait. It was summer I was now nine months pregnant and to give birth soon. I did not want Link to miss the birth of our first baby.

Johnel: Horrible priorities take a shot. *takes it*

Zelda: *Takes the shot*

         The week seemed to go by quickly. And the day Link was to come home drew near. I spent the last few days with Princess Zelda preparing a "Welcome Home" Celebration for our men returning home. And on the day they returned, everyone in Hyrule attended to welcome home our men. The crowd was huge. Everyone had crowded into Hyrule market. I had even seen other wives waiting for their husbands. I had a hard time getting around. My stomach was big and when the baby kicked it took it out of me. So moving through the crowd was very difficult. As the knights begun walking through the Market Place I finally found a spot where I could see and awaited for Link.

Johnel: Poor grammar through the use of awaited instead of waited take a shot.

Zelda: *Takes a shot* Bitch and her stupid hell spawn.

         I watched as different legions went through, none of them Link's. I felt his presence as I telepathically called to him. "Yes, my love." "I will be there soon." "I miss you too." He said to me in my mind. Then when the last legion came through I spotted my husband at the lead. My face grew bright as I called out to him.

Johnel: Well I can drink to the telepathy.

Zelda:*Snatches bottle and downs it*

Johnel: Uh princess you okay?

Zelda:*Smacks Johnel* That’s Queen to you peasant!

         As he passed by he smiled at me. At that moment I begun to cry, I was soo happy he was finally home. I could not wait to be in his arms again. It had been such a long time and I wanted to run to him and give him a hug. But I had some patience so I tried to wait.

Johnel: I’m sure you failed admirably at it.

         The King was at the other end of the Market. He welcomed home each of the knights as they passed by. Some even got rewards for bravery. I watched from the street as the King welcomed home Link's legion. There was a long pause then the King called Link over to him. I watched to see if he was awarded anything.

Johnel: For war is of course all about winning fabulous prizes.

Zelda: One Hundred Years in the dungeon!

         There was a silence as the King produced a small red box. I moved in to get a closer look. When I got to the bottom of the stairs leading to the platform Link was on, the King noticed me and told me to join them. "Since you are this brave man's wife, you may join him up here." As my eyes darted around the Market, I noticed all eyes were on me. I got nervous, and the King noticed that.

 "Come daughter,

Zelda: What did he just call her?

Johnel: Uh you see in this story the Mary Sue is treated better than you and even given precious things of your mother’s. S *Is backhanded by Zelda*

Unacceptable! How dare she put on such airs as to think she could be noticed by my father nay be considered his daughter over me! I would I have her skinned alive, I’d have her beheaded, and I’d find a way to bring her back to life so she could spend 1,000 years in the dungeon! Until the children of my children’s children would do it all over again!


Johnel: … I… uh… I’ll have someone come pick her up later. *Picks up the empty bottle* Also I think no one should be drinking at these things if this is the result.

 join your husband up here commentate his bravery in the field of battle." My eyes darted around once more then I slowly made my way up the wooden stairs and to the platform where Link and the King were. At one point I almost tumbled, but the King caught me and helped me the rest of the way up. Then I took my place at Link's side. "This brave solder went above and beyond the call of duty, in the field of battle." "He risked his own life to save his men." "For that I award this brave man Link, The (8)Triforce of Valor."

Johnel: Before anyone asks it is mostly just a purple heart.

The King opened the box and held up a pin with a red bird behind the Triforce symbol. In one the bird's claws was a bundle of arrows and in the other was a lightning bolt. A small Purple Heart

Johnel: See she doesn’t even try to hide it.

sat in the center of the Triforce symbol.

 The King took the pin and placed it on Link's uniform. Then a loud cheering came from the crowd as Link turned to look over everyone. He waved a couple of times, then turned his attention to me. He took me into his arms and we kissed. More cheering came as we embraced. Then I looked into his eyes and a tear ran down my cheek. "I missed you soo much." "I'm soo glad that your finally home." I said softly. Then I placed a hand on my belly. "Our baby is going to be born soon." "I was told any day now." I took his hand and placed it on my stomach. "Do you feel the baby kicking?" I asked sweetly.

Johnel: So glad everyone is so happy and there is no possibility of Link being tired or suffer any psychological damage after fighting in a war.

 After a minute he looked back up at me and smiled. "Yes, yes I can." At that moment his eyes seemed to glow, as happiness filled into them, and I knew that he was happy to be home. He took me into his arms again, and held me close. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the King was smiling. He knew we were very happy together. Since Zelda had not yet married he at least had one daughter that wed.

Johnel: Wow glad Zelda isn’t awake right now.

         That made the King happy. Since we wed he had another heir to the throne. In the event that Princess Zelda does not take the throne, Link is next in line. Then I would become Queen.

Zelda: *Wakes up*


*Passes back out*

Johnel: I’m legitimately amazed. This story is so bad it can awaken people from being passed out due to drinking an excess of alcohol.

The King knew he was not getting any younger, but he felt at ease knowing there was another to be able to take the throne in the event that Zelda does not. Though this did not change Link and I, but we had to groom ourselves in the event that Link would become King and I Queen. I loved the King, he had become like a father to me. But I was in no hurry to become Queen. Though I knew that day may eventually come.

Johnel: For you know the author is a spoiled bitch and what not.

         As Link and I walked through the street, the crowd cheered as we passed by. Link was very beloved by the people of Hyrule. Every one in Hyrule owed Link his or her life. He saved them all. But now they were glad that Link had taken a wife. And when our baby was born, everyone in Hyrule will want to bless the baby of the "Hero of Time." Another to carry on in his/hers father's legend.

Johnel: Not like that kid isn’t going to grow up to have any mental issues at all.

         When we arrived back home all of the Kokiri were there to greet us along with or fairies Lilly and Navi. "Your finally home, I missed you Link." Navi squealed as she flew over to him. "You were really missed." As she flew around him her blue aura brightened. "I missed you too Navi." Link said as he smiled at her. "Jen and I really missed you to." Lilly said as she flew in front of me. "Link, hey LINK!"

Johnel: Great who can it be now to talk about how much they missed Link?

         A girls voice called from behind the crowd. Then Saria came running through the crowd and up to him. "I missed you a lot too Link." "How are you?" Saria said as her eyes lit up at the sight of him. "Were soo glad your home." "Jen spent a lot of time with us while you were away." Just then something caught her eye. "What is that on your uniform?" Saria asked as she gently fingered the pin on Link's uniform. "It's called the "Triforce of Valor." "The King awarded this to me for my bravery in the field of battle." Link said with pride. A loud "WOW" came from the crowd as Link showed everyone. "Oh Link, that is soo wonderful." "You must be so proud of him." Saria said as she looked at me. "Yes I am, but I'm just glad to have him home again." I said blushing. Then we had a small celebration to celebrate Link's return home.

Johnel: Seriously I’m starting to get disturbed by this complete willingness to trivialize war by so much.

         We had a small feast, then we danced and drank.

Johnel: Now this is a little vague to whether she just consumed alcohol while pregnant but just to be safe I’d like to say this…

Then around Midnight everyone went home, and Link and I were left alone. We told Lilly and Navi that we were going to the pond out back to have a swim. The night air was warm, perfect for swimming. We went to our special little pond. Once there we took off our clothes and went into the cool water. We splashed and played around in the water for awhile. Then I looked into Link's eyes. They were glowing under the moonlight. I went into his arms, and felt his body against mine. Then he gently pressed his lips on mine kissing me deeply. It had been such a long time since we kissed like this. We kissed even deeper, our tongues finding their ways into each other's mouth. I felt his hands caressing my body, felt the connection between us growing stronger. I ran my hands down his back as he moved his lips to my neck. I felt his heart beginning to beat faster, heard his thoughts in my mind.

Johnel: Okay I’m going to but in again and say what you are planning on doing might not be a good idea. At this stage you might end up inducing labor and I don’t think you’d be able to get any sort of medical attention at this time of night.

       I wanted him soo bad. Wanted to feel him. It had been such a long time since we made love. I whispered in his ear that I wanted him. That I wanted to feel him. And I heard him in my mind, heard him say that he wanted me too. I felt the heat of our bodies, felt his hands touching me, felt them caressing my body. I started to breath faster, as my heart was beating in unison with his. Then I felt him quivering against me, as he slowly penetrated my awaiting body.

Johnel: Also notice how her belly isn’t making any of this a bit awkward to pull off.

 The intensity of it raced through my body, raced through my bones. It had been a long time since I felt this feeling. As we made love, I felt our connection become full. I felt as if our bodies merged. We became as one. Even more so when we both came to a full climax. I screamed out his name as I felt him release his essence deep inside me.

Then I put my lips to his long, sexy pointed ear

Johnel: You know I’d make fun of that but knowing the internet there is probably a pointed ear fetish that people would claim to have.

 and whispered words of passion to him, before sweetly licking and nibbling on it. I heard him moaning softly as I caressed his ear with my lips and his body with my hands. I was so glad to finally be in his arms again, to be able to feel him. I had longed for this day; Longed to make love to him. Now my dreams had come true. He was finally home.

Johnel: So another chapter done and what’s the damage. Well science has been ignored, logic thrown out, warfare trivialized, and I found out what kind of drunk Zelda is.



solar penguin said...

"I only had seven more months until I was to give birth."

She was two months pregnant when she found out, about a month ago! Shouldn't she only have six months to go by now?

"We had been together for five months and married for two"

So she got pregnant before the marriage, from the chapter one sex scene? OK. (Good job Link proposed, otherwise the eugenically beautiful baby would be a eugenically beautiful bastard.)

solar penguin said...

"Then one day about four or five months later ... [a few more days pass] It was summer I was now nine months pregnant and to give birth soon."

Aaarrrgh!!! What happened to the "seven months"? Someone buy the author a calendar! Or just teach her to count up to seven...