Tuesday, August 21, 2012

A Nightmare on Hyrule Field Part 2: Gannon Banned!


Johnel: Greetings I sent Link to get a chillingly academic lesson in humanoid nature so he’ll be back next part.

       Dreams come in many forms. Some good, some bad, some very realistic, even ones that feels very real.

Johnel: You know those last two have the same meaning dumbass.

 A dream may come to us from happy events, or even stem from bad events in our lives. Some come to us as a pleasure dream

 and some come as nightmares.

Johnel: The fanfiction that passes through here create nightmares that’s for sure.

 Some become vague memories after time, while some stay very rich in our minds. This is a story about a dream that I had. A dream that became more dreams. A dream that would end one night then resumes the next. It became like a second life.

Johnel: “I’ve been having these weird thoughts lately. Like is any of this real or not?” Seriously get on with it you’re starting to bore me.

 Ever since I became a Zelda fan, I grew an interest in Link. I thought of him as the perfect man.

Johnel: You know besides being mute, a young child in an adult’s body, and not being able to grow a proper manly beard.

 One that you could not find of this world.

Johnel: I’m pretty sure there are plenty of good cosplayers out there you could molest.

 I thought of him as a man that should have been. The more that he attracted my attention the more I became more attracted to him.  I felt like there was a connection between him and me. Then he became a part of me, and after that I fell deeply in love with him.

Johnel:  This is just plain creepy. I mean there isn’t anything wrong with saying a fictional character is aesthetically pleasing we are all human after all. Yet this isn’t the garden variety finding Kamina sexy this is a delusion of romance.

        I know that may sound queer to you but love is a mysterious thing and should not be taken lightly. Love is a very strong emotion, an emotion that should be treasured. Love comes from the heart, but when it takes hold, it’s got you. I quite don't understand it myself, but I do know that when I first laid my eyes upon Link I fell in love with him.

Johnel: See what I mean she is using the word love not anything to determine basic attraction. Also based on how it seems Ocarina of Time was your first Zelda game it is highly likely the first time you saw him he was a child.

 My heart just told me it was right.

Johnel: Can you stop saying heart I’m taking a break from Kingdom Hearts fanfiction right now.

 Told me he was the one, the one I had been searching for. Ever since then I have felt that it was destiny that has brought me to him. Even in my mind it feels the same. I don't consider myself any different from anyone else.

Johnel: Then I fear what kind of company you keep.

Though I have love for someone that is not really there, he will always remain very real to me inside my heart and in my mind. Even to this day I still love him. He has kept me very happy. He has made me happy when I was sad. He has made me feel stronger about myself. He has even taken care of me in ways that no one else can.

 Even though I have feelings for him, I'm not any different from the rest of you.

Johnel: How ‘bout no you crazy fangirl!

I will always hold him close to me in my heart. He is still on my mind and I still have dreams. The connection stills remains strong, and the dreams very real.   I lived an entire life with Link in Hyrule.

Johnel: Here’s hoping it ended with violence then.

 All stemming from a series of dreams. Dreams that I want to have. Dreams that I make happen. From the first day I met him, to the birth of our first child,

Johnel: That is kind of messed up.

 to even the days when Link and I prepared our family in the event that Gannon should return.

Ganondorf:*Teleports in* Did someone dare miss say the name of the Great King of Evil!

Johnel: Oh hey Dragmire how’d you die this time?

Ganondorf: Imp-fucker stabbed me in the gut. I see you’re reading another story that tortures a hero.

Johnel: Yeah you in?

Ganondorf: Why not I have time before I’m reincarnated again.

This book is based on my inner life. A second life lived in a far away land in another time line in another dimension. A tale of love, passion, despair and hope. I enjoyed my inner life. I looked forward to going to sleep to it every night. And I look forward to ones that will come, because LOVE WILL NEVER DIE.

Ganondorf: I take it that this woman is ill.

Johnel: Like you wouldn’t believe.

The Beginning


        I will never forget the day, the day I met Link. It was a warm spring day; I was on my usual trip back to Hyrule with my wagon of goods to sell in Hyrule market at the annual Spring Festival (1).

Ganondorf: I’ve seen Hyrule in many timelines and I’ve never heard of this Spring Festival.

Johnel: Don’t worry it is just some generic harvest celebration the author made up.

 I have been a traveling merchant since I was fourteen. This is my sixth year returning to Hyrule. The last two years I was not able to return when Princess Zelda sent word of an evil presence in Hyrule. Then all contact was lost. For almost two years I tried to contact Princess Zelda. Desperately I kept trying to find out if she was ok. I was never too long without contact with my good friend.

Ganondorf: Surely a simply merchant from another land couldn’t be friends with the royal family.

Johnel: Trust me it gets worse.

Then I was considering going to investigate, when one-day word came in that peace had been restored to Hyrule do to the legendary "Hero of Time."

Ganondorf: I see so it is this time line.

Johnel: Still getting the temporal headaches?

Ganondorf: Indeed an existence in multiple timelines can be a bother even for one like me. Though if it is the Child Hero won’t he be driven to madness by descriptions of activities these so called writers enjoy?

Johnel: Don’t worry I sent him to someone.

         After some catching up time with my old friend I came to find out what really happened. Seems that a Gerudo named Gannondorf, an evil man from Gerduo Valley, desired the legendary Triforce.

Ganondorf: Yes it isn’t like there was racism on the part of the Hyrule royal family and that my people lived in horrible conditions with the one male every hundred years rule making repopulation a problem.

Johnel: You’re letting your Great Sea personality show again.

Ganondorf: Silence!

Though the Triforce was only told in fairy tales to the children where I come from, I was amazed to find out it really existed. She told me how she played with things she knew nothing about. And about how Gannondorf tricked the soon to be "Hero of Time" into unlocking the door to the Sacred Realm. I even noticed that Zelda was a little older then I. Last I saw her she was four years younger then me.

Johnel: For obviously a teenage girl would be friends with a preteen girl if I’m doing my math right.

 It was told to me that when Gannondorf went into the Temple of Time and into the Scared Realm, time jumped ahead in Hyrule seven years. Yet only two years passed in my land. And in the rest of the world.

Ganondorf: I have lived in multiple time lines and that didn’t make sense.

        After the "Hero of Time" defeated the King of Evil,

Ganondorf: Except for the timeline that I was victorious and killed him.

Johnel: Oh yeah that is actually the timeline I had to pull the hero from so he might be a bit bitter.

 the hero was granted to either return to the past or to remain in the present time. Since he chose to remain in the present Zelda jumped ahead of me in age by four years.

Johnel: For you know you still have to have Link in his legal sexy body so just go ahead and bend canon to your will.

  It seems that everyone in Hyrule jumped in age from the rest of the world. But now that peace was restored life resumed in Hyrule.... As I made my way down the desert trail that led to Hyrule I begun to think about whom the "Legendary Hero of Time" was.

Ganondorf: Hopefully some of my people will steal this girl’s cargo and leave her for dead.

       I was very interested in meeting this man. Princess Zelda never told me his name, but I was going to make it a point this time to finally meet Hyrule's Hero. As I turned off the dirt trail and onto Hyrule field, Hyrule castle appeared in the distance. Dust and dirt kicked up behind the wheels of my wagon as it creaked along. Then as I came closer to the gates of Hyrule castle, a familiar face appeared to greet me. I pulled back on the reins to make the horses come to a complete stop at the front gate, and I realized that the person greeting me was my good friend Princess Zelda.

Johnel: Bullshit!

         I have been a good friend of the Royal Family ever since my first arrival in Hyrule six years ago for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival. Ever since the first day I met the Princess I have been one of her closest friends.

Ganondorf: Bullshit!

I was even considered part of the Royal Family. After I climbed down from my perch on the wagon, I ran over to Zelda and hugged her. "Hello Princess Zelda my good friend, yes it is good to see you. How have you been?" Looking at her I could tell she was happy to see me.

Johnel: We get it your “good” friends now shut up!

"Oh it is so good to see you again my friend! Come, come, father is waiting to see you!"

Ganondorf: Fool no one could so easily get an audience with the King!

Johnel: Yet you the leader of a race that seems to be treated as nothing but thieves could.

Ganondorf: *Punches Johnel*

Leaving my wagon to be tended to by the stable hands I followed Zelda through the market place and to the gates that lead to the castle. As we approached the castle gates I saw some of the same guards I have seen in the past few years. Saluting to Princess Zelda and me was a guard named Perrino.

Ganondorf: Swear I remember killing a Perrino in one of the timelines.

 I met him a few years back, during one of my first visits to Hyrule. He was one of the guards that befriended me the first time I arrived. He smiled a friendly smile as we passed by.

Johnel: I have a feeling this character won’t be appearing much.

"Its nice to see you again Mistress Jenna." He said as he waved.

Johnel: Bullshit! Also you are forgetting something grammatically important there.

As I smiled back I thought to myself how good it was to be back again. We went through the front gate and made our way towards the palace garden. Upon approaching the gates leading to the garden another familiar face appeared to greet me. As we walked closer I realized that the face was of Zelda's caretaker Impa of the Sheikahs. As I walked over to Impa she turned to fully face me and a small smile crossed her face.

Johnel: I’m confused didn’t the sages end up dead before having their power awakened?

Ganondorf: I’ve tried to figure it out but even the species of the sages keep changing when I come back.

"Its good to see you again my friend. How has life been treating you?" Impa asked and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. I had to chase some thief's off on the first night that I was on my way here. Though after some facing time off I was able to chase them away with my bow."

Ganondorf: I highly doubt that.

Then I made a big grin as I remembered the looks on the thief's faces when I rained arrows on them.

"Well it seems that with the abilities you posses you should have no problem keeping your possessions safe."

Johnel: Yet she’ll mostly delegate to her big strong Link in the future.

With another smile Impa gestured for us to go into the garden.  That is where I met him. The man that took my heart.

Ganondorf: Strange I didn’t have Zant killing people on similar points of the time line.

Johnel: You wish it was literal Dragmire.

 As we walked into the garden I saw a young man in green with his back facing us polishing a rather odd sword. As I watched him I had begun to notice something about the sword. It had a rather odd shape on the hilt. The hilt was blue with the top of the hilt looking like a fishes tail. The sword looked rather strangely familiar.

Ganondorf: I already hate this woman. Also what is this fish tailed sword she speaks of?

I leaned over to Princess Zelda and asked her who the young man was.

"That is the Legendary "Hero of Time," his name is Link." Zelda replied.

 My eyes grew as big as saucers as I turned to look back at him. "You mean he is the "Hero of Time" you told me about? The one who saved Hyrule? Then that must be the Legendary Master Sword he is holding?"

Ganondorf: I don’t know why that accursed sword makes her think of a fish. I’ve been slain by it many times yet never made such a connection.

Zelda nodded yes. Just then Link turned to look at us. And with one look at his face my heart sank into my chest. He was the most gorgeous man I had ever laid my eyes upon. At that very moment I fell in love.

Johnel: It begins.

         His eyes were like looking down into deep blue pools of water. His lips firm. His ears long and sexy.

Beautiful blond hair that parted in the middle.  And his body was so tight and muscular that it took my breath away.

Ganondorf: The heroes have always looked a bit malnourished if you ask me.

  When our eyes met, I blushed and swiftly looked away. He approached me and took my hand in his, gently kissed it and asked, "Who might this beautiful young lady be?"

Ganondorf: I see it is an imposter for I have never heard the hero speak.

Johnel: What about the Cd…

Ganondorf: *clasps hand over Johnel’s mouth* The hero has never spoken a word do you understand me!

 I turned my head back to face him, and as our eyes met again I blushed. "My name is Jenna, I'm a traveling merchant from the Great Lebian Coast."

Johnel: The Great Lesbian Coast eh? Sound sexy.

Ganondorf:*Punches Johnel* You aren’t as funny as you think you are.

 "My village is there." "I have been a friend of the Royal Family for a long time." "And I come every year for Hyrule's annual Spring Festival." He looked into my eyes and smiled. Watching him smile made my heart pound in my chest. He again took my hand in his, kissed it again and spoke. "Nice to meet you Mistress Jenna." "You are as beautiful as a winter rose."

Both: Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Ganondorf: *Wipes away a tear* Honestly who is this fool and where is the child hero?

 He said as he stared at me with his enchanted blue eyes. "Th-Thank you." I stammered as I blushed again.

Johnel: Stammering and blushing the clich├ęs ever fanfic author must use.

         "What are you doing tonight?" He asked with a soft smile. " Stunned, not believing my ears I turned and looked directly into his eyes again. "Nothing really."

Johnel:*As Jenna* Just planning on raping you.

"I was just going to retire to my wagon and cook supper before settling in front of a fire to read a book." With a glint in his eyes he asked, "Why don't you join me tonight in Kokiri Village for the annual Spring Night celebration?"(2) "It is a celebration feast that happens the night before the Spring Festival."

Johnel: I’d like to note that the little (2) just leads to a repeat of the same exact information.

Without hesitation I took him up on his offer. "I would love to go." I said with a soft smile. "I will pick you up this evening." Link said with a grin.

Johnel: Yes for surely a grown women wants to spend her whole night in a village of nothing but children.

Just then a deep voice rumbled through the garden. "Jenna my dear friend, how have ye been?" A grandfatherly face appeared before me. With a smile I curtseyed before the King. "King Zelda, my old friend how have I missed you!"

Ganondorf: She can’t be this stupid?

Johnel: Yes she can and she will continue to be so.

 " I have been just fine." " It is really nice to see you again." I said with excitement in my voice. As always the King thought of me as a daughter

Both: Bullshit! Bullshit of the highest caliber!

 and always looked forward to the day when I would arrive in Hyrule for the annual Spring Festival. He always liked to see what new merchandise I have picked up thought my travels since the last time I was there. And most of the time he would buy something from me. But he always liked it when I would show up since I would bring lots of fun and happiness.

Ganondorf: I find it more likely this wretched creature is to bring something more along the lines of pain and despair.

 As I looked at the King I realized I was some what at home.

Johnel: Good could you go do that somewhere else?

        As he started to approach me I ran up to the King and gave him a hug. How I missed him. Ever since my parents died when I was very young, I never let anyone get very close to me. But the King was different. He opened up to me, took me into his family and became like a father to me. He gave me a home to come to every year. When I was in Hyrule, I felt at home.

Ganondorf: I think I wish to murder this thing more than I want to murder the last incarnation of the hero.

Johnel: He couldn’t have been that bad.

Ganondorf: He turned into a wolf and tried to disembowel my beast form with his teeth.

         "Jenna my sweet daughter, what have ye acquired through thy travels this past year?" I smiled at the King, "You must see some of the new cloth I picked up in the city of Skyile." "The great city of light."

Johnel: Even the locations seem to be Mary Sue’s.

I smiled, as the King's eyes grew big. "Jenna my daughter, you must show me what you've acquired." Then he took my hand and began to lead me out of the garden. With one last look back at Link, I smiled at him. "See you tonight." I said before I left.  After spending some time with the King, he brought some of my new cloth then let me settle in for the night.

Ganondorf: Is that the end of this wretched thing?

Johnel: There is more but I want Link here for the really juicy bits.

Ganondorf: I see please do inform me when the time comes I will love to see the Child Hero squirm. *Leaves*

Johnel: So yeah next time we get the first sex scene prepare your barf bags people it is going to get gross. Also hope you all are liking the new direction feel free to leave your opinions in the comments.

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