Monday, July 2, 2012

Don't Hold Me Closer Cloaked Dancer (Part 2)

Johnel: Alright let’s skip the intro and get to it.

 Sora Riku and Roxas had all taken to a corner where they huddled together and coward in fear. They hated these weird perverts, but they came so often you'd think they'd be used to it.

Johnel: You’d think they’d realize they’re in a badfic and fight their way out but you can’t always get what you want.

 Zexion looked at his feet and bit his lip in thought. Xemnas was still yelling and lecturing the rich young servant man, telling him how his dancers were people not things and how they weren't for sale.

Johnel: For those of you just tuning in I’d like to repeat the premise that Zexion is a whore working at a whore house which Xemnas runs making him have no moral high ground to stand on.

"I'll do it!" Zexion finally yelled over all of the commotion.

Johnel: Honestly in his mind being a slave is probably a better gig with the lower rate of STDs floating around.

Everyone's heads turned to him and they all stared, blinking awkwardly.

"Wh-what?" Xemnas finally muttered. Everyone else was still speechless.

Zexion's eyes averted from his feet to everyone around him, "Yeah!" he said firmly. "I mean...this guy is rich and...and I could finally really help all of you guys!" he yelled. "I...I just want to stop being so useless!"

Johnel: You mean like sue the hair gel of Xemnas for prostitution of minors right?

"You aren't! You're our best dancer!" Demyx yelled.

Johnel: It’s like the author is forgetting what workers at a whore house do.

Zexion shook his head, "No...I'm not that good...I really don't want to be a dancer. I mean...I do! I like dancing, it's really fun, but I need to start looking at the future, and it doesn't include dancing! It includes an education and a family. Not perverted old men trying to get up your skirt!" he nodded. "Plus...when I get money I can give some to you guys," he smiled.

Johnel: Okay I know what is going on now the author couldn’t commit to actually describing the activities that go on in a whore house so they made it sound like a strip joint. Also the skirt line once again makes me question what gender Zexion is.

"What about love?" Roxas yelled, stepping next to Demyx. "Weren't you the one saying that love was everything, and that you would only marry someone you loved!"

Johnel: Wait where did love and marriage enter into this?

Zexion crossed his arms, "Love doesn't matter, and more importantly it doesn't exist!" he yelled back.

Johnel: Oh go write a blog or something….just burned myself there.

Roxas and Demyx blinked, startled by Zexion's sudden aggressiveness. He was usually a very calm, gentle person, unless asked otherwise of course.

Johnel: I think it is time for the first fan fiction terminology segment. For you see in fan fiction Zexion is portrayed a lot as a uke. What’s an uke you ask? Well you see an uke is a young and more feminine male usually paired in BL, boy’s love, works with a seme or older more masculine male if you prefer. As you can see here the author is helping to cement Zexion in the uke role by using these specific words. That was fan fiction terminology with Johnel Lance.

 Zexion clenched his fists, "I'm not gonna stay here and be some kind of whore the rest of my life!" he continued. "I'm sick and tired of people thinking I'm some kind of cheap...dolled up sex toy!"

Johnel: You Are A Whore! Of course they are going to treat you like that!

Everyone just stared; the same question running through all of their minds, why was Zexion acting so strange? Xemnas' shoes broke the undeniably awkward silence as he approached the shaking slate haired boy. Xemnas' hand gently hovered above Zexion's shoulder, then fell back to his side.

"Zexion." Xemnas softened his voice so as not to scare Zexion. (Something he learned from a 'How to Comfort you New Pet' book) Zexion looked up with a pout still graced across his face. Xemnas put his hands on the boy's shoulders, "Is this what you really want to do?" he asked quietly. "Be sol like some-"

Johnel: I pray to the great Kamina that no such book exists.

"Mail order bride? Yes! If it means I can help you and the others I'll do it!" Zexion yelled.

Johnel: Okay seriously unless I missed something Cloud never said to be a person’s bride was the reason for the attempted purchase. I mean yeah it’s not like you’d trust Zexion around kids or something but there still is other jobs out there.

Xemnas quickly hushed him and spoke again, "whatever you wish to do...I will allow it," he whispered.

Zexion pushed him away, "I don't /belong/ to you! And I am /not/ your son!" he yelled. "I don't need your approval for anything! I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself!"

Johnel: *As Xemnas* No but you are my bitch so get back on that table or papa smack.

Xemnas sighed, "Just stay one more night to think it over, I beg of you!"

Zexion thought, "Fine...I'll stay one night.." he whispered.

Xemnas walked back over to Cloud. "Return tomorrow at this exact time, though it will be no use," he smirked. Saix picked Cloud up roughly by the collar then through him out the door. Cloud landed on the concrete and could have sworn he broke something, but when he stood up he felt fine.

Johnel: Yes the invisible breakage just another technique in the arsenal of Saix Boxer Clad Ninja Master!

Zexion had already returned to his room to gather his things. There was nothing that could stop him from getting to this rich man.

Johnel: Except you know the men twice your size and the BCNM.

Demyx sighed and sat on Xigbar's lap, then hugged him. In turn Xigbar wrapped his arms around Demyx and held him close. "Zexion will come to his senses," he said softly.

Demyx sighed again and he nuzzled Xigbar, "I hope you're right..." he mumbled.

Xigbar laughed and ruffled Demyx's mullet, "I am right, I mean...I'm the coolest, smartest, most awesome person in the world, remember?"

Demyx laughed and playfully punched him, "You are so conceited, you stupid face!" he giggled.

Xigbar smiled, "And you are bad at insulting," he laughed back.

Johnel: Please take note of Demyx and Xigbar as another example of the uke/seme relationship.

Zexion shoved his clothes angrily into his large suitcase that was covered with frills, colors, and decorations. "It's not fair" he exclaimed. "Stupid Xemnas, making me feel guilty! I just wanted to help everyone! And where does he get off acting like my father?" Zexion yelled. He sniffed and wiped tears from his eyes, "Stupid old's not like I'll never see them again...seriously," he mumbled.

Johnel: Yes for if I was married to someone I’d totally let them hang out at a whore house. Also yeah at this point it’s for a marriage so I’ll just run with it.

 He finished packing and layed back on his bed. I wonder if he'll buy me dresses...I wonder what he looks like," he mumbled softly. He yawned and suddenly felt extremely tired. He spread languidly on his bed and leered at a picture of him and Xemnas. He tore it off the wall and tore it into little pieces, mumbling profanities to himself.

Johnel: Okay picture of Zexion and Xemnas out of nowhere then.

After a good time the small boy with the sheen layered slate hair had fallen asleep. His dreams consisted of his new home, a large mansion with hundreds of cars, and his closet was bigger than his room, filled with dresses and shoes and other gorgeous clothing. It wasn't until hours later that an abrupt knocking awoke him from his slumber. He managed to pull himself from his luxurious, absolutely extravagant dream to open the door.

Johnel: Seroiusly is Zexion gender bent in this and the author keeps forgetting to right her instead of him?

 "Yess?" he drawled out.

Johnel: Why does that use of the word drawled just feel wrong.

Xemnas smiled back at him, "No time for sleeping." He handed Zexion a key and placed a hand on his shoulder, "You have a customer and he looks like he'd pay BIG bucks for /you," Xemnas smirked.

Johnel:*As Xemnas*So are you going to get out there or does Big Papa Mansex have to choke a bitch?

Zexion rose an eyebrow, "You mean my 'number one fan'?" he asked, using quotes to express his sarcastic enthusiasm. They had called him Zexion's stalker, number on fan, and obsessor. Plus plenty of other profane, vulgar names. Zexion sighed and rubbed his head, he was hoping he would never have a customer ever again.

Johnel: Okay as you can tell at this point my outrage is gone and I’m just going to milk this for jokes so far warning on that. Also hey at least he wants to quit the oldest profession before getting sick, stabbed, or pregnant.

Zexion groaned and gripped the key tighter then went to go see his number one fan. He had never really met him, just knew this guy was pretty fond of him, always sticking large sums of money down his panties.

Johnel: Okay if the author keeps this up I’m just going to start editing every reference of Zexion as a male to him being a women.

 He sighed, hoping this guy wasn't some kinky pervert. He began to walk to the room he had been stationed at. It was modeled after the Elephant Room from Moulin Rouge, large in size, very spacial and cushiony.

Johnel: Why do I feel Moulin Rouge is something the author watched for inspiration?

 He opened the door and stared at the absolutely gorgeous redheaded creature that stood back faced to him and arms crossed like his time was precious. He turned and grinned a sly grin, his cheek tattoos slightly wrinkling.

"My name is A-X-E-L, got it memorized?"

Johnel: That would be a shock if I hadn’t already figured it out a whole chapter and a half ago. Join me next time for chapter three.

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